What have we come to? Kicking men who lose their job to the curb

[Anonymous]

If you go through posts here you will see many recent cases where a man loses his job and is depressed.

His partner starts to resent him and instead of being understanding and being supportive she is planning to cheat on him.

Not many seem to stick up for the poor man 😞 Instead it’s a “talk to him about what you are missing...if it’s not getting better leave him!”

I find this very heartless and cruel.

is this the world we have come to?
 

One man gets kicked to the curb during an economic and social crisis (pandemic) and the poor guy is blamed for being sad 😞 He is blamed for being depressed 😞 and discarded like a poor piece of sorry trash.

Where is the empathy? Why is it all about me me me and no longer supporting and helping your partner when they are going through  a devastating time?

If a woman lost her mother to cancer and her brother died in a car accident and was no longer in mood for sex and depressed ... and her man was as a result fantasising about sleeping with the young coworker and how pretty she looks ...I think it would be very cruel to tell him to “go have a chat with that horrible partner not meeting your needs!”

where is the love and support? 
 

Very sad...

[LaHermes]

I don't know where you are picking this up from, OP.

I see plenty of love and support on here.

Losing one's job is a blow. Not everyone becomes depressed, and I am quite sure that the majority of spouses or partners will stand by the unemployed person and encourage them to seek a new job.

 

[MissCanuck]

13 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

If you go through posts here you will see many recent cases where a man loses his job and is depressed.

His partner starts to resent him and instead of being understanding and being supportive she is planning to cheat on him.

Many recent cases? We must be reading different threads, because I don't see this very frequently.

Certainly not as cut-and-dry as you're trying to paint it, either. 

 

[Guest]

I think if you look closely you’ll see examples about someone complaining about their partner. If you look closely you will notice he  lost his job. If you look a bit deeper there usually is depression and a lack of sex drive and not a very good mood.

Just have to look that’s all.

 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

One man gets kicked to the curb during an economic and social crisis (pandemic) and the poor guy is blamed for being sad.  He is blamed for being depressed  and discarded like a poor piece of sorry trash.

It's not a gender thing.

First of all if partners are not married they are under no obligation to support each other.

Secondly whichever partner has whatever illness mentally or physically, it's that partner's responsibility to see a physician and therapist to get help.

Thirdly if whichever partner lost their job, every effort should be  made by that partner to find any available source of income.

This includes any job they can get, selling whatever they can, cutting back on their own expenses including phone car etc.

All efforts should be made to help out until income producing work is secured, this includes taking over household work.

A pity party by either partner is not "fair". Also what does cheating have to do with this?

Also whatever partner can't/won't get mental/physical healthcare or secure work, can go to social services for food, housing, career training and medical care assistance.

being in a relationship is not about being a welfare department. Sure, if it's a temporary downturn one or the other picks up the slack.

But no one who is not married is obligated to support someone who has sunken into a parasitic funk for extended periods and won't help themselves either medically economically or through public assistance.

 

[waffle]

The line to date unemployed and depressed men is not long.  If this is you, you will have to take steps to help yourself and become more of an asset to your partner or future potentials.

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

 he  lost his job. there usually is depression and a lack of sex drive and not a very good mood.

All great reasons to leave someone who acts like this and won't help themselves.

If divorcing is an option then that could be done to get away from someone who is chronically "unemployed, depressed, cold and in a bad mood".

Also when getting away from someone like this, it helps to get the sort of life they wish rather than babysitting someone who refuses to participation in life or the partnership.

There's help everywhere, so the pity-party partner needs this wake-up call to get serious about their lives.

They've been on easy street too long and tiptoeing through the garden that someone else's hard work provides and is taking advantage. 

 

[MissCanuck]

16 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I think if you look closely you’ll see examples about someone complaining about their partner. If you look closely you will notice he  lost his job. If you look a bit deeper there usually is depression and a lack of sex drive and not a very good mood.

Just have to look that’s all.

No. You said these women also plan to cheat. 

