My family is psychotic and I don't know what to do anymore

[RainyCoast]

it is evidence. family may team up to lie. especially since she is noticeably stressed, and obviously pi$$ed , they may even use that to evade responsibility for abusing her, and portray her as a deluisonal liar. worst case scenario, but it wouldn't be the first time it happened.

 

excellent, take your recordings to the social services as well. they can actually decide to file reports against people without your name on them. doubtless, your family would know where they came from, but it relieves you of a lot of extra responsibilty. also, it may seem logical to think sis will always be treated nicely, but families who "need to" abuse..."need" to abuse. once you're surely out of their reach, it isn't impossible for sis to become the next target, or become symptomatic some significant impairment or mental illness from the dynamics. so families like that are sometimes carefully watched by cps and soc.s.

 

remember, if all they do is give you a form for benefits to fill out, ask to talk to a clinical social worker as well. "due to abusive family dynamics and emotional distress". everyone in this kind of situation is eligible for such assistance, most people just don't know it.

[Hollyj]

Do you have a job? Why aren't you on your own?

[MissAndromeda]

I shouldn't have even posted anything to begin with. There have been very few answers that haven't pertained to paragraph breaks and actually addressed the issue and were helpful. It wouldn't let me edit the post any more, so there's no sense in saying anything else about it. If you don't want to read it, then don't. Simple as that.

[Unreasonable]

Alright, here's some advice that doesn't have anything to do with paragraphs:

 

Drop the victim routine. You're a grown-ass adult now, no one has any obligations towards you whatsoever. Not your parents, not your aunt, no one.

 

As soon as you do that and stop making all your problems someone else's fault I guarantee you your life will improve.

[Seraphim]

People DO want to read. That is the point. But when you CAN'T you can't help the person. You only have a 30 minute window to edit your post.

[abitbroken]

(even though they are hypocrites) and do not allow drinking, cussing, doing any kind of drug, smoking,

 

Oh no! The horror of it all! I would absolutely not allow ANYONE to do drugs, bring drugs, or smoke in my home. We have no liquor either. its called "My house/my rules". So why not just mind them? These all seem like reasonable things to abide by if you want to have a roof over your head.

 

My parents have claimed they miss me and want me back, but when it boiled down to it, their answer was no.

 

If I was so bad to live with and my kid left the house, not because they have a job and found a place, but because they didn't like the rules, thought living with another relative was better and left in a huff, I would not be so eager to immediately take them back. I would say they dug their hole, they can lie in it a little bit.

 

I have good parents but my mother and i really butted heads when i was 17-22. We didn't get along. After i moved out and had established myself as an adult who didn't need my parents to pay for things, we got along AS ADULTS. From what I am reading - it sounds like you like to push things. Its never your fault. Everyone else is a hypocrite. if someone tells you to be absolutely ready at 11 and you are not, you talk back about it and have an answer for everything.

 

Everyone is having growing pains with you being a grownup now, so I think that you should get some work and start paying your own way. If you want to live with a relative, you are going to have to be respectful even if you think their ways are dumb or you need to find your own job and get your own place. The answer is not to point out how everyone else acts, but to only be in charge with the way you act and if everyone perceives you one way, maybe its time to take some inventory on that - be a little grateful they are housing you and providing room and board and now its your turn to start contributing respectfully and working towards making your own way on your own.

[RainyCoast]

what unreasonable said. you can't count on their "niceness" and to provide for you.

 

with one little exception. though i agree you're not owed anything, noone deserves abuse either.

[reinventmyself]

I see a large looming block of letters such as this and I pass.

Too bad as you might have otherwise gotten 5 times as much feedback.

Add to that the special attitude. . hmmm

Carry on. . . .

[MissAndromeda]

it is evidence. family may team up to lie. especially since she is noticeable stressed , they may even use that to evade responsibility for abusing her, and portray her as a deluisonal liar. worst case scenario, but it wouldn't be the first time it happened.

