notalady Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I don't think there's any intention on her part to get back with the ex. Alternative is you could just bring it up at a later date if there are more reasons for concern about his intentions. The easiest way to get a feel of their relationship is to meet him, but you're not at that stage yet. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Or I should I even ask how long ago was the most recent time he's tried to get back together? You're gonna lose her if you keep this up. You've only been dating her two months...you need to relax. You are being WAY too intense IMO...she is not even your "girlfriend" yet. She probably didn't tell you initially for this exact reason. To avoid the endless questions and your need for reassurance. Comes accross as needy and clingy..and as I said if you don't get a grip you're gonna lose her. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 You've been dating for only 2 months and she's not your gf. Honestly, it doesn't matter if you are uncomfortable with their friendship right now. I mean, she's still a free agent at this point. I think you need to calm down on the "laying claim" mentality. My sentiments exactly... you need to learn to contain your own anxiety and insecurity. At least this early on. It's not fair to burden her with your own neurosis.. That's for YOU to deal with...not her. Go for a run or something..or talk to a professional. But don't burden her with it. You will push her away with all that. Please.... Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 You all are right, i appreciate the straight forwardness. My crazy neurotic stuff has pretty much all been posted here, not brought to her attention. Ill keep it that way until/if she opens up in time. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 You all are right, i appreciate the straight forwardness. My crazy neurotic stuff has pretty much all been posted here, not brought to her attention. Ill keep it that way until/if she opens up in time. ......... Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 That mean that's the best way to go?? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 That mean that's the best way to go?? Exaactly. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Insecurities of the week.. She went out with a couple dudes from work last night and one of them took a photo of her and one of the guys, meanwhile she's turned me down twice when we've been out and I wanted a picture. Also, I invited her to come over my place tonight earlier this week because there's an event on tv and I'm having a couple friends over that she could meet. She initially seemed excited about it, then said she couldn't get her evening shift switched to a morning one. Then later in the week she did end up switching her shift and not telling me until she asked a few questions about tonight who's gonna be there etc. then said t sounds like a thing just for the guys.. I'm having two friends over. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Well..given what you just posted... it doesn't look good. Even though you haven't actually voiced your insecurities...women have a sort of sixth sense about these things...and can actually sense when a guy is insecure, anxious, potentially needy etc. I am sure she was into you at first...but that doesn't appear to be the case now. Time for you to PULL BACK. She turned down a simple easy get together with you and your two friends. If a chick was into you...she'd be all over that. Pull back.. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Well..given what you just posted... it doesn't look good. Even though you haven't actually voiced your insecurities...women have a sort of sixth sense about these things...and can actually sense when a guy is insecure, anxious, potentially needy etc. I am sure she was into you at first...but that doesn't appear to be the case now. Time for you to PULL BACK. She turned down a simple easy get together with you and your two friends. If a chick was into you...she'd be all over that. Pull back.. How? What does it entail? Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Come on.. She would have happily accepted your invite...and been thrilled that you wanted her to meet your friends! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 I went to my favorite bar last night by myself last night, since she already had plans. Her texts have stayed consistent. She asked me what i was up to and i told her. She texted me as soon as she got home from her plans last night and asked how my night was and asked if i did anything exciting after the bar. About a week ago when she went on that job inquiring hang out with her friend, the ex. She let me know when they were about to leave and said he was stopping by for a few and that i could probably meet him when i came over. I was about 10 minutes late but he had already left. She said he tried to hang around to meet me but he had to go. I feel like i have been pulling back lately. Texting has stayed the same and we have still hung out regularly. Had a real nice dinner on Friday night. Im in a weird place where its really getting hard to be like this mentally. From what everyone has said here, its still early, right? Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 You are in an exclusive relationship, I would think if she wanted to move it forward, she would be interested in meeting your friends. But that's just me. If I didn't want to meet a man's friends (a man I had been dating 2 plus months and am supposed to be exclusive with)...it would mean I was ambivalent about him and our relationship but again that's just me. Not to mention...you are exclusive but she'd rather do something else than be with you on a Saturday night? Weird. but maybe others can offer a different perspective that's more to your liking. And NEVER judge a woman's interest level based on her text messages. Text messages don't mean jack shyt...it's her actions...or lack thereof...that you should be focusing on. JMO Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 You are in an exclusive relationship, I would think if she wanted to move it forward, she would be interested in meeting your friends. But that's just me. If I didn't want to meet a man's friends (a man I had been dating 2 plus months and am supposed to be exclusive with)...it would mean I was ambivalent about him and our relationship but again that's just me. Not to mention...you are exclusive but she'd rather do something else than be with you on a Saturday night? Weird. but maybe others can offer a different perspective that's more to your liking. And NEVER judge a woman's interest level based on her text messages. Text messages don't mean jack shyt...it's her actions...or lack thereof...that you should be focusing on. JMO I really like your posts because i agree with most of what you say. Of course i think she should want to come and meet my best friend! I would. We did set up plans for Friday night and i stayed over there until early afternoon next day. When we set up friday plans either wed or thurs she did say she had work plans on Saturday. So yeah it sucked, but we did have a nice friday/saturday morning. I dont know anymore, thanks though. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I guess I dunno either Coldarmy. "Work" plans on a Saturday night that excluded significant others? Okay.. whatevs. Good luck I hope it all works out for ya. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Asked her if she changed her mind about tonight: "That's alright, you guys can do your boy stuff and I can meet him another time!" Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 I asked her what her plans were tonight then, she said she wasn't sure but probably just going home and cooking food. I'm not sure exactly what pulling back is, but I think I definitely am because I feel like an f'n idiot. Link to comment
