ducttape1000 Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Been dating a guy for a year. We are in our mid-30s. He married his high school sweetheart but has been divorced for 8 years. She cheated on him and left him. I recently found an old pic of them in is nightstand. Keep in mind, he has moved several times since they've been together so he had to make an effort to keep this photo from house to house, state to state (he hasn’t moved since I met him, so this pic could have been there before “us”). I'm not typically the jealous type, but I'm upset. Why would he keep a pic of his ex-wife so close at hand?? Is he idealizing this woman even though she left him and is remarried with kids? Will he EVER truly get over her? We recently visited his parents house and came across some old photos of him and his ex-wife. I was OKAY with it cause they were in an old box in a closet. I mean, they WERE married and I realize he had a life before me. He did not make an effort to get rid of them though, just put them back in his parents closet. We've talked about his past marriage and he says looking back the divorce was a blessing and he would thank her for ending it (but what else would he say to his new girl…) But no girl wants to feel like she’s 2nd choice (like I will never compare to his one true love). If his ex wanted him back, would he go…? Probably not, but then again…there’s no pic of ME in his nightstand… I'm torn on what to do. 1. confront him and ask why he has a pic of his ex-wife in his nightstand in such an accessible location. I know what he will say: "I forgot it was there and they are my memories" . He will likely get rid of the pic but I won’t know if it’s because he WANTs to or trying to appease me and/or scared to lose me. 2. offer to "refinish" his nightstand and dresser. The set is old but quality furniture. He knows I love refinishing furniture and have done many pieces in my own home. This will force him to go through the items in the nightstand (without me present) and will see if the pic makes it into the "new" nightstand. As I type this, I see how this seems sneaky, but if he still has secret feelings for his EX 8 years after marriage, I'd like to know now and not waste any more time. I want to be someone’s #1. Link to comment
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