Coldarmy13 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 There are days where I chose to only respond to Her texts or calls so it isn't always just me. If I know she's working though I would wish her a good day at work and sometimes I've added that I'll be thinking about her while I'm at work. Then if there are no plans I'd usually be accustomed to asking how her day was and what have you. Like today I left her place this morning so I was going to leave it be for the day and hope to hear from her. She texted me on her lunch break, asking what was up to do I responded and asked how work was going. No text after that, she played a few turns of trivia, which means she's at home since she can't olay that on her phone. No text or anything like that. IF I send the first text she would respond at some point during the day. If I keep myself from texting her and try to keep myself busy I'd most likely get an eventual at some point, with some casual texting, typically nothing more unless he or she tried to set up plans. It's just been very difficult and I wish she wasn't on my mind as much as she is. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 She just played trivia again now 3 hours after she's been out of work, so I guess that means she didn't just fall asleep or something. Just hasnt felt compelled to text me. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 She just really doesn't communicate much or at least what I'm used to. I get the sense that this is part of the reason you are so strongly attracted. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I thought you said you were gonna stop over-thinking! Just reading your posts on this thread and I'm exhausted! Take deep breaths...go for a run...something. If you don't calm down, you will drive yourself and eventually HER crazy! Relax or you're gonna blow this. It's all good!! Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I get the sense that this is part of the reason you are so strongly attracted. Bingo!!! It's precisely the reason he is so attracted. OP, if she was all over you (like the others)..... I suspect you wouldn't find her nearly as interesting and exciting as you do now. She's a challenge! So just relax and enjoy it! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 I hadn't looked at it that way before. My issue is that if she asks to hang out or go out I don't know that I could say no, unless I have a good reason not to which I don't much anymore. My friends work weird schedules and/or married so it's tough to stay busy. I've gone out more by myself than with friends this past month because I want to get out and not just sit at home bored with my thoughts. Before I met her I loved haves a quiet night in, now I can't stand it. Is it better to pursue like I would any other challenge, or try to back off possibly looking distant. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I hadn't looked at it that way before. My issue is that if she asks to hang out or go out I don't know that I could say no, unless I have a good reason not to which I don't much anymore. My friends work weird schedules and/or married so it's tough to stay busy. I've gone out more by myself than with friends this past month because I want to get out and not just sit at home bored with my thoughts. Before I met her I loved haves a quiet night in, now I can't stand it. Is it better to pursue like I would any other challenge, or try to back off possibly looking distant. Just do what you're doing now....sans the over-thinking!!! Be cool...confident...and she will be putty in your hands... guaranteed! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 Just do what you're doing now....sans the over-thinking!!! Be cool...confident...and she will be putty in your hands... guaranteed! Thank you for reading ALL of that! I want the putty in my hands, thatll be the day! Im sure the slow burn will make any progress in the relationship that much sweeter. If i do what im doing now, which is doing my best to not appear clingy and trying to be selective with texts, while at the same time ive never turned down an invite to hang out from her (fear is that she will take it for granted). While at the same time i dont believe shes ever turned down a date invite from myself either. Ugh, im just a mess Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Well if she is accepting all your invites... why shouldn't you accept all of hers? Don't play games...it will backfire, plus why would you even consider changing what's obviously working? All you need to do is calm down, relax and STOP over-thinking and over-analyzing....you are your own worst enemy here (as the saying goes). You're not a mess...a little neurotic maybe...but not a mess.. At least not yet, but if you continue over-thinking, you might become one! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 Well if she is accepting all your invites... why shouldn't you accept all of hers? Don't play games...it will backfire, plus why would you even consider changing what's obviously working? All you need to do is calm down, relax and STOP over-thinking and over-analyzing....you are your own worst enemy here (as the saying goes). You're not a mess...a little neurotic maybe...but not a mess.. At least not yet, but if you continue over-thinking, you might become one! Youre right. Thanks again for reading it all, if its exhausting to read imagine what ive put myself through the past couple months! Link to comment
notalady Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Well if she is accepting all your invites... why shouldn't you accept all of hers? Don't play games...it will backfire, plus why would you even consider changing what's obviously working? All you need to do is calm down, relax and STOP over-thinking and over-analyzing....you are your own worst enemy here (as the saying goes). You're not a mess...a little neurotic maybe...but not a mess.. At least not yet, but if you continue over-thinking, you might become one! I second this. Playing games is never good. She never turned down a date from you, she maintains good level of communication, she told you she likes you, though not as much as you'd like, it's all going well. Maybe go to meetup groups of things you would be interested in and meet some new friends! Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 You have to eliminate that type of mentality when dealing with women. They want a man who they can respect (e.g. stand up to them, if need be), not someone who when they say "jump", he says "how high". If she goes the other way, then it's her loss. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 So.. New stuff. A few weeks ago I found out through conversation that one of her good friends is also an ex of hers. She didn't tell me that part when she initially told me about him when we were discussing our friends. To me, in order to keep transparency, I would've included that info about a friend of mine. I would've said this and that and just so you we dated before or something like that. I didn't think I should've learned by basically talking to a mutual person we know. She said they dated about 7 years ago. She asked if that bothered me and at the time it didn't that much, since that was a very long time ago. Then we hung out and discussed it further, since I'm not friends with any of my exes and I was curious to how they broke up and still kept a friendship. That was all well and good until she told me that he's tried to reconcile a couple of times and she basically said no thanks. I want to trust her, but it makes me uncomfortable that she's friends with someone who obviously likes her more than just friends if he's tried since then to get back together. I was going to ask her how long ago was the last time he tried to reconcile but I don't know if that's too intrusive or even to make it known that it makes me uncomfortable knowing that. I texted her to see what she working working tomorrow since I could have some time where I'm free, and she said that after she got off work she was meeting up with him to talk about a job opening he may have for her. It isn't the first time they've met up while we've been together but the first since I learned about him being an ex that's tried to get back together since. I don't know how to feel and I wanted to post here before I said anything. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Or I should I even ask how long ago was the most recent time he's tried to get back together? Link to comment
notalady Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 How close are they? How often do they see / talk to each other? I would ask. I would say something along the lines of "I know we had already discussed about your friend who is also your ex, and I have no problem with people being friends with their ex's, but you mentioned that he did try to get back together with you a few times, which sounds to me like he wants more than just friends still. I'm just wondering how long ago did that happen, if it's years ago then of course it's all water under the bridge." If she tells you it's years ago, ask her how long ago so you get an idea. If it's recent, I would tell her it makes me a bit uncomfortable that they are so close, knowing he has a hidden agenda. See what she says. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I would give her the benefit of the doubt for not telling you at first, since it was so long ago and she probably doesn't see it as a big deal. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 How close are they? How often do they see / talk to each other? I would ask. I would say something along the lines of "I know we had already discussed about your friend who is also your ex, and I have no problem with people being friends with their ex's, but you mentioned that he did try to get back together with you a few times, which sounds to me like he wants more than just friends still. I'm just wondering how long ago did that happen, if it's years ago then of course it's all water under the bridge." If she tells you it's years ago, ask her how long ago so you get an idea. If it's recent, I would tell her it makes me a bit uncomfortable that they are so close, knowing he has a hidden agenda. See what she says. Thats what i was thinking, i just wouldnt want to her to be asked that and come to a conclusion that im a jealous person or see it as a red flag. Im not normally a jealous person, not since i was in high school, probably just because i care too much this time around. Also, thats tomorrow night so i wont see her before she goes so it would have to be through text. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I wouldn't ask this through text. Could be misinterpreted. You're not accusing her of anything or saying they can't be friends, you are saying you question his intentions (if it did in fact happen recently). Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 I wouldn't ask this through text. Could be misinterpreted. You're not accusing her of anything or saying they can't be friends, you are saying you question his intentions (if it did in fact happen recently). I agree, I just think i feel bad for questioning someones intentions when ive never met any of her friends yet. Also since im not the jealous type, it makes me feel like i am if i question her about someone shes known at least 7 years. Id like to just take it all at face value. Its still only been a couple of months. Part of me believes if there was anything there they would have gotten back together at some point, she did say she turned him down each time. The other part of me turns my stomache. I think its more to do with any time ive dated someone whos still friends with an ex, ive usually gotten burned. Grant that was a long time ago. Link to comment
musicman777 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I don't know, the red flag I picked up there, your fifth date was within two weeks, and you also have a compulsive attitude for keeping track of things, eg. fifth date sex, 15 times together by now. OP, it sounds to me like you have the love bug. You are serious about this girl, and although that's not a bad thing, I would tread careful my friend. She may not have the same feelings for you, she may also be looking for sex or a good time as well if she had sex that fast. That's kind of quick, pal, within the first couple weeks? Serious relationships, they usually go on for at least a couple months before getting to that level. I would straight up ask her. Preferably in person because you have feeling for her. Just tell her you have strong feelings for her even though it's kind of soon and you want to know if she feels the same way. Ask her if she wants to be serious with your or if you are just a fling. Just ask her straight up, don't beat around the bush and get your life flipped upside down months from now. If she doesn't give you a straight answer or becomes hesitant, then maybe she's not the right one for you. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 You've been dating for only 2 months and she's not your gf. Honestly, it doesn't matter if you are uncomfortable with their friendship right now. I mean, she's still a free agent at this point. I think you need to calm down on the "laying claim" mentality. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 I usually dont bring any of what i post here her way. Thats why i talk about things here. Yes, im in too deep and too quickly, believe me i know that. She agreed that we were exclusive and not dating anyone else, how would she still be a free agent? I really dont feel like ive tried to lay claim to anything? I actually told her good luck with the job info and was supportive. She actually offered to let me know if they finish early since she gets off work at 7. I said that that was up to her and i didnt want to intrude if she has plans. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I'm suggesting is a lay claim mentality. >>To me, in order to keep transparency, I would've included that info about a friend of mine. Why would she need to be transparent when you are not exclusive/in a relationship yet? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 I can appreciate what you said there and thank you. We have agreed to be exclusive though. I was attempting to explain that that was what i would do, and why i would. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Fair enough that you are exclusive. It's not worth worrying over at this point. I'm not 100% sure she's even interested in a relationship at this point so it may not matter in the long run. Link to comment
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