I've screwed up big time. (insulting a girl and her knowing im inexperienced)

[itsallgrand]

Why are you wasting time with bar chicks period?

 

You said you can attract women fine, it's keeping convo going and not saying something weird. The alcohol DOESNT help. You got drinking and texted like an ass. And let's be real here. The way you describe her, you are just thinking she'll be easy pickings.

 

You'd be better off going and asking women not from the bar scene on dates. Asking 2-4 a year way too little.

[katrina1980]

OP, please learn this one thing about women, if nothing else.

 

When out, at a party, a club, having a few drinks, we can be extremely friendly, flirt our little rear ends off, search a guy out, even kiss him! Not proud to admit, but this was me in younger days.

 

The true test of our interest is the next day, when we're sober and the same man asks us out.

 

Anything other than a YES, is a NO.

 

I don't know, maybe, I'll get back to you, let me check my schedule, I have homework, leaving town in two days, is a NO.

 

If she doesn't suggest another day when she IS available, even if it's the following week, it's a NO.

 

Please learn this, you'll be a lot better off in the long term.

 

Knowledge is power.

[10023711]

OP, please learn this one thing about women, if nothing else.

 

When out, at a party, a club, having a few drinks, we can be extremely friendly, flirt our little rear ends off, search a guy out, even kiss him!

 

The true test of our interest is the next day, when we're sober and the same man asks us out.

 

Anything other than a YES, is a NO.

 

I don't know, maybe, I'll get back to you, let me check my schedule, I have homework, is a NO.

 

If she doesn't suggest another day, it's a NO.

 

Please learn this, you'll be a lot better off in the long term.

 

Knowledge is power.

 

I agree that in general anything other than a yes is a no. But in the past this girl has said "ok maybe" but still ended up going out with me. This recent text is more discouraging though.

 

She said she doesnt know, but then mentions that the next 2 days she'll still be here, so that seems weird. I agree that someone really really interested would have probably even made the date today. I think she might be luke warm. And/or she doesnt want to plan something that would be 2 weeks out.

 

Either way i think she'll come around now that im going to stop texting her. Mentally i'll move on, but keep her as an option

[10023711]

OP, please learn this one thing about women, if nothing else.

 

When out, at a party, a club, having a few drinks, we can be extremely friendly, flirt our little rear ends off, search a guy out, even kiss him! Not proud to admit, but this was me in younger days.

 

The true test of our interest is the next day, when we're sober and the same man asks us out.

 

Anything other than a YES, is a NO.

 

I don't know, maybe, I'll get back to you, let me check my schedule, I have homework, leaving town in two days, is a NO.

 

If she doesn't suggest another day when she IS available, even if it's the following week, it's a NO.

 

Please learn this, you'll be a lot better off in the long term.

 

Knowledge is power.

 

Also, maybe i picked a bad date choice. The botanical gardens would just be us walking around. Its seems like its more for couples who are serious. A better option would have been bowling. Its just another factor. It shouldnt matter if their interest is high enough though.

[katrina1980]

I agree with your keeping her as an option, at most.

 

Frankly I am surprised, you sounded way too invested to be able to do that.

 

But if you can do it, and mean it, sounds like a good plan.

 

Continue meeting and dating others, play it out.

[10023711]

I agree with your keeping her as an option, at most.

 

Frankly I am surprised, you sounded way too invested to be able to do that.

 

But if you can do it, and mean it, sounds like a good plan.

 

Continue meeting and dating others, play it out.

 

I can get over rejection pretty easy. This case is different though, since im invested (kissing/2 dates/her showing interest). What makes it somewhat easier is knowing that she may come around later, once i give her space. Idk. I wouldnt let someone take me on a complete train ride, while she's probably with another dude. Thats another thing that helps. I wouldnt want to be second.

 

Does any of my last two responses somewhat justify her response a little?

[boltnrun]

Not at all.

 

You're doing what is called grasping at straws.

 

You didn't actually answer my previous question: do you continue to want her because you genuinely like her, or is it only because you think SHE likes YOU? Yes, there is a difference.