 

excellent, take your recordings to the social services as well. they can actually decide to file reports against people without your name on them. doubtless, your family would know where they came from, but it relieves you of a lot of extra responsibilty. also, it may be logical to think sis will always be treated nicely, but families who "need to" abuse..."need" to abuse. once you're surely out of their reach, it isn't impossible for sis to become the next target, or become symptomatic some significant impairment or mental ilness from the dynamics. so families like that are sometimes carefully watched by cps and soc.s.

 

remember, if all they do is give you a form for benefits to fill out, ask to talk to a clinical social worker as well. "due to abusive family dynamics and emotional distress". everyone in this kind of situation is eligible for such assistance, most people just don't know it.

 

Well, I certainly didn't know about it and am definitely looking into it.

 

You pretty much hit the nail on the head with saying they may team up to lie, because that's exactly what they've done for as long as I can remember. They push me to the point of a breakdown and then use it against me. I've tried to reason with them, but it's proven to be impossible. As soon as something happens, my aunt or my parents jump on the phone and start trash talking me to the rest of our family. Within the hour, everyone knows and is against me because they tell a very one-sided and warped story. The rest of my family, save very few, have the same mentality as my aunt. Including my parents. Hence why I started recording things in the first place, so I could prove that I'm not how they say I am and can't lie to everyone else about it.

[MissAndromeda]

(even though they are hypocrites) and do not allow drinking, cussing, doing any kind of drug, smoking,

 

Oh no! The horror of it all! I would absolutely not allow ANYONE to do drugs, bring drugs, or smoke in my home. We have no liquor either. its called "My house/my rules". So why not just mind them? These all seem like reasonable things to abide by if you want to have a roof over your head.

 

My parents have claimed they miss me and want me back, but when it boiled down to it, their answer was no.

 

If I was so bad to live with and my kid left the house, not because they have a job and found a place, but because they didn't like the rules, thought living with another relative was better and left in a huff, I would not be so eager to immediately take them back. I would say they dug their hole, they can lie in it a little bit.

 

I have good parents but my mother and i really butted heads when i was 17-22. We didn't get along. After i moved out and had established myself as an adult who didn't need my parents to pay for things, we got along AS ADULTS. From what I am reading - it sounds like you like to push things. Its never your fault. Everyone else is a hypocrite. if someone tells you to be absolutely ready at 11 and you are not, you talk back about it and have an answer for everything.

 

Everyone is having growing pains with you being a grownup now, so I think that you should get some work and start paying your own way. If you want to live with a relative, you are going to have to be respectful even if you think their ways are dumb or you need to find your own job and get your own place. The answer is not to point out how everyone else acts, but to only be in charge with the way you act and if everyone perceives you one way, maybe its time to take some inventory on that - be a little grateful they are housing you and providing room and board and now its your turn to start contributing respectfully and working towards making your own way on your own.

 

You're completely missing the point and doesn't sound like you've really listened to anything I've written.

[Wiseman2]

This is an excellent example of paranoid thinking, believing people are conspiring against you and injustice collecting. they may team up to lie, because that's exactly what they've done for as long as I can remember. They push me to the point of a breakdown and then use it against me.

 

Hence why I started recording things in the first place, so I could prove that I'm not how they say I am and can't lie to everyone else about it.

[FlashEng1]

By not making it into paragraphs you completely leave out the older population. Anyone over 45 usually needs bifocals and reading great walls of text are almost impossible . So we are not being rude we are only asking to be able to read your post which you took time to post . People's eyes get old along with them.

 

Nono, it's a huge nuerological thing for me as well. I get ADD distracted 3/4 lines when I'm collecting my thoughts, understanding the story, rereading what's been (jump back a couple sentences or *gasp* the previous paragraph) and make sure I get the context... just as I hear yelling in my head when I'm reading something in all caps and exclamation. It used to be so annoying when I worked for Microsoft Support back in my teens for a video game, and users "WERE ALWAYS TYPING LIKE THIS!!" ahhhh stop yelling at me!!!

