Dating for 6 weeks, his dating profile still online?

[tattoobunnie]

An old boyfriend of mine, we both noticed our profiles still up, and we both were going, "ugh, why aren't they taking it down?" And the activity was us looking at eachother. So we one day talked about it. Good laugh really. Just ask him.

[SherrySher]

Or you could make a fake profile and send him a flirty message and see if he messages back...what the heck, you've got nothing to lose.

 

At this point, of course he's going to tell you what you want to hear and he won't admit to being on there.

 

I don't trust taking someone's word for it anymore. I would rather know for certain that I'm not being played.

[Starlight925]

Or you could make a fake profile and send him a flirty message and see if he messages back...what the heck, you've got nothing to lose.

 

At this point, of course he's going to tell you what you want to hear and he won't admit to being on there.

 

I don't trust taking someone's word for it anymore. I would rather know for certain that I'm not being played.

 

As juvenile as this sounds, the fake profile/flirty message thing is a good idea. I didn't do it in my last relationship when I was at the exact same point as you (exclusive but he was logging in daily), because I didn't want to be immature/petty, but now I wish I had.

 

In my case, I asked him casually about it, and he said, "I only get on there to view your pretty profile". Well, on one site we both were on, the actual views by a user were time-stamped, and he hadn't viewed "my pretty face" in about 2 weeks, which I told him, as mine was hidden. He hemmed and hawed, and then kissed me goodbye. I broke up with him that night, but he begged, cried, pleaded. I let this a-hole lie to me for 1 1/2 years after that....I have pages & pages here about him if you're so inclined.

 

My advice? Ghost him. Just block, delete, ghost, bye.

[SherrySher]

See the thing is, it could be seen as juvenile (possibly).. BUT we live in a day and age where we can do these things and it's a type of protection, in my opinion.

 

Way back when, you couldn't 'check' up on someone to see if they were lying to you. In the age of electronics, it's much easier, so why not?

 

Better to find out for sure than to waste your time with someone who is playing games and lying, no?

 

Course you could always just delete, block and move on.

[Starlight925]

See the thing is, it could be seen as juvenile (possibly).. BUT we live in a day and age where we can do these things and it's a type of protection, in my opinion.

 

Way back when, you couldn't 'check' up on someone to see if they were lying to you. In the age of electronics, it's much easier, so why not?

 

Better to find out for sure than to waste your time with someone who is playing games and lying, no?

 

Course you could always just delete, block and move on.

 

LOL, I think it can be both: juvenile, and necessary. I'm agreeing with you, SherrySher, and I so often kicked myself for not just doing it myself.

 

I look back and wish I had not only created a fake profile, but communicated with him, set up a date, and showed up as "her". Now I wish I had, as it would have saved me a ton of time and energy. Not to mention the fun look on his face.

[Batya33]

I feel honestly at this point that i would have trust issues with him after this and that I may as well cut my losses. This doesn't seem like an ideal way to start a relationship.. I don't know I'm debating if it's worth talking about it, but my heart is telling me just walk away..

 

So did I miss something or did you ask him about it? For several months after we became exclusive I had an active online profile (that is not how we met). Why? Because I thought that since it was invisible, it was ok for me to log on when friends asked me to check out a guy they were interested in. I had no messages I could see (but I saw I had messages) but I could see who had looked at my profile -which I didn't look at unless it popped up in front of me and even then, a glance. In short, I thought I was inactive. The difference is that I told my boyfriend (now husband) that I was still logging on for my friends -because his friends were on line or might have been and I didn't want him hearing I was "active'. He was totally fine with it. But, some months in, someone I had dated and was still friendly with emailed me to say that my profile was still visible and active and was curious as to why. That's when I called the dating site and realized that because I hadn't deleted my profile -and called to confirm ,it was still visible to those who had viewed it prior to my becoming serious with my boyfriend. So that was taken care of.

 

Yes, I told my boyfriend about it but honestly since it was invisible and I was absolutely not looking to meet other men or "browse" even I didn't know that I had to tell him either way. Just out of an abundance of caution. I'm just saying that it might not be what it seems like. If you promised to actually delete all profiles, ok but I would need to know more.

[figureitout23]

So did I miss something or did you ask him about it? For several months after we became exclusive I had an active online profile (that is not how we met). Why? Because I thought that since it was invisible, it was ok for me to log on when friends asked me to check out a guy they were interested in. I had no messages I could see (but I saw I had messages) but I could see who had looked at my profile -which I didn't look at unless it popped up in front of me and even then, a glance. In short, I thought I was inactive. The difference is that I told my boyfriend (now husband) that I was still logging on for my friends -because his friends were on line or might have been and I didn't want him hearing I was "active'. He was totally fine with it. But, some months in, someone I had dated and was still friendly with emailed me to say that my profile was still visible and active and was curious as to why. That's when I called the dating site and realized that because I hadn't deleted my profile -and called to confirm ,it was still visible to those who had viewed it prior to my becoming serious with my boyfriend. So that was taken care of.

 

Yes, I told my boyfriend about it but honestly since it was invisible and I was absolutely not looking to meet other men or "browse" even I didn't know that I had to tell him either way. Just out of an abundance of caution. I'm just saying that it might not be what it seems like. If you promised to actually delete all profiles, ok but I would need to know more.