[mustlovedogs]

OP, no use posting. Your opinion is obviously not going to change.

[10023711]

Not at all.

 

You're doing what is called grasping at straws.

 

You didn't actually answer my previous question: do you continue to want her because you genuinely like her, or is it only because you think SHE likes YOU? Yes, there is a difference.

 

Its a little bit of both. Im not SUPER attracted to her, but i find her attractive. And she seemed to like me. She was even REALLY disappointed when i said i was a senior. I noticed that she looked really disappointed after her asking what i was going to do after the date. I just said "homework" and her expression completely shifted and looked distraught. She even looked away. Then i mentioned going to her place and she lit up. Idk whats going on though.

 

I wasnt looking for anything serious at the bar, but i dont mind seeing where it goes if i find someone i really like. Shes cute and has a personality that i like. I went up to her first, so i initially found her attractive.

[boltnrun]

I used to "play the percentages" by only showing interest in men who had made it clear they were interested in me. That way, the chance of being rejected was lower. Yeah, I had issues. And all that strategy did was ensure I trapped myself in relationships with men who were wrong for me, but since I'd invested time I convinced myself I "loved" them. And the breakups were still painful.

 

I really don't think this one is interested in you. I think she's being friendly and polite but I don't see attraction or romantic interest.

 

There must be dozens and dozens of women at school. It's highly likely at least a few of them will like you and want to date you.

[10023711]

I used to "play the percentages" by only showing interest in men who had made it clear they were interested in me. That way, the chance of being rejected was lower. Yeah, I had issues. And all that strategy did was ensure I trapped myself in relationships with men who were wrong for me, but since I'd invested time I convinced myself I "loved" them. And the breakups were still painful.

 

I really don't think this one is interested in you. I think she's being friendly and polite but I don't see attraction or romantic interest.

 

There must be dozens and dozens of women at school. It's highly likely at least a few of them will like you and want to date you.

 

My school is dominated by the greek system. So if you aren't in, or don't have a large social circle, it will be hard to meet women. I actually go to a counselor on campus for my anxiety. Even he says that there is a greek culture here that makes it hard to date. There is a certain social proof that comes along with being in a fraternity/sorority here. They go to greek events and meet people of 'the same caliper'. They don't default to bars. On top of that, i'm biracial, so i'm not everyone's cup of tea in the deep south. My counselor can't actually believe I haven't really dated and said that i'm actually attractive. It's just a weird environment.

 

And idk why she decided to come up to me first at the bar though and tried get close to to me. If i had no interest in a guy, i probably wouldn't hug them and get really close (which she did yesterday). I'm almost certain she tried to run into me and my specific location there. Also, when we kissed she really got into it. If physical attraction wasn't there, she wouldn't have gone on a date, nor would she have put a lot of effort into the kiss. She was being really passionate about it. I don't think she's overly interested though. What she sent today displays her not being interested, but i've been texting her every weekend for like 1.5 months straight. She just needs my absence to determine if she is actually interested. I'm not going to worry and not care as much. Based on her interactions in real life, i THINK she's not sure about me, but not completely uninterested. Also, she probably figures i'll always be around, since she was my second kiss. When she see's me talking to other women, she wont be wishy washy.

 

And yea, i need to go for the girls that I really really want.

[figureitout23]

I'm going to go against the grain here,Iike I always do, and say keep trying.

 

You can sense a vibe better than anyone not in your situation, so if you feel there's still something there, who am I to say you're wrong? You have to live with your decisions, not us.

 

BUT, if this is just about being stubborn, you're going to embarrass yourself and possibly make her feel uneasy and harassed so you gotta be honest with yourself. Do you truly think that door is still open? If so, go for broke. What do you have to lose?

 

Oh dear, now I'm starting to think you are a contrarian.

 

My post that supported you going after her was completely ignored while you're arguing with everyone who's telling you to move on.

 

There have been poster like that in the past, they would only respond to people who were argumentative. Not saying anyone here is being argumentative but it's the same concept, you want to respond to those telling you, you're wrong.

 

I can't say I quite understand the logic. If it's a self esteem thing or boredom induced trolling, but I can't take this seriously anymore.

