So I read my wife's texts and found this out...

[homebod]

My wife badmouths me pretty bad to some of her friends. She also might be having an emotional affair with the husband of her friend.

 

I always knew my wife criticized me around her coworkers and some of her friends, usually in a jokingly way and not behind my back, but didn't realize it was this bad.

 

Some background:

Me (Husband, 36) work from home, mostly in the afternoon and early evening. Take care of my 2yr old all day and get my other 2 kids to school .

Wife, 34, works outside the home on weekdays early morning and gets home around 2-ish. She has weekends off.

 

we've been married almost 9 years with 3 kids (2 school age, 1 toddler).

We each pay about half of all the mandatory stuff (mortgage, insurances, cars etc). I pay for almost everything else I can (groceries, nearly all food, cable, utilities, etc). I do all of the grocery shopping.

 

So here goes. One day I needed to get a phone # of my wife's friend. She told me to get her phone it was in the kitchen. When I swiped it open, I noticed a text already open where she had called me "stupid husband" in a reply to one of her friends in a half-joking way I guess. The reason she called me that was I had extra work to catch up on on a weekend that almost made us "late" for a roadtrip. I had to do it though, there were consequences if I didn't. It felt like a punch in the stomach that my wife would call me that, not gonna lie. It got worse though.

 

We met a couple with 3 kids (same age as two of ours as well) through a school event. My wife hit it off with the other wife and we've been friends with the family the last 2 years. The husband is super friendly, almost too friendly to my wife (and even me). One day he was over and I overheard him complaining about his own wife to my wife. This is when a HUGE RED FLAG went up in my head. I didn't say anything until after he left. I told my wife I didn't think it was right that he was badmouthing his wife like that to you. She shrugged it off as nothing. Something about his uber "niceness" always seemed suspicious to me though. They seemed to be really friendly with eachother, always texting calling eachother, laughing. Yes, I got a bit jealous, I won't lie. So my instincts told me something wasn't right. My wife has cheated on me twice (that I know of) in the past before we were engaged and married. So I always have to keep a heads up. Well, this super nice husband who seems to be in an unhappy marriage just got on my radar as potentially trying to get with my wife. Our sex life has been weak since kid # 2, but it got way worse this year (like twice a month to once a month, if that). I've accepted the whole sexless marriage thing (that's another thread in itself) but the recent decline feels "different" if you know what I mean. Like total cold shoulder, where before she would always grab my a## here and there and get in the mood once in a while. Now it's like never.

 

Yes, I went back into my wife's phone to see what was going on between the two of them. I normally do not do this but my instincts were too strong. I found a huge chat log of each of them congratulating each other on being the most supreme spouses ever. They both talk about how hard they work and how little their spouses do (me and his wife) to chip in. He even badmouthed me back!! He made fun of me on several occasions about stuff that he ended up being completely wrong on (car repairs). He also constantly puts her up on a HUGE pedestal...CONSTANTLY compliments her on how good a mother she is, how hard she works and how somehow it's "wrong" that she has to clean when she gets home from work. Mind you, I do all my own laundry and about half the other laundry, towels, etc. She tells me not to touch the kids laundry because I might ruin them. So anyway, she plays along. she must enjoy the compliments and always mentions how hard she is working at doing something at that moment around the house (like, "I'm cleaning up a mess I came home to" that my husband never cleaned, then he'll reply back with compliments , and even said it's "wrong". Like , a parent being a parent is me doing something wrong?? Really? She even joked once that I might be trying to kill her (total joke in the context of the text), he replied back "God Forbid!" . Someone tell me, am I crazy or is that reply totally uncalled for? It didn't seem like a joke reply. Then it got so bad she started complimenting him back about how she wished she had a husband like him that was so involved with his kids and worked full time so she could stay home and not have to work.