 

Well.. in any event, here we are, 3 pages in, having spent more time arguing about editing 1 post and how rude it is or isn't, than we have actually addressing and advising the topic at hand.. so a very minor suggestion OP, as others have said, kindness goes a LOT longer than any type of hostility or pushback. A quick "Ahh, sorry guys! *edit post, hit enter, hit enter, hit enter* DONE!" would have sufficed, and we'd be 3 pages worth of suggestions rather than this back and forth"ness" (lol).

 

It's interesting getting a different perspective on abuse.. As someone who too was beaten with belts, electrical cords, brooms, sticks, twitches, fly swatters, fists when I was trouble, I also attended an underprivileged school that had students share the same type of "punishment." So rather than looking at it from a victim of abuse standpoint, many of us laughed off how bad and uncontrollable we were to piss our parents off enough to need to reach for that shoe when popping us, or the extension cord... IMO that's philosophy for another post. Perspective.

 

I did, however, fight myself enough to take the time to read most of what you wrote, and my first response mirrors what I previously mentioned with taking a step back and learning to control a situation you don't agree with. In your parents and aunt's case: It's a losing battle.

 

If you KNOW this, then what you do next is 100% on you. You are no longer a child. You are above the age of 18 and need to decide if A) you require government assistance of some sort to get out and on your own. Or B) Zip up your mouth, respect your parents and adult family members, and work your a** off to get your own source of income and apartment. At 21/22, your credit should be clear enough to move out to a really cheap place until you can upgrade.

 

You'll learn 2 things over time as you grow. Whether you know them now or not doesn't REALLY matter.. that knowledge turns into greater wisdom over time as time itself passes and you go from 21, to, 31, 41, etc etc. And that is 1- you can't control people. Flat out. Ignorance is bliss. If you meet reason with ignorance and lose, move on. With your family, you can't change them, ESPECIALLY as the child. There's no one liner argument or thing you can do, or level of reason and common sense you can say to make mom and dad change their perspective of you and behave differently. They are not "normal" "Normal" doesn't pull out an extension cord and beat a child for... coloring on the walls, or not doing their homework, or talking back about a chore. So you take the next best step. And 2 - Drastict times can call for drastic measures. If you need to sacrifce 1 to 2 years of your life to public assistance, or getting help and living in a location/situation that is less than ideal so that you can step up and enjoy an elevated lifestyle, then make that sacrifice. It will all be worth it.

 

 

ps if there's any typos or incoherence forgive me, I just typed it and hit enter, no proofread

[Hollyj]

Why aren't you living on your own? Do you have a job?

[MissAndromeda]

Alright, here's some advice that doesn't have anything to do with paragraphs:

 

Drop the victim routine. You're a grown-ass adult now, no one has any obligations towards you whatsoever. Not your parents, not your aunt, no one.

 

As soon as you do that and stop making all your problems someone else's fault I guarantee you your life will improve.

 

And never did I say that anyone was obligated to do anything. According to your logic, even though I'm doing everything I can to be respectful, follow all the rules, get another job, and am busting my ass to get out on my own, the way they're treating me is still my fault. Sorry, but that isn't right. Last time I checked, I'm not in control of their actions.

[MissAndromeda]

This is an excellent example of paranoid thinking, believing people are conspiring against you and injustice collecting. [url="

 

Lol you're not even comprehending that that is how they really are. You talk like I'm just fabricating how they act. I'm not the only one who knows that they are like that, and I didn't even have to say anything about it. They realized it on their own. I'm not just making this up for the fun of it. I have better things to do.

[Hollyj]

You're an adult. Get out on your own, then you will no longer have these issues. Problem solved.

[melancholy123]

If you're honestly more concerned with paragraph breaks than giving advice, don't comment. And if you only read part of it, don't comment either. It's clearly written and all the spelling is correct. Paragraph breaks do add length, considering you have to click the return/enter button to do so. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to read a clearly written entry. This is a forum, not a novel.

