Need advice from men only please...

[Batya33]

You need to listen to your bf's words, not "dreams" and "signs from the universe."

 

He does not want to get married.

 

I agree. No need for just men to chime in IMHO.

 

I felt like I had a sign from the universe when my future husband and I got back together and kissed for the first time in almost 8 years. I felt that way strongly. When the kiss was over he looked at me and said something like "wow. what just happened?" with a dreamy/incredulous look. Obviously he felt it too. I also knew it wasn't time -after having been back in contact for one month by that time - and on our first real date -to talk about love, marriage, etc. Too soon. But I knew we both felt it. I also knew that when we decided to get married it was a combination of head and heart - not based on signs for me or for him. Romantic, idealistic (I mean isn't part of every decision to get married romantic and a bit idealistic??) yes, but based on "signs" -no. I believe strongly that people need to feel an amount of control over their decision to commit -not just doing fate or meant to be or signs because it's part of the glue that keeps you together during more challenging times.

[smackie9]

As a woman who doesn't believe in getting married...why get married? Live together, enjoy your lives together. You don't need to walk down the isle for that.

[Gary Snyder]

Women are more interested in marriage than men.

 

Your sweet speech is what you try first. After that, you may have to play hardball and either leave him for awhile or cut off sex. Let's see if he listens to you then.

[reinventmyself]

Women are more interested in marriage then men.

 

You say this soooo often. As a woman, I find the opposite to be so.

 

It's not a statistic, nor an outdated stereotype, but just what I've seen.

[ninjabib]

Women are more interested in marriage than men.

 

Your sweet speech is what you try first. After that, you may have to play hardball and either leave him for awhile or cut off sex. Let's see if he listens to you then.

 

If a woman cut off sex, used it a punishment/reward type thing, what man would stand for that?

 

If a woman pulled that immature nonsense on me it would be bye bye partner.

[ThatwasThen]

Lmao “men only” and the women flock to give advice! Classsic, haha

 

OP If you actually mean what you are saying...that you are 100% in this relationship for the long haul, wedding or no wedding, then I don’t see a need to say anything at all?

Which is exactly what this woman said in post #2. What does the kind of X or Y Chromosomes even have to do with anything in this scene anyway? Classic request from a chick who is lost because her boyfriend won't put a ring on it, actually.

 

I also wish you good luck,Op. However, if you truly believed in leaving this up to the Universe, you would be putting wedding photos on your visualization board and leaving your transparent "I want you to marry me even though I tell you I'm cool in the status quo" messages out of it. Visualize and put out what you want... not what you're willing to SETTLE for.

[Batya33]

You say this soooo often. As a woman, I find the opposite to be so.

 

It's not a statistic, nor an outdated stereotype, but just what I've seen.

 

Same here and my experience has been men are just as or more interested -in marriage -with me and other outside examples. I don't think the "marriage is just a piece of paper" or "a walk down the aisle" is relevant to a person who wants a marital commitment. I wouldn't have married my husband if he were that dismissive of marriage (he wasn't -he valued it and values it for the same reasons I do).

[boltnrun]

Women are more interested in marriage than men.

 

Your sweet speech is what you try first. After that, you may have to play hardball and either leave him for awhile or cut off sex. Let's see if he listens to you then.

 

How come you never advise the male posters to leave for a while or cut off sex?

 

Please do not try these manipulative, childish tactics!

 

But I do agree that if this man has already said he doesn't want to get married I don't think "the universe " can change his mind.

[maew]

However, he said he does not want marriage, and I do. After he said no to marriage, I started getting what I believe are signs from the universe and synchronicities, dreams, angel messages, visions that tell me we ARE going to be married. I haven't tried to force anything, and everytime I ask for confirmation, I get the sense that I should stay in this relationship.

 

Your BF has said no to traditional marriage... and when you ask for confirmation, you are hearing that you should stay with him.

 

Your dreams, visions, etc. are simply a manifestation of what you want in the future vs. any sort of concrete reality.

 

The concrete reality? You say you are happy, you are okay with what he decides, and that you trust the guidance of your universe... so why not just relax into the present moment and let things be instead of trying to manipulate him into making a decision?

[Cherylyn]

Well, I'll chime in according to a young woman whom I know.

 

She said she was naive and then surmised that her ex-boyfriend had the "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" mentality. She said if she were to do it all over again, with the next man in her life, she won't co-habitate with him first while depending on hopes that he'll eventually change his mind and marry her after all. She was banking on hope which was her terrible mistake and the same old story I've heard which is as old as time, btw. She took a huge gamble and lost. She vowed "never again."

 

I agree with others. There's no sense giving your boyfriend a statement. He's made it clear to you that he does not have marriage in mind. He has no intentions to marry you whatsoever. Therefore, if you secretly desire and HOPE he'll change his mind and end up marrying you, you couldn't be more wrong and you couldn't be more sorely mistaken.

 

Don't set yourself up for an inevitable broken heart. Millions of young women ended up with a broken heart because they were naive enough to gamble on hope and failed to attain their wish.

 

If you ultimately want marriage as your goal with this man, you're wasting your youth, time, energy and resources on a wish that will never come true. Be smart. Be wise and bail.

 

I hope you'll marry the right man who has sincere, honorable intentions for you. And, if you want a family, I hope the right man and you will raise a beautiful family together just as what I have.

[abitbroken]

Its not right to manipulate people into what YOU want.

Telling him that the universe/angels are giving you confirmation that he will marry you sounds a bit like emotional blackmail OR that you don't respect that he knows his own mind.

 

If he was 19, i could say that he may change his mind but he is older and has decided that he has no desire to marry, whether he just doesn't want YOU to be his wife, or he decided in general that he does not desire to get married.

 

You can turn yourself into a pretzel and stay with him thinking that he will change his mind and then be mad in 5 years when your "spirits" don't come through or believe you can wait him out, or you can accept it and find a man who wants a husband/wife relationship. its really that simple. You are showing him loud and clear that you have no respect for him

[kamurj]

Thread has run its course. Closed.