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My boyfriend says I’m not spending enough time with him


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So I started dating my boyfriend about 1 month ago. This isn’t the first time he’s said that we don’t spend enough time together. It comes up a lot. We hang out around 1 or 2 times on the weekend for like a whole day and 1 time during the week. We both go to a boarding school which give a lot of homework so I dedicate most of my time to hw. I generally like to spend my free time watching tv. I try to make time for him but it never seems to be enough. I also spend time with my friends more because they were my bffs before I got a boyfriend and I don’t wanna abandon them for him. He also refuses to become friends with my friends so I can’t spend time with them all at once. How should I proceed in this relationship? How can I spend more time with him and just what should I do?

- please help!

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He sounds clingy and you're being realistic. You should communicate that you have other important things going on in your life that you value and that he should he should understand that. One month is too soon for him to be like this, and you do see him enough.

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I take it you're in high school, when things tend to move fast and a month feels significant. Still, you hardly know anyone after a month, you're still easing into things, so for someone to be pressing you about more time—well, bad sign. He's less secure than you, less mature, so odds are you'll kind of have to level backwards to give him what he needs.


What I'd say is be clear about what you need—that you'd like him to spend time with your friends, that you need your "you" time to chill and watch TV, and that with school and home work it's hard for you to imagine spending more than half the week together. If he can listen, great. If that doesn't work for him it means y'all don't work—sad, yes, but not as sad as bending into a shape that's inauthentic for the sake of a relationship that's hardly been a relationship.

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Thanks! How often would u recommend I see him? I asked him about it and he said he doesn’t know what he wants. I’m not sure how to procede here. I feel like I take out a lot of time to see him and I just don’t know who to do if he doesn’t know what he wants.

- plz help!

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Honestly, it sounds like you're already kind of resenting him and feeling a level of pressure that doesn't line up with a new relationship. This is the time when things are just supposed to be fun and easy, not when you're having "talks" and working through "issues." If it's this hard this early—not a great sign.


So, again, I'd think about it from the standpoint of what you want, what works for you. If weekends and a weekday is all you have time for that means you want to date and be with someone for whom that works. That, along with laughing and good chemistry and all that, is how you know you're compatible.

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Don't worry and no pressure, it's always like this at the start then with some time that passes you will settle down.

Just try to make him realise how you're managing your time so he notices that you're giving him an important part of it, because the problem remains in the fact that he's only counting it and not considering it relatively with your schedule.

Also, try not to forget your friends (saying it from experience), you should spend some proper time with them too.

And good luck, don't be too alarmed about this, it's gonna be okay!

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To everyone who replied: thanks so much! I’ve never been in a relationship before so it’s hard for me to know what to do. You’ve all be so helpful to me! I feel much more comforted now and not so adrift! Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply and help me out!

- plz help ahahha

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Dump him.


The fact that he does not want to meet your friends is concerning. He sounds like he wants to isolate and control you. Your focus should be your work. Do not ever sacrifice friends for a guy.


Does he have any friends?

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He has friends but he’s mostly very introverted and doesn’t have such a large group of friends like I do. Han only has one very close friend. But he does have some friends.

- plz help Hahahah


His issue that he should not be making yours.


He had no problem filling his time before he met you. And vice versa. When you start dating , you mutually catch up in free time. You do NOT encroach on other times normally spent with friends,interests,hobbies.


Why is his free time more important than yours?

Respect your boundaries .

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You've only been hanging out a month. Focus on your friends, studies, sports and school activities. Don't let a boy bully you into compromising your homework, friends or leisure time. If he doesn't like it, there are plenty of other boys.

We hang out around 1 or 2 times on the weekend for like a whole day and 1 time during the week. We both go to a boarding school which give a lot of homework so I dedicate most of my time to hw.
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The way that you're handling your time sounds perfect. I'd tell him you're happy with how you're dividing your time amongst your various priorities, and if he presses the matter, tell him that it looks like you two are not compatible. That's the point of dating--to see who matches with you and who doesn't, so you can decide who to keep and who to part ways with.


Make sure he's really listening to your side, trying to understand you, and respects your different views on things. If he tries to manipulate you, sulks, gets angry you're not going along with his every unreasonable request, tries to isolate you from friends, tries to make you feel guilty about spending time with anyone else but him, then realize you're with an abuser.


If you're a very sociable person who likes to double-date, have group male/female get-togethers, etc., think about if an introverted partner is going to fit into that scheme.

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Agree w others, stick to your guns and don't allow him to manipulate or guilt you into anything.


He's very very insecure and needy, and as another poster suggested, may attempt to isolate you from friends and family to alleviate his insecurities and anxieties.


Don't ever allow that, remain strong and if he becomes too over-bearing and demanding, wish him well and say goodbye.


It's not how good relationdhips are supposed to be, only toxic ones.

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Anyone who is this needy and controlling only a month into a relationship has got some problems, and he is not going to get LESS controlling over time. Just the opposite. If he's already stressing you out, that should tell you all you really need to know about him.


Don't get manipulated into catering to a guy who wants to isolate you as the center of his life. That may seem flattering at first, but it gets boring and hostile really fast. When someone is a bottomless pit that you can't satisfy, it's not only stressful, it can get dangerous.


I'd rethink whether this guy is healthy enough for you.

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