 

Oh muffin, please calm down. I dont want you to hurt your fingers making paragraph breaks. You'd get a lot more responses if you'd take a minute to put in those breaks. Your spelling and grammar may be perfect, and that's great, but a wall of text is a pain to most of us and we just move onto the next post.

[reinventmyself]

Oh muffin, please calm down. I dont want you to hurt your fingers making paragraph breaks. You'd get a lot more responses if you'd take a minute to put in those breaks. Your spelling and grammar may be perfect, and that's great, but a wall of text is a pain to most of us and we just move onto the next post.

. . . . . .

[j.man]

Nono, it's a huge nuerological thing for me as well. I get ADD distracted 3/4 lines when I'm collecting my thoughts, understanding the story, rereading what's been (jump back a couple sentences or *gasp* the previous paragraph) and make sure I get the context... just as I hear yelling in my head when I'm reading something in all caps and exclamation. It used to be so annoying when I worked for Microsoft Support back in my teens for a video game, and users "WERE ALWAYS TYPING LIKE THIS!!" ahhhh stop yelling at me!!! Well.. in any event, here we are, 3 pages in, having spent more time arguing about editing 1 post and how rude it is or isn't, than we have actually addressing and advising the topic at hand.. so a very minor suggestion OP, as others have said, kindness goes a LOT longer than any type of hostility or pushback. A quick "Ahh, sorry guys! *edit post, hit enter, hit enter, hit enter* DONE!" would have sufficed, and we'd be 3 pages worth of suggestions rather than this back and forth"ness" (lol). It's interesting getting a different perspective on abuse.. As someone who too was beaten with belts, electrical cords, brooms, sticks, twitches, fly swatters, fists when I was trouble, I also attended an underprivileged school that had students share the same type of "punishment." So rather than looking at it from a victim of abuse standpoint, many of us laughed off how bad and uncontrollable we were to piss our parents off enough to need to reach for that shoe when popping us, or the extension cord... IMO that's philosophy for another post. Perspective. I did, however, fight myself enough to take the time to read most of what you wrote, and my first response mirrors what I previously mentioned with taking a step back and learning to control a situation you don't agree with. In your parents and aunt's case: It's a losing battle. If you KNOW this, then what you do next is 100% on you. You are no longer a child. You are above the age of 18 and need to decide if A) you require government assistance of some sort to get out and on your own. Or B) Zip up your mouth, respect your parents and adult family members, and work your a** off to get your own source of income and apartment. At 21/22, your credit should be clear enough to move out to a really cheap place until you can upgrade. You'll learn 2 things over time as you grow. Whether you know them now or not doesn't REALLY matter.. that knowledge turns into greater wisdom over time as time itself passes and you go from 21, to, 31, 41, etc etc. And that is 1- you can't control people. Flat out. Ignorance is bliss. If you meet reason with ignorance and lose, move on. With your family, you can't change them, ESPECIALLY as the child. There's no one liner argument or thing you can do, or level of reason and common sense you can say to make mom and dad change their perspective of you and behave differently. They are not "normal" "Normal" doesn't pull out an extension cord and beat a child for... coloring on the walls, or not doing their homework, or talking back about a chore. So you take the next best step. And 2 - Drastict times can call for drastic measures. If you need to sacrifce 1 to 2 years of your life to public assistance, or getting help and living in a location/situation that is less than ideal so that you can step up and enjoy an elevated lifestyle, then make that sacrifice. It will all be worth it. ps if there's any typos or incoherence forgive me, I just typed it and hit enter, no proofread

OP, this is all really, really good advice. I really want you to soak as much of this in as you can, so I've gone ahead and formatted it so that it's easier for you to read.

[Unreasonable]

And never did I say that anyone was obligated to do anything. According to your logic, even though I'm doing everything I can to be respectful, follow all the rules, get another job, and am busting my ass to get out on my own, the way they're treating me is still my fault. Sorry, but that isn't right. Last time I checked, I'm not in control of their actions.

