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I've screwed up big time. (insulting a girl and her knowing im inexperienced)

10023711

By 10023711
in Dating Advice

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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This is the first time shes seen me with him. And she just texted back. She said hey sorry and that she has homework to do. Its not over i guess.

 

If she didn't offer alternative day, then yes it IS over.

 

Please learn this. When a woman is interested, but not available for a date, she will suggest another day when she IS available, NOT say, sorry I have homework." Come on!

 

She is not interested OP, and since you appear to be seriously invested in this and her, I would suggest you move on.

 

Unless you are looking to get your heart torn out.

 

Why can't you let go?

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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If she didn't offer alternative day, then yes it IS over.

 

She is not interested OP, and since you appear to be seriously invested in this and her, I would suggest you move on.

 

Unless you are looking to get your heart torn out.

 

Why can't you let go?

 

Just because she doesn't blank you in public doesn't mean she wants your bod

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10023711 Community Regular

10023711

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Unless she just noticed your friend and wants to get to him through you. Don't get your hopes up.

 

Sorry, just trying to be honest. Building an interaction up in your head can distort your perception a lot. Be careful.

 

Today or yesterday was her first time seeing him.

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10023711 Community Regular

10023711

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If she didn't offer alternative day, then yes it IS over.

 

Please learn this. When a woman is interested, but not available for a date, she will suggest another day when she IS available, NOT say, sorry I have homework." Come on!

 

She is not interested OP, and since you appear to be seriously invested in this and her, I would suggest you move on.

 

Unless you are looking to get your heart torn out.

 

Why can't you let go?

 

Idk the text was more like " sorry i have to write a research paper *today*. She may have thrown the today part in, in oder to not completely take it off the table. She has offered to reschedule in the past though

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10023711 Community Regular

10023711

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If she didn't offer alternative day, then yes it IS over.

 

Please learn this. When a woman is interested, but not available for a date, she will suggest another day when she IS available, NOT say, sorry I have homework." Come on!

 

She is not interested OP, and since you appear to be seriously invested in this and her, I would suggest you move on.

 

Unless you are looking to get your heart torn out.

 

Why can't you let go?

 

Im going to try to become less invested in the next few weeks. I know she might be interested, but i cant get stuck over her.

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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Idk the text was more like " sorry i have to write a research paper *today*. She may have thrown the today part in, in oder to not completely take it off the table. She has offered to reschedile in the past though

 

Tell you what.

 

Since you are still uncertain, text her back, tell her that's cool, be direct and ask her what day next week she IS available.

 

Her response will tell you what you need to know..

 

Meaning if she has a zillion things to do next week, but will "let you know," trust me she is not interested.

 

Do you know what projecting is?

 

I think this is what you are doing, it's fairly common.

 

You like her so you are projecting your feelings on to her and presuming she likes you too.

 

Based on her actions, she doesn't.

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10023711 Community Regular

10023711

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If I liked a guy, he would know. You're grasping at straws. Her not offering something up and giving an excuse is her attempt to be polite.

 

Well the weekend is over and school starts. Also thanksgiving weekend is coming around.

 

I think she threw in word "today" in order to leave it open. Im just not going to text back

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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I dont want to seem desperate. Thats really what pushed her away, in combination with other things. Idk

 

Too late. You have already come off as desperate.

 

By being more direct, she may admire your boldness, confidence, "no-nonsense" style.

 

You are acting weak here, sorry.

 

Cut to the chase! Ask her what day she is available. This week, next week, whenever.

 

Schedule a date!

 

If she refuses, has a zillion excuses, then please stop living in never-never land and move on!

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10023711 Community Regular

10023711

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Tell you what.

 

Since you are still uncertain, text her back, tell her that's cool, be direct and ask her what day next week she IS available.

 

Her response will tell you what you need to know..

 

Meaning if she has a zillion things to do next week, but will "let you know," trust me she is not interested.

 

Do you know what projecting is?

 

I think this is what you are doing, it's fairly common.

 

You like her so you are projecting your feelings on to her and presuming she likes you too.

 

Based on her actions, she doesn't.

 

She might not have a high interest. Maybe she likes the attention idk. She did end up coming to me at the bar though and giving me a hug. To me thats a big sign. I could tell that she was trying to find

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10023711 Community Regular

10023711

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Too late. You have already come off as desperate.

 

By being more direct, she may admire your boldness, confidence, "no-nonsense" style.

 

You are acting weak here, sorry.

 

Cut to the chase! Ask her what day she is available. This week, next week, whenever.

 

Schedule a date!

 

If she refuses, has a zillion excuses, then please stop living in never-never land and move on!

 

Ok, i may do it. Have to think about it. What youre saying makes sense.

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10023711 Community Regular

10023711

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You keep asking for advice - but insist you're right.

 

Why is that?

 

Idk, im stubborn i guess. I do it to say whats going on in my head. Im not opposing her advice. I just say whats on my mind in the case that it may have an impact on the advice given. I was trying to give a backstory.

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figureitout23 Grand Master

figureitout23

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And I can't really fix the awkwardness. I'm trying to get better at conversation. Honestly, alcohol has helped me a little bit. The things i learn while slightly intoxicated, carry over to when i'm sober. I know how to hold a basic conversation, but it is littered with awkward pauses, and at times, random statements.