luxurylover Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 One day, I hadn't heard from him all day, which was driving me crazy. I get a text at about 8:48pm that night from him saying, "I have been waiting all day for you to text me" I had to laugh because I was waiting all day too for him to text me. We talked about it and he said, I always have to text you first and he was right. I told him you're right and I'm sorry about that. So I started to text him first during the day and it was hard at first, but I got used to it. My other reason was that I text him sometimes he wouldn't reply. I just have a hard time with that personally. you sound like me! this is me all over Link to comment
luxurylover Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Ugh. I didn't even think about it until just today but that word did slip maybe two weeks ago She said I couldn't know that yet, and I've made sure to have not come close to saying that word since. dont u worry about that honey ...u can never go wrong by following ur heart Link to comment
luxurylover Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 ok sorry for all the replies. i just read thru this entire thread. i really wouldnt jump to conclusions just because she didnt wanna hook up with you and ur guy friends. there could b a number of reasons for that. she could be nervous around new ppl or anything. it doesnt mean everything's falling apart just because she cancelled one set of plans w/ you. i really felt you over this whole thread. you sound a lot like me when i have deep feelings for someone. it's true that you need to stop over thinking but guess what: that's easier said than done when u love someone. however it's good youre talking on here and she doesnt know all this. better to flesh things out first than act on impulse. why do you feel like an idiot cause she's staying home cooking? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Thank you for the reply. It made me feel a little better reading that. Could be nothing, I just feel like an idiot liking her as much as I obviously do. I can't help but think that I'm setting myself up for disaster. Im obviously in my head and over thinking most of the time, even when i do everything to try and distract myself. Pair that with people that have been helping me in this thread from the beginning. When one of them tells me it looks bad and i need to step back and pull away, it really put my anxiety in hyper drive. If it wasnt for this forum though, i wouldve blown this weeks ago. Even it turns out to not be worth not blowing. Link to comment
luxurylover Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 thats how it is when u really care about someone....for some ppl. u over analyze every little thing. im talking about down to whether or not he/she included a smiley with a text. or, "oh, she put three dots after that text, what's that mean!?!?" ---> ive been there. thankfully i keep it to myself and dont tell the other person. this forum is good. ive seen many forums but this actually has sound mature advice for the most part. however: we are not in your situation nor are we in her or ur head. so keep that in mind when reading responses, we're just going off what u say and a lil off personal experience im sure Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 2 months in right? Exclusive but not a relationship right? Link to comment
okane24 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Hey man, just thought I'd share. I've been where you are. I'm in a bit of a crappy situation now, but I'll figure it out. The folks on here can sometimes give very helpful advice. I used to date a really attractive girl that made me insecure and thought that she was possibly too good for me. So, I fell for her, possibly even quicker than normal because I was just so happy she was with me. Almost like a (hate to use this term) but like a trophy wife. She was model quality and a sweet girl as well. Is any of that going on with your girl? What are the traits that you like about your girl? Do you possibly feel that she may be too good for you and that just makes you anxious all the time and question why she's even with you? I might be totally off base but that's how I felt when I was with my ex. (My relationship ended because she was a foreign exchange student and had to literally move back home after living in the states for a year.) My opinion is to cherish what you have now bro!! I'm not seeing anyone now and it sucks and I gotta get back in the saddle. I am jealous that it sounds like you've got a great thing going. Just ease off the pedal a bit. What's the rush? Everything should be NO BIG DEAL... Until it is, then you deal with it and move on. She can't meet your friends, NBD, next time. More nachos for the guys. Be playful and flirty. This can never stop. No ultimatums, no guilt trips. It should be at a point where your life is so awesome she's missing out for not being a part of it. I know how you feel about being in your head. I live in my head and I hate it sometimes. Once I heal physically from a car accident ordeal recently, man, back to the gym, getting out there, trying to lead a positive, fun life. Do you go to the gym, play any sports, read, have any hobbies? I did this and I am seeing that you are kinda doing this...you're revolving your life around her schedule. Not that good. Women typically like busy, independent, ambitious, confident, strong men. How is she? Is she super independent? Did she ever tell you what positive traits turned her on about men? Whatever those are, don't ignore that. All I'm saying is "do you" more and that should help you relax. It'll help you focus on what's important in your life...(now hate to say this) whether or not she's in it, in the future. And she can't hate on you for wanting to self improve. In fact, that might turn her on even more. Some women like spontaneity and surprises. One day, she'll ask you, hey want to grab sushi on Thursday. Then you'll say, can't babe, just joined this stellar indoor rock climbing class. Gonna tighten up my abs. But we can hang Friday. Take control of your time and find out what you want and if she wants to come along for the ride, invite her. I think long term, working on you, is the best thing to do, especially if you want it to work out with this girl. She'll respect that too. With my ex, I started out as being a cool, collected dude, but then got needy, clingy and we fought about it alot. I changed over the course of 7-8 months and I became less attractive to her because my behaviors changed. I was always about her and didn't take care of me. She lost respect for me I'm sure. And remember, cherish what you have, not what you don't. You hang out, what, 3, 4 times a week. That's a lot. I have no gf now and I would love to be in your shoes man. The days you're not together, really work hard on learning a new craft, like playing the guitar, learning French, whatever makes YOU happy bro! Hope this helped a bit. Take care....of yourself! Lol Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 okane24 that was really good advice. Like a "cut and paste it to the fridge" good advice. No one can really give that type of advice unless they've walked in the OP's shoes and you have. I said to pull back but gave no explanation as to *how* to pull back. You did and it was beautiful. That's all I wanted to say...that and you should come around more often! Link to comment
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