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Everything posted by Riri2019

  1. The first thing to ask yourself is "Do you really want to have video calls this much with him", video calls are only a way to communicate, nowadays with all the technologies, we tend to forget that the main point is to communicate. As long as u two do talk and communicate in a proper way, which should make u talk to him about this matter too, than i don't see a big deal about not having video calls. Maybe it's easier with his friends, maybe he prefers texting with you, instead of overthinking or looking for someone to blame, try asking him and discuss it the two of you together. If you like it this much, tell him so that he can clearly get it. And as i said it earlier, focus on communicating not on the ways u use, that's how it should be... Good luck!
  2. There's also me... I'm scared of myself, of letting go of the attachement i have with him because distance broke it. I'm scared of the consequences that might happen
  3. Mostly getting close with other people... And forgetting me! Being tired or over working and not giving me some of his time to just talk. A lot of things i guess...
  4. Yes it is the same guy.... And things are better now we talked a lot with honesty. I can't say that everything is perfect now, but i trust him and i wanna fight again. I'm scared of being without him during that period :(
  5. Hello everyone, hope u are all doing well. Here's my situation, i'm in a two years relationship, ups and downs, some conflicts, a lot of love and warmth too. In may, i'm going to have a traineeship far from my country, which will get me so far away form my boyfriend for four long months. The simple idea of us apart for this long breaks my heart, yeah we do talk on social media, but we're not as connected as when we're together face to face, we spent a lot of daily time with each-other. This traineeship is a golden opportunity for me, and he has been fully supportive and lovely and accepted it, but i'm scared from being far from him :( Could u guys give me some advice and how to deal with this please. Thank you so much 💕
  6. Riri2019


    I hope so... Thank you all!
  7. Riri2019


    Yes you're right we haven't... But what about love?... Doesn't it count??? What do we do with our feelings?
  8. Riri2019


    We always knew that we had a communication problem, always worked on fixing it... I know it might seem weird, but the thing is we both get lost whenever we break up, we tried again and again but in vain, i love him and i know love is not an excuse, but no matter how much we try neither keeping up nor breaking up are solutions to fix our hearts.... I always feel like both ways i lose :(
  9. Riri2019


    Hello everyone, i hope you are doing well, here is my situation i'll try to make it as short and clear as i can. I have a boyfriend, we have been dating for one year and a half, we've been through a lot together and always managed to get over hardships (broke up a few times and got back together)... Now, we are stable and fine. During last summer, we had some big quarrel, broke up after it and all, but now everything is fixed... The thing is during that periode, he got along with one of his work colleague (that has a boyfriend, they've been dating for almost three years now) Anyway, there was nothing special between them, they still get along well now, he always says she is a good friend and i know it. But the thing is during one of our summer fights, he happened to compare me to her and mentionned that he gets along better with her than me (he justified saying this by telling me that he was trying to expose our problem and explain that all he wanted was to get even better along with me). He used some hurting words like, you are boring and we are (the two of them) accomplices; back then it's broke my heart in pieces. Now the problem is that no matter how much time passes, no matter how much better we are, whenever i see them together (even just chatting) i can't take it, she's also a little bit flirty with him sometimes and i really hate it, it just hurts. I'm traumatised, i keep comparing myself to her, think she's way better than me (she's pretty and popular and get along well with others)... I also keep giving hints to my boyfriend like saying "i might hit her car" jokingly or like "just go to her then" when i'm angry, he just laughs and doesn't mind it, i know he realises that i don't like her much but he never reacts in any way, however when i'm really angry and hurt, he consoles me, and tells me that of all girls i'm the one he would choose! Oh god, the thing is, i really need to know if i'm making up all of this in my head, and i'm just being excessivly jealous, i feel obssessed with this, and it's hurting so much that i can't even properly enjoy my boyfriend. I avoid talking about it with him because i feel like there's no solution, he's not doing anything wrong, i reminded him once about what he said during that fight and told him it hurted me, he apologied, but it doesn't feel enough. Any remark or observation or advice are welcomed, and thank you for your help guys, it means a lot!
