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RyanMI

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  1. Let's get one thing very clear. If he cheated on you and you took him back - he's in no position to tell you that you're overreacting to him for having any - any - form of link to the person he cheated on you with. Good grief. You're the one with the power here, he's the one who cheated and cried until you had empathy to take him back ... so this is your time to decide where you draw the line.
  2. Hey Plntldy22 - I'm sorry to hear you are going though this; heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences you'll go through and you're in the first few weeks of it where it will no doubt be the worst. First things first, to address the subject - No, I heavily doubt he is "over you" and anyone he dates this quickly will be a failure of a prospect because of that. Everyone has a different way of trying to get over a relationship and his seems to be the classic "replace that person with someone else" aspect, which is unhealthy and unwise... however, THAT is none of your concerns right now. Let his dumb-ass go and it is time to focus on one thing in the meantime - healing. You obviously were in love with him, obviously trusted him and obviously meant well for the relationship. That's a lot of great qualities that other men are looking for in a companion and you were his to lose. I know the feeling of the freight train - I know it all too well - it's the sudden surge of adrenaline mixed with a massive feeling of shock and despair - but I and everyone on this forum who have been through it can tell you it will alleviate and get better with time and right now it's the harshest; then slowly it will become less and less the longer you go without talking to him. A few months from now, if you avoid him, it'll be largely subsided and around that time or a few months thereafter, you're going to see that new guy you just met - the one who you likely don't think is possible to exist right now - and you'll realize your ex is just one of a lot of people who can make your heart go like it had. So now is the time to focus on you - not him. He can go make terrible decisions and fall in and out of rebound after rebound; you'll do this right and focus on 1. Healing and time to heal. 2. Bettering yourself - you're free! You're single! GO DO S#IT! and 3. Moving on in a couple months when the worst of this pain is subsiding. Do not message him, block him on everything - Facebook, Instagram, Venmo - you name it, his a$$ is blocked! Also, tell your "friend" to not do that nonsense, what good came of it? She should have more sense than that or you should get a better friend. Go talk to someone who is trustworthy and wise - a real friend, a parent, a sibling, whomever; and please realize, you're not alone and you're going through one of those life-events that is so universal it is alluded to in an incredible amount of movies/songs/books/poems/etc. because it is so universally painful. You're human, you have a heart, you're capable of loving and despite this pain (while also somewhat because of the memories of it) - you're going to make someone so goddamn happy someday. Again, you were his to lose and out there right now is someone - and that someone has not met you yet so he therefore has no clue how lucky he is at this moment that this fool dumped you.
  3. To be certain, it does not sound like he is cheating on you nor does he intend to from the sound of it and only sees this woman as a friend. She's crass, obnoxious, enjoys being the center of attention and likely is unaware how PO'ed you are about it; however, is also unlikely to care if you are given people I know with similar personalities. But here's the thing: I personally have a couple friends who are crass, obnoxious, attention loving and can be wildly annoying ... I've literally had to brace women I'm dating regarding them ... but the reality is that I also know them far deeper than anyone who is introduced to them and know they'd be there to pick me up if my car broke down and more so, would likely be willing to pick up someone I'm dating if their car broke down and I called them. Hell, I have one friend who comes off as so incredibly unfriendly and unapproachable who I once saw nearly have a conniption when he thought he might have run over a baby raccoon, lol - some people just lead with their absolute worst impression first and it is more a problem for them than it should be for you. I've never dating anyone who - after they got to know them a bit more and could see the human behind the caricature - disliked these people who I am friends with. This person doesn't sound like his only friend or his best friend - but it is a single crass, obnoxious, attention loving and wildly annoying friend of his; Hell, he might even know that. I'm curious if you have asked him, without accusation or being snarky about her and her 'style', why is he friends with her? What is the redeemable quality he sees in her, because it's clearly not attraction - or he'd be with her and not you... and it sounds like he wants to be with you but also doesn't want to further the coming drama by confronting his friend when she's being who she has always been, even before you. So what exactly makes him see his friend as worthwhile, despite the clear pain in the ass she sounds like? You might find yourself surprised is all I'm saying - For all you know the one friend of his who would have both or yours backs and sees you both as a great couple is the very one you hate.
