Baby at Our Wedding?

[kbbcoop77]

Because of the locale and theme you should have made it clear across the board children will not be allowed to attend and maybe said for insurance reasons or some BS just to not look like the bad guy

[Binoo]

Because of the locale and theme you should have made it clear across the board children will not be allowed to attend and maybe said for insurance reasons or some BS just to not look like the bad guy

 

We did make it very clear that it was for those on the invitations only which I would have thought was standard for most weddings. I personally wouldn't assume that having an invite addressed to only me would suggest that I bring along any and all people I want.

You bring up a good point about insurance and not an untrue one, actually.

If I do have minors at my wedding I will have to refile and repay to seperate insurance forms which would cost me with the originals over $600.00.

[j.man]

Looks like you're unfortunately going to have to be the bad guy and reiterate in nice but firm words. I wouldn't consider the venue appropriate for a baby that has no capacity to understand what is going on.

[LadyRayne]

Deleted due to Missing the OPs updates... I hate reading the forum on my phone can understand why you wouldn't want children considering the location and theme... Wondering if you can explain that you cannot be responsible for children due to safety concerns or something like that is there not somewhere nearby that you could hire a room where the kids can be taken with a baby sitter this would work for older kids but not babies I guess

[greywolf]

I struggled with this at my wedding too. My husband had the opinion that children don't belong anywhere near wedding receptions and assumed that people would know better than to bring them. I, on the other hand, know my family and the concept of an adult only wedding would be mind boggling to them.

 

I would tell those parents that your wedding insurance doesn't cover minors (which is most likely the truth). It's also not your job to provide babysitters for their kids.

[Hollyj]

I disagree with j.man a bit. I think it's perfectly reasonable to request no children at weddings for exactly the reason you described. It's your wedding anyway.

 

Pull her aside and express how much you love the entire family unit and offer up babysitting with your own children after the ceremony.

 

I agree. I don't know they were thinking, especially if the kid is teething.

[superfan]

I have a 6 month old who is teething and although my husband does look after her when I go out, I haven't left her for too long since she was born. If I am invited anywhere, she has to be welcome or I don't go. If this were me, and I was told I couldn't bring my baby then I would have to respectfully decline the invitation.

 

You can absolutely demand there be no children at a wedding (though I personally don't understand it and would never tell my friends their children weren't welcome), but you have to be prepared for people not to come.

 

It doesn't matter if they have left the baby with a sitter in the past, babies are constantly changing and what was once doable might not be anymore. Around 8 months for example they start experiencing separation anxiety. Maybe they were able to leave the baby with a sitter before, but not anymore.

 

Bottom line is, you should have made your position clear from the beginning. If you truly don't want the baby there, you have to tell them but be prepared for them to back out.

[Fudgie]

If I ever got married, it would be a child-free wedding for sure and at that point, I wouldn't care if certain people didn't show up as a result, I'd rather there be no kids. However, you have to make your position known FROM THE GET-GO. You can't impose rules later because you are more likely to get pushback and hurt feelings.

 

You are going to have to firmly reiterate. Contact each family and talk to them over the phone or in person.

[Moontiger]

Ah, the child-free wedding. Some parents take that as a personal insult against their special little snowflake, other say "HURRAY! A night off!"

 

I would talk to these friends of yours. Some thing like "So, we are contacting everyone about the wedding because we think their has been some confusion. Because of the time and theme (describe is such a way that it sounds very innapropriate for children), we have chosen to have a child free wedding. We know that it can be hard to arrange child care which is why we wanted to give people a lot of advanced notice and we can even recommend a couple of great baby sitters if needed."

 

If I ever get married it will be child free. When an adult acts up you can kick them out. But when a child acts up some parents expect everyone to just deal with it and get offended when ask to actual parent.

[Fudgie]

Moontiger, I agree with you - people who get offended can just stay home anyways. Another good option is to have a babysitter - not at the ceremony but elsewhere, like at a local hotel or house, DEFINITELY not near the reception, you don't want any nuggets escaping and getting back to where they shouldn't be.

[journeynow]

Specifying no little ones sounds helpful to me. (It could be worded in a way as to not to be anti-children but to explain the venue or whatever.) My children are grown, and most weddings I've attended were outdoors, festive, relaxed, full of children. The one that specified about children took into account that some of us would be traveling long distance to attend (so staying overnight nearby) and offered a children's event at the same time, with sitters and games and finger food. (We actually got lost on the way to the church, so missed the ceremony, but the reception was wonderful and the kid's thing was close-by so parent's could check on their little one's if needed.)

 

The idea about reserved seats can still be misunderstood when it comes to infants, since they don't require seats or catered food: " If you want to be very clear... On the RSVP cards, it should read something like "2 reserved seats for (coming or declined" (you put in the number)"

[superfan]

Ah, the child-free wedding. Some parents take that as a personal insult against their special little snowflake, other say "HURRAY! A night off!"

 

I would talk to these friends of yours. Some thing like "So, we are contacting everyone about the wedding because we think their has been some confusion. Because of the time and theme (describe is such a way that it sounds very innapropriate for children), we have chosen to have a child free wedding. We know that it can be hard to arrange child care which is why we wanted to give people a lot of advanced notice and we can even recommend a couple of great baby sitters if needed."