 

Good luck.

[10023711]

Oh dear, now I'm starting to think you are a contrarian.

 

My post that supported you going after her was completely ignored while you're arguing with everyone who's telling you to move on.

 

There have been poster like that in the past, they would only respond to people who were argumentative. Not saying anyone here is being argumentative but it's the same concept, you want to respond to those telling you, you're wrong.

 

I can't say I quite understand the logic. If it's a self esteem thing or boredom induced trolling, but I can't take this seriously anymore.

 

Good luck.

 

I'm not trolling, it just really stands out when someone says "they have no interest in you", get over it. You're comment stood out to me too, and I appreciate it. I'm not going to throw this away completely. And yea, I guess this thread is long enough; thanks

[katrina1980]

Oh dear, now I'm starting to think you are a contrarian.

 

My post that supported you going after her was completely ignored while you're arguing with everyone who's telling you to move on.

 

There have been poster like that in the past, they would only respond to people who were argumentative. Not saying anyone here is being argumentative but it's the same concept, you want to respond to those telling you, you're wrong.

 

I can't say I quite understand the logic. If it's a self esteem thing or boredom induced trolling, but I can't take this seriously anymore.

 

Good luck.

 

If I may ask, why would you support him "going after her"?

 

She's turned down two date requests, with what I believe to be rather lame excuses, but more importantly no mention of alternative date.

 

That said, I did suggest he go for it, by being more direct.

 

He did, to which she responded she's going away in two days, which is fine, but again no mention of alternative day when she is available.

 

This is not a girl with high interest. Lukewarm, at best.

 

I suggested he move on because he sounded overly into her and invested, which he has now said he is not and wishes to keep her as an option.

 

To which I agreed!

 

So not sure where you get everyone is telling him to move on and he's arguing about it.

 

He now seems pretty cool about it all actually.

 

Give her a call or text after the Thanksgiving holiday and play it out.

[10023711]

If I may ask, why would you support him "going after her"?

 

She's turned down two date requests, with what I believe to be rather lame excuses, but more importantly no mention of alternative date.

 

That said, I did suggest he go for it, by being more direct.

 

He did, to which she responded she's going away in two days, which is fine, but again no mention of alternative day when she is available.

 

This is not a girl with high interest. Lukewarm, at best.

 

I suggested he move on because he sounded overly into her and invested, which he has now said he is not and wishes to keep her as an option.

 

To which I agreed!

 

So not sure where you get everyone is telling him to move on and he's arguing about it.

 

He now seems pretty cool about it all actually.

 

Give her a call or text after the Thanksgiving holiday and play it out.

 

 

I haven't fully done it but i'm going to mentally see her more as an option in the next few weeks so i don't get left in the dust.

 

The first time she blew me off was the same day as our date. She claimed she was drunk, and that's why she didn't respond and said sorry. I think i was way too needy, on that particular day of the date. The only reason why i'm confused about the text today is due to it being a thanksgiving weekend and it would be hard to reschedule. That's what makes it not as clear. Id say im not her priority, at least right now. I just need to give her space, as i've texted her every weekend for the past 5-6 weeks. I'm too available to her. I'll just text her after thanksgiving. If she's down to go out, then great. If she's wishy washy, i wont text her again or possibly just confront her and ask if she's interested so i don't waste my time and tell her its ok if she's not.

[Pleasedonot5]

This is the first time shes seen me with him. And she just texted back. She said hey sorry and that she has homework to do. Its not over i guess.

That's a cop-out excuse - she's not interested.

 

Rule of thumb: if she cancels or turns down a date, and offers an alternate date, she's interested. If she does not offer an alternate date, she's not interested.

[10023711]

That's a cop-out excuse - she's not interested.

 

Rule of thumb: if she cancels or turns down a date, and offers an alternate date, she's interested. If she does not offer an alternate date, she's not interested.

 

Either she's not interested in me enough or i scared her away by picking a date that's too 'romantic' (walking around a botanical garden) as opposed to a restaurant or bowling setting. I'm pretty sure she's not looking for anything too serious, but i'm not sure.

