abitbroken Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Thank you so much Shal ☺️ I won't close down by fb as it's good for me to keep in touch with family back home. He's half away around the world but still trying, I feel sorry for him god knows what he's up against,., but he chose to leave his choice. I'll look back at him and smile. I've been dating, going back to the gym etc so things are great. We both deserve more 😊 x THen start a new FB account with just your first and middle name, etc, and tell your family you have a new account and stop checking the old one or delete it. Make a new email address that "points" you your regular mailbox so he can't search by email contacts for your new account. Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 I've deactivated my fb account and will keep it like that for at least a month. I need to concentrate on me, I'm sure in time he will be happy as he deserves that much. His unhappiness and talking about wishing he was dead is not my responsibly. The worry is dragging me back down. I have enough to deal with work wise etc and I can't be made feel responsible for someone else it's not fair to me and I hope he gets help. Men are funny creatures, just had a message from my ex fiancée of 5 years apologising for hurting me.... After 3 years. Men really are from mars ha ha x Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Jesus Christ. After a relatively good day, get in from work and my friend rings me to tell me that "he" sent her a fb message asking her questions like "am I in a relationship" "am I ok" "that he's praying for me" "misses me"and is "distressed" and that "she (I) need to figure out what I need to do next to be happy". What the hell does that mean? I'm not replying to him as it's a pointless vicious circle but the effect this is having on me is too much. Can someone try and figure out what's going on as I'm just drained from it. Why do exes feel the need to do this? And why does it affect the other person so much? God bless x Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Guilt. And so now you tell your friend that she is to give him no info about you and if he contacts her, you don't want to hear about it. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Jesus Christ. After a relatively good day, get in from work and my friend rings me to tell me that "he" sent her a fb message asking her questions like "am I in a relationship" "am I ok" "that he's praying for me" "misses me"and is "distressed" and that "she (I) need to figure out what I need to do next to be happy". What the hell does that mean? I'm not replying to him as it's a pointless vicious circle but the effect this is having on me is too much. Can someone try and figure out what's going on as I'm just drained from it. Why do exes feel the need to do this? And why does it affect the other person so much? God bless x Tell her to block him. You will never be his booty call. Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Guilt for what though? No she hasn't written back to him at all. I'm just so fed up. I thought I was (or at least)was moving on but this is annoying me. He's never coming back here so why the need to stay in touch as it's hopeless. No one has ever affected me this much . Someone give me tips on how not to overanalyse and get on with things x Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 He knew all along that he would return to marry. Be angry at him. Use it as fuel to focus on your future. Remembering the good times is rubbish. Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Well I hope his wife is a troll tbh. Honest to god, the emotions I have felt have been mental. For someone to stir me up like that knowing all along what was going to happen is cruel. For him to sleep with me knowing this would happen is so hurtful. is wrong with people like that? I hope the whole karma thing is true. I did want him to be happy now I'm thinking why does he deserve it? I hope he's miserable Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 I just hope he has a fake, unhappy marriage Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Irish88. I agree with what "abitbroken" says. This individual is simply stringing you along. There are individuals like that. They need the "supply" from whatever source, and essentially they are somewhat deranged. On a brighter note it is good that the majority of men are quite all right, but there is a percentage out there that have serious psychological and mental issues. The trick is to recognise them before they move in on you. His problems are his and his alone. Nothing to do with you. Enjoy your life, be of independent spirit and you-ll see, good relationships will come your way. H Link to comment
irish88 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 Thanks 😊 I went to my therapist yesterday (that's how bad the effect was on me) they were things that happened that I haven't mentioned here She made me realise that I was self blaming and that's why I was so upset with everything. I was upset, depressed, felt shame and very emotional now I'm angry. I'm angry that someone came into my life for their own selfish reasons. He wanted me because he wanted control considering he has no control in other aspects of his life and does what his parents will want. I was very depressed that someone did what he did to me and let me fall in love had sex etc knowing the truth .... How dare he IMO. I'm becoming happy again as I realise him now for what he is..... A selfish, manipulative, depressed messed up person and that's what he will be for the rest of his life . A woman he may never love in his life for his life.. That he will never be allowed to leave or divorce for fear of being disowned .. That's Karma right there lol 😊😊 xx Thanks xx Link to comment