 

Now, this made me feel so depressed. I will give him that - He luckily got a union gig through a friend and his wife gets to be a SAHM. But my wife and I have been fine with the situation we are in until very recently. She used to actually like her job and her coworkers. So anyway, the other husband also does probably spend more time with his kids activities but he constantly makes comments in the chat log about how out of control his kids are and how useless his wife is. And I take care of my youngest all day. My wife does not count that though when comparing us. (yes, she actually compared us and I got really pissed about it and she never did that again). He also make "jokes' about how horrible kids can be through memes and stuff on facebook. What my wife doesn't understand is that I take care of my youngest all day, then work until late afternoon. By that time I just want to eat and relax a bit, which I usually don't get to do because I have to come up with dinner for everyone 6 out of 7 nights a week. I have a very full day and am very stressed from this and finances.

 

Now, I may not be the best husband or dad in the world but I think I do way more than my part. I love my kids. In fact, I am sacrificing a huge potential business expansion until my youngest gets into grade school so we can save on crazy expensive child care. I don't go out partying, I don't even have a social life anymore. All my money goes to my family and kids. I wear clothes and use tools until they fall apart. I repair things all the time and take care of all landscaping outside. I provide nearly all the food for our house, including takeout 6 days a week because my wife never cooks (maybe 1-2x a month). I basically wake up 7am, take care of my 2 older kids, get them to school and then spend most of the day taking care of my youngest. Then when he takes a nap I get to sneak in an hour of work. Most times I skip lunch, opting to work instead so I'm not working into the night. Then my wife gets home around 230.

Me and my wife used to have this sort of agreement that I take care of the outside and some of the inside cleaning and she takes care of most of the inside of the house. But now with this manipulating husband, he blew up her head so much that she feels that I should be taking care of all of that and raising our son during the day, opting to avoid day care. I feel totally unappreciated. She is making me out to be a bad father when in reality the only shortcoming I have is not being able to pay 100% of the bills so she can stay home. Honestly, the way it's going I feel that they are going to go from their little secret chit chats to a real affair (if they haven't already, although I doubt they are doing anything physical). But it seems like it will lead to that.

 

Me and my wife have been through many ups and downs but this is the worst by far because of the effect it's having on her. The thing that is keeping them always contacting each other is our kids are in the same activities after school and in school, and they always have play dates. So it's tough to mess up all these relationships (kids, wife-wife). I'm at a loss for what to do. My sincere opinion of the emotional affair type thing they are having is he is unhappy in his marriage and is looking for a possible way out. My wife just recently started getting very nasty about how "bad" a husband I am well after his manipulation. I do feel that he is manipulating my wife. What I want to do is approach him and tell him to cutoff ALL contact with my wife. Now, this could have unintended side effects, he might tell my wife that I was going through her phone which will anger her for sure, but I think it might be worth it. The way I will counter that is if he tells my wife I was reading their convos, I will then send those same convos to his wife. No matter what I will feel guilty after ruining the kids relationships and his wife and my wife's friendship (his wife is a very sweet person who has helped us out a lot). I'd feel very guilty putting their marriage at risk but at the same time feel like he's doing that with ours. I'd love some feedback and help with this situation. I'm really struggling with how to approach this. Feel free to criticize me as well if you think I'm in the wrong somewhere.

[yatsue]

Instead of confronting the other man, you need to talk to your wife. If it's not this guy, it will or would have been another. Your wife is the source of the problem, while this guy is only a symptom of her inappropriate boundaries with men. Confronting him will not solve your problem.

 

You apparently have known your wife has been this way for a long time. You need to talk to her and tell her what she is doing is not okay. I believe, if you truly want to save your marriage, then you need outside help - a mediator to help your wife recognize her behavior as something that needs to be changed, if she will not listen to you at first. You can get a therapist or counselor for both of you together and individually.

[homebod]

Honestly, she hasn't been emotionally connected with another guy like this since ever. She has cheated but that was very long ago and just physical short lived. This is pure emotional and it makes it worse. I do believe the other guy is the source of the problem because he's very manipulative in the texts. Like he almost leads her, if you know what I mean. It just looks like total manipulation to turn her against me, and maybe try to break us apart. I feel like when they don't have a chat for a while (like when their fam went on vacation everything was pretty normal here). It's like he's tricking her into thinking she can do so much better, and she's sort of playing back into it, then it closes with a compliment to her.

 

She will be very mad about me going through her phone too. I don't know if she's ever gone through mine but I don't have much to hide.

