Batya33 Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 Thank you everyone. I honestly do not think I would be able to accept this kind of friendship in my boyfriends life. Apparently this dedication to girl has caused problems in his prior relationships as well. Not one of his ex girlfriends liked her, and now I see why, because he puts his friendship over their relationship. I think you're being thoughtful about this particular friendship and I think the real issue here is far more specific - his actions in how disrespectfully he treated you when she called. I think you posted about issues with this guy before. Link to comment
Shylight Posted November 15, 2019 Author Share Posted November 15, 2019 Yes I did. Like an idiot I wanted to keep seeing him Link to comment
Jibralta Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 I immediately excused myself, and went home. Perfect response. Now, you just have to stay gone. This is not your problem any longer. Leave it for some other girl to rationalize away (poor fool). Apparently this dedication to girl has caused problems in his prior relationships as well. Not one of his ex girlfriends liked her The fact that you know this means that this "friendship vs relationship" dynamic is probably how he gets his kicks. Link to comment
bluecastle Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 Thank you everyone. I honestly do not think I would be able to accept this kind of friendship in my boyfriends life. Apparently this dedication to girl has caused problems in his prior relationships as well. Not one of his ex girlfriends liked her, and now I see why, because he puts his friendship over their relationship. Um, how far back in his relationship history has this friend a problem? She's been a legal adult for, at most, 11 months and 364 days. If he's had multiple ex-girlfriends in that short stretch—red flag. If he had girlfriends who had issues with his 16 and 17-year-old friend—skull-and-crossbones flag. Don't mean to harp on this, but I'm just getting the sense that there is a lot about this guy that has not been adding up to boyfriend material for you. Perhaps the other night was a blessing in that you now can't keep ignoring the evidence. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 Yes I did. Like an idiot I wanted to keep seeing him That's ok. That makes you human. Often times is take our heart a little more time to catch up with our heads. Link to comment
Shylight Posted November 15, 2019 Author Share Posted November 15, 2019 I guess what I am upset about is that he did apologize for the way he made me feel, but did not seem to regret what he did. "Sorry I hurt you, but I dont regret having her over" Link to comment
SherrySher Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 I guess what I am upset about is that he did apologize for the way he made me feel, but did not seem to regret what he did. "Sorry I hurt you, but I dont regret having her over" I think that pretty much says it all. He cares about her more and he puts her over you. That's all you need to know. Find someone better who's not messing around with young girls. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 I guess what I am upset about is that he did apologize for the way he made me feel, but did not seem to regret what he did. "Sorry I hurt you, but I dont regret having her over" That's a bullsh*t apology. Someone who is truly sorry stops doing the thing that they are sorry for doing. He's playing you for a fool. Just write this sucker off. Link to comment
goddess Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 Please tell me that you deleted his number and will never have any contact with him again...... He showed you where his priorities are, so believe him. By the way, when someone acts like that, trying to educate them on how they made you feel like dirt is pointless. They know and, more importantly, they couldn't care less if they tried. If he cared about you, he wouldn't have acted the way he did. He obviously cares more about this chic than he is willing to admit. I mean he dropped you cold literally on the way to sexy time. That's....just.....I have no words..... I second this. What a complete jerk he is! I have other words to describe him but I'd get kicked off this site if I used them... Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 I guess what I am upset about is that he did apologize for the way he made me feel, but did not seem to regret what he did. "Sorry I hurt you, but I dont regret having her over" His apology was carefully worded so he'd feel good about himself, that's all. Link to comment
bluecastle Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 His apology was carefully worded so he'd feel good about himself, that's all. Yup. I call these sorts of apologies "training wheel" apologies. It's like someone practicing what it's like to be an emotionally intelligent adult, but under circumstances that are too childish to even take seriously. Link to comment
greendots Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 So here it is 10:30 at night, and he gets a phone call from his 18-year-old friend who is a drug addict and wanted to come over and smoke pot with him… I've been following this for a bit and I must honestly say that the biggest red flag for me was why your date would want to smoke pot with a drug addict. Why would someone encourage addiction? Would you have a drink with an alcoholic? I'm honestly glad that you let this guy go. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 I wonder if this girl conveniently calls to cry whenever he is getting close to another woman. She seems to have radar if they are about to get intimate and she appears... Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 With only 2 months invested, I wouldn't bother trying to analyze anything about this stunt, I'd just leave him to it. Either someone is a good match for me, or not. This guy would clearly be 'not,' so all the reasons around that fact would be irrelevant and not worth spinning about. Once I figured out how to view relationships through a lens of what they bring TO ME as equally valuable as what I bring to them, then my choices become simple. It's not about blame or pretzeling myself to figure someone else out--it all just boils down to, "Is this a good fit for me, or not?" When not, I've just allowed a bad match to pass early. Next. Head high. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 Sorry this happened to you. He obviously has a lot of issues and should not be dating anyone. I wonder when he’ll start to see that this is a pattern in his own life— dating a nice mature woman, then this other person/druggie comes over and mature woman leaves. One day he’ll see the light. But he doesn’t seem sorry about it unfortunately. Enough about him. As hard as it is to realize, you dodged a bullet and you can now move on to a more mature man who puts you first. He just made room in your life for a better person. Link to comment
BurtReynolds Posted November 16, 2019 Share Posted November 16, 2019 He is a drug addict. This is what they do - drugs are above everything, including the girlfriend..... drugs are their God. Many people would consider drugs a dealbreaker. I guess this would also apply to anyone who drinks alcohol also? Or do you not consider alcohol a drug? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 17, 2019 Share Posted November 17, 2019 I guess this would also apply to anyone who drinks alcohol also? Or do you not consider alcohol a drug? Sure, alcohol or gaming or anything else could plug-and-play in the same scenario--if it's more important than how you treat your date, especially to the degree that you'd rather ditch your date than curb the behavior with your buddy, then it's no surprise that any date would view you as having a problem too serious to continue seeing you. The substance doesn't matter, the treatment of the date is the point. Link to comment
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