irka000 Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 Dear All! My dad was unwell for a month or so. He complained about back pain. I just found out he has lung cancer that spread to brain, ribs and bones. He is 70. I am beyond devastated. Is there any hope ? He is feeling fairly ok... Has anyone know anyone who got better ? If so, how ? Please help me Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 Sorry to hear this. All you can do is be there for him and your mother. Hopefully he is getting good care at a good facility. Look around your area for cancer support groups. Some colleges, hospitals and community centers run them. Check online. It may be good to talk to people who are also dealing with a loved one's cancer/illness. You could also enlist in short term therapy to adjust and get support. If you are not an information adverse person read up on metastatic lung cancer. Sometimes knowledge helps, sometimes not. My dad was unwell for a month or so. He complained about back pain. I just found out he has lung cancer that spread to brain, ribs and bones. He is 70. Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 I'm terribly sorry, irka000. The best answers will be from a doctor and investigate online, too. Try joining support groups online or in person in your community. Can you accompany your dad to his oncologist and ask the doctor in private? Link to comment
viv19 Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 I'm sorry. I am no doctor, the only thing I can say is to take every chance to be with him and to let him know how much you love him. My father has cancer as well, he's been dealing with it for over 3 years, he's in his 50's. I think the whole 'beibg strong for each other' is sometimes mistakenly understood as not being able to show emotions and, yes, grief. Let your dad know that it's okay to let out his feelings and do the same. Sometimes there's anger, be ready for it. In my case I was angry at dad (yes, at him!) For not going to the Dr sooner. He was angry at his doctor. Sooner or later understanding and love will get all of you through it. As for hope, I think it is relative. Do all cancer patients survive? No. But I sure have hope that whenever my father and yours leave this world, whether is cancer related or not, they will do so in the peace of knowing they are loved beyond measure. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 I am so sorry you are going through this (and have nothing helpful to contribute, I'm sorry!). Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 His doctor is the one to talk to, there are no doctors here that I know of. Do some google searching. Spend as much time with your dad as you can. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 Sending good wishes to you and your Dad, Irka. They have come so far in survival rates now so hopefully your Dad's treatments will show positive results. He will be going through a lot of tests now and his doctors will prepare a treatment plan that is best for him and his condition. Hugs. Be positive and encouraging. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 I'm sorry to hear this. If the cancer has metastasized and reached his brain, it doesn't look good. I think you should prepare yourself for the worst, do your research and be there for each other as a family. Your dad may be withdrawn and depressed. You may have a lot of questions. I think the best thing you can do is arm yourself with the information you need to help yourself through this time. Don't be surprised if you still feel overwhelmed, angry or upset with the situation. Link to comment
bluecastle Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 Just want to tell you how sorry I am to hear this. Big hugs. If I had anything more to offer than that, I would. Do know you always have ears here to listen. Sending all the positive vibes your way, and your father's way. Link to comment
greendots Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 Hi Irka, So sorry to hear this! Well, as someone who is dealing with a family member who has cancer, hopefully my perspective helps you. Said family member is making strides (under the circumstances, of course), but others unfortunately didn't make it. It's not an easy journey but it is certainly one that brings lots of growth. What this experience has taught me so far is that your family - especially your dad - needs you to love them unconditionally more than anything right now and for you to be there for them in whichever way they may require. But your well-being is equally important so you can weather any storm. Do you have anyone in your life you can talk to about this, preferably someone outside of your family? It’s good to have a support group, say friends, a counsellor, etc. I wish you lots of courage, strength and patience during this time! Link to comment
Billie28 Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 I’m so sorry to tell you this , but your dad has only one cancer , that is lung. When cancer spreads to other areas of the body, laboratory tests can still tell the origin of the cancer. In your dads case that is lung. The fact that his cancer has spread to other areas ( called metastasis) , means that his cancer is in an advanced stage. So looking up statistics for survival rate of lung cancer or cancers of the areas his has spread to is futile. Your father has likely been given a prognosis but perhaps not shared it with you . You can always ask to speak to his oncologist about this. I am only guessing about 6 months left , but it won’t be an easy 6 months. Please talk to your father about what Drs have told him , as hard as that will be , and try to get involved with his Doctor so you are prepared. I’m so sorry! Link to comment
