flipflops Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 My husband who I thought was my best friend the one I’d spend the rest of my life with left me completely out of the blue... He works away from home.. this time my world fell apart. He left me in a text and 4 days later asked if this was going to be a contested or uncontested divorce... there were no signs this came as a total shock to me ,my son ,my entire family ,his family... I just don’t understand... then he blocks me, change his phone number, and the only communication is through email... it’s been two months and I’m slowly healing working on getting a divorce but he won’t tell me where he is... he’s been the sole provider because I was injured and he’s left me in a tight spot... he left all of his stuff here including his vehicle which I can’t move because it’s stuck out front of my house.... it took me a while to except it and I’m trying to MoveOn.... he has broken me torn my heart into pieces.... he sent me an email telling me he pretended the entire time of our relationship and that he had lied to all of his friends and family and now that we’re not together he feels free.... I just don’t understand I guess there’s just something wrong with me... I feel like I’m going crazy ... is this normal? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Sorry this happened. He can't simply run away. You need to save those emails and get to an attorney asap. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 There's nothing wrong with you and yes, it's normal to feel like you are going crazy when your husband does something as ruthless and hurtful such as this. Have you contacted an attorney? Link to comment
DancingFool Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 I'm so sorry and please know that you are not alone. I hope that you are working with a good attorney and if not, please get one. Your husband or soon to be ex cannot just up and run away from his responsibilities when you have children. As for how he is behaving toward you and in general, please understand that this isn't about you. He has issues, literally, and you didn't cause them. Either he has had them all along and hid them or it's a more recent development. Either way, please do understand that the mean things he is saying is just him shifting blame to make himself feel better. Link to comment
flipflops Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 There's nothing wrong with you and yes, it's normal to feel like you are going crazy when your husband does something as ruthless and hurtful such as this. Have you contacted an attorney? Yes I have contacted an attorney... the man I married drained my account before he decided to leave me...but I found one to work with me but it’s kinda hard to serve him with papers and ask for spousal support when I can’t locate him... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Call your local law enforcement. Explain that he absconded with the marital funds.Yes I have contacted an attorney... the man I married drained my account before he decided to leave me...but I found one to work with me but it’s kinda hard to serve him with papers and ask for spousal support when I can’t locate him... Link to comment
DancingFool Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Yes I have contacted an attorney... the man I married drained my account before he decided to leave me...but I found one to work with me but it’s kinda hard to serve him with papers and ask for spousal support when I can’t locate him... If he is still employed, you can locate him that way. You might want to at least talk to a PI and see if someone can help you locate him. Don't be afraid to ask family and friends for help in the meantime. Let people help you and let them know what you need and what you are struggling with. You don't have to suffer alone. Link to comment
flipflops Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 If he is still employed, you can locate him that way. You might want to at least talk to a PI and see if someone can help you locate him. Don't be afraid to ask family and friends for help in the meantime. Let people help you and let them know what you need and what you are struggling with. You don't have to suffer alone. Yes he is employed and making loads of money.. but he’s an independent contractor and jjumps from job to job and state to state and not always for the same company... I only hope my attorney can find a loop hole and get his check stubs subpoenaed.. in the meantime I do have friends and family and they try to help... Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Yes I have contacted an attorney... the man I married drained my account before he decided to leave me...but I found one to work with me but it’s kinda hard to serve him with papers and ask for spousal support when I can’t locate him... That's their job to find them. And yes, I understand the expense. But everything you have shared, he'd likely be responsible for you attorney fees as well You find a way to get the money, because it's money well spent up front to get the support you are entitled to in return. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Yes he is employed and making loads of money.. but he’s an independent contractor and jjumps from job to job and state to state and not always for the same company... I only hope my attorney can find a loop hole and get his check stubs subpoenaed.. in the meantime I do have friends and family and they try to help... In that case, get a PI and they'll locate him in no time. Once served, the courts can step in as you and the children are entitled to support, plus he can even be on the hook for the legal fees you are incurring depending on your state laws. Like I said, he doesn't get to just run away and hide from life and consequences. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Do you have tax returns? Surely you know his social security number? Get your credit reports and all your bank statements, credit card statements etc. Also check his credit. Surely you have access to your credit reports and bank statements. What state is his driver's licence? Contact the IRS as well as your DMV. Your lawyer sounds lazy and incompetent if he can't locate this guy with all the data bases, resources and access they have. Friends and family are for emotional support not legal or criminal support. Unfortunately you are being very poorly informed and misinformed.I only hope my attorney can find a loop hole and get his check stubs subpoenaed.. in the meantime I do have friends and family and they try to help... Link to comment
DanZee Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Well, usually when this happens, the guy has found another woman or maybe even has another family somewhere. Since your husband is an independent contractor, it will be difficult to find him, but he has to have a bank account somewhere. A PI is going to have to chase him down. And you probably need a court order so you can seize his car, for example, to sell off and sell off any possessions of his that might be valuable. It's a mess and it's going to be rough. Eventually you'll get clear of this, but you're going to have to keep after him and chase him down. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 You need a lawyer, now! He cant just disappear like that and get away with it. Link to comment