That is not generally the theme of these threads, so looking closely doesn't reveal what you're suggesting. 

[boltnrun]

It's one thing to dump someone the minute they become unemployed.  It's another thing if it's been months and months and the person is doing nothing to try to secure employment.  If he or she is sending resumes, calling agencies, making connections on LinkedIN, asking friends and family for leads, even walking around the neighborhood looking for "Now Hiring" signs, then yes, it would be cruel to just boogie.  But if he or she is sitting around playing video games all day or is saying they "can't" work but don't actually have any kind of professional medical diagnosis supporting this, or if they are being abusive toward their partner...well, no matter "why" they are being like this, I wouldn't want to stick around.

I was unemployed for a few months earlier this year.  I had Covid so I legit could not look for a job.  But once I recovered I started up job hunting.  I did all the things listed above except walking around the neighborhood (but I drove around!) and was fortunate to find a job within two months.  Those were a rough two months, but I didn't go around berating my family and I didn't sit in my room playing video games or watching TV.  I hustled.  My efforts were rewarded by getting a terrific new job.  Yes, during the pandemic.

It all depends on the circumstances and how the person reacts.

[DarkCh0c0]

And you are that same anonymous poster who goes most of the time against other posters when they tell someone that a relationship has come to an end or that they're not being valued by their SO.

As wiseman said, a pity party won't serve anyone. When people come to the platform, most of the time it's when things have been bad for a long time and they need to support to find their way/get their needs met- with or without their partners. There's a fine line between being a supportive partner, and allowing yourself to be walked over by/used your SO constantly.

Also, gender is irrelevant. These days both women and men work. We aren't living in the 60s. Both genders have a hard time being without jobs because of covid fyi

[waffle]

There is a current thread about a woman lusting after her boss while her domestic partner sits at home unemployed, sexless, etc.  I'm guessing this is about that.

[DarkCh0c0]

@waffle nope. OP is talking about the recent post where a lady got pregnant years ago and add as soon she did, her bf left her for 3 YEARS no contact.

He came back recently, lost his job due to covid, and when he found out she's pregnant again, he told her he's out asap. What an Irresponsible father AND partner.

And OP wants us to pity the grown MAN and sympathise with his lack of responsibility towards his family.

That's not the forum for this.

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@waffle nope. OP is talking about the recent post where a lady got pregnant years ago and add as soon she did, her bf left her for 3 YEARS.

He came back recently, lost his job due to covid, and when he found it she's pregnant again, he told her he's out asap. What an Irresponsible father AND partner.

And OP wants us to pity the grown MAN and sympathise with his lack of responsibility towards his family.

That's not the forum for this.

I have no sympathy for ANYONE who abandons their children irregardless of what sex they are . 

[DarkCh0c0]

@Seraphim  I agree. But, OP seems to hold a different opinion. Probably a male himself.

[LaHermes]

59 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

And you are that same anonymous poster who goes most of the time against other posters when they tell someone that a relationship has come to an end or that they're not being valued by their SO.

Now we're talking Choc. 

Anonymous:

Why don't you start quoting what you are talking about from the various threads and posts on here. 

What's your beef exactly anyhow, Anon?

1 hour ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I think if you look closely you’ll see examples

Since you're the one complaining why don't you do this close looking for us and dredge up the examples.

Quite so Choc:

"These days both women and men work. We aren't living in the 60s."

Or indeed in the 40s and 50s when many women worked too. I can say I don't know a single couple where both aren't working. 

[Batya33]

There was one time that unemployment might have been a reason I stopped dating the person.  He was unemployed for a short time when I met him (this was many years ago -we were in our 30s) - and it soon became clear he really wasn't doing much to look for a new  job and I was dubious that he was not really consulting for a friend but rather just day trading. 

