I've screwed up big time. (insulting a girl and her knowing im inexperienced)

[boltnrun]

You wrote that you didn't see anything that indicated she isn't interested in you.

 

I didn't read anything that indicated she IS interested in you. Other than your hope that she might be.

[10023711]

You wrote that you didn't see anything that indicated she isn't interested in you.

 

I didn't read anything that indicated she IS interested in you. Other than your hope that she might be.

 

We went on a date. She was the one that wanted to bar hop with me on a previous "date". She would drink out of my cup. We kissed. She said she doesnt want ro see me go since i was a senior. Shes the one that pulled me aside after introducing myself to her, she hugged me yesterday before apologising. etc.

[boltnrun]

We went on a date. She was the one that wanted to bar hop with me on a previous "date". She would drink out of my cup. We kissed. She said she doesnt want ro see me go since i was a senior. Shes the one that pulled me aside after introducing myself to her, she hugged me yesterday after apologising. etc.

 

I mean after the bad texts, not before.

 

I hug lots of people. It doesn't indicate romantic interest or attraction. It means "We're fine, we're cool".

[10023711]

I mean after the bad texts, not before.

 

I hug lots of people. It doesn't indicate romantic interest or attraction. It means "We're fine, we're cool".

 

Yea i guess i dont really know. She never texted back, so thats a bad sign. Though, she's never texted me first in the past. Im leaning more towards her being not interested as of now, but who knows. Ill know if i run into her. Not going to text.

[MissCanuck]

I didnt ask her out. And girls go on fraternity dates all of the time. It could be friendly. They have them every week.

 

Well, of course not - there's been zero opportunity now that she's stopped responding to your messages. If she were interested in seeing you, I assure you she wouldn't have stopped replying. She didn't keep the door open for you to ask for a date, and that was not an oversight on her part.

[Jibralta]

How did i objectify her lol?

 

i looked to RedPill for advice (i don't follow them). One guy said to tell her to come to the bar and say "you're not the greatest kisser, but i can give you another chance".

 

Would a girl who is really promiscuous be turned off by this?

 

You consulted an 'instruction manual' like she was a piece of simple sexual machinery, not a complex human being. Also, you genuinely seem to believe that her promiscuity could somehow be indicative of how much "wiggle room" you had in screwing up (as mustlovedogs so aptly put).

 

Maybe that's not how you usually are, but that's what you showed her. Face it.

 

This place seems to be riddled with old farts and their pitch forks.

 

]

]

 

I was just ed up in that moment

 

Don't worry, there will be other moments.

[10023711]

Well, of course not - there's been zero opportunity now that she's stopped responding to your messages. If she were interested in seeing you, I assure you she wouldn't have stopped replying. She didn't keep the door open for you to ask for a date, and that was not an oversight on her part.

 

Yea, i sent those messages the same day / next day. What i assumed was maybe she was just mad at me, and that's why she didn't respond, but idk. And since she's not the type to text me first, she felt no need at that point. When i apologized, she legitimately sounded like it was not even a big deal at all to her. I may just not be that into me, and that's why she didn't respond that day.

 

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The night before, she left me hanging at a bar (the same day as our evening date). In which she just apologized in the morning after i texted her. Maybe she felt i was being too needy or just wasn't into me. Thats the day where i sent her "hey, you should come downtown". She said "at [bar name]". I said "where" and she never responded. She later apologized and said she was drunk. What confused me is that she never even had to message me where she was.

[firelily]

From what I read it seems you don't care about her as a person, you think she's sl*tty and you treat her like it was a masculinity test to pass. You just want to get laid/kiss/hangout with a girl who doesn't run away.

 

Why do you want to get that from this particular girl, rather than, say, other promiscuous girls that would be polite to you and interested in casual dating?

[10023711]

You consulted an 'instruction manual' like she was a piece of simple sexual machinery, not a complex human being. Also, you genuinely seem to believe that her promiscuity could somehow be indicative of how much "wiggle room" you had in screwing up (as mustlovedogs so aptly put).

 

Maybe that's not how you usually are, but that's what you showed her. Face it.

 

 

 

]

]

 

 

 

Don't worry, there will be other moments.

