Jump to content

Mistake after mistake, she is gone.


RicBoy

Recommended Posts

Met a girl 8 months ago. First 6 months went really good. I guess we went fast, I started to see her 5 to 6 days a week sleeping over her place. Because I have a roomate, we chose to spend most of the nights at her place.

 

5 months in, we traveled back to my country for holiday, we spent 1 month there, sleeping together every day. When we returned back home to our country, she hired me and we started working together as she was my supervisor.

At this point we were spending a lot of time together 5 to 6 days a week at home and a lot of time together at work.

I failed to recognize this wasn't healthy for a 6 month relationship. She started acting bitvhy , talking to be loud asking for me to spend more time alone at my own place. I didn't listen to her and we continue to see each other daily and sleeping together daily.

She was cooking me dinner, lunch to take to work, breakfast, washing my working clothes daily, and she also has a daughter to take care of. I hadn't got my first salary yet so I didn't help much with money and she started saying she didn't have much left. She literally exploded emotionally suffocated and smothered.

 

I failed to recognize that at this point I should back off, spend more days at my place and give her some room to breath.

 

One night at her place, because we weren't having so much sex anymore, she was closing herself emotionally with all this stress at home, work, cooking for me etc and also was going through some health issues, some endoscopy thing about some cancer check up .. We had an argument big big one, I shouted at her and pushed her, she took this as domestic violence and kicked me out of the house. She asked for space to think if she wanted to continue the relationship.

 

Unfortunately, and working together, I couldn't give the space, I called her 5 days in row and on the 6th day I showed up at her place to talk, she go scared, freaked out and didn't open the door. When she finally did, she gave me all my clothes and said it was over.

 

I spent 3 weeks or so calling, asking her to give us a chance, but it was too late. By the end of the 3rd week I was blocked everywhere except emails.

 

I'm now 5 days No Contact , we broke up a month ago.

 

Looking back I know it was a big mistake to join her company, work with her, her being my supervisor. We spent too much time together.

 

Now, she wants nothing to do with me, she is scared of me because I chased her for 3 to 4 weeks calling and texting her and showed up at her place to talk unannounced.

 

It's done?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That guy . .The one that crowded her space, didn't honor her requests, didn't contribute to household, pushed her, smothered her, chased her and scared her. . .is the only guy she knows.

 

You'd be hard pressed to convince her you could be anyone different.

That guy. . she doesn't want to be with.

Leave her be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That guy . .The one that crowded her space, didn't honor her requests, didn't contribute to household, pushed her, smothered her, chased her and scared her. . .is the only guy she knows.

 

You'd be hard pressed to convince her you could be anyone different.

That guy. . she doesn't want to be with.

Leave her be.

 

 

 

Dam man, so right. My therapist told me that the reason I smother women is because I don't have a life full of things I like. I live with a roomate, I have no car, only little friends, no hobbies. And a job I hate

 

I need to fix my life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's done, and really, I would say the best thing for you is a clean slate. Work on yourself for awhile... become comfortable and even learn to enjoy being single, focus on building some tools that allow you to hear what others are saying without reacting or trying to control, live your life and enjoy it.

 

Once you are in a better place the right person will be attracted to you (and vice versa) without you even trying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If I truly turn my life 180 degrees, and I fully feel changed. Any point to contact her down the road 6 months, 1 year.. Show her I fixed myself? Or just move on...?

 

Move on. Again, she doesn't know you any other way.

 

Besides, the odds are very high that if you were to evolve you wouldn't even be attracted to her. At least not in the same way. You'd be someone different looking for a different type of partner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear this. Be careful and back off, you don't want a restraining order slapped on you nor do you need to get arrested for trespassing. Also get another job, don't work under her.

I shouted at her and pushed her, she took this as domestic violence and kicked me out of the house. I showed up at her place to talk, she go scared, freaked out and didn't open the door. When she finally did, she gave me all my clothes and said it was over. she wants nothing to do with me, she is scared of me because I chased her for 3 to 4 weeks calling and texting her and showed up at her place to talk unannounced.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm in pain. I know what I did during the relationship and after wasn't right. But I also think she took this way too seriously. She exaggerated things way too much.

 

I've seen people chasing exes for 6 months plus, and they never got blocked, even got their exes back.