 

Doubtful this is the case Bat

 

My first thought was it must be inactive, but then I checked again and see him online and have seen him online everyday the last few days.

[SherrySher]

I agree. I would love to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I am more concerned about, OP.

 

I think this guy is playing games.

[Sportster2005]

I figured once we agreed to only see each other that would be the end of the online dating for him?

 

Don't make assumptions. Communicate clearly what you want, and what your expectations are.

 

What is too early is a matter of personnel preference. If you think it's an appropriate amount of time, then discuss it with him. If he disagress, then you may have to consider your relationship needs are different, or you're just not a good match.

[boltnrun]

Is this guy 1 or guy 2?

[katrina1980]

When I first started working at my job three years ago, I still browsed the classifieds every single day.

 

I was extremely happy at my job, I loved it, and had no intention of leaving.

 

I was simply browsing out of habit and curiosity and that was all!!

 

Fast forward to the present - I have not browsed the classifieds in I can't even remember how long. Two years at least.

 

Can we give each other a break please and not assume everyone we date is trying to deceive us?

 

Judge every guy and every experience independent of each other

 

Agree on its face it doesn't look good but you will never know until you ask.

 

When you do, pay close attention to not only *what* he says but "how" he says it.

 

Liars can be pretty transparent, at least in my experience.

[katrina1980]

OP, I get you're afraid of getting hurt, but big mistake allowing your fears to guide you.

 

Which is what this is in my opinion.

 

FEAR. So much so you'd rather just dump than communicate.

 

Nothing will ever work out if you're too afraid to even talk to your own boyfriend about something that troubles you.

[SherrySher]

Am I not allowed an opinion, Katrina? I am giving an opinion, just like everyone else is.

None of us know 100% now, do we? Does that mean we aren't allowed to give advice and tell the OP how it looks from our perspective?

 

How about you focus on giving your opinion instead of bashing others on theirs? Cause it makes you look like a you know what, and trust me when I say, it's not appreciated.

 

I can see now why you've gotten into run ins with others on this site. You're not fair and you do well on upsetting people.

[katrina1980]

 

I can see now why you've gotten into run ins with others on this site. You're not fair and you do well on upsetting people.

 

You're right, first two sentences were rude and I asked a mod to delete them. Apologies.

 

However the above quote was also quite rude and totally uncalled for as well, and not appreciated.

 

And I don't have "run ins" with others, I have many friends on this site.

 

Do we disagree from time to time, yes as does everyone, including yourself.

 

Again I apologize I was rude.

[katrina1980]

Back to topic, OP if you're still reading, something I have learned is that things are not always what they appear to be.

 

I experienced that very early on in my own relationship!

 

I won't go into it as I don't want to derail your thread with my own story, but let's just say had I allowed "appearances" to guide me, I wouldn't be dating my boyfriend now, going on four months!

 

Best of luck whatever you decide.

[Capricorn3]

You're right, first two sentences were rude and I asked a mod to delete them. Apologies.

 

However the above quote was also quite rude and totally uncalled for as well, and not appreciated.

 

And I don't have "run ins" with others, I have many friends on this site.

 

Do we disagree from time to time, yes as does everyone, including yourself.

 

Again I apologize I was rude.

Katrina, SherrySher is right when she says this is not the first time you have had run-ins with others on this site. It would be appreciated if you would stop pushing your views onto others and allow them to have their own opinions and views without you more or less badgering them with your own, as if only your opinions are and must be right. Thank you.

[Tuna010]

I was just in this situation but I did make a fake profile and send him a message (he didn't respond) but then I accused him of being a liar and a cheater and in the end it's just made me look like the crazy one. If I could go back in hindsite I would probably just ask him straight out and say you went to show someone a pic of him and only had the one on his dating profile and noticed he was online and see what he says?

[PainterGirl]

Yes exactly. I did end up confronting him yesterday about it. You guys were right, he fully denied it ...I didn't mention the screen shot at all, I just said I don't trust him.

[PainterGirl]

I hadn't considered they perspective at all to be honest. It's totally possible he was just on the browsing. I did ask him about it yesterday and he just flat out denied it.

[PainterGirl]

It was me who brought it up

[PainterGirl]

I did ask him yesterday and he just denied it

[Wiseman2]

Ok so it's done. All you can do now is move forward and delete and block him from all dating, social media and messaging apps.

Yes exactly. I did end up confronting him yesterday about it. You guys were right, he fully denied it ...I didn't mention the screen shot at all, I just said I don't trust him.

[PainterGirl]

Wow your story sounds like it could end up being me for sure... I'm going with my gut feeling on this one. I caught him in a few lies now and I'm just not interested in getting involved with someone who starts lying to me.

[PainterGirl]

This is guy 1 lol if I remember correctly. Not distance guy

[PainterGirl]

I know the fair thing is obviously to judge each person individually, and you're right, it's wrong to generalize people and assume things. I did ask him about it, and he did straight up lie about it which to me, shows he's a liar and I don't want another liar in my life. I haven't had an honest boyfriend in years and it's what I'm really needing in my life right now.