j.man Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Do you have kids? How long have you been dependent on him? What's your injury preventing you from working? Not sure I'd look forward to child support, but you do need to get the divorce properly finalized. Link to comment
flipflops Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 Do you have kids? How long have you been dependent on him? What's your injury preventing you from working? Not sure I'd look forward to child support, but you do need to get the divorce properly finalized. No kids with him... and the entire time we have been married... I had a nerve severed in my arm that happened at work and I went out on disability 2 weeks before we got married... eventually I will have a settlement from my injury but that will take time... I have a son but not with him.. Link to comment
flipflops Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 Well, usually when this happens, the guy has found another woman or maybe even has another family somewhere. Since your husband is an independent contractor, it will be difficult to find him, but he has to have a bank account somewhere. A PI is going to have to chase him down. And you probably need a court order so you can seize his car, for example, to sell off and sell off any possessions of his that might be valuable. It's a mess and it's going to be rough. Eventually you'll get clear of this, but you're going to have to keep after him and chase him down. I think you are right I am about 85 percent sure he has gone back to his ex wife... but I’m not able to prove that... we always had separate bank accounts because he was never good with money...he has a bank account in a another where his ex wife lives ... I gave my lawyer all the info ... I’m waiting to see if they are able to subpoena his records without his consent and also it being out of state .... I feel so betrayed. And yes I can’t do anything with his crap right now which sucks... Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 My friend's husband was required to pay back money he spent on his various affairs. Her attorney was able to prove that money was marital funds. It was something in the neighborhood of $10,000 US. Your attorney can help with all of that. Link to comment
flipflops Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 My friend's husband was required to pay back money he spent on his various affairs. Her attorney was able to prove that money was marital funds. It was something in the neighborhood of $10,000 US. Your attorney can help with all of that. I hope you are right.. I have only had my attorney for 1 week... Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Hmmm, I guess every state is different because I was told during my divorce I was financially bound. Y what ever he did while we were still legally married and money spent while still married was considered a wash because you're still married. I think that's why you always hear about men or women going on shopping sprees with joint credit cards. Again every state is different so I would deffinetely look into it. As someone who has gone through a divorce recently, I'm going to give you the unfortunate truth that the courts aren't going to fall over themselves to find him and a PI isn't going to work on the hope that you can one day pay him. I'm sorry, you can get a lawyer who will charge him and maybe a lawyer will hire a PI, but not knowing where he is means there's a huge risk they won't get paid which means it'll be hard to find someone willing to work for free upfront, So it's my personal opinion, finding him, that's going to have to be you. Research, ask family and friends, he'll look up ip addresses if you have to. Know your limits be still know it can be done. It took a year and a half from separation and divorce finalization and child support being settled and I stomped and screamed and explained how I was simply left to do it on my own, until everything is settled until there's a court date nothing happens. You have to figure it out. I'm not trying to be a negative nelly simply telling you, prepare yourself for battle. I didn't know how hard and long divorce was I didn't know the financial damage that it caused, it's rough, but again you can do it! Get ready though, it's going to be hard, you have people in your life who support you, on here, surround yourself with your support system. And screw him. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 How was he able to clean you out, if you have separate bank accounts? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Contact your local women's shelter or domestic violence agency for a referral to a counselor who can connect with the right legal and investigative resources and help you work a plan. You can either start with your Human Resources department or work backwards from any national hotline on the Internet. They can refer you for next steps until you find the right resources to help you. I'd skip passivity and focus on protecting yourself. You'll have time to deal with the emotional fallout after you put the right actions in place. Head high, you can do this. Link to comment
flipflops Posted August 24, 2018 Author Share Posted August 24, 2018 How was he able to clean you out, if you have separate bank accounts? He had my bank card.. I disputed the charges with my bank but they said since he was my husband there was nothing They could do ..I’m still trying to fight that bc I never authorize the charges Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 How long were you married? Who is filing for divorce? He asked you if you were contesting it or not, so he sent you the papers? Contesting what? You also claim to be in touch with his family. They don't know where he is? If you saw the charges, then he's leaving a paper trail, no? Have you obtained your and his credit reports? Have you looked at your most recent tax returns or forwarded them to your attorney? Have you discussed the use of your or joint accounts with your attorney or discussed what you describe as "cleaning out the accounts"? He had my bank card.. I disputed the charges with my bank but they said since he was my husband there was nothing They could do Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 How long have you been married? Do you have zero income or are you receiving disability insurance ? Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 He had my bank card.. I disputed the charges with my bank but they said since he was my husband there was nothing They could do ..I’m still trying to fight that bc I never authorize the charges Depending on the state, it won't matter that's what I keep trying to say. Your money is his money when youre married, it's bull, but again depending on the state... I'd look into it so you aren't wasting your time fighting a losing battle. Sorry again. Link to comment
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