LastHope Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 So here's the problem, please do not judge. I fell for this person at the wrong time. And sorry for the length of this post. I met a guy, he was new the new manager in my work, we chatted for 10 minutes on his first shift and the next day I woke up to a friend request from him on social media. I was rushing about to go on holiday so left the request pending, when I checked it later it was gone (he later admitted he "liked" me and was drunk so sent me a request) he never even knew my name so must have looked me up on the work files. Anyway, we started texting, all day every day then I went to his a few times and it was nice, I really fell for this guy and thought he felt the same. Then all of a sudden one of the guys in work told me he was seeing another girl. I asked him about it and he said he was but stopped as it wasn't going to go anywhere but low and behold, two weeks later he got into an official relationship with this other girl. I was devastated, I fell so hard for this guy and it was so hard seeing him every day in work. Every time I seen him I couldn't help thinking "what was so wrong with me?." So I said we should just forget the whole situation as to not make work awkward but we still text each other (innocent texts) every few days. Sometimes he'd send drunk texts implying he still liked me randomly saying things like "stop being a bad influence" when I wasn't even doing anything wrong. A few months later he was saying things like "remember that time at mine....the next time you'll need to..." I'm thinking, what next time, you have a girlfriend, there won't be a next time?! A few months later again, we were back to speaking every day, he was moving stores and I ended up finally giving in and sleeping him. I know I shouldn't have, but I still cared deeply for this guy although I could not show it. A few days later he's playing the "perfect boyfriend" to his girlfriend, surprising her with a holiday for their first anniversary, why would he even still want to speak to me if he cares and loves her that much to do something like that? I told him we could never do that again. The messages got less and less frequent, I guess he was started to forget me as we didn't work together anymore so he wasn't seeing me. But then at the start of this year up until now he's still been messaging me every few weeks and trying to get me to go to his. A few months ago he found out his girlfriend was pregnant, he needs to sell his house now and buy one with his girlfriend. It hit me hard. I was devastated, I couldn't eat for days I was so distraught. I guess I always thought that eventually he'd break up with his girlfriend because how can you want to be with someone when you are constantly trying to cheat on them? This made me realise I'll never see him again or never be with him. It hurts a lot. And I know, why would I want to be with someone like this?! It's hard to get over someone when you think they're the one. I ended up going to his the other night, I thought this was something I needed to do, to see him one last time before he moves away, I thought it would give me some sort of closure. And it was so nice, just like when I first seen him. I saw a post on facebook a few days later, his girlfriend had tagged him a picture of their baby scan saying how excited they are. Then he text me saying there is still time for me to come over to his for another night together before he moves. I'm so confused, I really don't get it. Why would he still want to see me?! I guess the question is, why does this guy even care about sleeping with me etc when he has a girlfriend that he apparently loves and is expecting a child with? I don't get it. Why is he doing this to me? After all this time he is still messaging me. Why?!! This has been going on for almost two years now, the whole length of his relationship with his girlfriend. Why is he constantly trying to cheat on her with me? I know I need to forget him now, it's just so hard when he is all I can think about. Any advice is appreciated. And please don't judge me, I was so emotionally invested in this guy before I knew he had someone else on the go. Link to comment
j.man Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Did you sleep with him the night you went over for closure? Link to comment
LastHope Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 Unfortunately I did. I was a tad drunk but he was sober. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 He takes advantage of people. You, her, etc. It's sexual harassment for starters, since you work together. Read up on narcissists. It's all about them and their needs and their egos. This isn't about you or love or her, etc. He's loyal to his ego not other people. You are just a pawn like his fiancee is. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 He does this because he wants to, and because he's found a woman who's willing to allow him to use her (you). No, he doesn't do it because he loves you (or her). He is a selfish lying cheater. What about that is attractive to you? Link to comment
LastHope Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 Hi boltnrun, none of that is attractive to me. It's all his other qualities and interests that made me like him. We have so much in common (minus the cheating, I have never and never will cheat on the person I'm with) I guess I fell for the person I thought he was. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Hi boltnrun, none of that is attractive to me. It's all his other qualities and interests that made me like him. We have so much in common (minus the cheating, I have never and never will cheat on the person I'm with) I guess I fell for the person I thought he was. But now you know he's a selfish lying cheater. You can't pretend that part of him doesn't exist. Do you still want to be with him? Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 I'm so confused, I really don't get it. Why would he still want to see me?! - Read the above. He is messing you around.. because you are letting him. And reality here.. is HE is a Loser! Got a pregnant Gf.. and leading you along, still. Only way to get out of it all.. is walk! And keep walking. Don't let yourself continue to be led on anymore. Get your self esteem back! Let the Loser go now. he is not worth the pains or the effort you're giving him. ( Has his cake & eating it too). pathetic. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 I have never and never will cheat on the person I'm with) I guess I fell for the person I thought he was. ^ Yet, by the same token you're willing to assist another person to cheat on their SO. Think about it. You do have the ability to make better choices... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 What about all the lies? Cheaters and narcissist are charming but don't have integrity. Perhaps it's time for some introspection as to why you needed to be swept up in that and overlook the red flags. It's all his other qualities and interests that made me like him. We have so much in common (minus the cheating, I have never and never will cheat on the person I'm with) I guess I fell for the person I thought he was. Link to comment
avoidatallcost Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Why does he even still want to message me? Well because he wants to have sex with you. He knows you're in love with him and will have sex with him despite knowing he has a girlfriend, and because he's living with a girl it's probably not that easy for him to get new girls - so you are a convenient and easy target for him. He is moving away, so the temptation to see him should be over soon. And you should be careful, because I sincerely doubt you and his gf are the only two women he has had unprotected sex with the last two years. Go get tested. Get another bf, forget this guy. Link to comment
saluk Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Hi boltnrun, none of that is attractive to me. It's all his other qualities and interests that made me like him. We have so much in common (minus the cheating, I have never and never will cheat on the person I'm with) I guess I fell for the person I thought he was. "We have so much in common" is a pretty terrible reason to put up with someone who treats you (and others) with such little respect. I'm sure you can find other people you have things in common with. The problem is you are emotionally caught up and think that there is more here than there actually is. It's a booty call. It always has been. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 Good God! Why do you think so little of yourself??? The guy used you for sex. Period. He has treated you with so much disrespect, yet you want him to leave his pregnant gf to be with you. How lovely!!!! He sounds like such a prize. Reliable and trustworthy. NOT!!!!! He still wanted to see you, to get more sex. Why have you allowed yourself to be treated like garbage? And most importantly why haven't you blocked this pig??? He does not care about you, and is using you for sex!!!! That's it! I think that you should do some self reflection. By wanting to break up the other relationship - pathetic as it is- is beyond selfish. How would you like someone to do this to you?? Are your friends and family proud of your choices? Link to comment
Knight2001 Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 hi, this is the type of man who gives us all a bad name. he's using you but you are letting him do that. you say " I guess I fell for the person I thought he was." you know now he is not that person. he is using you for sex. get rid of him and move on. find someone who doesnt cheat on their pregnant girlfriend. i only wish you were angry enough to out him to his girlfriend to expose him for the lying cheating scheming scum he is. move on and dont think about him again. HE IS NOT WORTH IT. Link to comment
LastHope Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 Good God! Why do you think so little of yourself??? The guy used you for sex. Period. He has treated you with so much disrespect, yet you want him to leave his pregnant gf to be with you. How lovely!!!! He sounds like such a prize. Reliable and trustworthy. NOT!!!!! He still wanted to see you, to get more sex. Why have you allowed yourself to be treated like garbage? And most importantly why haven't you blocked this pig??? He does not care about you, and is using you for sex!!!! That's it! I think that you should do some self reflection. By wanting to break up the other relationship - pathetic as it is- is beyond selfish. How would you like someone to do this to you?? Are your friends and family proud of your choices? When did I ever say I wanted to break them up? I told him I would see him one last time and now anything between us has to stay non sexual. I'm not some homewrecker that is looking to split anyone up. He's moving away to start a family. Of course I'm trying to forget him, not split up a relationship. Link to comment
LastHope Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 Thanks bobby, trust me, I was very much going to out him until I found out his girlfriend is pregant. What's the point? She'd be devestated now, especially as they are looking for houses together. Link to comment
LastHope Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 But now you know he's a selfish lying cheater. You can't pretend that part of him doesn't exist. Do you still want to be with him? What I want to do is sleep for at least a year, forget everything and wake up feeling happy again. Link to comment
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