My family is psychotic and I don't know what to do anymore

[MissAndromeda]

How are you not "allowed" to go anywhere. You are an adult. you can either just go or tell someone your plan and ask if they can drive you.

 

I may be an adult, but that doesn't mean my parents even acknowledge that. They don't care. They're the type of people who, if they don't want me leaving, will threaten to throw me out if I try to reason with them about it. I know because they've done it countless times.

[Unreasonable]

You can't exactly make your own arrangements to go to the DMV when you aren't allowed to go anywhere. Other than that, you pretty much have it.

So you were a prisoner in your own home? Do you live in Saudi Arabia? Because in your original post you said they refused to take you to the DMV and used that as an excuse to not buy you a car, as if those things are are a given, and necessarily prevent getting a job. Lots of people have jobs out of the house and don't own a car.

[Unreasonable]

I may be an adult, but that doesn't mean my parents even acknowledge that. They don't care. They're the type of people who, if they don't want me leaving, will threaten to throw me out if I try to reason with them about it. I know because they've done it countless times.

Your parents are completely irrelevant now, other than providing tremendous insight into how your attitude was shaped. Unless you are completely misrepresenting reality to us, you should cut your parents out of your life completely. They treat you like that and THEY are the ones saying no to you living there? Living with people you describe as "psychotic" is not an option. Honestly, you should find the nearest homeless shelter if your situation is that bad.

[MissAndromeda]

Heck. I grew up with someone whose mother was chronically ill and father worked as a long distance trucker. They got their driver's license. There was driver's training at school. A friend drove them to take their test because they asked them to. My brother had a job. He asked around and found that a neighbor needed someone to watch their little boy an hour or two in between when he got off the bus and the parents got home form work. It was a few doors down from our house. He didn't make all that much, but they gave him $10 a day to do it. $50 in a pocket of a teen who has food already paid for can save up for driver's training in a couple weeks.

 

The family says you are not responsible. What about your sister? Is it possible that your sister got good grades, didn't talk back to your folks so much, and even took some initiating? I know parents that if the kid is willing to meet them halfway, they get a lot more.

 

About people barging into rooms. My family was not abusive, but they were bad closed doors. My mother was of the school of "no closed doors". She saw too many after school specials where kids did drugs in their bedroom or fooled around or something apparently. With one bathroom, unless it was locked, people would barge in trying to get a brush or whatever to get ready for school. How did i deal with it? When I was in college, I took a shower after my siblings had left the house for school where I had an hour to myself, etc. No one was trying to "catch me" nude - it just was a major inconvenience if my sister was saying she needed 3 hours in the bathroom to get ready.

 

At any rate - the main message is to stop keeping a tick sheet about what every one else does and start taking responsibility. People are probably stressed out - your aunt has an extra person in the house who is not working and sleeping on an air mattress. So go get a job in the neighborhood - babysit, let dogs out for bathroom breaks - whatever, and then hire an Uber to take you to get your license.

 

I have a job and I already have my license. I've said that. It was my parents and aunt who told me that my job wasn't a "real job." So I'm going to have to get another one.

 

I follow all of the rules that I am given and I don't do anything I'm not supposed to do. I got straight A's all throughout school too. My sister's grades are mediocre at best, she talks back to them and calls them stupid to their face and they do nothing. She even slept with a guy at 15 and I would've been beaten half to death had I ever done anything like that. I only say these things about my sister because you asked what things with her are like.

 

The way they treat me has nothing to do with my behavior, as I have gone out of my way to be perfect for them and it still isn't good enough. It's not about accepting responsibility. I've been responsible for years. The whole point of this post was to get suggestions on how to get out.

 

And like I said before, I live in a small town. We don't have uber or anything like that.

[Unreasonable]

The whole point of this post was to get suggestions on how to get out.

 

And like I said before, I live in a small town. We don't have uber or anything like that.

