An Apple a Day - A Dating Journal

[Jibralta]

If you really love him then support him by letting him be independent and figure out how to face life's challenges including financial challenges.

 

Yes.

 

In a weird way, it's almost a sign of disrespect when you take someone's challenges away from them. It's almost saying, "I know you're not mentally/emotionally capable of handling these things, so I will do it for you."

[Fudgie]

Definitely agree with the others. They are his loans and his responsibilities. It's sad that he's stressed but he needs to figure out what to do. There are many options out there for payment plans and the like.

 

Technically speaking, I could dip into a trust that is mine and get $$ for my boyfriends loans... but I don't and he would never want me to anyway. He's a big boy, he will figure it out.

[Applewhite]

Yes.

 

In a weird way, it's almost a sign of disrespect when you take someone's challenges away from them. It's almost saying, "I know you're not mentally/emotionally capable of handling these things, so I will do it for you."

Yeah I know I see that. But it also pains me to see him stress about it.

 

Also I can tell (or maybe I'm hoping?) That he is taking this more seriously or tackling it now since we have started getting serious.

[Batya33]

He might be if he is looking towards the future and has future financial goals that involve planning for a family.

[Applewhite]

Sorry to jump topics but I just thought of something.

 

Do you guys think it's unreasonable/selfish for me to bring up him using a toy on me when he doesn't want sex but I do? To go shop for that toy together?

[Batya33]

Sorry to jump topics but I just thought of something.

 

Do you guys think it's unreasonable/selfish for me to bring up him using a toy on me when he doesn't want sex but I do? To go shop for that toy together?

 

I think you should give the whole sex related talk/topics a break for a good long while. You two just went through some drama about how often to have sex, etc. and that seems to be resolved now. Buy yourself a toy and use it on yourself when he is not around if you feel like it. You just wrote about how stressed he is about his financial situation, how you love him SO much, how you two have been having more sex. Leave it be. For at least a few months if not longer.

[Applewhite]

I think you should give the whole sex related talk/topics a break for a good long while. You two just went through some drama about how often to have sex, etc. and that seems to be resolved now. Buy yourself a toy and use it on yourself when he is not around if you feel like it. You just wrote about how stressed he is about his financial situation, how you love him SO much, how you two have been having more sex. Leave it be. For at least a few months if not longer.

Makes sense I guess.

[Applewhite]

Switching gears again

(I'm on a posting streak it seems)

 

So I have been noticing more on more in my apartment complex, out grocery shopping etc that older men out of the blue approach me and want to talk. Not in a sexual/romantic way but just in a lonely so therefore demands my attention even though it's obvious I am rushing to work etc kind of way. Granted some are creepier than others.

 

If I politely let them know I'm busy or just through my actions ignore go about my business they insist repeatedly and/or get nasty! It's almost like they feel entitled to my conversation, time and attention.

 

Once walking to the parking lot I had to tell one neighbor 3 times I'm sorry I don't have time I'm going to work. He was still trying to talk and ask me things so I just walked away.

 

Another stranger at the store approached me even kept throwing himself in front of me and saying he is sorry or demanding I say I am sorry to initiate conversation. I repeatedly ignored him and he started to follow me around and complain I was rude!

 

I know old people get bored and lonely but I never notice the old women be so persistent and entitled.

 

I'm wondering if anyone else noticed this.

[Batya33]

Nothing to do with age - my mother is 82 and takes a college class, is in a book club , had lunch with friend and attends cultural events. I am 50 and can't imagine being bored or lonely. Just politely assert your boundaries and maybe wear earbuds so you don't look approachable.

[Applewhite]

I hate grocery shopping, I feel like I can never plan very well my meals for the week.

 

Then I buy stuff that I never end up having the time to make/eat so they go bad. Sigh.

[Jibralta]

I used to have what I call Fruit Rage. I'd buy fruit, then never eat it and get angry watching it go bad.

[Applewhite]

😘 I do this with fruit and vegetables. Last week I did a bit better than normal BC I actually precut and prepackaged the watermelon and pineapple so I ended up eating half. And I finally juiced the carrots apples and cucumbers this morning.

 

Any ideas on what else to juice?

[Jibralta]

For me, prepping for the whole week is the key to eating what I buy. Washing the produce, cooking and packaging the meals, etc. If I don't do it, I don't eat it.

 

You can juice literally anything. But (obviously) fruits and vegetables with higher water contents produce more juice.