[ChezIsAwsome]

Wow. I genuinely believe that you need to talk to your wife before confronting either of them (the other married couple) and you need to admit to reading the text message conversations. Of course that’ll be difficult to admit to but she needs to know and you shouldn’t build anything off of a lie. You need to start of with saying that you’ve looked through her phone and that you found and read conversations where you noticed she was bad mouthing you as a husband/father. It’s normal for people to vent to others about their relationship BUT not in that way. Especially not to another woman’s husband. Whom is ALSO unhappy in his marriage.

 

He is not the problem. He is part of the problem but he’s not the problem. Confronting him first will not help anything because then if your wife does end up continuing with her habits you’ll just constantly find yourself confronting other men. She is the one who is texting another man, she is allowing him to say the things he is saying and she is bad mouthing you and letting him know that it’s okay. She needs to know that that is not okay with you and that if she is serious about rebuilding the relationship between the 2 of you maybe you should see about marriage counselor ora therapist. Obviously she doesn’t not value or appreciate the things you do so you should try something that could help you two. It also seems as though maybe something is missing in the relationship that you might notice. Seeing a professional may help you guys with trust in the relationship, valuing each other, find that missing link, also other compromises and seeing the compromises both of you have massed already and might have forgotten, etc.

I really hope that things work out for you and your marriage. I also hope that things don’t effect the children’s friendships. But marriage is very important and living in a relationship that isn’t in a good place can also extremely effect your children’s lives as well.

[homebod]

OP here again... ok so now I can't sleep and I'm starting to wonder if it's possible that they are doing something physically on the side. I didn't see any indication of that in the texts (like nothing saying "meet me here at this time", or anything other than chat.). Plus his wife has become a very close friend to her, as have the kids with ours. I just can't see it but who knows at this point.

[homebod]

Thanks for the advice Chez. Every reply is like a breath of fresh air. I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

 

I agree my wife's behavior isn't ok, but what I noticed is he was making it seem OK by doing it first and much more often about his wife. The way I read it from the texts is like he was bringing that out of her. He would badmouth me back or insinuate that I need to do this and I need to do that. He's very much manipulating her in the texts. I wish I could show you. Even small knocks on me by him and the repeated compliments were meant to make me look bad over and over again, and make her question our relationship. It just recently got to the really bad stuff on her part. It's almost like he groomed her to be against me as much as possible (while always being nice to my face of course). I just feel that if I confront her only about it that she will lose trust in my for looking through her phone. She will feel violated and possibly even turn it against me for doing that. If I confront him and spook him to just stay away, I honestly don't ever see another guy like this crossing our paths anytime soon. I was more shocked at him than her up until the last really bad comments I mentioned she said.

[homebod]

yatsue, he's a fear that I have....I tell her that I know everything they've texted about and then she resents me for ruining friendships (possibly with her wife & kids, definitely with him). She also gets really mad about going through her phone. What if she continues to talk to him but instead finds a way to do this behind my back and just stays away from texting (which is very possible). That would be worse in my opinion.

[ChezIsAwsome]

My thing is is that I’m noticing you’re kind of like me in a way.. you’re too worried about how she’ll react that you kind of put to the side what the real problem is and her responsibility for that problem. If you tell her, you just need to put and KEEP your foot down about the situation. It would be understandable if you looked through her phone and there was nothing there then you felt silly for thinking she was up to something when she wasn’t but that’s the thing... she IS up to something. She’s talking negatively about you to another woman’s husband who is also talking negatively to your wife about his wife. Definitely red flags and even though you may feel bad for looking you still found a lot of stuff that she was hiding. I know no matter what I’d never let anyone talk badly about my boyfriend and even if I was venting I wouldn’t allow someone to tag in and bag mouth him. She shouldn’t let him do that but I do agree that he may have encouraged her to talk badly.. he’s just trying to show her he can be that shoulder to cry on and she’s falling for it. I really think you need to talk to her. Trust me I had to admit to my boyfriend about doing it (granted what I found was almost nothing and he gave me crap for it jokingly) but it’s best to be open in your marriage. Holding it in May not be good for you either and telling the husband may end up being a worse situation then you may think especially if you feel as though he may be manipulative. You don’t want to end up looking like the only bad person in this situation.

