First date in four years!

[limichelle]

Well I was contacted on a different dating site a free one actually. Funny since I'm paying for eharmony at the same time. Weird how that works out 😂..well I started chatting with the guy and we have a ton in common.

 

So this Sunday I'm meeting him.

 

The problem is I haven't been on a date in four years. My ex and I split up two years ago and I had not seen him two years prior to that. We weren't long distance it's just his mental health took a turn for the worse and he could hardly function.

 

I did have that long distance communication with that guy for nine months before meeting him but I don't call that a date because his parents and my parents were there. Since he was passing through my state with them. It was more of a get together.

 

Well this is a real first date and I'm scared to be honest. I don't know what the etiquette is for paying or not paying? Do I just follow his lead and offer to pay my share? Or will that offend him?

 

Do people kiss on the first date anymore if there is interest there? Does the guy take the lead in asking for a second date?

 

I literally need a "How to date for Dummies" book. lol

 

 

 

So any advice would be helpful.

 

Thanks,

Lisa

[Wiseman2]

Make it a simple low-pressure coffee meet. That takes a lot of the angst about planning, paying, where to meet, etc off the table. There's a lot you have to play by ear chemistry-wise. If there's mutual interest, a nice text from you is a great idea.

[lostandhurt]

Relax

 

You will be fine as long as you are yourself and don't make decisions on what he may or may not do. Do what is best for you.

 

If he asked you out then in my book he pays but you can offer to cover half the bill. I have never been offended when a woman offers to pay. A good night kiss happens sometimes on the first date and sometimes a full make out session happens but that is up to what you are comfortable with. I would say as nervous as you are a good night kiss is about as far as you should go.

I have had a lot of women text me after the date telling me how much they enjoyed the date and are looking forward to getting to know me better. That kind of opens the door to even the most dense guy that the woman is interested in another date. Of course you need to decide that AFTER you have been on a date with this guy.

 

I think you will be just fine and the date will go great! Remember you are a valuable person that he wants to go on a date with.

 

Lost

[tattoobunnie]

If you're in your 30's, and he asked you, he pays. Just pay for drinks afterwards. Honestly, if you offer to pay for half on the first date, it's sets the precedence for the entire relationship as it's even steven. Men his age can play for the first meal at least! Ugh, I know my comments are going to start a gender war. I hope not. Just putting this in - This is just the first date we are talking about! Not the rest of their lives.

 

And if you are having fun throughout the date, and like him, then talk about things you'd like to do and it doesn't have to be with each other, but shows what your interests are, and if he's interested in pursuing another date, he may plan around that. Avoid the movies unless you've been dating a while (there's very little interaction time there).

 

Now if he asks what would be fun to do, and is clueless, go bowling - not kidding. It's fun, and you get to see fun dynamics in eachother.

[Billie28]

The first date is the second time you meet in my opinion.

 

You will always get a lot more contact on a free dating site for a few reasons. To start with there are much more people on a free dating site than a paid one. Every guy that messages you on a free site, you can be certain he is messaging a few if not several women at the same time. Because it's free to and why not? Men initiate more on free sites because women are more selective and rarely initiate so a man will send out feelers to many in the hope of one replying.

 

Do you kiss on the first meet? Don't waste your time worrying about that , you might not even like him as you as yet don't know him. You have only seen his best photos. And his best behaviour.

 

Who pays? Since it's only an introduction to each other and not an actual date, I would offer to pay my way.

If he asks to meet again a second time and the venue is his suggestion , he possibly should pay then. But I have always paid my own way (I'm female).

 

Good luck! Hope you have fun but don't have too high expectations. I have online dated for many years.

It was a lot of fun but probably more disappointments than success overall. I never went to a meet worrying about if he liked me, always the opposite.

 

I'm currently in a relationship with someone I met randomly traditionally.

 

Remember that just because someone is on a dating site, doesn't mean that they want a relationship.

[Matt3939]

Just try to relax. He asked you I guess he has an idea of a place. Let him pay, if it's food might want to offer half. No guy would take it. I always go 4 a hug at the end its easy no pressure. For a 2nd date I usually contact the person right away if I had fun ect. If they reply the same I ask them out again. Remember he's probably just as nervous.

[abitbroken]

Treat it as just meeting a new person and wanting to get to know them. To me, if you don't already know eachother (ie, a long time acquaintance/friend where things are turning romantic), then a first date kiss is a no no or at least don't expect it. Just take interest in the conversation and decide if you would like to see them again. This may be your next boyfriend you are meeting or it could be a good idea to accept coffee dates from other men, too, to get your feet wet again.