  10. so i'm not an expert, but here's my advice for you: don't try to find if what she did was right or wrong. something i learned in love and through being in relationships where you're deeply involved is that the most important thing is to let it go, don't search for who's right, search for what's right (for exemple, what's right to do now, what's right to feel)... and what can make you happy. secondly, i've been through a break up and i can tell you that when you're in love, that thing hurts like hell; it destroys you and as a first inner reflex, we tend to look for a shelter in someone else! what your girlfriend did is normal, it was HER way of getting rid of the pain you gave her (her way means no right no wrong), but i don't take it as a betrayal, not because you were apart during that period and she was allowed to do anything, but because nowadays when things get hard in relationships, we always find a way to try and solve it, we can take breaks, we can take some distance from each-others (in that case it would've been a betrayal yes)... but break ups became an extreme act, when you break up, it's just like letting go of a thread you were holding onto strongly for so long and it just makes a mess! finally, for now, it's gonna hurt both of you, what matters is to distinguish the pain you're feeling, if it's only out of ego and feeling replaced (betrayed as you think, in this case, stop holding on unecessarly!), or is it out of love... if it's the second one, you're the only one to know that love is precious and we should hold on to it but should also see whether things are gonna work out and if you love her enough to forgive, if not let it go, let her go, and let some time pass, you'll be amazed with how your heart and mind will settle down and things will start to get better!
  11. the answer above is for you... sorry i clicked in the wrong one.
  12. hello hello, i hope you are all doing well. so here's the deal, i wrote something here, less than a month ago, about my break up with my one year boyfriend. i'm coming back here for some after break up advices, just as i said back then we work together and i know you all told me to keep it professional but that's the hardest part to do. we met last sunday, only said a hi to each other, he asked if i was okay, i said yes and asked the same thing... anyway it was normal. we had a very full week at work; so our only conversations were through social networks, asking each other for documents or papers related to work, we would look away whenever we meet and didn't talk at all. when the week-end started, he came and talked to me (always through social network), asked how was my week, told me he kind of spent it well, and since i set up my mind on not talking unecessarly, i answered shortly, told him "good for you", and he answered "thanks" when thanks wasn't an appropriate answer. I know that's i'm to blame for what's coming, but i feel like it was over my will. I got back and talked to him, we chatted about stupid stuff like the rain, like what was he doing or what i was doing to... And i asked him to play a game with me (i felt the urge to get something that would help me move on), a simple game where each one would ask questions and get answers honestly. we didn't fight or got angry, we acted like 2 real grown ups, i got answers i felt that i needed, then he suddenly asked me if i still have feelings for him (ps: he was uncertain a the end of our relationship, and said he had no longer feelings for me), couldn"t lie so i said "yes i do". he then said that replying to my answers makes him write a lot, and it's tiring, so he'd prefer to continue this game face to face, to get to ask/answer each other in real, d we agreed we'll do it when we meet next (didn't set a date or anything for that). i know it's weird, and i know i look completly messed up, i'm actually feeling better after all the sadness and pain passed a little bit with the time, and what happened didn't frustrate me, but there's something weird about all of this and i don't get to explain it. i'm always telling myself i just want a solid reason to help me move on, but i don't feel like i'm really doing it... should i play the game with him? do you think it will help? thank you for your answers as always ♡
  13. OMG, thank you so much for this answer, i know very well that I was at fault so many times, and that fights had worsen our relationship, but if love were strong enough, it wouldn't have died through this. All I expected from him was to show me (even through the lack of attention, of caring and all) that he still loved me. I might've been clingy and persistent, but I just wanted him to reassure me, or at least make it clear for me and take a decision, but he never did... I'll never take the blame on me for his uncertainty, that burden killed me enough... thank you!
  14. thank you so much everyone, it is always heart warming to ask for help here ♡ you're right, starting now i'll try to let go slowly even if it hurts, i need to work on myself first than think about being in a relationship again. thank you for your priceless advices!
  15. heyy... this used to be our way of starting a conversation, i miss how we were, especially at the begining when there were no fights, no pressure. I was scared, i believe i'll always be somehow even now when i lost you, i always thought you were the love of my life, and i still do even when hurt, i forgive you and hope you do the same. I only wish you did more for me, i would've done everything in exchange... take care of yourself, and know that i love you... you're just not here to hear it :(
  16. hello everyone, hope you're all doing well, i am here today because i really got to my breaking point and can't take it anymore, i was in a one year relationship with my beloved boyfriend, in fact we've been building what we have for more than one year, he was caring and loved me a lot, but we had several fights, i was at fault many times but we managed to get through this. Lately those fights became stupid and insignificant, we would fight over meaningless matters that it became tiring, and i was noticing that he was giving up more and more, i took the chance so many times to ask him if he still cared ans loved me, but he would ignore my question, till our last fight where i persisted for him to answer, his answer was that "he once had a flame for me and now it disapeared, he tried getting it back but time didn't do, and now he's uncertain and confused but doesn't know what to do, and probably thinks that he'll regret it if he leaves me".... this whole affirmation made me hoppeless since i am deeply in love with him, and ready to do anything, but i don't think i can make him love me, and moreover "again". So i asked to break up, he was okay with it, but i felt some uncertainty in hiw reaction. It has already been a week, i blocked him on social applications, i wanted to rest my mind, but i feel broke and desperate. I really don't know if i should wait for him to initiate a talk, waiting is killing me, and i'm scared that nothing would happen and my hopes will only end up hurting me, or initiate the talk by myself, but this won't solve his uncertainty problem, and i don't want to be with a person not sure of her own feelings, and finally there's the letting go option, i keep on crying and hoping, and i know it would kill me to forget everything... but we were so happy together if it wasn't for stupid fights. ps: we work at the same place so i will eventually meet him when i go back to work, i'm resuming work on september 4th, and need a clear decision before that time, because else i'll be completly lost at work :( please tell me if you see any hope in this or not? thanks for reading.