I still say talk to her. Let her know. She’d only be angry because she got caught and is probably embarrassed that you’ve seen the things she’s said but maybe now that you know she may stop texting him.. who knows. But you need to work inside your marriage before you confront others outside. Imagine your wife finding out you read their messages from him instead of straight from you.. then she’ll actually have a reason to try and blame you instead of you having majority of the upper hand. The only time and the last time when I did it... I looked when he got a notification at 4am he was asleep and it messed me up the whole night until he woke up. I didn’t want to tell him because I was nervous about how he’d react. He wasn’t thrilled but he was also happy I told him so that we could talk about it and I felt a lot better after the talk. Again granted not the same exact situation but kind of just slight encouragement to try and tell her (:

[ChezIsAwsome]

Regardless who you confront.. it’ll come out that you read their texts no matter what.

[1a1a]

If nothing changed in this relationship, how long would you stay? A few weeks, a year? 5 years?

 

I think you can draw a boundary about the lack of intimacy in this relationship without ever mentioning the other man. Do you want more closeness with your wife? Is it a deal breaker? (It ought to be). Can you have the awkward conversation where you say you feel like a stranger to her and it can't go on, would she like to work with you to save the relationship or is it over? (And if she says yes to working towards saving but then only pays it lip service it's ok to unilaterally end it).

[Wolfshook]

Wow, my biggest fear is that I'll end up in marriage like this.

 

To me it doesnt look like this guy is a problem. This guy is just a symptom of an underlying problem.

 

At this point I'd confess that I snooped and do my best to try to talk all these things that are bothering both of you out.

 

Why are you worried that she will be mad? Why isnt she worried that you will be mad for her badmouthing you instead? Be a man and stand up for yourself.

[RedDress]

+1 for don’t confront the man, confront your wife

 

I think you need to tell your wife what you found and insist on marriage councilling.

 

The truth is that - if your wife was happy and exercised proper boundaries, this guy would not be able to weasel himself in.

 

I do think that you need marriage councilling ASAP before it’s too late. All of your concerns about her blaming your for ruining the friendship are 100% valid - but this is why you need a 3rd party to step in and help her see her part in everything. You can try to tell her and convince her, but in her mind you will be the “enemy” in this situation. She will need someone neutral to help her see her part in everything and help her to learn to better communicate (she needs to be telling YOU if she’s unhappy about stuff, not some other guy or all her friends and coworkers).

 

You may also need to change some stuff.

 

Telling the guy to back off isn’t going to fix anything. He will tell her - for sure - and she will find out anyways. You need to fix your marriage from within, not try to ward off threats from outside. If it’s strong from within, the outside threats won’t matter as they will disappear on their own.

 

The problem is not just this guy. I agree that he is a symptom of the problem

[Cope]

Another "vote" for not confronting him, but your wife.

 

From your writing it's like you're scared to talk to her. I agree, it is a scary, but I have to ask, did you always have trouble in communicating or is it just this situation (snooping, her getting mad etc) that makes it hard?

 

You sound like a wonderful husband by the way!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. There are 2 problems. One is that it's your wife, not him driving this. She is the common denominator in cheating, replying to his texts, etc. Two is that you fear repercussions about reading these texts on her phone. Now that you have, you either have to confront it or pretend you don't know what she's texting about you.

She has cheated but that was very long ago and just physical short lived. This is pure emotional and it makes it worse. She will be very mad about me going through her phone too.

[Minikimini]

My wife has cheated on me twice (that I know of) in the past before we were engaged and married. So I always have to keep a heads up.

 

I am completely gobsmacked over why you'd marry someone who had cheated on your twice. She showed exactly who she was back when you could have avoided all of this BS you're dealing with now.

 

Do you like the person you've had to become in order to have her in your life? You have to always keep a heads up? Really? That's no way to live.

 

There is not enough love in the world to cover that rot.

 

Do all of the laundry when she's at work. Too bad if she doesn't like it. How in hell can you ruin childrens clothes? You wash colors in cold water and white in hot/warm water. It's not like you're mixing up a corrosive explosive in the basement. She's complaining that she's doing all of the housework when she gets home, so you do it. Stop giving her a reason to drag you for filth to this idiot.