[Betterwithout]

I second Wiseman2's reply. Do a low key coffee date, this keeps any anxiety at bay between the both of you. You will have to gauge by the end of the date if a kiss will find it's way in. This really depends on a lot of things, (how the convo went, setting, daytime/evening, how long you spent together on the date, etc) Good luck and enjoy yourself!

[empath]

Yes -- I third the coffee/ tea date! I am a big advocate. I have been on my share of internet dates, and oddly I still feel like I'm the one always pushing for those kinds of meetings instead of grander affairs. Perhaps it seems too business-like, but I think it has major advantages:

 

1. It's cheap, eliminating too much fuss about who pays, which indeed these days is a fraught affair (as comments on these things always indicates). I'm pretty happy to buy even a quadruple mocha latte sundae for anyone! It also eliminates the fuss about what people eat (I'm vegan/ vegetarian myself, so include myself in the pains in the ass!) or drink (alcoholic or not, coffee or not...). These latter things are important to know, but also can be a headache on the first date, so I'd save it.

 

2. You're sober. I like drinking, myself, but it's kind of wondrous, especially if you can meet during daylight, to be sober. Perhaps drinking makes people more attractive, but so can a well-lit place where people are wide-awake and can hold a conversation without shouting!

 

3. So, ok, this is a bit business-like, but: you do need to know if there are any initial sparks, so this is a brief, first offline meeting. If you dig each other, even a little, you can always meet again (perhaps for the rest of your life!). But if you don't? Better to have a nice chat then to drag out drinks (or egads, a big meal). On that note, I think keeping it to 1-2 hours is good. I would have something lined up or something pretend. If you are still having a fantastic time, it's ok to leave on a high note (images of that Seinfeld episode...)!

 

Fourth for me is that it all but eliminates the kissing question -- for some, that's a detraction, but for me, much as I like kissing and all forms of physical intimacy, I would just prefer generally to hold off and not have to worry about it with someone who is, after all, nearly a total stranger. (This all assumes one is not looking for ONS or whatever, which I'm not.) I mean, if all goes well, you could be kissing pretty soon (a week or two?), so what's the big deal? Build up the spark! And is someone going to reject you if you don't kiss on the first date? Seems doubtful to me...

 

All this said, a standard disclaimer: I think unusual dates can be fun! If someone has a spontaneous reason to invite someone to something unusual for a first date, I think that's great. (Some of the best first dates I've had have been kind of like that -- once, she took me to a small party on a celebration day in the country of question, where she could see me interact with her friends, and I think it was nice!) Also, if two people feel it, go ahead and kiss! I am just kind of inserting this template here for 'STANDARD', instead of the bar/ meal.

 

Anyway, best of luck! It's terrific that you're getting back out there!

[reinventmyself]

Where internet dating is concerned, the first time you meet someone is no more than a meeting. I personally wouldn't call it or think of it as a date.

You meet each other in person and see if there is enough there to go on and from there you both decide whether to have date at another time.

 

Often times one person is more interested in the other. It's just the nature of the game.

Just be prepared to roll with it.

 

I learned early on to not be too concerned about whether they like me or would choose me. Just be your best self and focus on whether or not he's suited - for you.

It shifts your energy some.

 

I would never think of kissing someone you have agreed to meet up with. Unless something extraordinary happens. All in all it's not a good idea because after all, it isn't a date.

Especially in light of all of the people looking for hookups.

 

Know your value, choose wisely. Don't stay too long. Be your best self. Live in the moment and have fun.

That's all I got.

 

Good Luck!

[janut1]

I get really nervous about first meets. It's normal. You haven't dated in awhile and you really don't know this guy.

 

Relax take a deep breath. This is just a first meeting to see if there is mutual interest.

 

I would not recommend kissing on the first meet ever. Don't drink too much and keep it to a hour. If he is interested her will ask you out again.

 

Have fun!

[JaggerJim]

I say go with an open mind, and let it flow. If you want to kiss, kiss. If you want to do something spontanious, do it. Don't make any rules for yourself.

 

Make it the best date ever. (In your mind).

[Jibralta]

Well I was contacted on a different dating site a free one actually. Funny since I'm paying for eharmony at the same time. Weird how that works out ..well I started chatting with the guy and we have a ton in common.

 

So this Sunday I'm meeting him.

 

The problem is I haven't been on a date in four years. My ex and I split up two years ago and I had not seen him two years prior to that. We weren't long distance it's just his mental health took a turn for the worse and he could hardly function.

 

I did have that long distance communication with that guy for nine months before meeting him but I don't call that a date because his parents and my parents were there. Since he was passing through my state with them. It was more of a get together.

