mustlovedogs Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Hello ENA! I have a bit of a naive question... How does dating multiple people work? I don't mean being in a relationship and seeking additional partners. When you're in the early stages and dating multiple people, how does it work? I have 3 dates this week (crazy! That's never happened to me - ever. I've been lucky to have 3 dates in 6 months, haha.). And I'm a bit stressed! What happens if I like two guys, or all three? How many dates with each until I "pick"? Is kissing (or getting more physical?) allowed pre commitment? How long is this allowed? This is all new to me. My last relationship I jumped in to straight away after meeting him. And the first guy I went out with is awesome and I am already becoming attracted to him. I don't want to lead anyone on and accidentally hurt someone... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Do a search for "multi-dating" in the forum and you will get a lot of good info (in addition to the answers for this thread.) Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Ms Darcy, I tried that and didn't get a lot of relevant posts. I looked up multi dating, dating multiple people, and dating multiple and it was mostly recent threads (which makes sense, my search was using generic words). Maybe I'm doing it wrong... But I tried! Link to comment
JamesT2 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Ultimately you can only choose one as i dont think you qualify as "Poly". The best guy for you is the one you should keep for a RS. More than three guys around would be a tad over the top. Survivor version mustlovedogs? The tribe has spoken, Adios! Nothing wrong with multiple dating.. Its just exhausting and confusing. Choose Mr right, OP. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Ultimately you can only choose one as i dont think you qualify as "Poly". The best guy for you is the one you should keep for a RS. More than three guys around would be a tad over the top. Survivor version mustlovedogs? The tribe has spoken, Adios! Nothing wrong with multiple dating.. Its just exhausting and confusing. Chokse Mr right, OP Well that's what I meant in my first post. This forum advocates casually dating quite a bit which means going on dates with anyone you're interested in. My question is how does it go from casually dating multiple to being in a relationship with one? Link to comment
gp11a Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I'd take things slow since you're seeing multiple people and that gives you time to space things out... especially since your relationship, you just jumped into. My question is how does it go from casually dating multiple to being in a relationship with one? That's a good question. The way I see it, try and gauge what each is really looking for (or just ask) and see who lines up to what you're looking for. I'm not looking for anything super serious right now, so if I was casually dating someone and they wanted something serious, then they'd probably get annoyed with me and I'd be upfront with them. I can imagine it gets to one when you just feel the chemistry and keep wanting to see one particular person. And then you'd have to break it to the other guys that you're just not a match. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I think you might have added a few too many in too short a time? It can be very confusing and tiring. But in the end..it comes down to choosing who you feel you connect with the most and are at ease with the most and so on... it sounds like you're going to be having a very busy week! Link to comment
Billie28 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 To start with you aren't dating at all yet. Never mind multiple dating. You have 3 consecutive dates planned. You may like all or none. They might all or none like you. But with some luck, perhaps one that you like, likes you back. Even at that, none might end in a second date. So, relax! If for example two of them ask to see you again, one might not go beyond a second date. If you end up seeing all on a fourth or fifth date, make sure there is exclusivity with one before you get too intimate. And remember, they too, likely have a few dates planned. Have fun! Link to comment
Creacion Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Sounds like you're in an online dating forum. If so, it's where you meet and greet.. I know of people who lived FIFO and have 7 days of dates lined up when they flew in for their break! In this situation, it's not so much who, but only time will tell who is really interested in you for a good time, and vice versa, and maybe who you'd like to have a maybe have a relationship with and vice versa. Have fun! Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Hello ENA! I have a bit of a naive question... How does dating multiple people work? I don't mean being in a relationship and seeking additional partners. When you're in the early stages and dating multiple people, how does it work? I have 3 dates this week (crazy! That's never happened to me - ever. I've been lucky to have 3 dates in 6 months, haha.). And I'm a bit stressed! What happens if I like two guys, or all three? How many dates with each until I "pick"? Is kissing (or getting more physical?) allowed pre commitment? How long is this allowed? This is all new to me. My last relationship I jumped in to straight away after meeting him. And the first guy I went out with is awesome and I am already becoming attracted to him. I don't want to lead anyone on and accidentally hurt someone... It's your life. You get to set the rules. Just jump in and get a feel for what works for you, and what doesn't. You avoid leading people on by communicating clearly. Let people know where they are. If you're just interested in dating them and not being exclusive, tell them. Once you find someone you want to be exclusive with, communicate that, and hope it's mutual. Despite what a lot of people may want to tell you, there is no right or wrong way. Link to comment