Get on google (which I'm pretty sure you have), and find out if you have a bus station in your small Uber-less town. Then we can try to come up with a game plan from there.

[MissAndromeda]

So you were a prisoner in your own home? Do you live in Saudi Arabia? Because in your original post you said they refused to take you to the DMV and used that as an excuse to not buy you a car, as if those things are are a given, and necessarily prevent getting a job. Lots of people have jobs out of the house and don't own a car.

 

And I also said I wouldn't even care about the car thing, had they not bought my sister one as soon as she turned 16. It isn't even that big of a deal, I was just trying to put in as many details as I could about how they are.

 

I already have a job, but they want me to have a job that I have to drive to. Which is problematic, when I don't have a car and am not in the position to be able to buy one. We do not have public transportation, uber, lyft, or anything like that here. I can't ride a bike or walk either, considering that my aunt feels it's unsafe. I can't reason with her about it either, or she gets mad and threatens to kick me out. Until I can make arrangements elsewhere, getting kicked out isn't an option. So, I have to deal with it until I do, even though I have to get another job to stay. So, you see my predicament.

[MissAndromeda]

Get on google (which I'm pretty sure you have), and find out if you have a bus station in your small Uber-less town. Then we can try to come up with a game plan from there.

 

We don't have uber, lyft, public buses, taxis, or anything of that nature. Literally no public transportation whatsoever.

[Wiseman2]

Paranoia involves intense anxious or fearful feelings and thoughts often related to persecution, threat, or conspiracy. Paranoia is not the same as delusions, delusions have no basis in reality.

 

In paranoia there is a spin on the actual events. Often paranoia is a sign of various mental illness and very commonly, substance abuse.

I'm not the only one who knows that they are like that, and I didn't even have to say anything about it. They realized it on their own. I'm not just making this up for the fun of it.

[MissAndromeda]

Paranoia involves intense anxious or fearful feelings and thoughts often related to persecution, threat, or conspiracy. Paranoia is not the same as delusions, delusions have no basis in reality.

 

In paranoia there is a spin on the actual events. Often paranoia is a sign of various mental illness and very commonly, substance abuse.

 

Lol I know what paranoia means and I've never had any substance abuse issues, but good try. I've covered that already. Even my parents, as delusional as they are, know I've never had any involvement with drugs and the like. I've also already covered the subject that anyone who actually knows me knows I don't have mental issues.

[Unreasonable]

Lol I know what paranoia means and I've never had any substance abuse issues, but good try. I've covered that already. Even my parents, as delusional as they are, know I've never had any involvement with drugs and the like. I've also already covered the subject that anyone who actually knows me knows I don't have mental issues.

You don't have mental issues? Well, that's unfortunate, because there is no remedy, cure, or program for habitual circular excuse-making. "My parents this" and "my aunt that" are not functional adult answers to why you can't do something. Not for a 21 year old. Sorry.

[Wiseman2]

Needing therapy for a variety of family and childhood issues is not "mental illness".

I don't have mental issues.

[reinventmyself]

I was on my own by 20, bought my own car, employed, had my own studio apartment - alone.

 

I've also raised two boys and greatest gift I ever gave them was to figure these things out on their own and be self sufficient.

 

Consider this the gift of tough love.

You will learn things the hard way, apparently, but if you make good choices you will be that much stronger for it.

 

So what's the first thing you are going to do to get yourself ahead, because it's up to you? No one is going to help you.

[Wiseman2]

Yes there's a word for that too : I guess you're SOL then, because there is no remedy, cure, or program for habitual circular excuse-making. "My parents this" and "my aunt that" are not adult answers to why you can't do something.

[Unreasonable]

Yes there's a word for that too : [url=" I guess I stand corrected and perhaps a therapist could help. I am afraid a million reasons would stand in between the OP and actually getting there though, since "my aunt wouldn't like it" is reason enough for the OP not to do something.

[MissAndromeda]

Needing therapy for a variety of family and childhood issues is not "mental illness".

