Stuck in limbo

[flipflops]

How long have you been married? Do you have zero income or are you receiving disability insurance ?

 

We have known each other for years but only married for two... I am receiving a workers comp check but I have almost reached the cap at which they cut u off... until u duke it out in court... I have been told it takes a year and they have to reimburse you.

[flipflops]

Depending on the state, it won't matter that's what I keep trying to say. Your money is his money when youre married, it's bull, but again depending on the state... I'd look into it so you aren't wasting your time fighting a losing battle.

 

Sorry again.

 

I have looked into it but because our bank accounts are different states and he never added me... it’s legal... so I am basically screwed .... I did dispute the charges because his name was not on my account… The bank said we were married and he knew my pin number so basically I was SOL... but I have been told I can still fight it....

[figureitout23]

I have looked into it but because our bank accounts are different states and he never added me... it’s legal... so I am basically screwed .... I did dispute the charges because his name was not on my account… The bank said we were married and he knew my pin number so basically I was SOL... but I have been told I can still fight it....

 

I don't see how, but I'm not a lawyer.

 

That's a piece of the puzzle for sure and he's a d*ck for taking that money.

 

I hope you figure it all out. I really do. But I personally wouldn't focus on pieces of the divorce but rather the while enchilada.

 

Have you spoke to a lawyer yet? I know they have free advice for low income people. Workshops and hotlines.

 

Look, some states even after you file make you wait 3 to 6 to 12 months before they finalize anything. They're giving the couple a chance to calm down or even reconcile but for women in your situation it's 3 to 6 to 12 months without any court mandated help.

 

Until you're actually divorced I really don't see how they can make him give you a dime. Unless you have a temporary hearing (?) and set up temporary custody etc.

 

Please focus on the big picture.

 

I'm sorry again.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he filed for divorce since he asked you if you were contesting it or not. He can spend his money even if it is in joint accounts. You may not be entitled to anything, including any pension, social security, certainly not alimony, etc. because he wants a divorce after only 2 years of marriage.

 

Who is telling you this? Certainly not an attorney. You are wasting time "fighting everything" and trying to sustain disability, workers comp, suing for personal injury and marrying guys who "make a ton of money" when you should be focusing on dissolving your marriage. It's probably costing you more doing all this "duking it out in court" than it's worth.

I have been told I can still fight it....

I have been told it takes a year and they have to reimburse you.

[katrina1980]

He had my bank card.. I disputed the charges with my bank but they said since he was my husband there was nothing They could do ..I’m still trying to fight that bc I never authorize the charges

 

This doesn't sound right.

 

Most banks are extremely cautious now, they’re not just gonna let some joe schmo with someone’s bank card waltz in and tell the bank teller he’s that person’s husband and allow him to clean out that person’s entire account.

 

I sometimes have to jump through hoops, show ID, provide my mom’s maiden name, when did I open the account (the year), when was my last deposit and how much, to take out very large sums from my own account! It's super annoying whenever I have to do it, but I'd rather be annoyed at the bank's over-abundance of caution than finding out some joe walked in with my card (stolen), told them he was my husband and cleaned out my account!

 

And for them to allow him to clean out the entire account, an account that wasn't even his?

 

I think you may be able to sue the bank for negligence, fraud, misappropriation of funds, emotional distress, etc.

 

Talk to a lawyer!!!

[katrina1980]

To add to my previous post, this is precisely why couples choose to maintain separate bank accounts, like you did. Versus having a joint account.

 

So if by chance things go awry, one spouse cannot simply waltz into the bank and clean out their joint account whenever he/she felt like it.

 

Who told you this was legal? It's not. Not when you have separate accounts like you did.

[journeynow]

Can you file a missing persons report? Have his car towed? Put his belongings in storage, or at least pack them up and put them out of sight? Or, since he's your spouse, are they yours, too?

[Wiseman2]

So who filed? Him or you?

He left me in a text and 4 days later asked if this was going to be a contested or uncontested divorce.

