Seraphim Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Oh Hun week doesn't change anybody ! I wouldn't go back to him. Hell, no. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 I know he hasn’t changed in a week. But maybe the week apart has convinced him he needs to change. Ugh. I should stay away from both of them. Just be alone. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I guess you've decided not to worry about how this guy's behavior influences your son? Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 No. I worry about that. Im thinking maybe he will change. But people don’t really ever change. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 LazyDaisy is right. People very rarely change. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 He hasn't changed in 11 years, but you think he changed in one week. Ok, sure. I thought you really cared about how witnessing all the drunken arguments and storming out affects your son and his future. Are you saying that relieving your own anxiety (temporarily ) is more important? Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 No boltnrun. You are right. The situation isnt going to change with him. And I do care about how it affects my son. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Hun, I will tell you my father never changed. He lost his wife ,he lost his kids he lost work ,he lost friends ,he lost his own family and never changed . He is now 72 never changed a day in his life . People have to WANT to change and I have to work bloody hard at it . And if this guy hasn’t changed in 11 years and you’ve broken up 1 million times ,sweetheart he ain’t gonna . Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 My father didn't change either. He's nearly 80. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Thanks. I know he won’t change. And i dont want to be 60 and still just dating like we were. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Good grief! Why are you so dependant when it comes to male companionship? Why don't you focus on your kid, and take at least a six month break from dating! An NO, your ex has not changed one bit, nor will he ever! This is who he is. Work on you and your fear of being without a man! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 So let's summarize: Yes, you could go back to relieve your loneliness and anxiety over being without a man. He would still 1) be married to someone else 2) be unwilling to divorce his wife because he doesn't want to spend the money 3) still be making you pay every time you two go out because he doesn't want to spend his money on you 4) get intoxicated and have arguments 5) storm out every time you do or say something he doesn't like 5) put it all on you to apologize and make up and oh, can't forget 6) your son is learning all he will ever know about relationships between men and women from how this man treats you and how you behave in order to keep him. Did I miss anything? But, hey, at least you won't be alone! I really hope you mean it when you say you're no longer going to subject your son and yourself to this awful man and this dead-end relationship. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 You didn’t miss anything. I’m not going to go back with him. HollyJ- I don’t know where this dependence stems from. My father was a very absent parent. Maybe that has something to do with it. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 You didn’t miss anything. I’m not going to go back with him. HollyJ- I don’t know where this dependence stems from. My father was a very absent parent. Maybe that has something to do with it. Well, I can tell you that attaching yourself to this man will not do a darn thing to resolve your absent father issues. It will just make them worse. Please delete all messages, photos and voice mails from him. Then block his number, his email and any other way he has to communicate with you. If you can't block him on your individual phone, contact your carrier to do it for you. Do this because otherwise, when he wants something from you he'll still be able to contact you to lay a guilt trip on you and you can't let him do that...for the sake of your son and for your own good. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 I had him blocked and I unblocked him because I was curious to see what he would do. I’m so stupid. And he is laying guilt on me. Guilt is such an evil weapon. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I had him blocked and I unblocked him because I was curious to see what he would do. I’m so stupid. And he is laying guilt on me. Guilt is such an evil weapon. Only if you fall for it. So you unblocked him hoping he would chase you? Can you explain why you think this man is a good prospect and why you want someone like him in your life? It can't be just so you aren't "alone", can it? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Do you have any friends or life outside of this guy? If my memory serves me right, you don't. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 No. Sometimes I think Im unlovable and he is the only one that’s going to put up with me. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 No. Sometimes I think Im unlovable and he is the only one that’s going to put up with me. So sacrificing your son's emotional well-being was fine as long as you had a man to "put up with" you? I think you see now how broken that thinking is. Your son's well being AND yours should be the top priority. And I don't believe that your son just adores this guy. He told you that so you'd have one less thing to be stressed and upset about. Or, you're just assuming he just loves the guy because he's been the only somewhat present adult male in his life. No way can he just love some guy who treats his mom horribly and when he sees how his mom reacts to his awful treatment...I just don't buy it. So, I certainly hope this loser guy is re-blocked and you won't ever again unblock him because you're hoping he begs you back or because you're "curious" or something. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I believe that we made suggestions for you, did you look into anything? You are being dramatic, so that you can excuse away this ridiculous situation. I am not going to call it a relationship, as he is married! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 You need to help yourself, here! You also need to start to make your son a priority, not your love life! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 No. Sometimes I think Im unlovable and he is the only one that’s going to put up with me. Have you considered counseling? Everything you do supports your own opinion of yourself. You want to be prove you are unlovable and unaccepted. So you attach yourself to a man who never wants to marry and has a temper rather than dating someone with the capacity to love = and who quickly decides when dating a woman (within 6 months) if she has potential and then moves on if she's not right, then living in an existence of limbo for 11 years. The guy you had drinks with - you automatically decided that he snubbed you. He can't possibly have had to go back to work today and had family stuff New Year's day....or that he found out that you got out of a 11 year relationship last week and has good boundaries for himself so therefore is not running to jump in the sack with or call you back immediately. He would only jump into a relationship with you if he was desperate. 11 years is a lot to unravel. It would be an impossibility for him to automatically want you as a girlfriend, etc. .. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 I will try to find a good counselor. I want to break this cycle once and for all. He is absolutely begging at this point but I’m not giving in. He is promising me everything. But he could get divorced and move in here and he still wouldn’t love me unconditionally. He is incapable of that kind of love. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I will try to find a good counselor. I want to break this cycle once and for all. He is absolutely begging at this point but I’m not giving in. He is promising me everything. But he could get divorced and move in here and he still wouldn’t love me unconditionally. He is incapable of that kind of love. Why haven't you blocked him??? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Why haven't you blocked him??? She love: the attention and drama! Link to comment
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