Hobbit 11 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 If ever there was a place I can talk to people for assistance and guidance then this is the place I come to. I haven't mentioned to anyone that I am seeing one of my best friends wife. But the suspense has been building up inside of me and I just need to tell someone. I am around my friends family all the time because they consider me part of the family. So how can I be doing this to him. Well it's quite east to explain. I visited this site 2 years back to speak about my separation from my wife which lead to a divorce. And for 2 years I wasn't interested in anything. So all it took was for 1 very beautiful women to see that I am actually a nice person if you get to know me. Over the December holiday period, this women got to know me by having a conversation at a kids birthday function we both attended. 2 days later I found myself spending a few nights at her house while here husband was away on a trip with his friends. It has been a long time since I made love to a women and I gave her an hour of mind blowing intercourse which left her coming back for more. We have had conversations and we both agree that what we are doing is totally unacceptable. Not only in the eyes of God but if this ever had to surface then a lot of people are going to get hurt and this can cause a lot of heart ache. But one main reason for her doing this is because she doesn't get the love and attention at home from her husband. And this has been going on for a while. Yes I know I am the substitute and I am giving her what she is craving. Emotionally I am falling for this women. Also the idea of only us knowing what is happening is quite exciting. Dangerous but exciting. We have both agreed to not message one another unless she starts the conversation because she is more at risk to getting caught than what I am. Is it possible for me to carry on with this secret for lets say 2 years without anyone finding out. And do I really want to be the guy who is called on only when her husband is away. I am not looking at breaking them up to have her all for myself. But I am quite a jealous person and I think this could mess with my mind from an emotional point. Do I call it off or just go with it? At the moment no one is getting hurt. And this lady is getting all her emotional and sexual needs taken care of. Its not all about the sex. We chat for hours and there is even planning of going away for a weekend when her husband leaves town again. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 What's with the two-year time limit? Is something happening in two years? Your post is full of contradictions. You are "falling for this woman emotionally", but you "want to be called on only when her husband is away", but you are "quite a jealous person" and you think this might "mess with" your mind. Her husband is one of your "best friends", but you barely mention him in your post at all, seem completely unconcerned about how this might affect him if found out, and in fact seem to imply that he deserves this for not giving her enough "love and attention". The "eyes of God" comment implies you are a person who believes in a moral authority, but you seem to feel no remorse over the fact that what you're doing is completely wrong from a moral standpoint. These contradictions lead me to believe that you are a bit out of your mind at the moment. In the throes of a new affair, safe to say anyone would be. I think you want people to help you continue to justify what you're doing and say, "Sure, keep at it, no one is going to get hurt", but you know that isn't true and I can tell you for sure that no one on this site is going to help you justify this affair. To use a charming colloquialism, you're thinking with your little head. Time to let your brain override. To answer your question, yes, obviously the right and logical thing to do is to call the whole thing off. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Op: It's dangerous. It's exciting. It's going to end badly. I won't preach to you about morality. I would just say to think about the likely costs. Emotionally to you. If your family and friends find out what will happen? Can you handle being responsible for breaking up a marriage? Hurting people who have nothing to do with it? She will never leave him. What will her husband say or do if he finds out. Just saying you need to think about whether hot sex is worth potential pain and suffering. Pm me if you need a sounding board. Link to comment
patterned Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 SpottiOtti has it. It sounds like it was worth it to you when t was a surprise, but now it is wearing on you and not-so-much. Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I would consider moving. This sort of thing is never kept secret, she may feel guilty and tell her husband and then anything is on the cards. The betrayal to your 'friend', her betrayal of her husband, the damage done to kids, all horrible. Your reputation in your social circle will be akin to something you step on in the street, no exaggeration. If you think this would help your mindset you're about to be rudely awoken, It will come back and f**k you over. People who do what the two of you are doing are shunned upon. When your other friends discover it, which they will, expect to be ostracised and lose any respect or sympathy. None of your friends will let you near their wives or family, and rightly so because you're both beneath contempt. Link to comment
greta96 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Well I'm glad to hear you're not looking at breaking them up and having her all for yourself, because with you being "quite a jealous person" I don't think you'd survive being married to this cheater. You sound smart enough to realize that if she's doing it with you, she'll do it to you too. As for "nobody's getting hurt", you got that one wrong. There is not even one mention about what her husband (supposedly your friend!) is getting out of this sordid affair. I'm assuming this is because you know he's getting nothing, this little arrangement only benefits you and her, and you are both too selfish to think of anyone else but your own sexual needs. So when this affair ends eventually, please do the guy a favor and stop pretending to be his friend, because you are the furthest thing from a friend I can think of. I think you're starting to realize that you're not actually getting much out of this either, because