 

Alright, let's step through this:

 

From age 15-18, it's your parents fault that you didn't get your drivers license because they wouldn't take you to get it. Not once, in 3 years, could you make your own arrangements to get the the DMV.

 

Therefore, you could not drive a car.

 

Therefore, you could not get a job.

 

Therefore, you could not save money.

 

Therefore, you could not move out, knowing full well your parents (with whom you obviously do not a good relationship) had no legal obligation to keep you under their roof.

 

Therefore, when you were invariably kicked out, you had to move in with an abusive aunt, and are still there at 21.

 

Am I missing something?

[MissAndromeda]

Nono, it's a huge nuerological thing for me as well. I get ADD distracted 3/4 lines when I'm collecting my thoughts, understanding the story, rereading what's been (jump back a couple sentences or *gasp* the previous paragraph) and make sure I get the context... just as I hear yelling in my head when I'm reading something in all caps and exclamation. It used to be so annoying when I worked for Microsoft Support back in my teens for a video game, and users "WERE ALWAYS TYPING LIKE THIS!!" ahhhh stop yelling at me!!!

 

Well.. in any event, here we are, 3 pages in, having spent more time arguing about editing 1 post and how rude it is or isn't, than we have actually addressing and advising the topic at hand.. so a very minor suggestion OP, as others have said, kindness goes a LOT longer than any type of hostility or pushback. A quick "Ahh, sorry guys! *edit post, hit enter, hit enter, hit enter* DONE!" would have sufficed, and we'd be 3 pages worth of suggestions rather than this back and forth"ness" (lol).

 

It's interesting getting a different perspective on abuse.. As someone who too was beaten with belts, electrical cords, brooms, sticks, twitches, fly swatters, fists when I was trouble, I also attended an underprivileged school that had students share the same type of "punishment." So rather than looking at it from a victim of abuse standpoint, many of us laughed off how bad and uncontrollable we were to piss our parents off enough to need to reach for that shoe when popping us, or the extension cord... IMO that's philosophy for another post. Perspective.

 

I did, however, fight myself enough to take the time to read most of what you wrote, and my first response mirrors what I previously mentioned with taking a step back and learning to control a situation you don't agree with. In your parents and aunt's case: It's a losing battle.

 

If you KNOW this, then what you do next is 100% on you. You are no longer a child. You are above the age of 18 and need to decide if A) you require government assistance of some sort to get out and on your own. Or B) Zip up your mouth, respect your parents and adult family members, and work your a** off to get your own source of income and apartment. At 21/22, your credit should be clear enough to move out to a really cheap place until you can upgrade.

 

You'll learn 2 things over time as you grow. Whether you know them now or not doesn't REALLY matter.. that knowledge turns into greater wisdom over time as time itself passes and you go from 21, to, 31, 41, etc etc. And that is 1- you can't control people. Flat out. Ignorance is bliss. If you meet reason with ignorance and lose, move on. With your family, you can't change them, ESPECIALLY as the child. There's no one liner argument or thing you can do, or level of reason and common sense you can say to make mom and dad change their perspective of you and behave differently. They are not "normal" "Normal" doesn't pull out an extension cord and beat a child for... coloring on the walls, or not doing their homework, or talking back about a chore. So you take the next best step. And 2 - Drastict times can call for drastic measures. If you need to sacrifce 1 to 2 years of your life to public assistance, or getting help and living in a location/situation that is less than ideal so that you can step up and enjoy an elevated lifestyle, then make that sacrifice. It will all be worth it.

 

 

ps if there's any typos or incoherence forgive me, I just typed it and hit enter, no proofread

 

I would've edited the post sooner, had I been able to. When I went to separate it into paragraphs however, I couldn't. I really wish I could though so more responses would be helpful instead of worrying about that. So thank you for your response that actually pertained to the issue and thank you for reading all of it.