 

This girl cut me off completely, in less than a month.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You need to stay away before you get arrested. You know exactly what went wrong, you have insight into that. It doesn't matter what you think she takes seriously what matters is not getting arrested. Can you afford a criminal history or attorney? Are you that well off that you can just flout the laws? You need to get a grip and get a new job. Why not go back home to your parents if it's not working out for you here?

I also think she took this way too seriously. She exaggerated things way too much.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You need to listen to your own advice:

Every text you send is another nail in the coffin.

The same way you like boobs, ass, pretty face on a woman, a woman likes confident, detached, emotional strong man, busy, successful etc.

 

Contacting a woman that has rejected you tells her exactly that you lack all of those traits.

 

Imagine you lost feelings for a girl and you dumped her, you don't feel a thing for her anymore. 2 months later she texts you and tries to make you laugh? You would just feel pity for her knowing she is trying to hard to get your attention. Its just sad.

 

I learnt a big lesson in life after my break up. As a man always act like a man in every circumstance in life, with dignity and self respect. Always act attractive. Even if a woman dumps you, act attractive, tell her you enjoyed the time with her and wish her well and walk away in silence. I promise you next time she meets another guy (most guys blow up her phone try to make her laugh, call ,text, chase like you lol) she will be thinking twice of her decision.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got a new job a week ago. I've been in no contact for 5 days. No I don't plan to reach out.

 

Just sucks all she remembers is the last ugly month. I did so many good things for her too during the relationship, seems that all the good was wiped out from her head.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Once you do this it's over. You can't go around brutalizing your partner and expect things to be the same. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get help with your anger.

I shouted at her and pushed her, she took this as domestic violence and kicked me out of the house.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You hit her. Stop minimizing it and stop pretending it didn't happen.

 

And yes, pushing is just as bad as hitting.

 

Good that you got another job. Stay away from her, do not contact her.

 

Yes I understand. She got very scared also when I showed up unannounced to talk to her. Plus harassing her with msgs for 3 weeks. It's done for sure. I don't think I'll hear from her ever again.

 

I'm in therapy 2x a month and I trying to turn my life around 180 degrees. Be a better person, evolve, I don't think it will be enough for her to ever approach me tho. We have a lot of friends in common, even some cousins, through their wives. She could easily hear changes on me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's done is done. You cant change that nor should you try too. Leave her alone.

 

What is happening now is actually a fantastic chance to change and improve your life for the better.

 

Stick with the therapy, it will help tremendously. Start building your life for you instead of hoping a partner can build it for you. Do all the cliche things, start a new hobby, see old friends, make new friends etc.

 

Forget about dating for at least 6 months. You are in no position to be seeing anyone. Work on your anger issues. Pushing someone isn't acceptable.

 

 

Do NOT apologise or contact her again, you haver already done so many times you have stated. She knows you are sorry so leave it be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have apologized to her many times, but was all during the chasing period. Should I apologise to her by email in a month near Xmas after a month of no contact, not trying to justify my acts, just a simple heartfelt apology?

 

You’re still in the chasing period, in your head. Time to graduate to a new period, the one that starts with accepting that you’ve burned every bridge here and that salvation isn’t going to come from building some new bridge. It’ll come through that 180, but it has to be genuine, for you, not part of a plan (with future dates and times marked) to get her to accept an apology so you can feel better.

 

You are, as others have said, “that guy” in her mind. Own it, accept it. It happens, has happened. That’s the end of this story, but it’s not the story of your life. Start writing that one and you’ll feel better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not unless you want some jail time by continuing to stalk and harass her. Get a grip. Go to a doctor for a check-up. You need a lot more help and intervention than talking 2x mo.

Should I apologise to her by email in a month near Xmas after a month of no contact, not trying to justify my acts, just a simple heartfelt apology?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you very much for your replies.

 

Couple of questions.

 

1- My son is coming to visit me 2 weeks in Xmas, and my ex said she wants him to spend 2 nights at her place to play with her daughter. Most likely she will come to pick him up, she will contact him directly I'm guessing.

How should I act, hi and bye and merry Xmas and that's it? No invitations for coffee?

 

2- my ex is best friend with my 2 cousins wives, I'll most likely run into her on birthday parties, etc.. Taking in consideration how things went down with her, how should I act when I see her? Hi and bye, how are u? Or try to approach flirt etc?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...