  4. Yeah, you will never, ever, "fix" her. Ever. Takes some hubris to assume you can or that you should - it is her choice to be "fixed" and if she sees a problem, it would take a professional who isn't infatuated with her to do that. I'm glad you see yourself in the description of codependency; because the same thing she needs is what you need - you need a desire finally fix your situation and end this toxic, codependent personality you have. You are an independent human-being who is supposed to have a life of your own - regardless of her and her life. Any woman who you date should be someone who is put-together enough to not need you feeling a need to repair something about them; since that very feeling you are portraying is a massive personality flaw that needs to be repaired itself or you won't be able to form strong, stable relationships - you'll just seek out people who you consider "damaged" and keep up this vicious feedback loop. You see her as someone who needs your help; however, any outsider reading your story sees you both need to focus on your own separate issues - independently and likely with a professional. Take the time to actually get help so you can realize there is a lot more to life than this woman and just how asinine it is to think, “I need to be there for her no matter what.” when she couldn't care less and has been very forward about not loving you previously then manipulative by still hanging-around you and going on a trip with you.
  5. Hey bud, just read your other post as well - frankly, it sounds like you're rather codependent on this one person being in your life and she's ... well, she's not the best. She had a boyfriend after you but they were "always arguing" because she spent time with you (I'd dump her too if I had been him, you are clearly not just her friend), yet she also drops you like a soaking wet emotional blanket once she's got her fill of your support ... again and again? If I was to venture a guess and say her personal life/upbringing wasn't exactly wonderful, I imagine I'd be correct? And you are rather codependent on something about her, because 11 months should have been enough to move on to someone who doesn't treat you like a tool they use then toss away once they feel fixed. What is it you see in her specifically that is so enthralling you are allowing someone to get the best of your emotional well-being? Do you think it might be confidence related? Do you think you cannot find a better woman out there? I think at this point it might be best to talk to a therapist; just to help you get over the initial hurdle of moving on and more importantly, address what sounds like a major codependent relationship you both have that is NOT going to turn into something healthy and needs to be moved on from. She broke up with you, she keeps you around, she dates other guys, she goes on a trip with you, she's gone again ... you need to stop having your life be her revolving door when she wants back in. You know deep down she'll never stay, so it's time to close her out for good and find someone who appreciates you all the time, not just when convenient.
  6. Haha, you're reading way too much into it. It means he enjoys spending time with you even outside of the physical. You hold a good conversation, you engage, you are (clearly) analytical and listening ... you're good company
  7. this is a very good perspective to have; however, be careful to not create your own self-fulfilling prophecy too. What is more important is - as you can see - life will move on; again and again and again. Someone who breaks your heart and feels like they can never be replaced can (once we've allowed ourselves to accept it) be replaced as quickly as that... even for a short period of time if this current person does not prove to be - as bluecastle puts it - your "forever person". Don't sell yourself so short with the "too good to be true" line. You're clearly desirable to women who have a lot going for them; don't let that get to your head but also don't let it make you feel like any of the previous experiences were flukes or one-offs. Get back out there, be a gentleman, but pursue people who you may think as "too good to be true" and you'll likely be surprised that you stack up more than you think compared to other options. Personally I'm dating as well, it's going good - four months post-heartbreak I'm excited to meet new people again and it's been a lot of fun so far! Taking it slower and have learned my lesson from the previous lol.
