My boyfriend has had his social media on private for years

[poorlittlefish]

You only get to spend time with this guy twice a year?  You've seen that he engages in all sorts of shady behaviour and that's just what you get to find out about online.  I'd hazard a guess and say that if he's like that on the internet then he's doing that and more in real life, while you're miles away and are unlikely to find out.  You keep breaking up with him and blocking him because your gut tells you that something is off.  Please listen to it and keep him blocked!  You deserve much better than what you're getting.  No guy is worth ruining your self esteem over.

[LotusBlack]

8 hours ago, boohoo211 said:

Thats SO interesting that you ask this. Why did you ask this, i'm curious? 

He actually doesnt. He has severe ADHD and struggles with maintaining a job for more than a few months. When he was younger (and sometimes now) he still struggles with being inappropriately loud or unprofessional sometimes. He's working on it. He often gets fired for forgetting things, being on his phone, or sometimes making other females feel uncomfortable. He often says he doesnt mean to say uncomfortable things, but he is just "very blunt" and jokes a lot. 

Hey there, sorry you’re going through this. To be honest, he and you are using his ADHD as a reason to justify his bad behaviour. My brother also grew up with severe ADHD and never acted like that. One of the quietest people I know. He simply had trouble keeping focus for long periods of time and was often mischievous. But being mischievous and lacking focus, or even being loud as you said he is isn’t the same as over stepping the boundaries with women and becoming inappropriate. Having ADHD doesn’t make one ignorant or lacking in morals or disrespecting other people. Even without ADHD, his lack of respect for others would still materialise in his bad behaviour and poor choices. Sorry, but that’s the truth.

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, boohoo211 said:

He often gets fired for forgetting things, being on his phone, or sometimes making other females feel uncomfortable

Wait, what?

This guy is a creep, plain and simple. It's not a "life stage" or being "extroverted." It's not "jokes." It's inappropriate and this is who he is. You're not wanting to see it, but you have to get real, here. The dude has lost his job for it before. He's not a good man, OP. You need to wake up. 

In short? You're not asking for too much, but you're asking for it from the wrong guy. You're not crazy to be upset by his behaviour, but you're foolish for staying in such an immature and dysfunctional relationship for so long.

It's time to re-evaluate your self-worth and standards, and get rid of this person. He's not invested in you the way you want, and no amount of social media transparency is going to change that. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, boohoo211 said:

 struggles with maintaining a job for more than a few months.

He often gets fired for forgetting things, being on his phone, or sometimes making other females feel uncomfortable. He often says he doesnt mean to say uncomfortable things, 

Sorry this is happening. You seem quite incompatible. 

There's quite a few red flags, but you know this. Not his social media life, but inappropriate behaviors.

You're at the same time making an extensive laundry list of all his faults, wrongdoings etc and then another list of excuses for it.

Focus on your training. Learn to fix patients, not BFs.

[arjumand]

"think of it simple like this..... is this guy husband material for a Doctor? or better yet. husband material for even a lunch lady?"

 

The lunch ladies at my school had really, really nice husbands. At my daughter's school as well. Working in a lower-paying job does not mean you don't deserve a high-quality human as a partner for life. 

 

[smackie9]

I'm sorry OP but you can have way better than what you got right now. it's different if you are only interested in dating...then he's ok. BUT when you want a future, marriage and children, you need to find a mature, level headed, LOYAL, hard working career guy.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, arjumand said:

"think of it simple like this..... is this guy husband material for a Doctor? or better yet. husband material for even a lunch lady?"

 

The lunch ladies at my school had really, really nice husbands. At my daughter's school as well. Working in a lower-paying job does not mean you don't deserve a high-quality human as a partner for life. 

 

I agree -her job has nothing to do with this except I pointed out she obviously is smart/well educated to know that this is not ok.  My friend's daughter is 25 with two kids -she has a GED and has only had jobs as sitter/camp counselor -she got married as a teenager, married a businessman  - and of course she deserves an amazing husband and father to their kids!!

[DancingFool]

15 hours ago, boohoo211 said:

He often gets fired for forgetting things, being on his phone, or sometimes making other females feel uncomfortable. He often says he doesnt mean to say uncomfortable things, but he is just "very blunt" and jokes a lot. 

.......OP....stop whitewashing this situation and lying to yourself. He gets fired because of PROVEN SEXUAL HARRASSMENT!!!!! Yes I'm yelling because I think you really really need to unplug your ears, open your eyes and start facing reality. If I could reach through the internet and smack you upside the head, I totally would because your situation is that bad.

People don't get fired because sometimes some women are uncomfortable. They get fired because of proven documented sexual harassment. This guy is a total creep and a lecher who doesn't learn. He doesn't even care if he gets fired time and again over this. He is not going to change. Of course he is talking marriage and babies with you - you are going to be a doctor, aka a very wealthy, well off meal ticket for a parasite like him. He will do a lot to hang on. You are training to be a doctor, so I won't educate you about how parasites work. You do know.

Ultimately, what all this living in denial boils down to is that your entire identity was wrapped up in your virginity and you "gave" that to this creep. I honestly don't know how to address that. Were you raised with fundamentalist religious beliefs? All I can tell you is this - since I was a little girl, I found the whole obsession with virginity seriously creepy. You are a human being who is so so so much more than a hymen and have so much more to offer the world than just that. I really hope you figure that out soon.

 

 

[boohoo211]

Just now, MissCanuck said:

Wait, what?

This guy is a creep, plain and simple. It's not a "life stage" or being "extroverted." It's not "jokes." It's inappropriate and this is who he is. You're not wanting to see it, but you have to get real, here. The dude has lost his job for it before. He's not a good man, OP. You need to wake up. 

In short? You're not asking for too much, but you're asking for it from the wrong guy. You're not crazy to be upset by his behaviour, but you're foolish for staying in such an immature and dysfunctional relationship for so long.

It's time to re-evaluate your self-worth and standards, and get rid of this person. He's not invested in you the way you want, and no amount of social media transparency is going to change that. 

He says that he'll tell a girl her hair is pretty and she'll take it the wrong way and avoid him. And then girls spread rumors. 

[indea08]

48 minutes ago, boohoo211 said:

He says that he'll tell a girl her hair is pretty and she'll take it the wrong way and avoid him. And then girls spread rumors. 

You continue to excuse....

You don’t get fired from a job (jobs?) for telling someone their hair smells pretty.

How long are you going to continue making excuses? They are right, he’s a creep.

ETA: just so you’re aware...”it was a joke” is how sleazy guys throw out a line to see if anyone bites, when they don’t...”it was a joke”. Ew.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, boohoo211 said:

He says that he'll tell a girl her hair is pretty and she'll take it the wrong way and avoid him. And then girls spread rumors. 

I don't believe for a moment that's all there is to it. 

And I think, deep-down, you don't believe it either. 

 

[boohoo211]

I know...and he would message girls on his instagram "warning" them that they might get a message from me so these random girls would block me. 

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, boohoo211 said:

I know...and he would message girls on his instagram "warning" them that they might get a message from me so these random girls would block me. 

What are you still doing with this guy? 

I mean that in all sincerity. You know this is toxic. You know he misbehaves when your head is turned. I'm sure you realize that since you see him in person so infrequently, he's likely up to all kinds of trouble offline as well. 

Do you really believe he is going to change? Or are you afraid of being alone? What is keeping you in such a miserable situation?

[boltnrun]

Are you looking for someone to tell you his behavior is OK, you're just overreacting and you should stay with him?