you can have the same intercourse with women who are free and willing to give you lots in addition to it, such as quality time spent with you, love, loyalty and who are able to go places with you and experience life with you. Being the piece on the side, always having to hide, steal a little time when the husband isn't looking, can't possibly be enough for anyone, and it should be especially daunting to one's ego. Yeah it may be all exciting in the beginning, but sex is sex and will always be just sex...doesn't take you anywhere really, if anything, give it a bit more time and it will get stale. And then, what are you left with? Nothing, a woman who doesn't even belong to you. You are not getting the life-enriching experience that you would get with a single woman, and you're starting to realize that. That's good, and hopefully enough to determine you to end this affair, leave them both alone (meaning, no more friendship, because let's face it, you are not their friend and never been, or you wouldn't have done any of this) and try finding yourself a single woman, who can give you everything the cheater has been giving you, plus a lot more life changing experiences she won't ever have the ability to give you. End this sooner rather than later, and hope nobody finds out, because if they do, nobody will want to have anything to do with you, you will probably have to move far away where nobody knows you. Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Oh yes. By all means carry on for another 2 years dear troll. Why not? Her husband goes away regularly and you can indulge in mind blowing intercourse with gay abandon. May as well enjoy it while you can get it. Link to comment
allibaidoo4 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Please go find someone who is not married. You will be causing you so called best friend a lot of pain. Why would you ever want to do that to someone who is your best friend Link to comment
msbrunette Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 If ever there was a place I can talk to people for assistance and guidance then this is the place I come to. I haven't mentioned to anyone that I am seeing one of my best friends wife. But the suspense has been building up inside of me and I just need to tell someone. I am around my friends family all the time because they consider me part of the family. So how can I be doing this to him. Well it's quite east to explain. I visited this site 2 years back to speak about my separation from my wife which lead to a divorce. And for 2 years I wasn't interested in anything. So all it took was for 1 very beautiful women to see that I am actually a nice person if you get to know me. Over the December holiday period, this women got to know me by having a conversation at a kids birthday function we both attended. 2 days later I found myself spending a few nights at her house while here husband was away on a trip with his friends. It has been a long time since I made love to a women and I gave her an hour of mind blowing intercourse which left her coming back for more. We have had conversations and we both agree that what we are doing is totally unacceptable. Not only in the eyes of God but if this ever had to surface then a lot of people are going to get hurt and this can cause a lot of heart ache. But one main reason for her doing this is because she doesn't get the love and attention at home from her husband. And this has been going on for a while. Yes I know I am the substitute and I am giving her what she is craving. Emotionally I am falling for this women. Also the idea of only us knowing what is happening is quite exciting. Dangerous but exciting. We have both agreed to not message one another unless she starts the conversation because she is more at risk to getting caught than what I am. Is it possible for me to carry on with this secret for lets say 2 years without anyone finding out. And do I really want to be the guy who is called on only when her husband is away. I am not looking at breaking them up to have her all for myself. But I am quite a jealous person and I think this could mess with my mind from an emotional point. Do I call it off or just go with it? At the moment no one is getting hurt. And this lady is getting all her emotional and sexual needs taken care of. Its not all about the sex. We chat for hours and there is even planning of going away for a weekend when her husband leaves town again. Congratulations. Your marriage is over and you are helping to destroy a second marriage this time your friends wife. Sincerely what a great friend you are. You're aware that people will get hurt ..yet here you are merely worried about how it makes you feel and how jealous you might get. What about this woman's HUSBAND??? Remember...your friend??? Nevermind their problems, they are theirs to fix. She gets a really sweet deal doesnt she, she gets to f*ck her husband when he feels like having her..otherwise theres you sloppy seconds just one phone call away. Aren't you worried if you do get together that she'll just go ahead and cheat on you? Oh no that's right...you don't even WANT her! You just wanna screw your "friends" beautiful wife ..cause you know she thinks you're a nice guy. Seriously. Hopefully you both get caught so then he has a really good reason to stop f*cking her and divorces her ass. Oh and by the way if it wasnt obvious the answer is yes do call it off. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 OP you are perceptive about your own emotional nature and growing attachment to your friend's wife. You will need to call it off. You know how sometimes, you can just tell something is off? Your friend will pick up on something with you - because your feelings about him will begin to change. Your friend will pick up on something with his wife. There will be some sort of gut feeling long before the truth shows itself. Meanwhile, you will find yourself resenting your friend for not appreciating his wife, and your friendship will unravel. I offer you the reminder that marriage is TOTALLY different than dating. Living together, sharing responsibilities for debt, schedules, kids, etc., demands the most brave level of intimacy anyone can imagine. What you have with her doesn't compete, not by a long ahot. Given the emotional dynamics, it just can't work and won't work. Take some distance, and use someone outside of your social circle to help yourself find your footing after your divorce. This is particular choice is indulgent, reckless, and self destructive. You will need your friends when you start dating in earnest. Keep them, by being the sort of friend you'd want for yourself. Link to comment