  8. Hey CyberTyrant, First and foremost - I need you to put the number 1-800-273-8255 on a piece of paper and put it in your wallet/purse/phone case/whatever. Tattoo it to your f*cking finger if you need to, but have it nearby while you feel like this and promise me (and more importantly yourself) you will speak to a person before you ever give in to the pain. I know what you're thinking - by now if you're playing around with the suicide idea, you've seen that number appear online likely so many times now that you're numb to the idea of it. Fine, humor a dude online and do it anyways, just write it on a piece of paper please and put it somewhere you'll have it; as a favor to some random guy on a message board who you never will be asked to do a favor for again nor will ever know who he is. Seriously, it's stupid, I know, but do it and remember where it is. No one else will ever know it's there and it will take you literally a couple seconds to do. 1-800-273-8255 No, seriously - stop reading right now and do me that one minuscule favor. This post can wait. 1-800-273-8255 I'm trusting you did it - Try to understand, I'm 34-years-old, I'll be alive statistically double that and then some; however, when I remember 21-years-old it feels like a distant, far-off memory from a different person, a child basically. My life has changed for better or for worse literally dozens and dozens of times since i was 21-years-old and I can honestly tell you my 30's are far more fun and fulfilling than my 20's were. The scariest thing with life if that you're living it in the present and remembering the past but have no idea what the future holds. This allows you to create a visual of a miserable future when you feel miserable - but it's all a dumb, depressing fantasy; you do not know what the future holds You have a goal, you have a passion and you also have hardships you need to work through. I wouldn't want to read your autobiography someday if you didn't have these. I need you to talk to someone who is wise enough to understand your goals and can offer guidance and I need you to not think "end game" for your goal, but work with them to come up with a step-by-step to getting to the next level towards your goal. Life is like football, sure you want the touchdown and it sounds like you know what one would be for you, but you need to think 10 yards at a time to get there... tell someone who is successful and you trust about your dream and ask if they can help you lay out a path to get there. DO NOT GIVE UP. You've seen 21 summers, you maybe remember 15 of them. You're life has barely started and you're going to cheat yourself out of it if you commit suicide. You have never seen the person you will fall in love with, you've never seen the job offer you'll get, you've never seen the friends you'll meet who you'll cherish, you don't see the intense lows and the wonderful highs that are coming someday and if you commit suicide, you'll never see any of that. If you commit suicide, you'll never get to do anything with your life but while you are alive, you will. You need to fight like Hell for anything worth having in life and if you commit suicide you'll never be able to fight because you'll be dead and dead people can't fight for anything and I swear to you, life is worth fighting for.
  9. Rose's comment sums it up. He's likely being friendly; most of your examples include you being fairly introverted and while that's fine - you should also make some efforts to meet people and he appears to be a good person who is offering to help you with this by being your companion. I'd say give it a shot. Also, understand that home-schooling will be something others may not have much knowledge on. Assuming they are being respectful, be open to hearing them out on what they like about their public school but also explain what you like about home-schooling.
  10. I'm with Batya33; you seem to see what he is doing and why, so much so you literally admitted you don't even enjoy the relationship anymore, you just feel the competition. I know few women who would not have already called it off or at least confronted it - so do you have some kind of enjoyment out of being treated like this or is there a deeper fear that you can't find a better man? I mean, he's brought it up so many times that you're now feeling you are competing with the ghost of a previous relationship/fling with a woman who likely now wants nothing to do with this guy because of how he acts and hence he's bitter towards her.
  11. Oooookay, I've dated a lot of women in my time and have been with some who are incredibly attractive; however, it just didn't work out. But - I would never talk about them like this to someone I care about. Googling her image aside, this guy sounds like an imbecile if you are painting an accurate picture of him. I would be absolutely aghast if I made someone I am dating feel they need to compare to a previous person, yet it sounds like he is trying to make you feel exactly like that. Why is a 48-year-old man discussing how attractive and beautiful some woman he used to date is to you? This guy is bush-league at best if he's 48-years-old and this tactless. He tells you "she was always insecure"? Well, no s#it she was! Listen to how he talks about his past and how he is making you feel - I'd love to know her story and how she views him since she got free of "Mr.Negging his girlfriend".
  12. Give some more detail - where do you see her? How often? Have you been going out with other people? What exactly - off the top of your head - is so attractive about her? A year is a long time to have a crush, I'm curious how often you are dating?
  13. Good to hear you two are going to counseling - this is without a doubt the time for it. You're both new to this, don't give up on each other quickly; need to find your groove and learn how to operate as a family now.
  14. "Believe it or not, I injured my foot! Was trying to play it off as minor, but it's a bit worse than I lead on. Regardless, I had a lot of fun and would like to see you again. I'm laid out right now with the foot - but let's plan for something soon when I'm healed? Let me know" ... really - if you're afraid to tell her you got injured and can't see the obvious humor in it, you gotta work on that.
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