[flipflops]

Can you file a missing persons report? Have his car towed? Put his belongings in storage, or at least pack them up and put them out of sight? Or, since he's your spouse, are they yours, too?

 

I wish it was that easy .. because he abandoned me it’s technically he abandoned all of his stuff as well...so afters so many days of him not making an attempt to get his stuff it becomes mine... soon as I get the OK I’m gonna have a great sale!

[flipflops]

So who filed? Him or you?

 

He has said several times that he was going to file and that he has filed… But I really don’t think he has and I guess to answer your question once I obtained a lawyer I technically filed for abandonment... now I just have to locate him which is not that easy... yyou Kinda have to have the funds for that..

[flipflops]

To add to my previous post, this is precisely why couples choose to maintain separate bank accounts, like you did. Versus having a joint account.

 

So if by chance things go awry, one spouse cannot simply waltz into the bank and clean out their joint account whenever he/she felt like it.

 

Who told you this was legal? It's not. Not when you have separate accounts like you did.

 

I filed a complaint with my bank account and totally denied all the charges and basically they said that because he knew my pin number and he had possession of my debit card that there was nothing that they can do… But I’m still not done fighting it and my lawyer says I should get every bit of it back even if I have to take it to small claims… That’s assuming at least I can find my husband who has been not that easy to track.

[flipflops]

It sounds like he filed for divorce since he asked you if you were contesting it or not. He can spend his money even if it is in joint accounts. You may not be entitled to anything, including any pension, social security, certainly not alimony, etc. because he wants a divorce after only 2 years of marriage.

 

Who is telling you this? Certainly not an attorney. You are wasting time "fighting everything" and trying to sustain disability, workers comp, suing for personal injury and marrying guys who "make a ton of money" when you should be focusing on dissolving your marriage. It's probably costing you more doing all this "duking it out in court" than it's worth.

 

First of all I don’t marry guys who make a Ton of money... it just so happened that he makes good money ...I made just as much money as he did when I worked.. I worked my entire life... up until the time I got injured.... I have a college education and I didn’t marry himhim for how much money he made… I married him because I loved him...

[flipflops]

First of all I don’t marry guys who make a Ton of money... it just so happened that he makes good money ...I made just as much money as he did when I worked.. I worked my entire life... up until the time I got injured.... I have a college education and I didn’t marry himhim for how much money he made… I married him because I loved him...

 

And yes my attorney did advise me I am entitled to spousal support

[IAmFCA]

Re the banking issue.... in the US the marriage part isn't relevant and isn't the bank's business.

 

However, him knowing your pin and perhaps having had access to your card over time, or time passing between the withdrawal and your dispute of it - those might be issues that would make you liable.

 

With respect to the bank: it would seem it's a crime and reportable to law enforcement. I may have overlooked that; if so, my apologies. The bank doesn't want liability; understand, though, that they also have to safeguard against a great scheme. Blame the missing money on the estranged spouse. Get it returned from the bank. Then you and so called estranged spouse enjoy twice the amount.

 

That isn't you, but would he such a perfect scam that banks need to protect against it.

[flipflops]

Re the banking issue.... in the US the marriage part isn't relevant and isn't the bank's business.

 

However, him knowing your pin and perhaps having had access to your card over time, or time passing between the withdrawal and your dispute of it - those might be issues that would make you liable.

 

With respect to the bank: it would seem it's a crime and reportable to law enforcement. I may have overlooked that; if so, my apologies. The bank doesn't want liability; understand, though, that they also have to safeguard against a great scheme. Blame the missing money on the estranged spouse. Get it returned from the bank. Then you and so called estranged spouse enjoy twice the amount.

 

That isn't you, but would he such a perfect scam that banks need to protect against it.

