Jump to content

I'm in love with my coworker but she has a boyfriend


drivenfuture
 Share

Recommended Posts

I'm in love with my coworker. However, she has a boyfriend so I cant tell her. we've hung out alone together before and she definitely seems to enjoy being with me. and she talks to me about absolutely everything and we make good eye contact and I feel like have great chemistry, and she always looks directly at me when I'm driving. not only this, but shes in a terrible situation with her boyfriend. they live with his dad and just got an eviction notice and she says shes going to try to find an apartment with him, and I just dont see how it could possibly work...but I've been afraid to tell her how I feel both due to the bf, and because she isnt exactly in a great place right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She's an adult, she can make her own decisions on who she wants to date and at current, it is not you.

 

If she spends a lot of time with you alone, you also need to ask yourself if you are comfortable with her doing that with someone else if you ever were together with her; knowing that your motive with her is you want to have a relationship and so would potentially any "friend".

 

Which leads to the next point - If you don't want to be her friend, you shouldn't pretend to be just her friend. That's manipulative and dishonest while making you look unattractive in the end to her compared to someone else who is new, honest and straightforward if the time came when she were to ever be single.

 

But, Trust me speaking from personal, recent experience - you don't want to break them up and you don't want to date a coworker.

 

When it works out, great. When it usually doesn't? Ugh.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she really liked you back, she'd be with you. But she's not, she is with him.

 

Secondly, ask yourself what kind of girl she is to be hanging out with a guy, getting this close to him, while she has a boyfriend.

It might seem like no big deal to you right now, but if you ever did date her, you would be the boyfriend and she could be doing these same things with some other guy behind your back.

 

This is a bad option all the way around.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She sees you as a coworker/friend. That's all you need to know. And you already offered her a place in your house-share.

she has a boyfriend so I cant tell her

shes in a terrible situation with her boyfriend.

she says shes going to try to find an apartment with him

I've been afraid to tell her how I feel both due to the bf

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You both lack integrity. Neither of you have placed proper boundaries when she is taken. You're in an emotional affair with her. Look up articles on that subject and you will see that the both of you are definitely having one. Decent, taken women don't hang out with guys who have a crush on them (yes, she knows). Decent men don't hang out with women they have a crush on hoping she will dump her bf.

 

Two wrongs always results in disaster. If you want a gf, join Meetup.com or get on a dating app.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Try not to listen to anyone's opinions about your integrity or hers. A man and a woman can "hang out" as friends for god's sake, grow up. That being said..even if she were single, it is poor timing to try and start a relationship, as she may come to you because she needs help and not because she has feelings. But, the fact that she has a boyfriend makes it even more off-limits. It's wrong of you to assume that they are having interpersonal problems just because of a financial hardship.

 

Now, if during your time together, she tells you how unhappy she is in her relationship, listen intently and offer advice but do not make a move or reveal your feelings. You would ruin your work relationship and/or friendship. Like others have said, cool off for a while. Sometimes two people get together and live happily ever after under strange circumstances, but let her be the one to make the move. Bottom line, she will not be ready for another relationship until she breaks it off with her boyfriend. And even then, she will need some time and space.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, you're crushing hard about this girl, but I would not call it love.

 

Give yourself a break. Make new friends, keep it professional with her. Don't go places alone with her and do not indulge in her whining about the BF. That's for her and her girlfriends.

 

Once you find available women you will forget this temptation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm in love with my coworker.

 

No you're not. You have a crush on her. Love develops overtime.

 

we've hung out alone together before and she definitely seems to enjoy being with me. and she talks to me about absolutely everything and we make good eye contact and I feel like have great chemistry, and she always looks directly at me when I'm driving.

 

So, she sees you as one of her girlfriends. She doesn't see you as anything more than a friend. What you call "great chemistry" she calls a friendship. As others have said, it's very poor form to hang out with her one-on-one when SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.

 

Not only this, but shes in a terrible situation with her boyfriend. they live with his dad and just got an eviction notice and she says shes going to try to find an apartment with him, and I just dont see how it could possibly work...but I've been afraid to tell her how I feel both due to the bf, and because she isnt exactly in a great place right now.

 

Apparently it's not that terrible since she's looking for an apartment with him. I actually call into question how terrible the situation is and wonder if you're not just biased against him.