 

I never wanted to try to control anyone, I simply just wanted them to be willing to listen to me and to be able to reason with them. Which clearly isn't going to happen. I'm going to look into seeing a social worker and government assistance, because I can't handle trying to cope with my family anymore. It's costing me my mental health and I need to get out as soon as possible. At this point, I'm willing to try anything.

[MissAndromeda]

Alright, let's step through this:

 

From age 15-18, it's your parents fault that you didn't get your drivers license because they wouldn't take you to get it. Not once, in 3 years, could you make your own arrangements to get the the DMV.

 

Therefore, you could not drive a car.

 

Therefore, you could not get a job.

 

Therefore, you could not save money.

 

Therefore, you could not move out, knowing full well your parents (with whom you obviously do not a good relationship) had no legal obligation to keep you under their roof.

 

Therefore, when you were invariably kicked out, you had to move in with an abusive aunt, and are still there at 21.

 

Am I missing something?

 

You can't exactly make your own arrangements to go to the DMV when you aren't allowed to go anywhere. Other than that, you pretty much have it.

[MissAndromeda]

Oh muffin, please calm down. I dont want you to hurt your fingers making paragraph breaks. You'd get a lot more responses if you'd take a minute to put in those breaks. Your spelling and grammar may be perfect, and that's great, but a wall of text is a pain to most of us and we just move onto the next post.

 

So stating facts automatically means I'm mad and need to calm down? Lol. And I've already addressed that I can no longer edit the post. I tried to edit it a long time ago and couldn't. So what is the point of continuing to talk about it?

[abitbroken]

Alright, let's step through this:

 

From age 15-18, it's your parents fault that you didn't get your drivers license because they wouldn't take you to get it. Not once, in 3 years, could you make your own arrangements to get the the DMV.

 

Therefore, you could not drive a car.

 

Therefore, you could not get a job.

 

Therefore, you could not save money.

 

Therefore, you could not move out, knowing full well your parents (with whom you obviously do not a good relationship) had no legal obligation to keep you under their roof.

 

Therefore, when you were invariably kicked out, you had to move in with an abusive aunt, and are still there at 21.

 

Am I missing something?

 

Heck. I grew up with someone whose mother was chronically ill and father worked as a long distance trucker. They got their driver's license. There was driver's training at school. A friend drove them to take their test because they asked them to. My brother had a job. He asked around and found that a neighbor needed someone to watch their little boy an hour or two in between when he got off the bus and the parents got home form work. It was a few doors down from our house. He didn't make all that much, but they gave him $10 a day to do it. $50 in a pocket of a teen who has food already paid for can save up for driver's training in a couple weeks.

 

The family says you are not responsible. What about your sister? Is it possible that your sister got good grades, didn't talk back to your folks so much, and even took some initiating? I know parents that if the kid is willing to meet them halfway, they get a lot more.

 

About people barging into rooms. My family was not abusive, but they were bad closed doors. My mother was of the school of "no closed doors". She saw too many after school specials where kids did drugs in their bedroom or fooled around or something apparently. With one bathroom, unless it was locked, people would barge in trying to get a brush or whatever to get ready for school. How did i deal with it? When I was in college, I took a shower after my siblings had left the house for school where I had an hour to myself, etc. No one was trying to "catch me" nude - it just was a major inconvenience if my sister was saying she needed 3 hours in the bathroom to get ready.

 

At any rate - the main message is to stop keeping a tick sheet about what every one else does and start taking responsibility. People are probably stressed out - your aunt has an extra person in the house who is not working and sleeping on an air mattress. So go get a job in the neighborhood - babysit, let dogs out for bathroom breaks - whatever, and then hire an Uber to take you to get your license.

[abitbroken]

You can't exactly make your own arrangements to go to the DMV when you aren't allowed to go anywhere. Other than that, you pretty much have it.

 

How are you not "allowed" to go anywhere. You are an adult. you can either just go or tell someone your plan and ask if they can drive you.