We dated for 2 months and after 2 months he got drunk on New Year's Eve - in front of me and his parents who I'd just met -and treated me very badly.  Dealbreaker.  I do believe though that if he'd continued his attitude/passivity about his employment I'd have left for that reason within a few months.  At the time I had a great job and was working very hard.  It wouldn't have had to do with $$ but his lack of drive/work ethic.

[boltnrun]

And it doesn't matter to me what kind of job it is.  If he's a pizza delivery guy, a plumber, an engineer or VP of a corporation, as long as he's gainfully employed that's all I ask.  I don't expect a man to make more money than me.  If I want a high income I can get it myself instead of expecting the man to be moneybags.

Gainful employment is a definite must for me.  And if hard times come along, have that drive and effort to find a new job.

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

If you go through posts here you will see ...

Why not just quote what you are talking about?

Without that, this is a hypothetical, and it sounds biased and skewed.

I'm sorry that you're sad. If you're willing to quote or link any real conversations, I'd be willing to look at those. Otherwise, I'm not up for guessing games, because I'm not the one who has a problem with any of the threads.

Hang in there.

[lostandhurt]

I just searched the forum for the keywords "depressed" and "unemployed"

 I couldn't find any thread that remotely looked like what you mention. 

kamurj posted an article about men losing their jobs and how it can affect a marriage but that is all I can find.

Since you are anonymous I cannot search any threads you have posted on so there is no way of finding what you are referencing.

  Being unemployed from what I have seen on this forum since 2008 is usually the last straw before they are kicked to the curb as you say. 

Lost

[boltnrun]

I'm going to presume this is the thread "Anonymous" is talking about:

Attracted to my boss - Infidelity - eNotAlone Relationship Advice (this won't post as a link for some reason).

Interestingly, not one person advised the OP to dump her boyfriend or to cheat on him.  Quite the opposite; she was advised to ignore her attraction to her boss and try to work on her relationship with her domestic partner.

I also have to presume "Anonymous" is in this situation (unemployed) and perhaps was advised to get on looking for a job and seeking treatment for his depression.  To me THAT is being supportive, not patting your partner on the back and saying "there, there".  Depression is an illness of inactivity.  If you do nothing, nothing will change.

[Kwothe28]

I literally know one case where someone unemployment caused break up. Friend dated the girl and she was bothered with him playing video games all day and not doing anything to earn money. Which was kinda rich from her who was sustained by her rich father in law from previous marriage she had (she had 2 kids from that marriage) and didnt do a thing also. But in retrospect, I would also be bothered with my friend because he really goes beyond with his video games. So much so that he plays it even when we gather at his place. He cleaned up his act lately, found a job, found a nice girl that even supports his video games addiction and plays with him. Other girl also found a job, found her next husband on that job and had another kid. So, eh, all is well that ends well. 

Anyway, I fail to see the examples of anyone here advising break up just because man losing a job. Its usually way deeper issues like abuse, cheating and such. You can work on some things and support partners to certain extent even losing a job. But some differences are inconcievable and cant be worked on.

[SooSad33]

Yeah, dude,, I'm confused with your post 😕 .

Are you going somewhere with this?  Can you explain - is it from a post or 3..?

I don't get what you are saying about some woman ticked off with her partner - due to unemployment - to cheating on him?

I doubt anyone would suggest or support that act.

IF you are a regular, you will see how many come here for advice..to vent..etc.  Often it is a hurting partner... and is also often someone struggling because of failing relationships.. of which MANY get it.. Many here have been hurt & experienced this kind of thing as well... So, I don't see how anyone would suggest or support the idea of cheating... ( can you find that link?).

 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

 he  lost his job, there is depression, a lack of sex drive and not a very good mood

It seems like you are posting anonymously because you identify with this.

[MissCanuck]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like you are posting anonymously because you identify with this.

Yeah, exactly.

Sour grapes for OP. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I think if you look closely you’ll see examples about someone complaining about their partner. If you look closely you will notice he  lost his job.

If you are going to hide behind the anonymous thing, please provide links to the alleged posts you claim are "heartless and cruel"

Is this what you mean?: