I've screwed up big time. (insulting a girl and her knowing im inexperienced)

[katrina1980]

I realized PUA was crap a LONG time ago. I just made a post on reddit, and someone commented under it suggesting that their wife said that I should say that.

 

PUA stands for "pick up artist" meaning if a guy is looking for a "pick up" (hook-up), if executed properly, some (not all) of its advice may "work" assuming a woman is also looking to hook up.

 

It's a different mindset. Geared more towards "gaming" and the like, for both men and women.

 

But for those seeking a meaningful, substantive long term relationship, it's crap.

 

My opinion.

[thealchemist]

I realized PUA was crap a LONG time ago. I just made a post on reddit, and someone commented under it suggesting that their wife said that I should say that.

I am just saying some of your issues could be based of your preconceived notions.

 

Your post that I quoted first talks about how you approaches don't work because woman want this or that.

 

That is your problem. Get that crap out of your head. Stop trying to act a certain way expecting a certain outcome. And stop assuming you know what the woman that reject you actually want.

 

If being yourself doesn't work on a woman then that woman probably isn't for you. How long do you think you could change your nature to suit what you assume woman want? Just sounds like setting yourself up for failure.

 

Now if you have some big flaws you are aware of there is nothing wrong with addressing then and trying to work on a specific issue. But that doesn't sound like your issue.

 

PUA to me is just trying to manipulate a girl using her insecurities to get in her pants. Pathetic that someone has to use a person's weaknesses like that instead of relying on their self.

 

Only weak men like weak woman.

[firelily]

I'd say PUA stuff is crap even for people who are looking for respectful, short-term, casual encounters.

 

One time a guy took me for a "promiscuous" girl and did some PUA/manipulation stuff on me (it was summer and I dressed the way I dressed and acted free-spirited, but in fact I'm a fragile and sensitive person). It resulted in my trauma, even though nothing physical happened. If I ever spot another PUA tactic played on me, some text I already know from some PUA site, the hell will unleash on the person who will try that.

[Jibralta]

Do you realize how inconsistent you are in your reasoning? On one hand, you say people can't be generalized--which is a wise observation:

 

Each situation in real life is different and cant really be generalized completely.

 

But then you go and make sweeping generalizations about women:

 

Most girls at bars will not be interested in you if they feel bored and have not laughed. Many will not care to know you further, even if you are good looking enough. Its all about humor and laughing, which makes them feel comfortable.

 

-

I've talked to many girls who seemed attracted (a lot of eye contact etc), but when they find out i'm not really fun or awkward, they don't want anything to do with me.

 

And here's another inconsistency:

 

I realized PUA was crap a LONG time ago. I just made a post on reddit, and someone commented under it suggesting that their wife said that I should say that.

 

Again with the inconsistency. If you think PUA is crap, then why are you convinced that "a lot of eye contact etc" means that a girl is attracted to you? If you think PUA is crap, why are you consulting RedPill and following the advice that they give you?

[10023711]

Do you realize how inconsistent you are in your reasoning? On one hand, you say people can't be generalized--which is a wise observation:

 

 

 

But then you go and make sweeping generalizations about women:

 

 

 

And here's another inconsistency:

 

 

 

Again with the inconsistency. If you think PUA is crap, then why are you convinced that "a lot of eye contact etc" means that a girl is attracted to you? If you think PUA is crap, why are you consulting RedPill and following the advice that they give you?

 

PUA stuff is crap. Realizing that a girls might be attracted if you catch them giving you prolonged eye contact is not PUA crap. It's common sense. Its ok to go for girls who dont give eye contact too.

 

And i make a sweeping generalization about women liking guys who are funny because its pretty f*ing true. They've done studies, and its also common sense. Sure, some girls wont care as much, but a majority like humor. Who doesn't. It's been consistently ranked at the top of the list of personality characteristics that women look in men. Being funny will help you get the woman you want

[10023711]

I am just saying some of your issues could be based of your preconceived notions.

 

Your post that I quoted first talks about how you approaches don't work because woman want this or that.

 

That is your problem. Get that crap out of your head. Stop trying to act a certain way expecting a certain outcome. And stop assuming you know what the woman that reject you actually want.

 

If being yourself doesn't work on a woman then that woman probably isn't for you. How long do you think you could change your nature to suit what you assume woman want? Just sounds like setting yourself up for failure.

 

Now if you have some big flaws you are aware of there is nothing wrong with addressing then and trying to work on a specific issue. But that doesn't sound like your issue.

 

PUA to me is just trying to manipulate a girl using her insecurities to get in her pants. Pathetic that someone has to use a person's weaknesses like that instead of relying on their self.

 

Only weak men like weak woman.

 

I pretty much act like my normal self around people. It's actually been a thing of mine to not try to act like someone i'm not. I pretty much broke character. I'm not naturally a funny guy, but i don't go out and rehearse jokes or anything. I don't say cheesy pickup lines. This girl that i'm talking about seemed to like me, that's why i really like her.

 

My flaws would include not having the greatest confidence (but you wouldnt really know it in real life), not being talkative, and having anxiety which causes me to over analyze every detail. I'd say everything else about me is normal.

 

If youre at a bar, its just going to be 1000x easier if you are witty, or can joke around.

[katrina1980]

I'd say PUA stuff is crap even for people who are looking for respectful, short-term, casual encounters.

 

One time a guy took me for a "promiscuous" girl and did some PUA/manipulation stuff on me (it was summer and I dressed the way I dressed and acted free-spirited, but in fact I'm a fragile and sensitive person). It resulted in my trauma, even though nothing physical happened. If I ever spot another PUA tactic played on me, some text I already know from some PUA site, the hell will unleash on the person who will try that.

 

I'm sorry for your trauma firelily.

 

I'm sensitive too, and was very naive in many ways, never even knew what PUA was until last year when I started dating again after LTR ended.

 

So I educated myself about it, learned what to look for, and sort of had fun with it. Never really took it or the man seriously. It all about "game."

 

I think once you know what to look for, which it sounds like you do now, less likely to feel traumatized by it.

 

Now that I'm seeking substantive LTR, I am looking for different things.

 

No thanks to PUAs although still like to banter and tease. Even the occasional neg, I dont take offense, I know what he's doing and will toss one back.

 

That can be fun as long as we're on same page re what we are seeking long term and there is enough substance in our interactions to move towards that in a meaningful way.

[December123]

Not to be mean, but you should just give up. This is the FIRST TIME you've ever properly hung out and you insulted her, she's not going to give you a second chance after that, you basically screwed up your first impression. Some girls don't mind if ur inexperienced, just as long as ur not a jerk about it. Just find someone else and don't beat urself up about it 😊😊

[10023711]

Not to be mean, but you should just give up. This is the FIRST TIME you've ever properly hung out and you insulted her, she's not going to give you a second chance after that, you basically screwed up your first impression. Some girls don't mind if ur inexperienced, just as long as ur not a jerk about it. Just find someone else and don't beat urself up about it 😊😊

 

Ive been around women, i just havent gotten to the dating stage. Partially because ive only asked 1/2 girls a year, many of whom had boyfriends and i barely knew them.

 

It would take me forever to find a girl that was as interested as her. She actually physically displayed being interested in me. She said shes fine. Ive been around enough women to know that she was really interested.

 

Im going to give it one last shot with her. I just dont know if i should text her now or just wait. Everyone says shes not interested etc. They said the same thibgs to me weeks ago, but she ended up going on a date with me. Anything is possible and this situation might be unique.

 

 

Im just discouraged that she never replied to my text a week ago. Possibly out of anger. Or disinterest. I dont know which one.

[10023711]

Another thing that discouraged me was her leaving me hanging at the bar, even though she told me she was there. Im thinking i just got too clingy. (After the date).

 

This was technically our second date. We met up at a bar a couple of weeks before.

[firelily]

It would take me forever to find a girl that was as interested as her.

 

If it's gonna take you forever to find someone else, it's gonna take you forever and a day to get her her interest back.

 

No confident girl would be interested in dating someone who is chasing her just because he thinks she's the only girl in the universe that said hello back to him.

 

I guarantee you statistically have more luck with any other girl on the planet than with her now.

[10023711]

If it's gonna take you forever to find someone else, it's gonna take you forever and a day to get her her interest back.

 

No confident girl would be interested in dating someone who is chasing her just because he thinks she's the only girl in the universe that said hello back to him.

 

I guarantee you statistically have more luck with any other girl on the planet than with her now.

 

That's why i haven't texted her. I figured it would be desperate. She doesn't know how much i like her. What she does know is that i've only kissed one other girl, which probably conveys to her that i have no other options for whatever reason. I would never really chase her. I would only text her to set up dates, and that's it. I'm thinking about just waiting a while and then talking to her. I keep running into her at the bar. I'll just go talk to other girls tonight.

[boltnrun]

Do you like her because you sincerely like her?...or do you like her just because she's the only girl who seemed to show interest?

[10023711]

Do you like her because you sincerely like her?...or do you like her just because she's the only girl who seemed to show interest?

 

Girls show interest somewhat frequently. Im not super attractive, but attractive enough. They usually lose attraction when they see how awkward i am. She showed interest despite this and kept showing interest. Also, im mixed. I live in a part of the US where dating is way harder than, lets say New York or California for someone who looks like me.

 

Im at odds given those two circumstances.

[mustlovedogs]

Girls show interest somewhat frequently. Im not super attractive, but attractive enough. They usually lose attraction when they see how awkward i am. She showed interest despite this and kept showing interest. Also, im mixed. I live in a part of the US where dating is way harder than, lets say New York or California for someone who looks like me.

 

Im at odds given those two circumstances.

 

I would imagine NY is one of the hardest places to date?

 

How are you working on your awkwardness?

[10023711]

I would imagine NY is one of the hardest places to date?

 

How are you working on your awkwardness?

 

ALL of the girls that have been somewhat receptive have been from up north. I live in SC and go to a large university in a conservative town. If youre not greek, your social life is non existent. I made some friends senior year and started meeting girls at bars.

[10023711]

I would imagine NY is one of the hardest places to date?

 

How are you working on your awkwardness?

 

And I can't really fix the awkwardness. I'm trying to get better at conversation. Honestly, alcohol has helped me a little bit. The things i learn while slightly intoxicated, carry over to when i'm sober. I know how to hold a basic conversation, but it is littered with awkward pauses, and at times, random statements.

 

Also, i came across that girl today. I'm almost certain she is trying to run into me. As soon as I seen her she smiled and opened her arms for a hug. I spoke to her for a little bit, and i just paused because I was about to tell my friend something. That's when her and her friends just left. My friend is pretty handsome. Girls just stare at him. As she was walking by, she just stares at him.

 

Idk what is going on. The next time i'll see her is in about 2 weeks, so idk. I might text her or something.

[Pleasedonot5]

I want to know why others think what they think. The commenter above listed a reason completely different from mine, which i dont agree with

 

You kept telling me there was no way to recover and how im delusional, but it turns out i didnt completely sink the ship after all. Thats why theres never hurt in trying. Each situation in real life is different and cant really be generalized completely.

She's not interested. Big clue, "she's with her frat date."

 

Other posters know she is not interested, because she didn't text you back. To me, she saw you and was just being pleasant. I think you apologized, said your piece, and now you need to move on. There is a literal 0% chance she's coming back, no matter your next move.

[Pleasedonot5]

For f*cks sake. You guys are just labeling me at this point. I know how to be nice to people. My friends actually comment on how nice i am. Ive made one mistake that even i can see as stupid. I just have diagnosed social anxiety/general anxiety so ive been trying to get better at talking to people. If she's interested at some point why leave her alone forever? That makes no sense. I think you guys just want to gang up on me and hate the fact that she's forgiving for what i said.

Tough love advice is just that: tough. You don't want to hear it, but everyone here is giving you the same advice, not to gang up on you (because I don't think anyone here has personal stake in this conversation), but to help you.

 

You clutch at some faint hope that she's still interested based on the signals you felt she gave you. What did she do, hug you, talk to you for 20 seconds? These are not necessarily signs that someone is interested, and in this case based on context it really seems as if she's not.

[10023711]

She's not interested. Big clue, "she's with her frat date."