irish88 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 My last thread was deleted as people were offended by the way my thread came accross. I'm no way racist or anti-Islamic btw... What I will say to woman who are/were in a situation like mine is to not beat yourself up about things. Remember that these men want some control in some aspect of their life as they have no control over the rest. A real man will not dupe a woman or lie or withhold the truth to get her to fall in love or into bed. Be thankful in a way that people like these do not deserve to be in your life. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 Irish, I am sure you are not racist, and I note you live in London which is very multi-cultural and multi-racial. That said, cultural differences can be a an obstacle, in many instances. It isn't that there is a "wrong" or "right" way about how other cultures conduct their lives. And, there are very good people and not so good people in all races and cultures. Think of it this way: maybe in five or ten years' time this man will decide that the life his parents choose for him is not what he wanted. His life may (or not) take another path. He may learn to love the woman chosen for him..we don't know. Remember too, Irish, that not so terribly long ago in our own culture match-making was not uncommon, and indeed daughters- and sons - often were afraid in going against parental wishes in the choice of spouse. One way or another, these are life lessons. Good luck with everything. H Link to comment
irish88 Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 That's so much 😊 My name is Irish as I was brought up in Ireland. My dad is italian/Brazilian so I'm well mixed lol My dad only wants me to marry an Italian as he feels other men drink too much. My stepdad wants me to marry an Irish catholic lol. Different religions and cultures are beautiful, what's not so beautiful is withholding truths and leading someone on with something that was so paramount. Regardless of culture etc being honest and respectful should be the foremost of everything 😊 I'm glad I've learnt that from this situation xx Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 Good for you Irish. I am sure your Dad has your best interests at heart. I wholly agree that it is dreadful to lead someone on, regardless of the cultural background. But there you are. It is unfortunate that there are people out there like that, and one needs to be aware and watchful. Take care H Link to comment
Missystone Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 You deserve better, I understand how hard it is, been there worn the t shirt there will be someone out there for you don't give up 😊 I'm a nurse also and with our job looking for someone to share the burden and to love is a must, don't give up Link to comment
irish88 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 I just re-read this thread and wow what I long way I've come. I look at it now like it never happened to me. My best friend told me a few days ago that I haven't been the same since the whole incident and that he took "the lovely happy me" with him. I have met someone (still not sure where it's going) and I enjoy things again x Link to comment
chitown9 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Sometimes we cannot see the forest for the trees. This is probably what happened to you when you were thick in the middle of things. Now that you have distanced yourself it is easier to see things for what they were and gain clarity has to what occurred. Good for you for putting this behind you and learning from the experience. chi Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I just re-read this thread and wow what I long way I've come. I look at it now like it never happened to me. My best friend told me a few days ago that I haven't been the same since the whole incident and that he took "the lovely happy me" with him. I have met someone (still not sure where it's going) and I enjoy things again x Is the guy you're "enjoying" the same guy who cursed you out for asking if he needed help? Link to comment
irish88 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 No..... I said I was enjoying "things" again. Like going to the gym, shopping, and being with friends. And yes chi it is amazing and looking back at the situation x Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Thought I'd just put this up here. An interesting read. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I just re-read this thread and wow what I long way I've come. I look at it now like it never happened to me. My best friend told me a few days ago that I haven't been the same since the whole incident and that he took "the lovely happy me" with him. I have met someone (still not sure where it's going) and I enjoy things again x This is what I was referring to. I presume the "someone" you met is the stressed out guy? Although, this has been pretty thoroughly covered in your other thread. Link to comment
KMO7970 Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 irish88, I just went through something very similar. It was wonderful to read your story and see how far you've come. It also is helping me immensely to see that I am certainly not alone in what happened to me. Thank you, and I hope this post finds you well! Link to comment
Abbacade Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Maybe you should check the website lovefraud or datingasociopath seems to me this relationship has all the red flags. First love bombing then abuse then discard. Best if lucky Link to comment
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