 

Stop being so scared of this female.

 

With regards to the conversation log you found--make sure you've emailed a copy of that to yourself and make it a part of documentation you collect so that when the day comes when she announces that she's divorcing you, you've got solid proof of her treachery. Print out a copy and leave it where she will find it. She'll find you to talk about it and that's when you lay down the law and tell her that her friendship with him ends and that you all aren't going to be spending time with each other anymore. Your children can play with other friends because your wife and that woman's husband can't be trusted to open a can of "act right". His wife doesn't deserve the contempt your wife is showing her by smiling all in her face, acting like a friend while she is machining an affair with him.

 

I also think you need to send that to his wife and let her snatch a knot in his a$$. Yeah yeah yeah, I know it goes against what the clique is saying, but they are both dragging each of you and becoming way too intimate with one another--and your wife has a proven track record for being ratchet--and I'll bet so does he. There is too much lying and covering up going on between both couples. Let your wife be mad. If she wants to leave, then she can leave, but she cannot have the house and she cannot take the children. She leaves with her clothes and that's it. The children don't deserve to have their lives upended because she has proven since well before you married that she is incapable of honor and physical/emotional fidelity.

 

Cut this loser out of yours and your children's lives. You don't deserve her contempt for your family.

[RunnerFive]

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

 

I had a close friend go through the exact situation that you’re going through right now; his ex-wife was badmouthing him behind his back for a while without him knowing about it. She’d only tell corwoekers he’d rarely or never see or friends that they’d never see together, and she struck up an inappropriate friendship with another married guy, who happened to be a friend of theirs. They wound up sleeping together in several occasions. My friend tried to work it out with his ex, they went to counseling, but she reverted back and they eventually divorced. Both have since remarried.

 

Now, I’m a firm believer in people will behave and get away with what they think they can get away with; in other words, your wife thinks she can be manipulative, controlling, and disrespectful to you. I’m not trying to insinuate that you’re a doormat, but she believes she’s allowed to carry on this behavior with no consequences. You need to tell her you know about the texts, and if you wish to remain married to her, insist on counseling. Maybe seeking legal advice would be wise as well. Her reaction to the suggestion of counseling will tell you of her intentions.

 

If she agrees to counseling and expresses an interest in remaining married, then I also believe you need to confront this other guy. You need to tell him without leaving any room for interpretation that he is to cease all contact with your wife, and maybe throw something in about needing to work on his own marriage before intruding on yours. I’m not suggesting a fistfight with this other guy by any means, but he needs to know that he’s crossed a line. That was the ONE thing my friend regretted never doing; he never confronted the other guy and told him to back off.

 

The bottom line is that they both are being disrespectful to you and think they can get away with it. Your wife needs to make a choice, and I think you need to let them both know they’ve crossed a big line with you.

[DanZee]

Well, like most posts by guys, this is all about you. I'm trying to figure out what your wife contributes to the marriage. Your wife goes to work and then she comes home and just sits on the couch for the rest of the day doing nothing but complain about you to her emotional friend? That's the way you portray this. If so, then you have a real problem. But if she's really contributing to the household just as you are doing, it just might mean the two of you are both stressed and tired and you both need a break. I see her texting this other guy as a way to blow off steam.

 

I think you need to find some romance in your relationship. What happens in a marriage is you get caught up in the daily grind of work and kids and there's no time for any one-to-one time. And you both sort of drift apart. I think you need to find some time in your week when you can connect. Not just have sex, but have some romance. And then you will find she will be less involved with her emotional friend, and instead of complaining about you, might start praising you.

 

But right now, you're in the state of mind that if you confront her, you will only make things worse and drive her emotionally further away. And then your relationship will be in the hands of the lawyers.

 

You've got to find some ways to be nice to your wife. A few hugs here, a few kisses here, and a romantic dinner once in a while, even if you have to order out from Applebee's. Don't put this all on your wife. Remember you're 50% of the problem.