 

I wouldn't do it again, but i would have probably said the same thing that night, even if she wasn't promiscuous. At least that's what I think. I think part of me did it because I felt like I was losing her, my thinking was impaired. I wouldn't have said anything sober. Also, she doesn't know that I know she's promiscuous. She probably does assume that I want to sleep with her, as I've mentioned her coming to my place. I'm graduating, but i don't mind dating her.

 

 

And where did i consult a manual lol? I simply asked for advice, and that's what someone said. Is this forum considered a manual in that case? -- And as far a sex goes, some women like one night stands, so i don't see how that makes me bad for wanting them.... I'm open to a dating or one night stands.

[10023711]

From what I read it seems you don't care about her as a person, you think she's sl*tty and you treat her like it was a masculinity test to pass. You just want to get laid/kiss/hangout with a girl who doesn't run away.

 

Why do you want to get that from this particular girl, rather than, say, other promiscuous girls that would be polite to you and interested in casual dating?

 

She was polite to me. I don't know if she wants something more casual or not. I did treat her like a person, because i talked to her and asked about herself lol. I wanted to kiss her because I assumed that's what she wanted... me to make my move while at her apartment...

 

Who knows what she wants.... ? And yes, i want to get laid. As do many other guys and girls my age. I'm sure you want to get laid. I don't mind dating her.

 

 

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I just said one bad thing to her.

[mustlovedogs]

Yea, i sent those messages the same day / next day. What i assumed was maybe she was just mad at me, and that's why she didn't respond, but idk. And since she's not the type to text me first, she felt no need at that point. When i apologized, she legitimately sounded like it was not even a big deal at all to her. I may just not be that into me, and that's why she didn't respond that day.

 

Let me tell you a story.

 

I was out drinking with a guy I sometimes work with (and a few other coworkers as well) recently.

 

This guy was belligerent. He kept hitting on me and escalating his advances. I told him numerous times I'm not comfortable and to cut it out. He wouldn't, and it eventually resulted in me yelling at him in the bar. I left angrily in a taxi.

 

Next day, I saw him at work. I didn't acknowledge anything and we acted as if it was all fine.

 

That's a social contract. It's all fine as long as we both have the understanding not to repeat it and not to talk about it. It happened, I moved past it...

 

But under no circumstances will I ever hang out with him outside work again, drink with him again, or respond to non-work related messages.

 

So it looks like I'm fine with it. But our dynamic has changed and is going to be different forevermore.

 

Does that make sense to you? How she's acting may indicate MATURITY, not being ok (or, even more ludicrous, interest)

[reinventmyself]

it's the tone - that because she is supposedly promiscuous, she should lower the bar and make an exception by overlooking your poor judgment.

Well. . that's my take on it anyway.

[firelily]

She was polite to me. I don't know if she wants something more casual or not. I did treat her like a person, because i talked to her and asked about herself lol. I wanted to kiss her because I assumed that's what she wanted... me to make my move while at her apartment...

 

Who knows what she wants.... ? And yes, i want to get laid. As do many other guys and girls my age. I'm sure you want to get laid. I don't mind dating her.

 

 

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I just said one bad thing to her.

 

Yeah but you've blown your chances with her and you spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get her interest back which wasn't that high in the first place.

 

Isn't it easier to find a new girl to get laid?

 

Why is this girl special to you among other girls? I'm sure you can find another one with less effort than trying to get this one back. Was the the only girl that have been polite to you your entire life?

 

You just want to get to her pants and well, many girls have pants too. This one won't be dropping hers for you anytime soon.

[10023711]

Let me tell you a story.

 

I was out drinking with a guy I sometimes work with (and a few other coworkers as well) recently.

 

This guy was belligerent. He kept hitting on me and escalating his advances. I told him numerous times I'm not comfortable and to cut it out. He wouldn't, and it eventually resulted in me yelling at him in the bar. I left angrily in a taxi.

 

Next day, I saw him at work. I didn't acknowledge anything and we acted as if it was all fine.

 

That's a social contract. It's all fine as long as we both have the understanding not to repeat it and not to talk about it. It happened, I moved past it...

 

But under no circumstances will I ever hang out with him outside work again, drink with him again, or respond to non-work related messages.

 

So it looks like I'm fine with it. But our dynamic has changed and is going to be different forevermore.

