MizzNatalie

My goodness. I miss you. I'm down a glass of wine and all I want is to be near you. to apologize. I acted on insecurities and the long distance was getting to me. Your work schedule of 16 hour days in a row was getting to me. I'm so sorry love for being stupid, for throwing tantrums and harassing you. I have so many faults I'm willing to work on and I miss you. I miss our dreams, our plans, our future, our kisses, our silliness, our dates, our holding hands in public, our adventures so so much. I emailed you so many times reminding you why we worked, with reasons of inside jokes. You're flying back to town and I know you won't contact me. The last message you said you wanted me to be happy and that I deserve more than I give myself credit for. Why the h*** am I not worth a second chance? Why not see me in real life? We worked when long distance wan't an issue. I realized I loved you too late. I'm still in love with you. I hate waking up empty. I hate going to sleep empty. I hate that I get excited when my phone rings bc I think it's you. ugh. day 5 no contact. I'm activating this for 100 days. going to get so hot for myself. what will I feel like in 95 days from now.

ughhhh I want to tell him sorry for trippin' but guess what... he's an a****** so me doing that isn't going to get anything done lol

I love this idea. I just wrote a huge list and hit the back button so here we go again. I was dumped a month ago. broke down and texted the dude last night and then blocked his number bc feeling like I'm an idiot for falling for this guy. had a wonderful session of chips and salsa with my friend a her friend and got a lot of comfort talking to them... What I liked in him most, what I loved was that he accepted me and that IS hard to find.. but there's a ton of reasons he's not a good person for me.. or for anyone hahaha here we go. and this is to him, words I'd never say bc it's kind of mean... GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR MEAN NESS. UGH. the breaking up with me via text... hahahaha you are mean. and I need to accept that you are mean. thank you for what you did do. and I'm so happy to be single bc of the following things I don't have to put up with anymore. I hope you find someone as open as me that has a 4 yr degree, a good conscious, morals, etcs.. oh I go to church, spend time with my family, have made a complete 360 in terms of activities i don't do anymore.. I'm a pretty decent percent. a hard catch if you will.. here we go: 1. your smoking. gross. 2. putting up with your gangsta music... most dudes I know that are actually from the culture you only have learned about thru media don't talk like you. 3. your scrawniness... oh goodness I had bigger thighs than you... you didn't work out. you ate only two types of food hahahaha it's very unique to find someone that appreciated different foods... not you apparently 4. your inability to relate to having a budget or what the word broke even means bc mommy and daddy pay for everything 5. you sleeping in allll the time.. oh boy it's 11AM in the morning, wake up. 6. you not being able to sleep without taking some sort of medication that would calm you down HAHAHAHA what is wrong with me? (looking at this list, I'm going to keep going until I talk myself up more in the fact of never wanting to be with him) 7. your obsession with brand names... lame... you'd judge people if they wore fake.. and you were so impressed your girl wore cool things. jeez I bought you too many things, never doing that again 8. you bought me flowers that were brown on the edges cuz they were old (this may make me seem shalow.. but reallly.. shell out the money and buy your girl nice flowers or dont buy ones on sale and keep the tag on them saying they're marked of... he would never have done that for his parents... ) 9. you texted this girl all the time... even after we slept together one evening.. before you dressed you texted her back bc it was sooooo important 10. your jealous attitude.. lame ... 11. you thinking our relationship was headed towards you relapsing... really? your last serious gf cheated on you with your best friend.. your last f* buddy shot up heroin in your front yard.. and what did I do... EXACTLY! IDIOT. 12. your pants that fell off your butt... oh boy.. that's attractive. those are the ones that highly annoyed me, but still you actually listened to everything, knew every secret of mine, seemed to accept it and it all fell a part. the way you did it was mean. even your room mate you told me about... the girl he was obsessed about told him she found someone else... and he's the one telling me via fb that he'd never go out with someone at this point in his life bc all he has to focus on is recovery. um? really? maybe he was rejected and that's why he has no one... ahahahaha so I miss you. I texted you last night that you were a mean person for getting rid of me via text ... for saying you cared... for leading me on.. and then not wanting any part of me. i dont get it. your room mate relapsed in front of you and I told you about it and you forgave him. you dealt with him. but for me? you won't pick up the phone, won't text me, nothing. you said I was like a best friend but won't even talk with me.. so i feel played. i feel hurt. im angry. i'm going to be single for a long time. I used to like kissing. i don't. the thought disturbs me. my girls go out and i go with them and we see hot guys and i can't feel anything for anyone bc i don't feel like starting over. i'd rather be numb for a while. i want to be single for the year. and as much as i don't want you with other women ti's going to happen... i'll find out and be crushed and this is just another way to grow up in life ugh

true, i never really thought about what I was doing when I chatted with the room mate... i didn't ask him at all about my ex so i've been teasing nc for a month. i screwed up and texted him wishing him well. he responded with thank you and hoped that i was doing well. at 12pm today I am shutting down the facebook account. and i want to respond to his text but it's going to lead me no where. he's not interested. so im quitting for a month, quitting facebook and going to try to forget about him and work out until i lose 20 pounds. this day sucks. thanks for allowing a forum where people can vent.

QUESTION-- I am not his friend on fb but I have been known to look at his profile pic and I talk about him to his friend that lives in my town... my ex lives 3 hrs away.. I also chat with his room mate.. so for the last 3 weeks I haven't directly contacted him, does this still count as nc?

QUESTION-- I am not his friend on fb but I have been known to look at his profile pic and I talk about him to his friend that lives in my town... my ex lives 3 hrs away.. I also chat with his room mate.. so for the last 3 weeks I haven't directly contacted him, does this still count as nc?

So nice to be able to vent here. Day 4 of no contact. He asked me for space aka dumped me via text 2 weekss ago. Had a dream with him last night. I was holding his hand and he let me lean on him then he pushed me away to his room mate and I was leaning on his room mate. Bizarre. I miss him so much and need to find strength in never responding to my impulses. If he ever contacts me I need to not respond. Been watching movies all day at my friend's. Too bummed out to go outside lol

omg day 2 and i don't know if i can do it. the last two weeks i've looked him up on fb, have met him for 2 minutes to get my stuff and sent him maybe 20 txt messages tops... didn't realize NC was none of that til yesterday so yea today is day 2. just got off work and my friend gets off in an hr... trying to keep myself preoccupied for an hr and then hopefully be around her the rest of the night. bah.

ack this is day 3 for me, but considering the fb thing... um. day 1. shoot. hahaha good challenge. I accept! can't wait for March to be here already. February is going go be hard.