he broke my heart with arranged marriage

[Waraqqa]

Boy did you ever dodge a bullet here! I realize you don't see it now, because of the pain and heartbreak, but this individual wouldn't have been good for you in the long run. Just look at what you wrote: "he started to treat me differently, cancelling dates last minute, swearing at me, telling me I was stupid and that he never loved me". This would have been your future, once the honeymoon period was over. You will try to tell me he was just trying to distance himself from you, knowing he had to marry someone else, but no, if he was able to behave that way, it means exactly that: he is able to behave that way and treat women like crap.

Besides, he was never going to marry you, and he made it perfectly clear. It is very common for guys from this cultural background to date around and sow their wild oats until the time comes for the family to find him a bride, and no, these guys will never tell you that you're just a pass time, a filler they use to have their fun until marriage.

 

Let him go marry whomever they picked for him, let her deal with his rude a$$, don't envy her (I certainly woudln't) and you go ahead and find yourself a good man with a great upbringing, who knows how to treat a woman and make her happy.

 

Greta is right, that negative treatment bothered me as much as the rest of the story if not more. Especially swearing at you and telling you that you are stupid and that he never loved you. That's overt verbal abuse. It's disrespectful and not even subtle.

 

As for the rest, people are all different, but cultural ties and family pressure can exert a lot upon an individual. Even if he had feelings for you at some point (and probably still does a little somewhere), the family and culture is where he identifies. This is not to say that everyone from those cultures is like that - one of my exes had a very liberal family, and they actually rooted for me (but at that time I wasn't ready and left him for different reasons).

 

I had a couple of sadder stories also which I won't go into here.

 

The main point is : don't hold on to him, don't pursue him. If it's a good guy who is honestly struggling, it only creates more pressure combined with guilt and makes him suffer. If the guy is not deserving or rude and not that great of a match (and your ex sounds like that, sorry), then he doesn't deserve that attention anyway. Either way, best to let go.

 

And honestly, in your case I think you can do better.

[Waraqqa]

Sorry, I hadn't realised the thread started long time ago and evolved. Sorry for the outdated response - not sure how to delete the above.