  17. Okay, so here's the deal, as i read your text, the first thing that came in my mind is that it's totally normal i swear. I'm in an almost 1 year relationship, and we still have this kind of issues. Let me explain, since i stand in the girl position, i know how it feels to be away from your beloved one, i'm not sure if i can make you get the idea, but the thing is, we want to be aware of every little detail (maybe not all girls are), but for myself (and looks like your girl is kinda similar) i feel more safe and secure when my partner takes time to tell me how was his day and what he did (even if sometimes it's not much or it's just a simple routine), it makes me feel more present in his life and more informed. This is just an example, but i remembered a week-end where he got sick and didn't tell me (while he told a friend), and i got verry pissed off when i knew that from his friend and not from him. Women are kind of possessive and curious, so this first thing is natural. The second thing is, i know that we tend to not realise that you might be tired or what kind of situation you are in, but this is a way to get your attention, even if it's selfish somehow. And for the "ignoring and not answeting part", well you must be sure that there is a reason for that (girls are overthinkers). However, well that doesn't mean you should accept it, try to find a good way to deal with it and figure out what's wrong.. matters like this shouldn't take a big part of your relationship, like you shouldn't make this a big deal all the time, try to see the bigger picture and find a better way to communicate and feel that there is attention and care between the two of you, because in the end this is a matter of "communication" and it's important not to neglect such a thing. Beside, this is an advice but try to be as direct and simple when you say something, it will make things easier and will avoid the furious talk. Good luck.
  18. There's no apparent reason, he doesn't get out a lot lately, only when necessary, so we don't happen to meet as usual, i'm a little busier too but sometimes he's the one ignoring opportunities to meet and says that he can't or has things to do. Ps: we don't go to each other houses so...
  19. No no it's not an online dating, we used to see each other very frequently, it was almost everyday, not for long, early in the morning or at lunch, and rarely on week-ends, now we happen to see each other once a week or once in 15 days.
  20. Don't worry and no pressure, it's always like this at the start then with some time that passes you will settle down. Just try to make him realise how you're managing your time so he notices that you're giving him an important part of it, because the problem remains in the fact that he's only counting it and not considering it relatively with your schedule. Also, try not to forget your friends (saying it from experience), you should spend some proper time with them too. And good luck, don't be too alarmed about this, it's gonna be okay!
  21. So, first of all, hiii guys, hope you're doing well. Here i go again, i already posted something about my boyfriend and my ex and some mixed up story (only concerning my feelings no drama), and well it turned out my 9 months relationship was kind of getting heavy. I'll make it simple and quick, my boyfriend was carring, gentle and sweet, he always considered me and we always found a way through our fights; but a few weeks ago i really don't know what happened, since we're not meeting but only talking through social network, he kind of makes me feel as if he's tired, doesn't wanna talk, or isn't in the mood, at first our relationship became heavy but i was still okay with it, i talked to him and he said it was nothing. But recently, he would litteraly ignore my messages, i didn't think that we were this weak and would become like this just because we're not seeing each other. And 2 days ago, he finally talked, he started with a "we need to talk" and said that he was actually feeling depressed these days for no reason and wanted to be left alone, he said that he didn't want to tell me this because he didn't want me to worry or overthink things, or think that it was my fault in any possible way, but it's turned out it wasn't the best option and he made a mistake. He said he was tired but that he still cared about me, i asked about what he wanted, after comforting him and telling him that i love him, anyway he said he was confused and didn't know what he wanted in the state he was in, he asked me if i was happy and i answered that recently i wasn't (we always promised each other to be honest no matter what), so he said that i deserved to be happy without adding anything. Not wanting to interpret any of his answers, i told him that if he needs some time and space, then he should rest untill he feels better, get some peace of mind, and get a clear answer of what he wanted, i told him that i'm supporting him and that i'll wait for him no matter how much it would take, and i'll be waiting for his answer of "what he wants". Yesterday was our anniversary, i didn't want to disturb him (and wasn't waiting for him to say anything), but i made a story with a "happy 14" only so he could see it and know that i'm thinking about him, he was online most of the time and didn't even bother checking it which made me feel bad. Anyway, i want to ask about how you see this "depression thing" and my reaction to it, is waiting really a good solution, or should i have talked more about it?... do i have to wait untill he initiates the talk first or do i wait a few days and talk (in case he doesn't show up)! Really, i'm confused and don't know how to react, particulary for what he wants, it felt as if he didn't answer in fear of making a mistake which gave me hope, but it also made me realise that he wasn't sure and had doubts about our relationship and could come up at any moment telling that he wants to break up or something like that. Please give me some advices of what to do, and tell me how you see all this mess. Thanks a lot for your help and answers ♡
  22. Thanks for both of your answers, but telling me to break up with him caught me out of guard, i don't know why but i just can't picture myself without him, he's my first everything, first kiss, first time holding hands, first time sharing deep secrets, first real love probably... and i was being tortured by his lack of care and attention. I guess i'll try for a little bit longer, and if it doesn't work i'll do as you said cause that's probably what meant to be. Thanks also for enlightening me about my ex, the past needs to remain in the past ofc! I hope that my heart will settle down! Thanks again and good luck.