 

Other posters know she is not interested, because she didn't text you back. To me, she saw you and was just being pleasant. I think you apologized, said your piece, and now you need to move on. There is a literal 0% chance she's coming back, no matter your next move.

 

She didnt text back because she was mad and/or i was being needy. Also, she never initiates texts first. Im almost certain she purposefully tried to run into me 2 days in a row. And this frat guy is someone shes known for a while. She was OVERLY pleasant. She initiated the hug and made sure it lingered. She had a big smile on her face.

[Pleasedonot5]

She didnt text back because she was mad and/or i was being needy. Also, she never initiates texts first. Im almost certain she purposefully tried to run into me 2 days in a row. And this frat guy is someone shes known for a while. She was OVERLY pleasant. She initiated the hug and made sure it lingered. She had a big smile on her face.

Okay, so a couple possibilities: some of those are typically signs someone finds you attractive, or maybe she was drinking, or maybe she just has a flirty personality (that's the kind of thing I would do too with someone who is enjoying my company - no playing intended). You mentioned you have anxiety/social anxiety... So then you are not an expert at social interaction (I mean you can get there eventually, but for the sake of the argument you aren't now). Is there a possibility you are misreading/misinterpreting her actions?

 

If I may, and you can take this advice or leave it, your call. Getting together with the people I have fallen in love with thus far was so easy. It wasn't a struggle to figure out if they were interested or not. It was so easy. That you are struggling immensely with this woman means that this is not the person you are going to end up with.

 

And if you're just looking for sex from her, then you should have very little to no investment in her, because your interactions with her are messing with your head. Leave her behind and find someone else.

[10023711]

Okay, so a couple possibilities: some of those are typically signs someone finds you attractive, or maybe she was drinking, or maybe she just has a flirty personality (that's the kind of thing I would do too with someone who is enjoying my company - no playing intended). You mentioned you have anxiety/social anxiety... So then you are not an expert at social interaction (I mean you can get there eventually, but for the sake of the argument you aren't now). Is there a possibility you are misreading/misinterpreting her actions?

 

If I may, and you can take this advice or leave it, your call. Getting together with the people I have fallen in love with thus far was so easy. It wasn't a struggle to figure out if they were interested or not. It was so easy. That you are struggling immensely with this woman means that this is not the person you are going to end up with.

 

And if you're just looking for sex from her, then you should have very little to no investment in her, because your interactions with her are messing with your head. Leave her behind and find someone else.

 

Im pretty good at reading social interaction after its happened or if im observing an interaction that doesnt involve me. It comes with being extremely socially anxious. You analyze interactions and it plays back like a loop in your head, at least for me.

 

I agree that it should be easy to tell whos interested. She seems that way to me, but my experience is limited. Part of her being luke warm is the fact that im not outgoing. If my personality were different, it would be a totally different story

[Pleasedonot5]

Im pretty good at reading social interaction after its happened or if im observing an interaction that doesnt involve me. It comes with being extremely socially anxious. You analyze interactions and it plays back like a loop in your head, at least for me.

 

I agree that it should be easy to tell whos interested. She seems that way to me, but my experience is limited. Part of her being luke warm is the fact that im not outgoing. If my personality were different, it would be a totally different story

That's fair, I have similar experience. I started out pretty socially reserved myself and I can agree with the analysing that comes afterward. That's kind of how I learned.

 

I think your personality might play a part but don't you think it's possible that there is someone great out there who will totally dig you, and it will be natural? I mean it happened for me when I was more reserved.

[10023711]

That's fair, I have similar experience. I started out pretty socially reserved myself and I can agree with the analysing that comes afterward. That's kind of how I learned.

 

I think your personality might play a part but don't you think it's possible that there is someone great out there who will totally dig you, and it will be natural? I mean it happened for me when I was more reserved.

 

There should have been by now, i guess. Either way just texted her asking if she wants to go to the botanical gardens. I guess ill have my answer. Ill be completely done if she doesnt respond.

[10023711]

Yea no response so far. I guess shes not interested. I noticed as she walked past me, she eyed my really good looking friend.

 

I made the mistake in trying to tell him something while she was talking to me.

 

Idk. She seemed really interested last night until that point. Not just trying to be nice. Have to move on at this point.