LazyDaisy Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Thats not true. I didnt block him because we were communicating. I explained to him all the reasons why Im not coming back. After 11 years we should discuss it like civil people. Blocking people only gets then upset and they they resort to driving to your house so they can be heard. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Okay. You have heard him out. Tell him not to contact you again, and then block him. Send this creep a text and be done with this already!!!!! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Thats not true. I didnt block him because we were communicating. I explained to him all the reasons why Im not coming back. After 11 years we should discuss it like civil people. Blocking people only gets then upset and they they resort to driving to your house so they can be heard. Was he civil to you when he stomped out, and ended things? Enough of these excuses. You need to start focusing on your kid, not your love life. This is soooooooooo unhealthy for your child. You are the role model. Remember! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 "he brought it up again and became very nasty. He left and said he was never coming back. I was supposed to have him and his parents over for Christmas. So Christmas was ruined. I text him a few times on Christmas and he told me to leave him alone and never text him again or he would call the police. " Why would you give someone like this any courtesy? You never got it!!! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 He doesn't seem to have any problem at all upsetting you...but you don't want to "upset" him??? Seems like you're going to go back. That's a real shame. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I will try to find a good counselor. I want to break this cycle once and for all. He is absolutely begging at this point but I’m not giving in. He is promising me everything. But he could get divorced and move in here and he still wouldn’t love me unconditionally. He is incapable of that kind of love. How did i miss that he is married? This is all part of you wanting to prove to yourself that you are unloveable - you find a man who could never marry you. he's married! He can't marry you - so you are the mistress? I am sure you are going to say "his marriage has been over for years" or whatever but the truth is - you want your inner thoughts of being snubbed and unloved be true. So this is who you pick. So you really can't be upset when the man who can never commit to you upsets you from walking away, right? Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 You are all so right. I need to date no one right now. I need to focus on my child and my finances. The NYE guy is coming on strong. Its freaking me out. It makes me want to run right back to my “comfort zone”. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 You are all so right. I need to date no one right now. I need to focus on my child and my finances. The NYE guy is coming on strong. Its freaking me out. It makes me want to run right back to my “comfort zone”. But you were upset when he didn't contact you right away. Which is it? You want the attention to feel validated or you want to be rejected to have your mindset validated? I would politely tell him that you had an amazing evening, but you just ended an 11 year relationship and aren't ready for a romance just yet. Next year or in two years if you are in a good place financially and mentally and you decide you are ready to date, you can call him and see if he's single - but when you are in a better place - he may not be very attractive to you anymore because you have changed. What is your "comfort zone" - going back to the ex? I think time off from dating is a great idea. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 Yes. The ex is my comfort zone. And I probably won’t be attracted to this guy in a year from now. I was only attracted because i was terrified to be alone. I really have to learn how to love my own company and be content within myself. I’ll get there. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I've asked you this before, but what horrible, terrifying things do you think will happen to you if you're "alone"? I'm "alone" and nothing terrifying has happened to me. What is it you're afraid of? What is it you think that man is protecting you from? Criminals? Disasters? I'm honestly baffled. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 Boltnrun I cant really put words to it. I just feel that life is more enjoyable when you have adult companionship. It’s lonely without love. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Boltnrun I cant really put words to it. I just feel that life is more enjoyable when you have adult companionship. It’s lonely without love. But you said "terrified". Not "lonely" or "less enjoyable". You know, I haven't had a boyfriend in years and I have a very enjoyable life. My kids are adults and live several hundred miles away, but I have friends and work and I go to events, restaurants, go watch sports, go to happy hour, read, study, cook...the list is endless. And you at least still have your child with you! You must be doing things with your child...correct? I hope you're not skulking around acting terrified because you don't have a boyfriend in front of your son!! Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 I do things with my son. I left this boyfriend once back around the 1st year we were dating. We didn’t speak for 5 months. I was so heartbroken I could barely function. I was in actual physical pain. I felt pains in my chest and couldn’t eat or sleep. I lost tons of weight. 15 years ago i was dating a guy that abruptly broke it off for no reason and i was so heartbroken and in so much pain i took an overdose and almost died. I went to therapy for years after that. It didn’t help one bit. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I do things with my son. I left this boyfriend once back around the 1st year we were dating. We didn’t speak for 5 months. I was so heartbroken I could barely function. I was in actual physical pain. I felt pains in my chest and couldn’t eat or sleep. I lost tons of weight. 