 

Dude, don't be THAT guy. STOP being a BETA orbiter and just move on. This girl doesn't see you as anything more than a friend. Don't sit around pathetically thinking that she'll be with you if/when she breaks up with her boyfriend. She wont'. She doesn't see you in that way, pal.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Agree. being in the male-girlfriend zone is worse than the friendzone. Do yourself a favor and do not chase coworkers and worse, women who live with their bfs. Instead get on some dating apps and start meeting single women for a low key coffee. You have to go out and date. The workplace is not a singles bar, Stop harassing her.

 

Keep in mind chasing her like this, particularly since she has a bf and is not interested could be construed as sexual harassment. Just stop.

she sees you as one of her girlfriends.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Try not to listen to anyone's opinions about your integrity or hers. A man and a woman can "hang out" as friends for god's sake, grow up. "

 

WRONG! This is not a platonic friendship, hence the title: I'm in love with a co-worker who has a bf

 

Totally different situation that a person with grown-up logic can understand. And I'm sure if the girl's poor bf read what was written here, he'd totally agree that a guy who isn't a fan of his and his girlfriend's relationship, because the "friend" wants her all to himself, shouldn't be spending one-on-one time with HIS girlfriend.

 

A grown-up respects the sanctity of other's unions by walking away from an inappropriate friendship.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, "I'm in love with a co-worker who has a bf" mindset should be totally and completely off limits. Grow up, mature and know your common sense boundaries.

 

Play it safe, remain polite yet maintain a diplomatic, professional distance. Be moral and intelligent enough to know better. Be smart.

 

This is not rocket science.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If I really wanted to preserve future potential with someone who was in a rocky relationship, I'd avoid positioning myself badly to witness any capacity for disloyalty to the BF with me. That includes playing friendzies so she can complain about the guy. That only sets you up to lose, because even if you ever 'win,' you'll enjoy your victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that now you've promoted yourself from the one she's disloyal 'with' to the one she'll be disloyal 'to'.

 

Skip that, and stay out of it. If the woman is ever free and clear of her lousy relationship, then you'll only have the issue of trying to date a coworker to contend with. That's no picnic, either.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • 7 SIGNS YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE (Even If You Don’t Think So)! 😏
      7 SIGNS YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE (Even If You Don’t Think So)! 😏 // Do you ever feel like you aren’t attractive? If yes, then you are totally normal! However, it’s time for you to know the truth. Once you learn the signs you are an attractive man and the signs you are attractive to women, your life will never be the same. This is about more than how to look good or how to attract women. These signs help you see why you actually can attract women in a way that makes them want a relationship with you! EVEN if you sometimes feel that’s impossible. Ready to learn how to know if you’re attractive and the signs you’re attractive? Let’s dive into 7 Signs You Are Attractive (EVEN If You Don’t Think So)!

       
      • 0 replies
    • The Social Minimalist | Can we be Happy without Friends?
      A minimalist lifestyle concerns itself with minimizing the number of material resources we need to be satisfied. A tremendous benefit of this approach is the reduced cost of living. The less we need, the more time, money, and energy we save. So, can we also apply minimalism to our social connections to gain the same benefits? Can we be happy with a minimal amount of friends, or even without friends? This video explores the benefits and downsides of friendship, the current state of friendships, and if we actually need friends.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 6 Secret Habits Smart People Do Every Day
      Do you find yourself more productive in the morning or at night? Did you know that smart people tailor their work routine to whether they are a night owl or a morning bird?

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Big Warning Signs You Should Be Worried She's Not Serious About You!
      5 Big Warning Signs You Should Be Worried She's Not Serious About You!... In this dating advice video, I will be sharing with you five big warning signs you should be worried she’s not serious about you. The signs she’s not serious about you can be seen on first dates, online dating, or somewhere in the dating process. Take heed to these big warning signs in dating and be sure to watch the entire video.

       
      • 0 replies
    • "Omg… I got my ex back with THIS text message!"
      Use these texts to get your ex back! In this video, I explain how one of my breakup coaching clients used a few specific text messages to get back with their ex. Learn WHEN to text your ex, WHAT to text your ex, and HOW to safely and effectively use my text message templates to get your ex back and stay together for good. Basically, this video covers exactly how to text your ex back into your arms....

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...