 

Does that make sense to you? How she's acting may indicate MATURITY, not being ok (or, even more ludicrous, interest)

 

That's something i've considered to be likely, but you never know. That's why i'm just going to move on, but i'm still open to her being interested down the road. I think the insult + me becoming needy after the date is what turned her off. Time might fix that. I've been texting her every weekend for the past month, so maybe if i back off, she'll have more interest. The difference between that guy and me is she was actually interested in me. She actually made effort to make conversation with me the other night, possibly out of kindness, but i'm not going to worry about it.

[Jibralta]

And where did i consult a manual lol? I simply asked for advice, and that's what someone said. Is this forum considered a manual in that case?

 

"Manual" is an appropriate term to describe the RedPill strategy specifically addressing "a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men." However, I put the term in quotes in my original post to indicate the fact that I was using it as an analogy.

 

This forum is for general advice, so "manual" is not appropriate.

 

And as far a sex goes, some women like one night stands, so i don't see how that makes me bad for wanting them.... I'm open to a dating or one night stands.

 

Wanting them is one thing. Thinking they are all the same is another.

[10023711]

it's the tone - that because she is supposedly promiscuous, she should lower the bar and make an exception by overlooking your poor judgment.

Well. . that's my take on it anyway.

 

No, i would have apologized to any girl the same way. Personally, if I were a girl, and a guy apologized to sincerely, i would forgive them. If they didn't, or seemed cocky afterwards, i'd probably tell them to f*ck off. I'd just be wary of them later on.

[10023711]

Yeah but you've blown your chances with her and you spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get her interest back which wasn't that high in the first place.

 

Isn't it easier to find a new girl to get laid?

 

Why is this girl special to you among other girls? I'm sure you can find another one with less effort than trying to get this one back. Was the the only girl that have been polite to you your entire life?

 

You just want to get to her pants and well, many girls have pants too. This one won't be dropping hers for you anytime soon.

 

She seemed really interested in me, that's why I liked her. When i first met her i introduced myself, talked for a few minutes, then went about my way. After a while I feel a girl grab my arm as i walk by. She then starts to talk to me and stuff. That's why i really liked her, because she was interested in me.

 

I'm not great with socializing, so its been difficult finding girls who are interested even though i'm not bad looking.

[firelily]

No, i would have apologized to any girl the same way. Personally, if I were a girl, and a guy apologized to sincerely, i would forgive them. If they didn't, or seemed cocky afterwards, i'd probably tell them to f*ck off.

 

If a guy is interested only in sex, sure he can sleep with a girl even if she treats him as a moron and apologizes later. Cause free sex doesn't come every day, so what's to lose?

 

For young women, free sex is available every day. She has plenty of guys to choose from, including guys who act respectful and tactful to her and think of her as a smart person. Guys who make her laugh and make her feel wonderful about herself. So while she obviously forgave you and isn't angry with you, she probably has better dating options available.

[10023711]

If a guy is interested only in sex, sure he can sleep with a girl even if she treats him as a moron and apologizes later. Cause free sex doesn't come every day, so what's to lose?

 

For young women, free sex is available every day. She has plenty of guys to choose from, including guys who act respectful and tactful to her and think of her as a smart person. Guys who make her laugh and make her feel wonderful about herself. So while she obviously forgave you and isn't angry with you, she probably has better dating options available.

 

I treated her respectful the whole time before this point. Who said i didn't think of her as smart? And yea, i'm not a funny person, so i'm pretty much f*cked in life. Most girls want a guy who can make her laugh, and that's what i've found out in life. That's probably the biggest issue i've been dealing with.

[firelily]

She seemed really interested in me, that's why I liked her. When i first met her i introduced myself, talked for a few minutes, then went about my way. After a while I feel a girl grab my arm as i walk by. She then starts to talk to me and stuff. That's why i really liked her, because she was interested in me.

 

I'm not great with socializing, so its been difficult finding girls who are interested even though i'm not bad looking.

 

So it's the perfect time to start socializing with girls! You should never hold onto someone just because it's difficult to find other people. With that attitude people get into some toxic, destructive relationships. If you have a difficult time socializing with girls, socialize with them until it becomes easier. I guarantee they were, are, and will be many girls interested in you, you just have to learn how to be nice to women and secure about yourself. And it's a good thing that you don't think you're bad looking. That already puts you in a better position than many guys who think of themselves in a negative way. You will find another girl interested in you. Don't hold onto one random girl just because she used to be interested in you.