 

If I ever get married it will be child free. When an adult acts up you can kick them out. But when a child acts up some parents expect everyone to just deal with it and get offended when ask to actual parent.

 

I definitely agree they should make their position clear but it goes both ways. If they expect to maintain a child free policy then they cannot be offended if some people choose not to attend.

 

There are a million and one reasons why parents might not be able to simply leave the baby at home. Perhaps the baby has separation anxiety, maybe the baby is only comfortable with Mom and Dad, maybe the baby has special needs that nobody else is aware of or able to deal with, or maybe the couple is unable to afford a babysitter.

 

For myself and my husband, we don't have the money to afford a babysitter especially while on mat leave. Both of our families are not close and I don't have many people who are able to look after my daughter that I trust. And even if I could afford childcare, I might not necessarily be comfortable with the idea. My baby is only 6 months and at this point I'm not ready to leave her with a stranger.

 

If someone I know was getting married and invited me to a child free wedding, I would have to decline. I wouldn't be offended, I simply wouldn't be able to go. If I'm not expected to be offended by it, then the couple getting married should not be offended if I choose not to attend. It's that simple.

[itsallgrand]

I think you have to talk with the couple one on one. I know, it sucks. But it would be beyond rude of them to push this. Just remember- you aren't a bad guy for this. You have my support.

[ThatwasThen]

At my daughters wedding we specified on the invitation Please include number of guests in the space below (please no children under the age of 16)

If they didn't want to attend because of that, so be it. We only had one request to bring a 15 year old which we acquiesce to because the whole family but him would be going which we thought was unfair to him.

 

... and no... it's not rude to specify "no children" on the invitation in this day and age. Its 2016 and a lot of what Emily Post had to say on the subject no longer applies. I find that the only people that find it rude are those having those weddings of 400 people (or more) where they don't know half the people attending but feel obligate to invite them because they were invited to a distant relative's five times removed, 25 years ago.

 

Heck it used to be totally rude to request a money gift at one time however now, you'd be surprised how many invitations we've received with just that printed out and in bold. (or for Gift Cards for certain stores even) Times have changed.

[Hermes]

This is amazing reading! I've never been at a wedding (and I've been to quite a few) where there were children present, let alone babies.

 

Then again a friend was at a wedding recently (what you'd call an alternative wedding, but that's another story) and there were 200 people of which 60 were children. She said it was mayhem!

[journeynow]

Children/no-children may be about the smaller culture we each are part of. The family and friends I have and events I go to tend to be relaxed, outdoors, casual rather than formal.

[annie24]

To me, this isn't even about bringing kids to a wedding any more....it's more like bringing kids to an adults-only halloween party, which is what it's starting to sound like to me! Why would someone bring their kid to a horror-themed costume party? I mean, yikes.

 

I went to a wedding at a country club where they had a "kids space" set up in the corner of the reception with games, coloring books, etc. All the kids were well-behaved as far as I could tell. I was at the table near the kids' space and it wasn't bothering us.

[Wiseman2]

They must have seen the info, no? Most people get baby sitters because taking an infant when they are in the wedding party makes no sense.

We've made it pretty clear both verbally and on our wedding website that we don't want any children under twelve attending.We don't know how to tell them we don't want the baby there without offending them.

[Moontiger]

They must have seen the info, no? Most people get baby sitters because taking an infant when they are in the wedding party makes no sense.

 

It can be kind of amazing what details people overlook. Here is a great example:

[ThatwasThen]

It can be kind of amazing what details people overlook. Here is a great example: ] Great addition to the discussion Moontiger

 

To be honest though, I'd consider him to be a tad (shall I say and at the risk of offending females) " feminine " to have sent that kind of email. I know of no man that would actually care. Just stay home if you can't make it. A simple reply to the invite noting the number of people attending would suffice. (I have a feeling his wife is glad he's not going... lol)

[Moontiger]

Great addition to the discussion Moontiger

 

To be honest though, I'd consider him to be a tad (shall I say and at the risk of offending females) " feminine " to have sent that kind of email. I know of no man that would actually care. Just stay home if you can't make it. A simple reply to the invite noting the number of people attending would suffice. (I have a feeling his wife is glad he's not going... lol)

 

Right? I've never known one bride or groom who was offended by a parent declining an invitation. On the other hand their seems to be a significant amount of parents who act like having a child free wedding is the same as slapping their child in the face.

[catcountry]

My cousin didn't want children at her wedding and we had to travel. They had a room at the hotel where the reception was held with a family trusted babysitter for those attending to have their kids looked after during the reception. I walked in like a boss to check that out before I left me daughter there.

[ThatwasThen]

My cousin didn't want children at her wedding and we had to travel. They had a room with a babysitter for those attending to have their kids looked after during the reception.

 

Yes seems to be the common way to handle things these days which I would hope would be extended to only those that had to travel.

[catcountry]

Yes seems to be the common way to handle things these days which I would hope would be extended to only those that had to travel.

 

I don't know if it were only those that needed to travel or not but it's an option.

[journeynow]

Yes seems to be the common way to handle things these days which I would hope would be extended to only those that had to travel.

 

I believe the one I experienced was also for young members of family, nieces and nephews. It was a long time ago, but I think they did ask for an RSVP on the possibility of kids attending so they could plan accordingly.