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My ex contacted me if I'd like a picture album back, is she just trying to make contact?

mical

By mical
in Relationship Advice

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mical Rising Star

mical

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So my ex contacted just now, but don't worry this is a different person than the one who caused me problems this year. This person is actually an angel and a wonderful person. She did also write me for my birthday few months ago, but that's probably just typical thing...

Anyways, today she wrote me this

"Hi how are you doing? What's new? I found this photo album of you and your family 🙂 Should I send it to you?"

and she sent me a picture and the photo album was opened to a page with a pic of me on it..Maybe means nothing, but I'm just curious..It has been a year since I seen her last..

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mical Rising Star

mical

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Breakup was my fault. Went through a pretty tough time last year.

In just one month everything seemed to hit me pretty hard in that my father was diagnosed with cancer and was supposed to live only few weeks (luckily he is now fine), i was now running a 50M company with little experience working 70 plus hours a week, PLUS commuting 4 hours a day, plus had own small business...my uncle called me and said my father had only few weeks left and I MUST go back home, so I got a flight the next day (even though borders just closed and I had to convince the person to make a call and get me on that plane) and was there for 2 months waking up at 4:00 am to work EU hours... man that was super stressful and took a really bad toll on everything...not to mention my previous boss/ceo was addicted to cocaine and would have crazy mood-swings threatening everyone even messaging me 11:30 pm at night on Sundays about stupid things...

So fast forward, my father is now fine, I changed to a fairly stress-free job with no more commuting...finally have free time now to enjoy life...and no longer in such a stressful situation..

This person was super special, we were together 4 years. Super nice, never got angry, just a wonderful person. But yeah I was super stressed during that time and probably wasn't the most fun person to be around...

 

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Rose Mosse Grand Master

Rose Mosse

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This is about returning the photo album back to you. It's not about her being interested in you.

It sounds very civil and casual, nothing more. If you would like the album back, say you'd appreciate if she sent it back and you'll transfer her any costs of the postage. 

It's a turn off when exes contact me so I'm not sure what you're reading into this - perhaps an opportunity for a do-over or reconciliation? Don't have too many expectations about the photo album. If you want you can ask her how she's been and catch up but she may be dating or not single or interested.

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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I would give her the option of mailing it - giving it to a relative or friend of yours that picks it up for you or do a porch pickup.  I had a terrible breakup and an ex mailed me back my family photos.  It means nothing -- its about doing something any decent human being would do. 

If she DID have future interest, it would wreck things if you acted weird about it.  Just say "yes, please send it to me.  I would be happy to have it. " and then give your current mailing address. That's it.  Don't say anything more.  If she actually is interested in reconnecting, she will communicate again -- don't get your hopes up at this point.  Or say the minimum.  "Thanks for asking. Dad is doing fine now (thank goodness).  I quit my job at x and life is a lot more balanced.  Yes, I would love to have the album. My address is X.  Best wishes"  THAT IS IT.  But i would go with the minimum because anything more would get YOUR hopes up.

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SooSad33 Grand Master

SooSad33

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9 minutes ago, mical said:

Breakup was my fault. Went through a pretty tough time last year.

In just one month everything seemed to hit me pretty hard

Yes, for sure you had a HUGE amt of stress 😕 .. Glad your father is doing better now.

I feel that you've got some regrets with it all ending and you ARE glad to hear from her.

As mentioned, just reply back with basics.. as you have no idea if she is even single.. or wanting to reconcile.

Be respectful and keep things basic.

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DancingFool Grand Master

DancingFool

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If you regret ending the relationship, then don't play it cold and aloof by just giving her the address and a thanks. You dumped her so it's on you to step up and see what's going on with her and whether she may be open to giving you another chance IF that's what you would like.

Let her know that you are in a better place and ask to meet up rather than just send it. She may be open to that or not. Either way, nothing ventured nothing gained and it's on you to stick your neck out, not her. If she isn't interested, she'll let you know pretty fast anyway. At least you'll be clear and not have to wonder what if.