 

Also, i came across that girl today. I'm almost certain she is trying to run into me. As soon as I seen her she smiled and opened her arms for a hug. I spoke to her for a little bit, and i just paused because I was about to tell my friend something. That's when her and her friends just left. My friend is pretty handsome. Girls just stare at him. As she was walking by, she just stares at him.

 

Idk what is going on. The next time i'll see her is in about 2 weeks, so idk. I might text her or something.

 

I'm going to go against the grain here,Iike I always do, and say keep trying.

 

You can sense a vibe better than anyone not in your situation, so if you feel there's still something there, who am I to say you're wrong? You have to live with your decisions, not us.

 

BUT, if this is just about being stubborn, you're going to embarrass yourself and possibly make her feel uneasy and harassed so you gotta be honest with yourself. Do you truly think that door is still open? If so, go for broke. What do you have to lose?

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10023711 Community Regular

10023711

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Too late. You have already come off as desperate.

 

By being more direct, she may admire your boldness, confidence, "no-nonsense" style.

 

You are acting weak here, sorry.

 

Cut to the chase! Ask her what day she is available. This week, next week, whenever.

 

Schedule a date!

 

If she refuses, has a zillion excuses, then please stop living in never-never land and move on!

 

She ended up saying "idk, im going home in 2 days". Its thanksgiving and people wont be back until the end of next week.

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firelily Rising Star

firelily

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Sometimes I hug and smile to guys when I meet them because I can't act not nice, but I'm annoyed that they want go away and can't wait till they finally give up and go away. That's how many young women are, they don't reject people openly until they really have to, because it's a hard thing to do even for a rejector. I have a friend who's boring me to death and I still wait when he will go away after 3 years of texting, but I'm too much of a coward to tell him this as he was always nice to me and didn't show overt romantic interest. In these 3 years, he initiated ALL of our meetings (I still reject 90% of his attempts and don't suggest another term) and started all conversations, all phone calls. Still no hint that I don't like him as much as he likes me and I wouldn't care if he stopped contacting me at all. I should change my ways, but so should you - don't be that person who tries for two people for too long.

 

Men are supposed to be initiators in the process of dating, but after one date it becomes more balanced. If attraction is mutual, both sides will try to arrange a meeting. Both sides will message first. If only one person is trying to make a meeting and the other person is like "I don't know... maybe not today..." it means they don't have balls to reject you. Either way, it's not fair to yourself to try so hard for someone who would never do the same for you, even if you're a guy. Find someone who actually keeps an interest in you and you'll see the difference.

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10023711 Community Regular

10023711

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Ok. I give you kudos for going for it though.

 

Move on, she is sooooooo not interested.

 

Not sure what more you need to realize this.

 

What if she really has a paper? And school is on mon/tues. Her major is very busy. Its kind of a bad week. Ill probably only see her in 2 weeks. Her actions in the bar indicate interest. Im guessing now that she's gotten my attention again, she may not be as interested.

 

 

Maybe she is just unsure now that ive made a move.

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10023711 Community Regular

10023711

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Sometimes I hug and smile to guys when I meet them because I can't act not nice, but I'm annoyed that they want go away and can't wait till they finally give up and go away. That's how many young women are, they don't reject people openly until they really have to, because it's a hard thing to do even for a rejector. I have a friend who's boring me to death and I still wait when he will go away after 3 years of texting, but I'm too much of a coward to tell him this as he was always nice to me and didn't show overt romantic interest. In these 3 years, he initiated ALL of our meetings (I still reject 90% of his attempts and don't suggest another term) and started all conversations, all phone calls. Still no hint that I don't like him as much as he likes me and I wouldn't care if he stopped contacting me at all. I should change my ways, but so should you - don't be that person who tries for two people for too long.

 

Men are supposed to be initiators in the process of dating, but after one date it becomes more balanced. If attraction is mutual, both sides will try to arrange a meeting. Both sides will message first. If only one person is trying to make a meeting and the other person is like "I don't know... maybe not today..." it means they don't have balls to reject you. Either way, it's not fair to yourself to try so hard for someone who would never do the same for you, even if you're a guy. Find someone who actually keeps an interest in you and you'll see the difference.

 

Well the thing is she actually tried finding me last night. I seen it with my own eyes. im pretty sure she was trying to run into me the other nights. She tried to give a hug first.

 

And when ive asked her out to bars in the past, shes always said "okay maybe after _______". As for the dinner date, she said ok sure but rescheduled it for the following week.

 

Im going to try to put her out of my mind.

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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What if she really has a paper? And school is on mon/tues. Its kind of a bad week. Ill probably only see her in 2 weeks. Her actions in the bar indicate interest. Im guessing now that she's gotten my attention again, she may not be as interested.

 

 

Maybe she is just unsure now that ive made a move.

 

OMG now you're just sounding silly. Making excuses.

 

Read firelily's last post (second paragraph) and be done with it.

 

Learn about women, please!

 

Read, get more experience, whatever, and start dealing with reality.

 

This is getting a bit ridiculous tbh, sorry.

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