 

Lol I'm not the one who said it was.

[journeynow]

(Note: I wanted to read the opening post, but couldn't follow it without breaking it into paragraphs, so have done so above.)

 

Is your sister with the car living on her own? Can you move in with her for a few months and share the car or carpool to a job until you can get on your feet?

[HeartGoesOn]

Let's be respectful, please.

[abitbroken]

I may be an adult, but that doesn't mean my parents even acknowledge that. They don't care. They're the type of people who, if they don't want me leaving, will threaten to throw me out if I try to reason with them about it. I know because they've done it countless times.

 

I lived in the middle of nowhere. I found more rides to places in the middle of nowhere than I did anywhere, because there were people at work who offered to rotate dropping me off at home, or a few people rode together and rotated who kicked in for gas. If you are part of the church, there are lots of people who are retired or just want to help people out that might drive you to work or to get some sort of training to better yourself. You can find people. You just have a narrow view of what you are willing to do.

 

And you should try Uber. There are uber drivers all over the place and people also who will sign up if there is a need. There are also people who act as assistants and have business cards where they run errands for stay at home moms who can't leave special needs children alone, seniors, people who can't temporarily drive - they take their dry cleaning, drop their dog off at the groomers, maybe there is someone like that who can help you.

 

You just really don't want to.

 

You say your family doesn't think you have a "real job". Well then either don't listen to them and be confident in the job you have chosen and don't let it get to you, or you get "a real job" - you go get the training you need to get a job that pays enough for you to make your own way. Or you work 2-3 jobs to get there.

 

And if your parents threaten to kick you out or your aunt does - then fine. Its either all talk and they are just saying that to threaten you, and therefore you will be fine, or you will get kicked out. But so what. You can go to the women's shelter. You can stay on a friend's sofa temporarily or you see what money you have and see what room for rent you can get.

 

There are ads i see all the time looking for an au pair, or someone to live with their elderly mom just so someone is in the house overnight when they can't be - you get a place to crash in exchange for checking in on them - you can still work. You don't do nurse duties - just someone to keep an ear open or make them tea. There are situations of someone looking for someone to live on their farm. I have seen ads where they have a small apartment and you get room and board and some pay so they have someone to feed the horses in the morning or they are able to go away for the night without worrying about their animals. There is always on campus housing if you go to school.

 

So There ARE MANY situations you can get yourself in if you are looking to get out of the house but you rather make excuses and talk about how its everyone else's fault - your parents are mean, your aunt is ,mean, your sister is mean. At 21, now its your turn to stop pointing fingers. Okay, so they aren't the best, but what are you going to do at 30? Sit at your aunt's on your air mattress because mommy won't let you do this or that?

 

If you leave in a legit way - have something lined up - they may be temporarily upset but when you are actually supporting yourself, that will change big time. Right now, you legally have every choice in the world to do something different - or you can talk about other people.

 

 

Life is not fair. it bites. it sucks, if that's what you make of it - but you can act and do something differently. You are old enough to do so,

[j.man]

I'm gonna stick up for the OP here. You guys need to back off. Your expectations are completely unreasonable. She doesn't even think paragraphs are worth it. You think she will move out and take measures to lead an independent life?? Cmon now.

 

OP, I'm on your side now.

[Capricorn3]

If you're honestly more concerned with paragraph breaks than giving advice, don't comment. And if you only read part of it, don't comment either. It's clearly written and all the spelling is correct. Paragraph breaks do add length, considering you have to click the return/enter button to do so. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to read a clearly written entry. This is a forum, not a novel.

 

OP, please read the Forum Rules (which you agreed to when you registered). Specifically, read Rule # 6:

 

 

 

6. Please post in letter style. Use paragraphs, punctuation, and capital letters appropriately. Netspeak and shortcutting (b4, str8, etc) are difficult to read and not permitted in posts.

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has run its course...Closed.