  23. Well, i'll tell you something that you really need to know, when you loved her, you were 15 and she was 14 (since you said she's one grade under you). Anyway, the real meaning of this is that, it is the 15 years old you who loved the 14 years old her, you are no longer who you were, and so is she, you kept her old version in your memory (probably a small part in your heart) and you keep being attached to it (or loving it as you say) when it no longer exists. You need to set your mind on what is real, on what is in front of you, and what really deserves to take a place in your heart and mind, plus she probably doesn't care about you, or even about whether you still exist or not (from the way you described her)... You know, regret is awful, and if it was real love and there was a real commitement, i would've told you to just let go of everything and get her back, without a minute of hesitation because i know that behind true love there is no regret, but it looks like an old illusion, reality is not always the greatest, but it is the best for sure, and your reality is with the girl who is by your side now loving you, she is the REAL one and she deaserves the biggest part of your heart... Don't break yourself for what is no longer true and good luck!
  24. Hello everyone, emm this is my first time using a forum to ask for advice, so please help me. Here i go, so a little less than 3 years ago, i got in a relationship with someone i didn't love for two months, after realising it i broke up with him, and that hurts him a lot because he really loved me which made me feel awful. I kept in touch with that person, we kept being friends somehow, or maybe a little more but well, there was no engagement, no responsability or whatever, i started liking him slowly but probably because of our last experience, he never took any real step toward me. Last summer, someone new came to my life, he did everything to catch my attention, and made me attached to him, at that time my ex wasn't really in touch with me, we would talk occasionnaly or send each-other messages from time to time. In september, i became that guy's girlfriend happily, he was caring and adorable, and made me forget my ex, but this one reappeared and got chocked by the news. Now, it has been almost 9 months since i'm with my current boyfriend, we had good and bad times, and i know that i really loved him, i hurted him from time to time, and we happened to fight too, and it was okay, he had a lot of forgiveness... but recently, he would ignore me and isolate himself, and i just told him that it is frustrating and i don't like it, i oppened up myself to him (as i always do) and told him that he doesn't care about me lately, but he just said that it's his thing and that's all. The thing is, it hurted me a lot. And i didn't mention it, but since my ex is a collegue at work, we still see each-other, and i don't know how it happened, but recently, because i was hurt, i noticed the way he cares about me, the way he looks at me when i'm looking away, the way he smiles when i'm around, and it just broke my heart. I spent a whole night reading our old messages and crying, first of all, i'll make it clear, i'm not a cheater and nothing is happening between us, even though these sudden feelings are hurting me so much, and at the same time i'm still in touch with my boyfriend, not meeting properly, only on social media, he seems a little bit more caring but i'm confused. Honnestly, i'm lost, i know and i'm sure that i loved my boyfriend and cared so much about him, i know that at first i had doubts, and felt bad when my ex got hurt again, but i wasn't really at fault because he was the one having expectations and doing anything, and i gave him hints so many times, and i showed him that i changed and regretted hurting him but he didn't show me that much interest, and now he's in my thoughts, and i feel guilty because it feels like cheating, everything is inside but i feel like i'm not honnest with my boyfriend, so please tell me if it's just a temporary thing, or does love really go away? I know it is really long, and sorry about it but i feel as bad as this whole paragraph 😟
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