journeynow Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I am actually a nice person if you get to know me. Nice? One conversation at a children's party led to her discovery of your niceness, which quickly became an affair, and you, a not-so-nice friend? Please end it. You can be a better person, she can work on a better relationship with her husband or work on getting out of it. Link to comment
Loriana Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Also the idea of only us knowing what is happening is quite exciting. Dangerous but exciting. You need to ask yourself whether this high that you are chasing is really worth all the heartache that it will eventually lead to. Secrets don't stay secrets for long eventually the truth will come out. Link to comment
LC8328 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 At the moment no one is getting hurt. Incorrect. Someone is getting extremely hurt; the fact that he doesn't know it makes it even worse. we both agree that what we are doing is totally unacceptable. Not only in the eyes of God but if this ever had to surface then a lot of people are going to get hurt and this can cause a lot of heart ache. Also the idea of only us knowing what is happening is quite exciting. Dangerous but exciting. Huh? LOL You seem a bit confused here. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Incorrect. Someone is getting extremely hurt; the fact that he doesn't know it makes it even worse. Huh? LOL You seem a bit confused here. The excitement of it being hidden reflects two dynamics: the hidden nature creates a false intimacy between you that would vanish if you were in a legitimate arrangement, and the excitement is chemically similar to getting high. Think of this as addictive behavior, and you may understand yourself in a more nuanced way. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Nice person? You are banging your friends wife...and you want to think of yourself as a nice person? This will come back to bite you both the kids find out and their whole family is ripped apart by two selfish adults. Link to comment
Blue_Skirt Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Do I call it off or just go with it? At the moment no one is getting hurt. And this lady is getting all her emotional and sexual needs taken care of. Its not all about the sex. We chat for hours and there is even planning of going away for a weekend when her husband leaves town again. Call it off, today! This story will not have a happy end and people will get hurt. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 OP, obviously some people are going to hammer you for being a bad friend etc. You knew that already. But to your point, is it sustainable, it isn't. Has this thread helped at all? Link to comment
Rmbrmelover Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I posted my own infidelity story earlier this week. Even now having been a few weeks out of my situation, I'm starting the beginning stages of what a loser I am and how mixed up my morals got. This has disaster written all over it. I was seeing two women i know this is a little different as you "technically " aren't the one cheating but u r definitely feeling the pull of guilt and morals as this man is your friend. I would honestly do what I could not. Take people's advice, find the courage and think with your head not down there. I don't know what else to say. Link to comment
Raoul Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 "If this had to surface" LOL Link to comment
starlight89 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 Shaking my head People always way "getting older makes you wiser".. Reading this makes it hard to believe. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 I am actually a nice person if you get to know me. . I think you are clearly very confused. If having an affair with your best friend's wife is being a nice person, then I would hate to see what a not so nice person does. Your actions show incredible selfishness and unbelievable and total disrespect. Also, zero self-respect. Obviously there is only one right answer for all this mess and yes, that would be to call it off. Link to comment
Longview01 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 I understand totally, your marriage fell apart and you are so jealous of your friends happy marriage you felt the need to destroy it What a good friend you are Link to comment
Hobbit 11 Posted January 18, 2016 Author Share Posted January 18, 2016 SpottiOtti, I totally agree with everything you have mentioned. I thought about this situation I am in this past weekend and I didn't like it one bit. I'm a better person than this and I dont want to be branded as "that guy" I'm also actually a bit to scared to read the other 20 posts below yours because I think they are all going to give me the same information. Link to comment
Hobbit 11 Posted January 18, 2016 Author Share Posted January 18, 2016 SpottiOtti, I totally agree with everything you have mentioned. I thought about this situation I am in this past weekend and I didn't like it one bit. I'm a better person than this and I dont want to be branded as "that guy" I'm also actually a bit to scared to read the other 20 posts below yours because I think they are all going to give me the same information. As for a few other comments made. The constructive ones, Thank you very much for you wise words. I have never gone down this road before and i wasn't looking for a handshake to say well done. To the other people who commented here who have all the right answers and tone in the way you present the guidance I was looking for. I cant help but think that somewhere in your life, I am exactly like that person who caused your partner or significant other to leave you or you left them in the relationship. I would gladly have visited my in laws or ex wife if I wanted to get spoken down on and tried to be made a fool of. I never went looking for this women, she crossed my path and opened up to me because I am a nice person who has been through more than I care to talk about to anyone on this earth. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 The person that has made a fool of you is not any of the responders. You did that entirely on your own. Link to comment
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