 

Well this is a real first date and I'm scared to be honest. I don't know what the etiquette is for paying or not paying? Do I just follow his lead and offer to pay my share? Or will that offend him?

 

Do people kiss on the first date anymore if there is interest there? Does the guy take the lead in asking for a second date?

 

I literally need a "How to date for Dummies" book. lol

 

 

 

So any advice would be helpful.

 

Thanks,

Lisa

 

Good for you!

 

I agree with Wiseman, keep it as low-pressure as possible. A coffee date works great.

 

I would probably offer to pay half.

 

There's no obligation to kiss on the first date.

 

You can absolutely ask for a second date (though at the very early stages I think it's better to let the guy make the effort).

 

Most importantly, relax!

[limichelle]

Thanks guys!

 

Well we are meeting at Johnny Rockets a hamburger place for a couple of hours. I suggested coffee but we decided this was closest to both of where we live. It is still a casual place and I'm bringing money to pay for my half or offer if he insists on paying. I'm glad it's a short meeting like you guys suggested.

 

As for the kiss I guess whatever happens, happens.

 

I'm excited!

 

Technically it's been 12 years since my first date. Because 12 years ago is when I first met my ex.

 

I haven't gone out with anyone or met anyone else, so I admit it feels odd but in a good way.

 

I will keep you all updated!

 

Lisa

[Wiseman2]

Enjoy the date!

Well we are meeting at Johnny Rockets a hamburger place for a couple of hours.

]

[MizzNatalie]

I always have the guy pay on the first date... If he doesn't offer, I'm not interested.

 

I've gone on a couple of internet dates and really did not put too much thought into it, as I have a tendency to overthink things and then I don't act myself.

 

I recommend just being yourself and trying to let go of any anxiety or preconceived notions. If you're able to be yourself and the guy responds to that in a positive way, then it's a good fit. If not, his loss and this just puts you one step closer to the next person who's meant to be in your life The first guy I've met in real life off a dating app I was perhaps too much myself, and he went along with coloring my Christmas cards at a bar. Had I been a little less silly, which isn't me, I'd never have gotten that chance to see a grown man color in an adult setting lol good luck and have fun!! Dating should be fun

[JaggerJim]

I always have the guy pay on the first date... If he doesn't offer, I'm not interested.

 

I've gone on a couple of internet dates and really did not put too much thought into it, as I have a tendency to overthink things and then I don't act myself.

 

I recommend just being yourself and trying to let go of any anxiety or preconceived notions. If you're able to be yourself and the guy responds to that in a positive way, then it's a good fit. If not, his loss and this just puts you one step closer to the next person who's meant to be in your life The first guy I've met in real life off a dating app I was perhaps too much myself, and he went along with coloring my Christmas cards at a bar. Had I been a little less silly, which isn't me, I'd never have gotten that chance to see a grown man color in an adult setting lol good luck and have fun!! Dating should be fun

 

Start digging out your wallet!

[MizzNatalie]

salty! I always treat tho if it blossoms into something

[reinventmyself]

I typically show up early and order my own drink/coffee.

It helps avoid that awkward moment about who pays for what.

 

Plus I can sit and feel collected.

 

I don't like walking in looking like a deer in the headlights, scanning the room for my date.

I let them do that

[Jeffbobo]

Being a guy and having been on more first dates (meets) than I can honestly remember, from my perspective, if I ask a woman out, then I pay for whatever the outing is. In this case, a lot of women at least pay for the tip. If a woman asks me out, then I usually go Dutch. There have been a few cases where a woman has asked me out and they've paid. One woman said that was so that she'd be guarenteed a second date. Lol.

 

I always ask a woman to meet outside of the place where we are to meet and tell them that I would like to walk in with them. This will give both of you a chance to see and greet each other on an equal footing; so that one person isn't seated waiting while the other walks up for example.

 

Lastly, whether there is initial chemistry or not and they're not disrespectful, I always respectfully see a date/meet through. Meeting someone new and swapping life stories is always fun. Ultimately, you just have to have the attitude that if something comes of your first date/meet then great. If not, then no big deal. Just relax and have fun.

[Atlantis]

I would say dont overthink it. You will see each oher for the first time and decide if you want to see each other again. You should do what it takes to make you feel great. Favorite top? Make up? Whatever it is.

 

Dont make it a question and answer session. It shouldnt feel like an interview. The conversation should flow.

 

I always offer to pay for my half but dont insist on doing it when they told me that the got it.

 

I wouldnt kiss on the first meet unless something reaaallyyy extraordinary happens lol

[Betterwithout]

limichelle give us an update on how Sunday went!