15 years ago i was dating a guy that abruptly broke it off for no reason and i was so heartbroken and in so much pain i took an overdose and almost died. I went to therapy for years after that. It didn’t help one bit. You don't have the luxury of acting like that when you have a child you're responsible for. If this is affecting you this much it is imperative that you get professional help. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 Im not that bad this time. I would never try to take my life again. I’m eating and sleeping and walking dogs- which really clears my head. Im trying to be positive about life going forward. The unknown is just scary for me. I don’t have the money for therapy right now and im not really sure what good it does anyway. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 If you get to the point where you can "barely function" when you have a young child...yes, it's time to seek professional help. A professional can help you change your mindset that life is nothing without a man. And life is not "scary"! When you can't articulate what horrible disaster you think will befall you if that man isn't around, it's not "scary". It's just that you don't WANT to be without some man around. And it's pretty vital that you find a way to change that mindset, for the sake of your child. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Boltnrun I cant really put words to it. I just feel that life is more enjoyable when you have adult companionship. It’s lonely without love. There is such thing as female friends. When you develop friendships with women and also join different meetups and go out with groups - that is adult companionship. Its not healthy for you to rely on your son solely to do things with you. I am betting that when you are dating someone, you focus on them and all friends are non existent - they are dropped like hot rocks. Yes - breaking up is hard - it hurts -- but once you learn to ENJOY being alone - you will be happy because if you do eventually decide to meet someone new - you will not feel the need to be with a MARRIED MAN or desperate or broken person just to have someone - you will be happy by yourself and therefore will have much higher standards for yourself. I do things with my son. I left this boyfriend once back around the 1st year we were dating. We didn’t speak for 5 months. I was so heartbroken I could barely function. I was in actual physical pain. I felt pains in my chest and couldn’t eat or sleep. I lost tons of weight. 15 years ago i was dating a guy that abruptly broke it off for no reason and i was so heartbroken and in so much pain i took an overdose and almost died. I went to therapy for years after that. It didn’t help one bit. Then maybe you were seeing the wrong type of therapist - if you took an overdose, you have a much deeper issue than just having a broken heart. You have to look at a therapist as facilitating the process that you will participate in vs looking at them and say "fix me". Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Boltnrun I cant really put words to it. I just feel that life is more enjoyable when you have adult companionship. It’s lonely without love. In a lot of ways that is normal. Humans are designed by nature to pair up. But if you chose your words carefully, you can refrain your thoughts and the emotions then follow. Here you say that life is more enjoyable, which is a definite improvement from before. Yes, for most life can be more enjoyable when shared with someone. But it doesn't mean life can not be enjoyable outside of a relationship. I am fortunate because I have a herd of single female friends. Add in my family, I am never (or rarely) lonely. Believe me, it wasn't always this way. But now that is, I puts me in a position to be more disconcerting about my choices in men. My life is full. It's nice to share it someone. But by being full, I will be fine without it. Make that your goal. Get busy filling up your life. Link to comment
MeiLa Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 He hasn’t changed in 11 years but he’s changed in a week. You are a being treated this way because you ALLOW it. You feed off of this drama. You have 12 pages of responses that you asked for but refuse to listen. At this point, if you get hurt in this relationship, it is no ones fault but yours. Link to comment
MeiLa Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 He hasn’t changed in 11 years but he’s changed in a week. You are a being treated this way because you ALLOW it. You feed off of this drama. You have 12 pages of responses that you asked for but refuse to listen. At this point, if you get hurt in this relationship, it is no ones fault but yours. And plus he is MARRIED. You are the side chick and will continue to be treated that way. You like this drama! Link to comment
chitown9 Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 You need to be done with him so that you can make yourself available to a man that will value you. This guy does not; and he did not even value your son on Christmas Eve. Focus on your career and your son. You have a lot to look forward to....don't get side tracked with this guy that is on again off again. :suspicion:chi Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 Daisy, please tell us you did not take him back. Link to comment
MeiLa Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 Daisy, please tell us you did not take him back. She will take him back. She likes this circus and drama. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 She will take him back. She likes this circus and drama. I think it's more the "I don't want to be 'alone'" mentality. And a complete disregard for what's best for the child. Link to comment
MeiLa Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 I think it's more the "I don't want to be 'alone'" mentality. And a complete disregard for what's best for the child. That too. But, after 13 pages of responses and her own intuition she knows what she needs to do. She likes this attention. Link to comment
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