[Pleasedonot5]

I think it's the first one. Botanical gardens / a park to walk around in and talk sounds like a fine date as any to me.

[10023711]

I think it's the first one. Botanical gardens / a park to walk around in and talk sounds like a fine date as any to me.

 

 

I just need to give her space is what i'm thinking. She has me wrapped around her finger with all of this texting every weekend. I'm too available. It doesn't add up: her coming up to me and giving me a lingering hug + trying to keep close to me + a big smile on her face, and then the next day not being interested. I'm either too available or she's not interested in me at all on a romantic level.

 

She's pretty hot, so idk, she has options at the end of the day.

[1a1a]

This thread is already monster long but I want to share two thoughts

 

A person who is interested in you will make it obvious that they are, they’ll seek you out, there won’t be this ambiguity about it.

 

And also, are there any clubs/social hobbies you could join? Things to do will be good for you, and get you interacting with people, maybe even ladies, who become platonic friends, maybe you’ll find one who thinks you’re the bees knees. And they’ll have had this chance to get to know you whilst doing mutually liked hobby so you don’t need to inpress them in a bar. Or maybe you’ll make new friends who introduce you to their friends among whom you find one of ‘the ones’. The strange social dynamics in your town sound like a curveball but I guarantee you aren’t the only one who feels like you don’t fit in.

[Jibralta]

Also, maybe i picked a bad date choice. The botanical gardens would just be us walking around. Its seems like its more for couples who are serious. A better option would have been bowling. Its just another factor. It shouldnt matter if [her] interest is high enough though.

 

If she wanted to go out with YOU, but was not interested in the botanical garden, she would agree to go out with you but suggest a different place. Also, she would make time. She wouldn't leave open-ended maybes.

[10023711]

If she wanted to go out with YOU, but was not interested in the botanical garden, she would agree to go out with you but suggest a different place. Also, she would make time. She wouldn't leave open-ended maybes.

 

I agree with probably applies to almost women/anyone. This case might be different though. Shes said "ok maybe" twice to going to the bar, but has actually followed through.

 

Ive posted on another site and many people are actually saying that a holiday weekend can affect her rescheduling this far ahead and how she may just have a lot going on. Or that she knows things will work itself out when i get back. Others are saying shes just not interested. Its like 50/50.

 

She seeing how she treated me the night before and that text are very contrasting. She was too flirty and i could tell she saught me out at the bar. Im certain. Someone with no interest wouldnt do that. She wasnt just friendly. Her body language spoke more than that.

[figureitout23]

If she wanted to go out with YOU, but was not interested in the botanical garden, she would agree to go out with you but suggest a different place. Also, she would make time. She wouldn't leave open-ended maybes.

 

I don't think all women follow these absolutes and obviously I can't speak for all men, but I don't think they do either. I don't think any of us do.

 

I mean it's smart to follow a safe path and the typical social norms but sometimes it's so grey it's worth taking a risk. If a guy gave me a bad vibe, I can't say I would hug him. I'm just being honest, putting myself in this situation. If I was completely turned off by someone, I don't think I'd want to touch them and I'm a very friendly huggy person.

 

With the last guy I dated, if my memory serves me correct, by date 3 he did something, which I can't even remember what it was now, that annoyed me so when he planned the 4th date during the 3rd, I was kinda meh about it and gave a wish washy 'sure'. I was on the fence. The day of the date he texted to confirm and I didn't really want to go, so I texted back 'I'll see'. By that evening, I said screw it and agreed and things were back on track. Obviously everyone's expiereinces differ, but if he's choosing to go after someone who's luke warm, at worst she'll string him along until someone better comes along and best they date. I can't say it's a path I'd knowingly choose but hey, if he wants to do it...

 

OPer I'm not saying you absolutely have a shot, I'm not even convinced you think you do, part of me thinks this need to 'fix' things has nothing to do with her, but I can't cosign these absolutes knowing I myself have not followed them. I have lost and regained interest in men, it's all in how you do it.

[MissCanuck]

OP, when a girl is really interested, you don't need to do so much analyzing and guessing and debating.

[10023711]

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