mhowe Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 No im not swaying back at all, and never will. All i feel for the man now is pity, the same way i would pity a wounded dog. hes not getting married this year (what he told me in his message) I think whats happened is hes realised his fate and future and is more than likely regretting it. Hes also tried to phone my mother today, thankfully she missed his call. im not bitter nor angry, just full of pity for this brainwashed man Thanks x Have your mother block his number or simply hang up when she realizes it is him. Not a word. He is sniffing around because THIS arrangement fell through. There will be another, but he figured you were still on the hook. Great response to him. Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 I honestly only feel remorse for him now. In a way, I feel guilt for shouting at him and being emotional. I'm looking at this in a positive light now. Mine and his paths crossed for a reason. I learnt a lot about Islam and other cultures, he learnt that woman are not objects to be used (believe me, he knows this now) I wish him all the best in his life and hope he finds peace and happiness. X Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 oh you are wonderful ..you're becoming my favourite person right now ( after mhowe obviously) hehe Link to comment
Zuri Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I suggest you block his number, fb, email(s) AND tell any mutual friends to please refrain from conveying any communication. And your mom should block. Trust me in that this will speed up your healing. It's still very early on and you can have a soft or weak moment. Please trust me on this. Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 I do trust you on that shal. On my way to work every morning i have to pass our favourite restaurant and the bar we went on our first date, wow is it hard. Just passing there this morning was very difficult. He wont be engaged until another year at the least so then (hopefully) ill be healed ;-) I also doubt his parents will allow him to return for his graduation cermony either. He went over to look after his family. His dad told him that only 25% of his heart was working and that the stress would kill him. obviously this is false and just a means of manipulation to get his son home-the dad would be long gone if this was the truth lol. Im not going backwards, i just cannot believe the depts that some families stoop too. how do these people sleep Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 as you get drip fed more crap you are realising more truths .. it is like a jigsaw isn't it . I hope you are doing ok ..and hell yeah by the time he gets married he will be nothing more than a bad experience and you will be having a ball with life . Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Ive spoken to so many muslim people from different cultures. They have all told me that the minute a family know that their son/daughter are involved with an "outsider" is when the brainwashing starts. i.e that the mum/dad has a weak heart, that the parents are suicidal, that the family will disown them etc. Its very very common Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 oh seriously !!!! this is an education reading your thread ..how terrible , how manipulative. Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Its unbelievable really. He was locked in a house by his aunts/uncles in the week before he left so that he wouldnt see me AND HAD HIS PHONE CONFISCATED.. im now seeing things from the other side of the coin. One of the pakistani girls i work with (she is now about 40) moved to wales with her hindu partner for 12 years and her family had no contact with her in all that time. She recently moved back to london about 7 months ago and has reverted back to islam and has regained family contact. She told me that when they (family) found out she was dating a hindu she was almost pushed into an arranged marriage, locked in a room, had the elders come to her house and imams trying to manipulate her. This situation has really opened my eyes to everything and that a good thing IMO Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 my god seriously ....love clearly DOES NOT conquer all does it and yes it is a good thing how it has opened your eyes ..and mine ..infact I was sat yesterday chatting to my friend about all of this ..we where both sat shaking our heads and tutting like two old women haha ... Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 It doesn't indeed. The anger I now have toward him is now gone. I miss him very much still but I only feel sadness for him and his situation and I hope his family are treating him well. It's opened my eyes more than I could ever have imagined. I've been feeling sorry for myself for over a week but only now think about how hard it must have been for him and others in that position. Link to comment
Zuri Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I'd like to send you a PM but I guess your account is still too new for the feature. Let me know when I can. Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 I have no idea how to get or send private messages. X Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 You have to have 100 posts to get access to PM,s. Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Share Posted May 13, 2015 Thanks 😊 does that include replying to other posts? Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Thanks 😊 does that include replying to other posts? Yes it does... Link to comment
Zuri Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I must have been posting about my snotty BU like a madwoman when I first joined. I even got accused on here of must have having Munchausten syndrome (or something like that) Yeesh. Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 Ha ha. I'm probably the same, each day is getting better x Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 Quick update, I've been talking to him a little via fb and I'm over it and him, although I care for him a little bit, it's not enough. Before he left the UK, his dad told him he was going to be resuming his cricket career... He is actually working in a hotel. Between that and lies of the dad's weak heart I'm sure he's seeing what's happened. Anything to get him away from the "non-Mahram" white girl. Learning so much about family "honour" and the depts parents will stoop to as to protect it Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 His life, as he knew it, is over. Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 I know, and I can't help but feel a little sad for him. I never voiced my concerns (before he left) as I didn't feel it was my place to do so. Link to comment
Issabella Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Hi.. I'm from Sri Lanka. (Not a Muslim) I can give you one advice. The majority of the Muslim families in Sri Lankan community are very conservative. Most of them will not accept a lady who belongs to another ethnic group in to their family. That's like a norm. Do u believe that he has loved you? This is one of the very common stories I've heard from many people who work/study outside countries. Most of the men (specially in the Muslim community) do not have the freedom to act as they like. So when they go overseas it is like a paradise for them. I personally know of a guy who dated 4 women while he was there doing his higher education. He too came back to SL to get married to one girl from their own community, which was fixed by his parents. And he did it happily. He wanted to settle down, so settling down could happen only with one of their people. I'm sorry to say but I think he has fooled you and he just had a good time he wanted to have. (I'm not a racist but that's the reality and mind u according to the Muslim faith there's no next life as such) Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 Thanks for your reply and I understand what your saying. He did see other girls before me for 1-2 months. I initially thought the problem was the religion. When he asked me to marry him, he was to stay in the UK for at least another 2 years and complete a masters degree. He asked me to think about converting and I said ask me again in another few months and I'd give him my decision (re converting) When he spoke to his dad via Skype (with me present) he told his dad he's met a Christian girl that he wants to marry (with the possibility of conversion) his dad shouted and said "over my dead body" as I'm white and not sri-lanken different culture etc. his mum got on the phone and spoke to him about shame etc. Soon after his dad became "very ill" and my ex started to go to mosque and pray, gave up alcohol and we had a "halal" relationship. As mentioned before, he was locked in a house by relatives as to not see me. Yes, I do believe that he did love me but not enough to go against family Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 The dad also refused to pay his fees for the masters degree (he had no problem paying for it before knowing about me) We did speak about getting married a lot and me taking my "shahada" He also told his parents that and his mum phoned him (with me present) saying white girls never convert, and you are our son and your life belongs to us and spoke about disowning him. So I hope he did love me otherwise the pain I've felt would have been pointless lol 😊😊 Link to comment
irish88 Posted May 14, 2015 Author Share Posted May 14, 2015 Can I mention, he's also Tamil. I don't know if that makes a difference x Link to comment
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