 

The one thing that upset me is he took out almost 1800.00 in 2 weeks out of state and definitely not with my permission and I immediately contested it ...they put it under review and then send me a letter saying because he knew my pin Number and he was my spouse even though he was not on my account there was nothing they could do... I still have their letter they sent me and I’m not trying to double collect I just want the money back that he took… And quite honestly he owes me that..,

[j.man]

Having worked in the financial industry, it's entirely believable your institution both can't and won't act beyond offering to suspend your card or account. If "my spouse took my money" got your cash credited back, thousands of wives would be sending their husbands across the Hudson to pull $2000 out of an ATM so that they could dispute the out of state withdrawal. Now if he'd gone into the branch and had been handed the money despite not being a joint holder or authorized user, it'd be a very different story. As is, the bank hasn't done anything wrong, even if they're seemingly flimsy with their reasoning. Even if you were to open a civil or criminal case, you'd likely be collecting from him upon hypothetically winning rather than the bank. With sympathy, why you kept your cards and pins the same after he'd skipped town is well beyond me. Right or wrong, it's quite understandable and predictable there'd be some exceptional financial resentment after financially supporting you for however many years. My bet is also that you haven't filed a police report, which is almost invariably necessary to getting some form of cooperation from financial institutions in cases like this. Do that just to have it done.

 

Speaking personally, had I been financially supported for the entirety of my marriage, I'd be asking myself what, while ****ty, would be fair enough. And I don't mean fair fair. Rather, is it worth the trouble of fighting and collecting. I'd make the court aware of the withdrawals with clear documentation and, at least for now, focus on finalizing the divorce before your disability settlement or back pay comes in for him to claim his share of the marital asset. Though, particularly if it's retroactive pay for time during your marriage, you may wanna be ready to lawyer up with some of that money even if you do finalize in time.

 

This is conjectural and not legal advice. Hopefully you've been reaching out for consults or have been in touch with women's services who could possibly connect you with legal advice and resources.

[Wiseman2]

After only 2 years of marriage? Sorry but your attorney sounds like a complete fool if he is telling you this. Why hasn't this clown used law enforcement and the many other resources to track your husband down?

 

Has he advised you that after only 2 years of marriage you will not be entitled to any of his social security or pensions and certainly not alimony? You will have to use your own or your last husband's social security if you were married at least 10 years to that one. Why is the "attorney" doing nothing to file for divorce under abandonment/desertion? How is the bank responsible for you giving him your passcodes and cards and you not changing/closing them when he deserted you?

And yes my attorney did advise me I am entitled to spousal support

[IAmFCA]

Having worked in the financial industry, it's entirely believable your institution both can't and won't act beyond offering to suspend your card or account. If "my spouse took my money" got your cash credited back, thousands of wives would be sending their husbands across the Hudson to pull $2000 out of an ATM so that they could dispute the out of state withdrawal. Now if he'd gone into the branch and had been handed the money despite not being a joint holder or authorized user, it'd be a very different story. As is, the bank hasn't done anything wrong, even if they're seemingly flimsy with their reasoning. Even if you were to open a civil or criminal case, you'd likely be collecting from him upon hypothetically winning rather than the bank. With sympathy, why you kept your cards and pins the same after he'd skipped town is well beyond me. Right or wrong, it's quite understandable and predictable there'd be some exceptional financial resentment after financially supporting you for however many years. My bet is also that you haven't filed a police report, which is almost invariably necessary to getting some form of cooperation from financial institutions in cases like this. Do that just to have it done.

 

Speaking personally, had I been financially supported for the entirety of my marriage, I'd be asking myself what, while ****ty, would be fair enough. And I don't mean fair fair. Rather, is it worth the trouble of fighting and collecting. I'd make the court aware of the withdrawals with clear documentation and, at least for now, focus on finalizing the divorce before your disability settlement or back pay comes in for him to claim his share of the marital asset. Though, particularly if it's retroactive pay for time during your marriage, you may wanna be ready to lawyer up with some of that money even if you do finalize in time.

 

This is conjectural and not legal advice. Hopefully you've been reaching out for consults or have been in touch with women's services who could possibly connect you with legal advice and resources.

 

This message is on point. With respect to the withdrawal, and the need to focus your thoughts on moving forward rather than punitive acts or even on justice .