irka000 Posted November 3, 2019 Author Share Posted November 3, 2019 Thank you all so much. I have a meeting with oncologist tomorrow. He was told he has a slipped disc. His back hurts and he thinks he will be fine soon. He makes plans etc this breaks my heart. I don't know how to tell him and how much to tell him. The doctor who was there and who told me that it was bad after the scans, she said it is better if he doesn't know it. This is the most painful time of my life. Heaviness on my heart that doesn't go away. Thank you All again for your suportive words ....greatly appreciated Link to comment
boltnrun Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 So the doctor plans to hide the truth from him and has enlisted you and the rest of your family to maintain the lie? You know your father well...would he want to know or do you think he couldn't handle it? I'm sorry, this is a very, very tough situation. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 Thank you all so much. I have a meeting with oncologist tomorrow. He was told he has a slipped disc. His back hurts and he thinks he will be fine soon. He makes plans etc this breaks my heart. I don't know how to tell him and how much to tell him. The doctor who was there and who told me that it was bad after the scans, she said it is better if he doesn't know it. This is the most painful time of my life. Heaviness on my heart that doesn't go away. Thank you All again for your suportive words ....greatly appreciated I am so very sorry. Some of us on the forum have also been touched by this terrible illness. Please don't feel you are alone. You should ask the oncologist for any resources for family (support networks and a phone line you can call for added help or information or just support in general). There are often non-profit associations linked to the hospital or working together with a cancer center also. The doctor who offered her opinion... well, that's just one opinion. There is duty to disclose (to be open and honest) as a health care professional. She may have been advising off the record or as a personal opinion. I wouldn't go with what she says as a rule. Your dad should know the truth. Has he asked? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 My Dad was told the truth, but denial set in. I realized then that he really did not want to know. With time, he came to understand the truth and dealt with it. It is tough....really tough. My heart goes out to you. chi Link to comment
irka000 Posted November 4, 2019 Author Share Posted November 4, 2019 There is no way he would handle it. Mainly because my mum is almost depend on him. She was always the one unwell one ...and we all thought it will be mum we will have to worry about Suddenly ,out of the blue, dad got sick overnight! Here we are! He is so fragile. He looks at me and has tears. I need to hold back to not cry. I really don't know what to do ...today is important day. He has a scan with some liquid that will allow to show the severity of the disease. Thank you All again ! Link to comment
irka000 Posted December 18, 2019 Author Share Posted December 18, 2019 Thank you All. My dad passed away yesterday. He no longer suffers. I am heartbroken and numb and the same time. Boyfriend broke up with me due to a missunderstanding caused by my recent behaviour. I was difficult to be around and he had enough. This is so irrelevant now. Dad is gone. Nothing matters much now Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Sorry to hear this. hope you and your family are doing ok.Thank you All. My dad passed away yesterday. He no longer suffers. I am heartbroken and numb and the same time. Boyfriend broke up with me due to a missunderstanding caused by my recent behaviour. I was difficult to be around and he had enough. This is so irrelevant now. Dad is gone. Nothing matters much now Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Thank you All. My dad passed away yesterday. He no longer suffers. I am heartbroken and numb and the same time. Boyfriend broke up with me due to a missunderstanding caused by my recent behaviour. I was difficult to be around and he had enough. This is so irrelevant now. Dad is gone. Nothing matters much now I'm so sorry, Irka. You're right though - he's not suffering anymore. Sending you big hugs and I'll keep you all in my prayers. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Thank you All. My dad passed away yesterday. He no longer suffers. I am heartbroken and numb and the same time. Boyfriend broke up with me due to a missunderstanding caused by my recent behaviour. I was difficult to be around and he had enough. This is so irrelevant now. Dad is gone. Nothing matters much now I am so very hugs. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Oh, Irka... sorry to hear that. Sending you a warm cyber hug. (( )) Link to comment
chitown9 Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 How are you doing, Irka? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 I am so sorry Irka and I somehow just now saw this. I went through something very similar with my mother a year ago. Metastasized lung cancer and she originally went to the doctor because her back hurt. One moment everything was fine and within 5 weeks she was gone. Nothing prepares you for losing a parent. Add in it's so odd that we seem to lose them around the holidays. Very poignant and somewhat unfair, when everything about the holidays is family oriented. Sending you and your family hugs and strength. . ♥ Link to comment
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