reinventmyself Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Update "Alright welll scratch that...someone here can jump me that leaves at 10. But now I need a drink so we should do that anyway.." or. . maybe you are worrying for nothing Go enjoy and try working on staying out of your head a little bit! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 thanks I'll try to do that Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Yes you are over thinking this. At least you know you really like this girl because if you didn't you wouldn't be so all over the place. You really need to keep your life going as you SLOWLY add her to yours. Good luck Lost Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Things were very positive last night so I went for it. We're exclusive and probably were before, it was just nice to actually hear it. She said she doesn't just go around having sex with people. It felt like the most productive conversation I've ever had with her on the subject. A lot of the worries I had don't seem to be there today. Time to stop over thinking things and probably start to just trust her, which isn't something I do with many people. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 I told her some of the things you good folks said here. That I was serious about seeing where this could go, etc. she agreed. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I told her some of the things you good folks said here. That I was serious about seeing where this could go, etc. she agreed. Good news!! Glad things turned out the way you hoped. Now go skip off into the sunset . .lol Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Yay! Relax and enjoy getting to know each other. Best wishes Lost Link to comment
notalady Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Great news, good luck! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 She stayed over my place for the first time last night and it was really nice. Our schedules for the upcoming days/weekends look as if it might be awhile before I see her again. Not a long time by most people's standards, but dhe really has a hold of me. We into exchanged a few texts today, and in not sure how to approach the upcoming week or so. She'll most likely be in my mind the next couple of work days, and doesn't look like my weekend will have much going for me. Ideally, it seems I shouldnt text or talk to her her a bunch with the idea of seeing if she'll actually miss me and be more proactive in talking to me when we don't have plans or hang out. But how much is too much, or more importantly too little? I don't want to make her think I only have interest in seeing her or having sex, but don't want to just put myself out there and let it be obvious how much I think about her, etc. it's just a weird time around this time in the relationship which appears to be common from what I've read I here. I've always been the one to bring up any serious type state of the relationship talk, and she isn't the most open with her feelings nor does she really send a random nice thinking of you text. That's just how we're different it just is a little unsettling at times. On a side note, her birthday is feb 13th, which is of course the day before Valentine's Day. It will be about 3 months at that point and still don't know anything about plans those days. I did take those two days off work though to be ready for whatever. She, like most women I've dating said nooo don't get me anything and all of that. She's a little bummed about it because it'll be her 30th bday. Anyway, she's big into champagne and I know she's mentioned high end ones she liked m, so I kept that in mind and ordered a $50 bottle of champagne for the occasion. Good gift? Should there be any more? Link to comment
notalady Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Champagne sounds good, maybe flowers? Since she said no gifts, maybe nothing too major. How is she celebrating her 30th otherwise, any plans with family and friends? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 I've asked what her plans are on her birthday and she has always sarcastically says that she's just going to sit at home and cry, surely joking. Im resistant to try and make specific plans for us for at least her birthday since we're still pretty new and I'd assume we'd be doing something with her friends as well since it is her night. So I don't have the foggiest as of now. I asked about the champagne since I wasn't sure if something a little more romantic like flowers would be over doing things. She doesn't seem like card and flowers type of girl by my impressions. I know she really likes chocolate. With the day's being consecutive I also don't know if I should give her what i get her when I go to her birthday plans, hoping her birthday would carry over into staying over and then maybe doing something nice on actual Valentine's Day, like a nice dinner. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I would say give it a few more weeks (to build the relationship a bit more) then talk about birthday/v day plans. Mention you would love to celebrate with her. Then you can figure out the details. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I would say give it a few more weeks (to build the relationship a bit more) then talk about birthday/v day plans. Mention you would love to celebrate with her. Then you can figure out the details. I agree. The Op wants to go "full steam ahead", which is usally a mistake with men. She already knows that he's infatuated with her. Best for him to slow down, and let her catch up. When a woman is ready to take it to the next level, she will let the man know. At least he didn't screw things up by using the "Love" word. That's usually the "kiss of death", when she's not yet at that level. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 I agree. The Op wants to go "full steam ahead", which is usally a mistake with men. She already knows that he's infatuated with her. Best for him to slow down, and let her catch up. When a woman is ready to take it to the next level, she will let the man know. At least he didn't screw things up by using the "Love" word. That's usually the "kiss of death", when she's not yet at that level. Ugh. I didn't even think about it until just today but that word did slip maybe two weeks ago She said I couldn't know that yet, and I've made sure to have not come close to saying that word since. It honestly slipped and I was pissed at myself as soon as I said it. Even if I believed it to be true, I knew not to say that until it's absolutley time. . Nothing has really changed in her behavior or anything like that since. I'm hoping that's a good thing and that she doesn't think less of me since then. If so, she certainly hasn't let on. Fml I forgot about that incident. She did agree to exclusive awhile after that though, so there's that. Hardest part of this is worrying which direction she'll swing by not seeing me. She'll either start missing me or maybe go the other way. Guess it'll happen however it's supposed to. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Lucky you didn't scare her away lol.. I think she does like you a fair bit to not have freaked out after you said the L word. Just slow down and take it easy. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Very lucky. I'm hoping what you're thinking is true. She just really doesn't communicate much or at least what I'm used to. I posted on this site in desperation since I've really kept all these thoughts that make it obvious that I'm in deep here to myself for what feels like forever now. I'm at least self aware that I shouldn't and really haven't been this way over a girl before. i wish I didn't feel this way or at least wished I was still on the fence so it would be much easier on me. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 When you say she doesn't communicate much, do you mean talk about her feelings, being lovey dovey etc? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Yeah not very lovey dovey, she'll say something sweet once in awhile.. Well she'll say "you're cute" or "you smell good" are the most common. The nicest things she's said before was the one time she told me when I got to her place " I missed you the other say when you left" that was the only time she's ever said she missed me. We've hung out a lot but that was not even two days later so it wasn't like I was testing the waters and being scarce for a week. There were also two times when dancing around relationship talk where she claimed I was too good for her. I don't see that as a compliment though since I really don't believe that could be true. The nicest thing she's ever said to me was after I spoke to Her about being exclusive together and when she agreed I told her it meant a lot to me and that I was serious about where this could go. She said "well I'm lucky to have you". Other than small compliments and the couple real sweet things she said once, that's pretty much all. Ive just been saying to myself that maybe she isn't a big texter or something. There aren't many casual texts coming from her day to day, unless it's her responding to something I sent. I usually compliment her once out of every five times is like to. Any compliment though is usually met with a "shut up", though it's almost an inside joke at this point. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 I'm currently sitting at work hoping she hits me up to get together or do something after she gets off work at 10 since she works until midnight all weekend in my days off. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Edit: she just asked me what I'm doing after 10, she might just make plans! Link to comment
notalady Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Two things - she hasn't reached a stage emotionally where she can shower you with lovey dovey stuff (only been two months) and/or she's not a verbal person when it comes to expressing love and emotions. You probably just have difference ways of expressing love. As long as you are both happy with accepting the other person's way, it's not a problem. I'm exactly the same as your gf/date, I rarely use I like you or I love you, only when I'm really feeling it (and obviously after reaching that stage emotionally). I hate when it's just used as a generic "see us later, love you" kind of thing, I feel like it takes away the meaning of the phrase. Current bf is like you. And I had to tell him he's moving too fast and being too lovey dovey (after a few weeks of dating), asked him to stop, because it feels like pressure to me. And he did. More recently I told him I liked him for the first time (after a bit over a month of dating), and said I feel comfortable with him expressing his feelings now if he wants to. So he does do that, but not very often. He said I love you twice (at very selective moments), and I didn't say it back, but he already knew I'm not ready to say it yet and is totally fine with it (doesn't seem worried at all). He's open about his feelings but doesn't push me to express mine, and I appreciate that. I think it shows maturity and confidence. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Two things - she hasn't reached a stage emotionally where she can shower you with lovey dovey stuff (only been two months) and/or she's not a verbal person when it comes to expressing love and emotions. I don't see it as her not communicating, you probably just have difference ways of expressing love, not everyone is verbal about it (or not as verbal). As long as you are both happy with accepting the other person's way, it's not a problem. I'm exactly the same as your gf/date, I rarely use I like you or I love you, only when I'm really feeling it (and obviously after reaching that stage emotionally). I hate when it's just used as a generic "see you later, love you" kind of thing, I feel like it takes away the meaning of the phrase. Current bf is like you. And I had to tell him he's moving too fast and being too lovey dovey (after a few weeks of dating), asked him to stop, because it feels like pressure to me. And he did. More recently I told him I liked him for the first time (after a bit over a month of dating), and said I feel comfortable with him expressing his feelings now if he wants to. So he does do that, but not very often. He said I love you twice (at very selective moments), and I didn't say it back, but he already knew I'm not ready to say it yet and is totally fine with it (doesn't seem worried at all). He's open about his feelings but doesn't push me to express mine, and I appreciate that. I think it shows maturity and confidence. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 I'm sure youre right. It's probably just how she is and I'm not here to change her. She also deleted okcupid and tinder from her tablet (doesn't have a smart phone). I told her she didn't have to do that for me, even though I didn't ask her to. She said she wanted to. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 Why is it so hard for me to be away from her? Even when i do other things with friends and things i typically would be more than happy to keep myself busy doing, it only barely helps. I guess i just feel like i dont really hear from her enough right now when we arent actually together. She texted me today on her lunch break just seeing how/what i was up to on one of my days off and we exchanged a few texts about how her work day was. She got off/home from work an hour ago and she played "trivia crack" which is a mobile game we frequently play, but no text this evening. Just so unlike what im used to, so naturally my brain just creates all the worst possibilities. Whats my problem? Mind you, nothing of what ive posted here has been brought to her attention except what ive posted that ive told her. Me being all in my head has been tough but ive been telling myself its all for the best. When we're actually together my mind is at peace and none of this silliness ive posted here really comes to mind. Then i leave, am fine most of the day and maybe until the next day, but then i start getting.. well like this. I appreciate all your advice and varying opinions. For the most part it has helped me a lot. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 How often do you text / talk on the phone? Link to comment
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