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smackie9 Grand Master

smackie9

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She was cleaning out her closets...which during covid was a thing to do. To some a photo album is quite valuable/irreplaceable. knowing that, she didn't want to throw it out on you so she is kindly trying to have it returned to you as a courtesy.

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WalterSobcha Enthusiast

WalterSobcha

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Indeed, no one here knows what she has on her mind. She could just want to return your photo album because it's the right thing to do, or maybe she's interested in rekindling your relationship, who knows? The only way to find out is to take this opportunity to reach out to her and ask if she'd like to see you again (if that is indeed what you want). If she's willing to do that, then take it from there. You have nothing to lose.

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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1 hour ago, WalterSobcha said:

Indeed, no one here knows what she has on her mind. She could just want to return your photo album because it's the right thing to do, or maybe she's interested in rekindling your relationship, who knows? The only way to find out is to take this opportunity to reach out to her and ask if she'd like to see you again (if that is indeed what you want). If she's willing to do that, then take it from there. You have nothing to lose.

Um...no.

He should not ask her that. He should just make arrangements to get his pictures back.  if she wants to see him again, she will make stronger contact afterwards.  He has to play it cool.  BTW, who knows, she could have a boyfriend. 

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WalterSobcha Enthusiast

WalterSobcha

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3 hours ago, abitbroken said:

Um...no.

He should not ask her that. He should just make arrangements to get his pictures back.  if she wants to see him again, she will make stronger contact afterwards.  He has to play it cool.  BTW, who knows, she could have a boyfriend. 

Yes, she could have a boyfriend, maybe, maybe not. The only way to find out is to gently reach out and find out. You can play it cool and wait for her to make a move, sure, but I wouldn't hold my breath. So I say "Um... no." to the "Um... no.".

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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Interestingly, my ex reached out to me a few months ago. He used a lame "hope things are going good for you". I was not the slightest bit interested in reconnecting, so I replied "thanks, you too". He got the hint and hasn't tried again. 

I know my lack of interest didn't "hurt" him in any way. He was fishing.

OP, if you reached out and she didn't respond or gave a lukewarm response like I did, would that hurt or embarrass you?

However, I think you already decided on a course of action so this could all be moot.

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Tanzi Mentor

Tanzi

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3 hours ago, abitbroken said:

Um...no.

He should not ask her that. He should just make arrangements to get his pictures back.  if she wants to see him again, she will make stronger contact afterwards.  He has to play it cool.  BTW, who knows, she could have a boyfriend. 

Playing it cool is just playing games and whilst I absolutely get that in some situations that might be a good move, I don't think that is necessary or even fair in this case seeing as he was the one who ended the relationship.  Best that everyone is as open and upfront from the very beginning so they both know where the stand and no-one gets messed about (should either of them want anything more).  There is every chance she may just be wanting to return the album, of course.

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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3 hours ago, Blue68 said:

Playing it cool is just playing games and whilst I absolutely get that in some situations that might be a good move, I don't think that is necessary or even fair in this case seeing as he was the one who ended the relationship.  Best that everyone is as open and upfront from the very beginning so they both know where the stand and no-one gets messed about (should either of them want anything more).  There is every chance she may just be wanting to return the album, of course.

Its not playing games to simply get one's album back.  I mean "play it cool" as in don't get all excited that it means something other than she wants to send the pictures back.  There doesn't need to be a "talk" about the relationship. its over. 

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Pleasedonot5 Veteran

Pleasedonot5

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Hey, OP. Well, it seems there are two reasonable possibilities. 

  1. She wants to give the photo album back, or,
  2. #1 but she is also open to reconciliation. 

If you are interested in reconciliation, you might as well reach out and ask if she would like to catch up. No reason to act opposite of your will or intention - if you want to get back together then try. The worst that happens either way is she turns you down and you find yourself back at the status quo - in that case, at least you would know you gave it your best.

Hope this helps.

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