 

If you do sit down to talk to your wife, don't confront her with her texts, rather tell you you feel you've drifted apart. That you still love her, and that you want to recapture the romance that you once had. Don't just plow mindlessly into this. You've got to mean it. Your wife only has an emotional friend because she's not getting that emotional connection from you.

[tattoobunnie]

I am sorry your wife is a total F-up cheating ho. It doesn't matter how long ago he cheated, she did it TWICE. And she's still doing it. Why do you care if she knows you read her texts. She WROTE Them! She is ridiculing you. You are her doormat. Get screen shots of everything thing - text or email them to you. You will need in case she tries to sue you for divorce and take everything she's got. What an ungrateful godless woman. I am sorry you married such an a-hole. I have zero sympathy for her, and you need to stop acting like this is all your fault that other di*ks just happen to fall into her va-jay-jay because of something you do or didn't do.

 

Your business should be only between you and her, and no one else. And clearly she lacks boundaries of any kind. Good luck. If this was happening to your best friend, I'm sure you'd be first to throw all their stuff out the window.

[j.man]

- Has cheated on you twice

- If not having an emotional affair at this moment, is certainly skirting it

- Sexless marriage

- Very obviously has little to no respect for you as a husband or a partner at any level

 

I mean, given that there are children's futures that stand to be heavily impacted here, I'll throw in my obligatory advice to suggest marriage counseling before throwing in the towel, but I'd also start talking to a divorce attorney. I'd like to say that all might go well once your youngest is school-aged, but this worries me:

 

she wished she had a husband like him that was so involved with his kids and worked full time so she could stay home and not have to work.

There are a lot of red flags that go beyond semantics when someone conflates "staying at home" with "not working." I've known a few stay-at-homes who are like this, and who essentially justify binging on the Price is Right by the single merit of their kid being in their peripheral vision. Fortunately (as I'll be the one at home with our future kids given the income discrepancy and her simply preferring to continue her career straight away), I've had absolutely amazing women, my grandmother chief among them as an example, who have set the standard of treating their daytime responsibility to the child and home as honestly as they would an 8-hour shift elsewhere, rivaling any factory shift I've ever pulled. That's not to say there were never days when, 100% understandably, the dishes weren't gotten to, but that nobody who values work, even if not necessarily their job, looks at staying at home as "not working." Someone says something like that, and I near immediately assume that's someone who wants to sit on the couch with their coffee and Bailey's and call it a success so long as the kid doesn't crack their head open on something.

 

I'd honestly also take it at face value that "not working" really is an aspiration of hers. Especially as you consider expanding your business and profitability, I don't think that's something to be ignored. I'd love to optimistically suggest that, once this kid becomes school-aged, your troubles could be over. But I think that, should you get more successful, or even if not, this lady's gonna start thinking strategically. Now that's not something I'd have even thought a possibility if you and she had any semblance of a healthy foundation going for you, but you're on mighty thin ice. Bear in mind I am not saying this is something you confront her about or accuse her of. I certainly couldn't claim for sure what her thoughts are motivations are. My fingers are crossed that marriage counseling can result in some breakthrough for you two, but if this persists even remotely as it is, you've gotta start formally looking into the best interests of your children and yourself.

 

And, FWIW, I'll throw in the 153rd vote against confronting the other husband.

[Lambert]

i agree with danzee..... when you talk to her, make this about YOU PURAL. not her, not the texts, not the guy, but what you want.

 

if you try little things like praise and affection, she may reciprocate....

 

DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF A COMMON ENEMY FOR THEM!

 

take your wife back.

[DancingFool]

Yet another vote for the other man is not your problem and if you confront him, you'll make a complete fool out of yourself.

 

That aside, your wife is being exactly who she has always been. There is literally zero surprise that she is lining up a side dish. Not exactly the first time. You can grow a set and confront her, you can tear up your family and divorce, or you can keep doing what you've always been doing - turn a blind eye and pretend that it's all good. After all, you married her and chose to bring three kids into this world with her knowing who exactly she is.

[Unreasonable]

Don't confront the man. The man didn't make any vow to you. Your wife did.