 

I will tell you - my ex had a gf, stopped contributing to the mortgage and other expenses, declared bankruptcy leaving me responsible for all joint liabilities, and moved out, all while married and (in theory) living in the same residence.

 

The legal process could not have cared less about adultery or abandonment. It is what happens when people break up and they are so over it.

 

The legal process accepted that those things happened, and then drove us to map out how we would deal with the future. Ten years later, I am still dealing with the after effects, but I am not angry about it. It's what happens.

 

It was hard for me, at the time, to accept the fact that all of that behavior is possible and permissible. The courts have bigger fish to fry. Their primary interest is in setting you each on a stable and sustainable path forward. You also need to focus solely on that.

 

I am sorry this happened. There are lessons we learn from putting ourselves in that position, and it is important to learn about personal responsibility along the way. Don't worry about justice. Life has a way of taking care of that.

[flipflops]

I’m not so much focused on the withdrawal from my account and I did change everything with my bank as soon as I found out... I just want all this to be over with... I could get a divorce without him... that’s what he wants ... not to be liable for anything. But at the same time I still have all of his stuff here including his vehicle which she does want his personal items back… But at this point I don’t know what that is... and in my state it is against the law to abandon your spouse and even though I filed for abandonment for reason for divorce they said it could take up to year to get divorced.. although I’m in no hurry to get in a relationship... I would like to feel not hurt free again out under this cloud I’m in… I found a letter that he wrote me on my birthday the other day… And I cried for hours… Then I got upset because he doesn’t deserve my tears but I couldn’t help it.... and he’s not entitled to my settlement to Worker’s Comp. so I don’t have to worry about that. But I have definitely learned a lesson although the one I’ve learned is to never trust anyone ever again at least for now it’s not worth it… My son and myself are the number one priorities and that’s what I have to look out for…

[Wiseman2]

It continues to be amazing that this "lawyer" keeps giving this much misinformation. 😧 Abandonment is not "against the law" in any state. However abandonment is grounds for divorce.

 

You can sell, dispose of or keep any of his property after 30 days but you/your attorney must give him notice, then he has to get it within 30 days. Why are these simple concepts, including tracking him down evading this "lawyer"?🤔

 

Just keep staying healthy and caring for yourself and your son.🙂

I still have all of his stuff here including his vehicle which she does want his personal items back. in my state it is against the law to abandon your spouse

[j.man]

To be clear-- has he filed for divorce or not?

 

I don't know which state you're in, and I won't make you answer that question, but generally speaking, states are not fond of having to foot the bill for taking care of a family when they can order the individual who's legally responsible for their spouse to do so. If you've got a legitimate and documented medical reason to not have worked and to be formally considered a dependent of your husband, it should more or less be a slam dunk and you should have filed for spousal support / maintenance yesterday.

 

Criminal abandonment in situations involving certifiable dependents is, if the name didn't tip anyone off, illegal virtually across the US. However, I don't think you think abandonment in legal terms means what it means. Anyone can walk out the door and fly to Maui should they choose. Leaving isn't what's illegal, and thank God for that, particularly in situations of abuse. What's illegal is not fulfilling court-ordered financial responsibilities to the dependent household. These responsibilities often need to be established through the individual in your situation asserting their rights. Even if not required, it will get you much further than you would otherwise in meeting the preponderance of the evidence standard to establish a fault such as abandonment. Retroactively trying to establish responsibility because you chose to forego an available remedy generally doesn't suit too well to those means. If your state requires that you be engaged in formal divorce proceedings or separation, you'll have to choose between your pride and the financial well-being of yourself and your child.

 

Again, not a legal expert. Just a guy who contracts with an Ivy League law school and has had to interpret a couple dozen courses on divorce law. Needless to say, I can't and shouldn't stand in for a competent lawyer, but your account is increasingly difficult to legally and logically follow, to the point where if I weren't a more trusting person, I'd suspect some tailoring and omitting of some pretty important details both with regard to your previous marital dynamic and the ensuing fallout.

 

In any case, wishing the best for any and all deserving parties.