 

I don't really like juicing. It's time consuming, it's messy, and I felt like I was throwing my money directly into the garbage when I threw the pulp and fiber away.

[Applewhite]

I would never eat that amount of vegetables or fruit if I didn't juice. It just wouldn't happen . When I do juice regularly I do notice a difference in my skin and the way I feel. So a bit wasted $ is worth it to me.

[Batya33]

I don't juice because I'm not big in too much liquid in my diet (because I like texture and feel too bloated if I drink my meal)-with one exception -I try to drink enough water and it is one of my new year's resolutions! I won't buy the pre-cut fruit -with rare exception -because I worry about food poisoning. I buy avocados every week because I eat avocado daily, always buy bananas because they're inexpensive, and otherwise I try to guesstimate but I typically overbuy also. Sigh.

[Applewhite]

I think the problem with me is not necessarily overbuying but not making the time (being lazy) and not prepping/cooking . Then I eat out.

 

I wish I could get myself into a nice healthy routine again gym and all...

[Fudgie]

I don't really juice either, too much sugar for me. What's nice about a lot of vegetables is that they can freeze nicely. I eat a lot of frozen vegetables or vegetables that I have prepared to be frozen. My freezer chest is a life saver.

 

It can be hard to get into a routine, I can sympathize. Having a white board on my fridge helps me to plan my meals ahead of time. Today is "rib day" so I have a rack of ribs in the crockpot right now. Seeing my meal plan on the fridge helped me to remember to get the meat out the day before to thaw.

 

I'd be really lost without it.

[Batya33]

I think the problem with me is not necessarily overbuying but not making the time (being lazy) and not prepping/cooking . Then I eat out.

 

I wish I could get myself into a nice healthy routine again gym and all...

 

I don't cook much but i make my son an egg every school morning, boil whole grain pasta to add to healthy soups (and add avocado to the soup) and I'll roast veggies once in awhile (I also steam fresh broccoli regularly). I exercise every day and have exercised regularly for 35 years. It makes all the difference physically and psychologically/mentally. I am neurotic about the daily exercise and go to great lengths to make sure it happens on the challenging/tough days.

[Applewhite]

So today I picked up breakfast for us and drove over to him. We had breakfast, watched TV, then cuddled and napped (neither of us slept much last night) .

 

Then as I was leaving (he always does this so I stay a bit longer) he held me, didn't let me go etc. (Not too tight to really restrict me, just playful like stay longer please kind of way)

 

Anyway as I left to get up he had this really strange look on his face. I asked him what's up then he started hiding something behind him. He was just behaving super odd and had a strange grin on his face. I even said something like you're scaring me.

 

He then got down on one knee(?) And blurted something about next stage of our relationship...Now I'm looking at him like are you crazy....

 

Then he gives me a spare key to the garage door and says to give it back when grandpa is back from vacation 😕😒

[Batya33]

LOL love that story! Sounds like a great and relaxing day.

[Applewhite]

LOL love that story! Sounds like a great and relaxing day.

He had me there for a minute...

[Applewhite]

I am a bit surprised and upset that he would make a joke like that though. It seems insensitive and playing with my emotions. Kinda wish he hadn't done that.

[notalady]

I am a bit surprised and upset that he would make a joke like that though. It seems insensitive and playing with my emotions. Kinda wish he hadn't done that.

 

Hmmm...I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

 

If you had been dating for a year or something, and it's appropriate time to talk about marriage, then yes I might mention something about that. But you haven't been together that long, perhaps he thought there's no way you would've taken it seriously.

[Applewhite]

Well there is more context that is involved that makes me think he should have been more sensitive

 

 

we are both aware that

 

a) in 5 months I have to decide where I'm moving

b) he already suggested I move in with him a month ago when my lease was up

c) he knows that I want to be married before living together

d) he had mentioned moving in together after being together a year

[Batya33]

I am a bit surprised and upset that he would make a joke like that though. It seems insensitive and playing with my emotions. Kinda wish he hadn't done that.

 

Oh my goodness- no way. Notalady is right about context. Now, when my long time boyfriend suggested I rent a baby in the park on Mother's Day when I said it was hard to have Mother's Day when I wanted one (a weak moment!) now that was insensitive and he apologized then and for a long time after. In that case I was the one not ready to marry so that changed the context, but I digress. Look- please please lighten up. I hear of many stories like this - not a true joke proposal at a restaurant etc but this kind of playing around with getting down on bended knee, etc -he has a good sense of humor! Don't you trust him not to want to hurt you?