 

And, obviously, the way they're talking is completely inappropriate. Confidants are okay. Trading barbs about spouses with somebody of the opposite sex is NOT okay. A sexless marriage is NOT okay. This is NOT sustainable. Something needs to change.

 

I don't see a way forward without admitting you saw these texts (also, since the deed is done - copy them so she can't deny it). She will probably get upset that you did, but if you don't talk about this, your resentment will do nothing but grow, and your marriage will die. It's probably very close to dead anyway, possibly being too late, but it needs to be brought up. Don't let her bully you into accepting this, it's unacceptable. If you want to save this marriage, demand you go to a marriage counselor. If she won't, you probably won't make it.

[abitbroken]

Confidants are okay.

 

That's not okay either. her husband should be her confidant. Maybe as a backup a close girlfriend. Not a married man.

[homebod]

OP here. I want to thank you all for the advice (what a great forum this). For the first time I felt 'not alone' in this relationship issue. It probably wouldn't have gone down as well with you. I mean it.

 

Ok so here's how it went down-

1) You guys were absolutely right about not confronting the other guy. Confronting his wife was a much better move!

2) You guys were again totally right about the texts. My wife didn't get mad at me at all, although she did get very defensive. I had the upper hand in the argument but she held her own actually. She did make it known to me about some areas where I'm lacking in the relationship regarding the kids (which I'm definitely going to improve!). I made it known to her that the little thing her and the other guy had is over and the badmouthing has to stop. She apologized about that 100%. She told me without a doubt she was not cheating on me, and I believe her. It really doesn't make sense. Wife2 agreed with that completely.

 

Then the conversation turned to our sex life (this is the biggest argument starter in our relationship without question). So she always makes excuses why it's so hard to have sex more often. I understand she's busy and tired on weeknights, but she puts sex way at the bottom of her priority list, even behind her DVR list. Even on weekends when she gets plenty of sleep and stays up later it's still tough to find a time with her to do it. So we're going to work on that as well. It basically ended with that. She gave me a kiss soon after she got home from work. We made plans for the rest of the night. I got the kids homework done and picked up dinner. She went out to the movies with Wife2. When she got back from the movie we just hung out in bed for around an hour talking. I noticed she was getting tired so she wasn't 100% into make up sex at that moment. I decided to hint a little harder that we should and it happened. This might get a little X-rated so if you want to keep reading it's up to you- Instead of the regular mundane 'let's-get-this-over-with' sex I wanted to really make her feel satisfied (with all the D-word flying around something in me wanted to do this). So we started our usual mish position and I made sure to really thrust hard upward on her g-spot over and over. I lowered my body position to elevate hers. After about 2 minutes of this she melted and became completely relaxed (orgasm1). Then she unexpectedly grabbed me and shoved her tongue in my mouth and said I love you, shirt came off and I got to play with those. Then pushed my head further down south for orgasm2. Then we went back to mish again and went to hard and faster and she got really into it "oh f*ck yea". I was surprised, usually it's quiet when we do it. Finished up and we both passed out after. It's really true that the best thing about fights is the make up sex.

 

For now this argument is totally squashed. I really hope our sex life can make a comeback. If not, I'm sure I'll be back here ;).

 

 

My wife did speak with wife2 at the movies and assured her there was nothing going on between her and husband2. I do believe my wife. I think she just got caught up in the situation a little bit but never intended to have an affair or anything like that. It was inappropriate extreme venting to the wrong person with inappropriate replies back by him (which wife2 agreed).

 

This morning, Wife2 asked me about more details of the conversations which I told her. Husband2 is definitely in the doghouse for a while which he deserves. Almost forgot to mention- husband2 also deleted the entire text history which really ticked off wife2. That to me tells you who knew they were mainly in the wrong.

[abitbroken]

Why are you even talking to wife2? Don't fall into the confidant trap.

1) your wife should talk to wife #2

2) your wife should tell husband2 that the talk is not appropriate and to also stop communicating him so much

3) And if you and your wife are in agreement, you talk to the husband. It won't be a big confrontation at that point

4) strive for "being friends as a couple" - you go out as couples together - and there is a friendship between the husbands individually and the wives individually but it doesn't cross the line where someone confides in the opposite sex spouse of the other couple.