Sigh.

[NYCqueen]

I’m well aware of all of the judgemental people who will comment, but here it goes.

 

I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and his kids live with us. (They haven’t always lived with us until about maybe almost 2 years now). I HATE one of his kids. I definitely don’t treat her any differently from the other 2 girls and I’ve never showed any hatred towards her or have mentioned it to my partner. She makes me cringe, I hate being around her and I honestly don’t know what to do!!!! She is 9 and the other 2 girls are older. I can’t quite figure it out, I just hate being around that ONE kid. I don’t have kids of my own. I’m not asking for advice, more of just a place to rant. Has anyone else gone through this?

[SherrySher]

Is it her personality? Does she whine?..always want her own way? Take time away from you and your partner?

 

It would be good if you could figure out exactly what it is that is grating on you so much.

[boltnrun]

It's totally human to dislike certain kids. I've met some kids that make me want to run out of the building.

 

Is she spoiled or indulged by her mother or father?

[LC8328]

No I totally get it.

 

I love kids: have my own, nieces and nephews too, and even strangers with kids - if I happen to have interaction with them I would just love them. BUT there is one little girl I used to be neighbors with that I COULD NOT STAND. She grated on my nerves and I had zero affection for her. I don't even live there anymore but just the thought of her now annoys me and I have no clue why.

 

Hope it helps a little to let it off your chest.

[Tinydance]

Well the issue I see here is that your partner will always have this child and she will always be really important to him. So if you can't stand her then that might not change and you will always have to put up with her. Do you think this is something you could do forever? If not then it might be best to break up with your partner.

 

Have you tried to think of the reasons why you dislike this girl? You're OK with the older girls so do you think it could be that she's still so young and immature? Is there a possibility she will be better when she's older?

[Batya33]

No judgment. I actually don't relate to people who claim to "love kids" (I mean I don't relate to that aspect) -do they also love all adults? Kids are individuals. I love my son and like him most of the time (rough day, as my son just agreed - he is 10 by the way) - but there are certain kids I cannot stand, and certain adults I cannot stand. Teenagers -well a whole different category LOL. However I agree with Tinydance on her assessment since you are living with her and may be in the role of stepmother at some point.

Yes get to the source of why and you might be able to find common ground/connect more. My older sister hated me till I was about 13 - we're 5 years apart -I mean basically wanted nothing to do with me. And we became so close and best of friends.

[bluecastle]

Agree with Batya, who said almost verbatim what I was going to say. Kids are just people—and, like all people, some you will like more than others. No judgement. It's of course tough when it comes to partnership, in that, ideally, you'd like all the kids—though, being young, they may be unlikeable for a stretch, so I suppose it's about finding ways to manage that without it making the partnership corrosive.

[Cherylyn]

My mother grew up with a stepmother who despised her and her siblings. Her stepmother's biological children always received preferential treatment. Unfortunately, this stepmother scarred my mother for life and to this day my poor mother remains haunted with hellacious memories and nightmares.

 

My malnourished mother never had enough food, became chronically emaciated, fainted regularly on the way home from school and had to be carried to her doorstep. All of her permanent teeth fell out. She was forced to wash the family's clothes in a bathtub with bleach until her hands bled courtesy of her stepmother. Because my mother was mistreated with such cruelty, she has a very harsh personality, extremely resentful and bitter to this day.

 

Not that you do this to one of his kids whom you hate. However, this kid feels your hatred and this deep seeded hatred will affect her negatively as she grows up into adulthood. Be careful and know today's children are the world's adults in the future. Raise them properly so they'll grow up to be decent, honorable adults. Don't let this girl carry miserable baggage for life on account of you. Don't have that over your head. Don't pass the hate.

 

There are lots of kids and adults whom I don't care for nor like either. However, I tend to give innocent kids more passes than certain intolerable adults.

 

If this particular kid is someone you vehemently hate but is generally a good child, try to have a change of heart since this child isn't going anywhere and all of you live together. You might as well give this child a chance to be likeable. Who knows? This child may surprise you and both of you can grow to like and respect each other. Since you're stuck together, do the right thing and at least treat her with respect and kindness. No sense singling her out. It's not her fault that she's stuck with you as her father's partner. After all, she was here first and you came later. Therefore, she deserves to be treated fairly with common decency and common courtesy.

 

You are her role model and if you want her to grow up to be a lady, she needs to be treated as if she matters. Show class, take the higher road, be the bigger person and be an example as a mother figure in the household. These kids are observing you and you are their future and how they will treat others whether with respect or disrespect. Remember that.

[melancholy123]

That 9 yr old will pick up on the fact you dont like her, and she may already sense that. You say you dont treat her differently than the other kids but perhaps you do. Something to think about, as I hope you dont want to scar her for life.

[catfeeder]

If someone offered you a million dollars to identify what, exactly, about the kid rubs you the wrong way, could you win that money?

[itsallgrand]

Wow Cherylyn, that's absolutely heartbreaking reading what your mom went through as a child.

[Cherylyn]

Wow Cherylyn, that's absolutely heartbreaking reading what your mom went through as a child.

 

Thank you for your kind words, itsallgrand. Yes, my poor mother's life reads like a Greek tragedy. The good news is that after her horrific upbringing, marriage to a domestically abusive husband (who punched her bloody mouth over the years) and single parenthood for 3 children whom she raised all by herself, she's finally enjoying her hard won retirement. It was a very long, turbulent road to finally arrive here though.

 

In a twisted description, nowadays she tells me that she's actually "grateful" for her miserable life in the past because if it wasn't for my late monster father, she wouldn't have been able to enjoy riding off into the sunset today.

[Wiseman2]

Where is their mother? Does he have full custody? How involved is he in their care? Sounds more like you "HATE" the idea that he has foisted this task on you but are displacing that resentment on the kids and have singled this one out for your wrath.

 

You need to change things up. Let him get a nanny and let his kids be with their loving mother more often. They don't deserve to be around someone who "HATES" them.

 

Do you want your own kids? Perhaps you need to end the relationship, you seem way too angry and resentful. It's not about an innocent kid, it's about him.

I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and his kids live with us.

I HATE one of his kids.

I hate being around her

I just hate being around that ONE kid.

 

I don’t have kids of my own.

[smackie9]

I think what makes this worse is that you don't address this with your partner. Have the courage to speak up and ask them for advice to help you resolve this. The truth will set you free.