[firelily]

I treated her respectful the whole time before this point. Who said i didn't think of her as smart? And yea, i'm not a funny person, so i'm pretty much f*cked in life. Most girls want a guy who can make her laugh, and that's what i've found out in life. That's probably the biggest issue i've been dealing with.

 

Yeah... well that's true. Good sense of humor is a more appealing quality than good looks to many women.

 

But I'm sure you have other cool qualities. If you learn how to show respect to women, that will give you a head start to other guys.

 

I recommend having some girl friends - just friends. A lot of men are conditioned to see women like they're aliens, a mystery to solve or a land to conquer. We're the same human beings like you, we fart, we hate waking up on Monday, we have hopes, dreams, fears and insecurities. Hang out with girl, ask them a lot of questions, and really, really listen to their answers. Get to know them as people. This way you won't be so anxious when you actually date one, and maybe some casual opportunities will appear.

 

Stay away from PUA sites because it was invented by satan to make people miserable lol. No really, these places generate abusive losers that girls wish they've never met.

 

Be nice and respectful to women, respect their lack of interest, be open to opportunities and show your interest in an open but respectful way, and you should do fine in the dating field.

[10023711]

Yeah... well that's true. Good sense of humor is a more appealing quality than good looks to many women.

 

But I'm sure you have other cool qualities. If you learn how to show respect to women, that will give you a head start to other guys.

 

I recommend having some girl friends - just friends. A lot of men are conditioned to see women like they're aliens, a mystery to solve or a land to conquer. We're the same human beings like you, we fart, we hate waking up on Monday, we have hopes, dreams, fears and insecurities. Hang out with girl, ask them a lot of questions, and really, really listen to their answers. Get to know them as people. This way you won't be so anxious when you actually date one, and maybe some casual opportunities will appear.

 

Stay away from PUA sites because it was invented by satan to make people miserable lol. No really, these places generate abusive losers that girls wish they've never met.

 

Be nice and respectful to women, respect their lack of interest, be open to opportunities and show your interest in an open but respectful way, and you should do fine in the dating field.

 

I have other qualities, but it take time for them to show. Most girls at bars will not be interested in you if they feel bored and have not laughed. Many will not care to know you further, even if you are good looking enough. Its all about humor and laughing, which makes them feel comfortable. I respect women, i just sent that really bad text. I've never said something like that to a girl.

 

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I've talked to many girls who seemed attracted (a lot of eye contact etc), but when they find out i'm not really fun or awkward, they don't want anything to do with me. I swear i just have normal conversations with girls, but i tend to not know what to say much of the time. I probably seemed like i'm crazy based on what i've written here but i'm not. I pretty much befriend most people, even though i don't talk much. I can't remember falling out with someone, besides this girl, in recent memory.

[ammielou]

Yeah, she isnt going to go there with you after you saying that to her. I think you should learn think before you speak and grow up. You may call her promiscuous but you've shown yourself to disrespect woman.

[thealchemist]

I have other qualities, but it take time for them to show. Most girls at bars will not be interested in you if they feel bored and have not laughed. Many will not care to know you further, even if you are good looking enough. Its all about humor and laughing, which makes them feel comfortable. I respect women, i just sent that really bad text. I've never said something like that to a girl.

 

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I've talked to many girls who seemed attracted (a lot of eye contact etc), but when they find out i'm not really fun or awkward, they don't want anything to do with me. I swear i just have normal conversations with girls, but i tend to not know what to say much of the time. I probably seemed like i'm crazy based on what i've written here but i'm not. I pretty much befriend most people, even though i don't talk much. I can't remember falling out with someone, besides this girl, in recent memory.

I would stop presuming on what woman want in such general terms. I would think that if you actually knew you wouldn't be looking up PUA crap.

[10023711]

I would stop presuming on what woman want in such general terms. I would think that if you actually knew you wouldn't be looking up PUA crap.

 

I realized PUA was crap a LONG time ago. I just made a post on reddit, and someone commented under it suggesting that their wife said that I should say that.