j.man Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 First of all, while I personally multi-date starting out, it's not for everyone. If you're the type to build connections quick, then you may just be setting yourself up for confusion, regret, plaguing yourself with "what ifs" for choosing one over the other. You need to gauge your own personality and be honest with yourself. In my opinion, multi-dating works for people who are doing so because they want to explore options so as not to settle, not for people who are simply trying to play the numbers game to find their next partner ASAP. The only wrong way to date is when you're not enjoying it. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Some of the replies are a bit confusing. Added a few too many in too short a time? And online dating forum? I met them online but not in a forum. I wasn't necessarily actively seeking this many dates, but I was talking to all 3 assuming they would ghost me (which happens a lot). That didn't happen, so when they asked me out I wasn't going to say "woah, too many dates, no." Billie, I'm aware this isn't multi dating yet but I wanted to ask before it went anywhere because this is all very new to me. I agree it's not likely they will all go beyond a first date (let alone a second). But I'm just curious, since so many people seem to date multiple people easily. Also, it's the weirdest thing. My profile got very little interest for months. My birthday was last week so my age has increased a year. It must fall in to a common search bracket now because my page is blowing up (compared to what it was doing). Edit: j.man, I agree with you. I'm not so sure it's something I can do easily, so I'll see how these dates go. I'm hoping that the connection is more obvious with one... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 As long as it takes to connect to someone and decide to be exclusive.How long is this allowed? Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 That seems reasonable. So if I've been dating another person, would I just tell them something like "I've enjoyed our time together but I have developed a stronger connection with someone else"? Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Back when I was dating there were times when I had as many as 3 or 4 dates a week. To clarify I should say first meets a week with one or two second dates thrown in here and there. It is a process really where you are meeting in the real world and getting to know these guys face to face. You don't owe them anything and they do not owe you anything either other than honesty. Since these are first meets you can think of them that way instead of actual dates so you are "multi first meeting" If you are feeling a connection with a guy sure you can kiss him on the first meet to see if there are sparks but I wouldn't go any further because lust can cloud your vision...at least it can for me. After you have met each guy it is time to put them in a category. Not interested, Possible, Great connection and definitely want to see him again. Then simply let the not interested guy(s) know it was nice meeting him but you didn't feel the spark you were hoping to feel. If they are all a definite then see who contacts you for another date and who doesn't and go from there. You set the rules in all this and the rules can change as you learn as you go. Just don't lead guys on, we like to know if you aren't interested so be kind but honest and let them know you aren't interested in seeing them again if that is the case. Ghosting sucks... Have fun and good luck Lost Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Perfect explanation, Lost! I appreciate it. I absolutely do not want to hurt anyone which is why I asked for advice And I try and be fairly clear with my intentions. The first guy I met was awesome. I felt butterflies we both agreed to see each other again but he's busy and has a trip so it'll be another week or so. But it was well-communicated that there's mutual interest. Which is exciting! Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 Haha, well I just got back from date #2... Multi dating may not be an issue! He was pretty rude. Kept checking his phone and after half an hour just said "yeah.... Well, I'm leaving". Oh well! Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 See how the D-bags make it easy for you? People show who they are if you give them a chance and keep your eyes open. Lost Link to comment
superkatnip Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I was married for 20 years and when I jumped back into the pool, had no idea multi-dating was an option. I actually loved it as I had not dated since college days. I knew I wanted a relationship ... eventually.. but had no idea what/who I was looking for. Initially I often double booked dates on the weekends I didn't have my kids. Most never moved past date one, many never past date two. I often had a few ion rotation and I was never sleeping with more than one person at a time. I took a 4 month dating break a year 2 post-divorce due to a kid issue and when I got back in, I had two really good candidates in the mix when my current guy came onto the scene. I quickly cleared the decks as I knew he was so different. My point here being was that I was finding out what I like and didn't. I had no intention of jumping into a relationship at anytime, but when the right one came along, I knew. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 What a jerk. Glad you didn't waste time on this. Really underscores the importance of meeting asap, doesn't it?He was pretty rude. Kept checking his phone and after half an hour just said "yeah.... Well, I'm leaving". Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 Yes absolutely. I'm glad I'm in a place where I'm not personally offended about it. It's actually kind of funny - I was shocked. But at least no more time wasted with him! Super, I think you're right. Even though I jumped in to my last relationship quick, I knew something was different right away. We clicked so well (so I don't regret it). The first guy I met on Sunday was awesome. We had an instant connection, too, so I'm hoping that goes a bit further. regardless, it's nice to finally be at a point post BU where I'm EXCITED about another prospect. I think I was basically over my ex and I just needed to feel butterflies again to get over that last little hump. Link to comment
Itchy Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 You just go on dates with multiple people simultaneously, so go out with Derek on a Tuesday, Nigel on a Thursday and Claude on a Saturday and so on. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 I'm old, is "dating" a euphanism for "having sex" In any event, just be safe and honest about intentions. Some people don't like being in a rotation. Others don't care. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 No, that's 'netflix and chill' is "dating" a euphanism for "having sex" Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 Well my original post asked about intimacy when I'm going on dates with multiple men. So no, that's not what it means. And I'm aware that it means I schedule different dates with different guys on different days of the week... My question was a bit more complex than that. Link to comment
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