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About Raoul

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  • Birthday April 14

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  1. I'm not sure why I never saw this thread before. But it is a great one! Thank you SD! Between you and mhowe, it is wonderful that you both have shared your stories in such detail.
  2. Jeff, Shield support is federal. Messing with it can land you in prison.
  3. Lost, Every little thing with my ex seems to end up either in court or a battle royal between our lawyers which costs a mint and accomplishes just about nothing. I wish you well in finding a more reasonable path.
  4. Jeff, Benga is right. As children reach their teens, which parent sees them the most and is there for them the most makes differences that cannot be codified in court orders or seen as 'fair' by the parent that does not see the kids as much. My three (now 22, 20 and 17 - boy, boy, girl) spend nearly all of their time with me and have done so for many years. This drives their mother crazy. So they get the same thing you do - that I 'have turned them against her '. I get the homework, housework and expense of having them. But I also get the joy and enlightenment that having them around br
  5. Trust is what goes in a breakup. And it's very difficult to re-establish. It can be done. But it's hard work, take a lot of emotional courage and more patience than most people have. But sometimes it's worth the effort, even if it fails.
  6. Sometimes (my case at least) the 'dumper' may be upset or frightened with the dumper. I had to back off a woman I am still in love with. We both had a lot of life 'stuff' going on. We went through 3 different rounds of her breaking dates in the same week at the last minute. Each time, each reason, excuse (what's the difference?) was plausible. I got despondent. She knew I was having trouble with things as they were as during the second round of broken dates, I told her that I wasn't sure how much. I could take. At some point, protecting my heart moved to the fore for me. And I stopped cont
  7. I already have de facto sole custody waffle. The law (de jure) says otherwise and. I pay child support under the law, not reality (two distinct things, neither having much to do with the other. Sole custody is all but unknown where I live. Sole custody by fathers, absent an incarcerated or certified insane spouse in unheard of.
  8. Children learn far more from what they see and hear than from what we try to teach them. To me, that's why being a good example for them is so important.
  9. Children possess amazing 'crap detectors'. The court decided that they would be suitcase kids - a week here, a week there. There was even special treatment for our daughter, who because she was a girl, needed more time with her mother. I was supposed to have her only every other weekend. The decree came down in early 2011. My daughter has not stayed at her mother's for 4 months now. This is the second episode of this. Our two boys are always here, occasionally spending a nigh at Mom's now and then I don't run their mother down to them. There is no need. They experience her as some sort
  10. It really is that simple. I wish you well Juliettte.
  11. Nick, The best to do this is to not react at all. Better to interact as little as possible. Psychologists know now that the absence of reinforcement extinguishes behavior more efficiently when all (either positive or negative) reinforcement is absent. Absence of reinforcement Amy take a little longer to work than negative reinforcement. But the changes are more permanent. Just sayin'.
  12. Nick, it's time to ignore messages such as this. They are simply attempts on her part to prove to herself that she can manipulate you. Little more than bait. Don't take it.
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