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musicman777

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  1. Hey guys, nice to hear from some of you after all the years and thanks for the replies. πŸ™‚ I haven't gotten a chance to read till now, so busy! Thank you for all the advice on handling dieting ventures with my gf. My biggest take away with the lot of your responses is that, the dieting thing is moreso a personal journey than a couples one. I really wanted to do this with her, but I've come to the conclusion (today!) that that's not going to be possible. It's sad, the picture system was really helping me but I think it's gonna have to come to a stop. She never participates half the time anymore. So a little update; the food thing is still a big challenge for her. I'm really starting to notice it a lot more and how bad it really is. Her life with dieting and relationship with food is an absolute cluster frack of a mess. l said it before, but if something doesn't work within a week or two, she gives up. She tried something new last week, stuck with it for a few days and then stopped that, too. This dieting, she needs professional help at this point. I really really wish she would see a therapist (both for her depression and eating), and a dietitian. She called on therapist over a month ago, found out they didn't take her insurance, and never looked for anyone else. She said this week she was close to giving up with dieting. I feel like she's really hitting rock bottom. She gets advice from everywhere and everyone but professionals. "Coaches", facebook groups, friends of family. Tries crazy ideas, fad diets, fasting. She needs something that's going to work for her. I'd absolutely never leave her or anything over it, we're very in love and everything else is great. But, her dieting struggles (and her depression), it takes an emotional toll on me sometimes. This week has been a little hard. I notice, when there's periods of us eating bad (this weekend we did), or if she's going through her depression, her demeanor really changes. She texts less, gives less attention. She lets outside factors seep into her relationship. It's a difficult balance sometimes, because I have anxiety disorder and OCD myself. And that OCD, it will cling on to her behavior towards and start making meaning over it. Thanks, this is ultimately what I am going to do is just support her from the sidelines. If she wants to eat healthy or cook, I'm always 100% happy to. But I'm not going to push it. And I always tell her how much I love her and now beautiful and sexy she is already, and her dieting or not is not going to change that. πŸ™‚ Yes the food issues have nothing to do with me. So earlier in the year, she told me the true root of her depression in a nuclear bomb confession. I swore to her I would never tell anyone and I will not do so even anonymously on the internet. Without revealing what it is, she went through a very very very emotionally, life changing traumatic experience a few years ago. She'll have to live with this experience for the rest of her life. This type of trauma that she went through, the textbook complications of it are everything she's going through; eating disorders, depression, emotional issues, trouble with loved ones, etc. I think she's healed a lot from it, but still has a long ways to go. She was having a lot of energy issues earlier in the year that turned out to 110% be depression related. She has trouble getting up in the morning and finding motivation to go to work sometimes. Sorry for the wall of text, just needed to vent about some of this this morning.
  2. Hey guys, it's been a while since I've been on here! I have been with my girlfriend over 9 months now. We are in a very loving relationship and things are really well right now for the most part. Well, one of the areas we struggle with together is the dieting. I just wanted to ask how others maybe deal with this. My girlfriend and I are both overweight. Not disgustingly huge or anything, but just overweight like most people are these days. We wanted to drop weight not only to be healthier but for the beach this summer. I feel like, the dieting and weight loss is starting to really become a problem, not necessarily with us, but more so on her. I've been bad with food since we've met. Over the past year or two since I got my newer, nicer job I've been getting fast food and takeout a lot, and she noticed. She would call me out on it and vent her concerns. The past couple months, I'm very have made some drastic dietary changes that I have stuck with. I wanna change for the both of us. I've cut out all the fast food lunches and have been eating healthier dinners. My blood pressure dropped and last I checked I lost 7 pounds so far. πŸ™‚ Something that was helping us do this together, we were sending pictures of each others food all week, breakfast, lunches, and dinners. The photo system has really been helping me not cheat. This week, my girlfriend really started to slack off. She didn't send me a picture of her food in five days. In a supporting manner, I called her out on it (via text), I told her even if you're eating junk you're supposed to be sending me pictures of your food. I told her it's okay to fail, too, because you can find what strategies work or don't. She got very mad, and said I was ***ing at her over it (she never talks to me that way). In that moment I realized how touchy and difficult of a subject this dieting is for her. She said she gets mad because I still allow myself junk and still lose weight... I allow myself a couple cheat days in the week to get pizza or other food I love, because I know this diet is not going to work for me without it. And she claims to not be eating any junk, but not losing weight. I'm starting to not believe her. She sends pictures of salads, shakes, and other healthy foods and hasn't dropped a single pound. This week I definitely caught her with her pants down, especially with her snapping at me over not sending pics. She tells me she hasn't ate so many days, skipping meals. I think she's eating garbage and is ashamed to send pictures. It's just frustrating, I'm trying very hard and making progress, and when she doesn't, she gets mad. I feel like I can't eat anything bad without it being an issue for her. Even if I've ate healthy the rest of the week, I feel like that's something she needs to get a grip on. I feel like our picture system has gone down the drain. I feel like if she doesn't see instant results, she gets fed up and moves on to something else. What do you guys suggest I do about this part of our relationship? I do go to a therapist, and she even struggled to give advice on this one. She said my girlfriend should go to a therapist for eating disorders, and I agree, but suggesting that to her is also a touchy thing. My girlfriend, she does have clinical depression and takes meds for it. She confesses to emotional and stress eating. She did want to go to therapy again (for her depression), I feel like she should see someone about this dieting.
  3. My girlfriend and I are both on wellbutrin (bupropion), it has honestly saved my life from anxiety and OCD. I would recommend looking into or asking about it. It is also NOT an SSRI, but a NDRI. People tolerate it better and it also doesn't give sexual side effects like other drugs.
  4. Sounds we like we got same interests in guitar and programming! Yes I'm a full-stack programmer for a small company I've been with going on two years now. Everyone else here already told you it, but I will also reiterate to keep the current job while doing your studies and then looking for a new job. This is a competitive field and can be very hard to find a new job, especially during this pandemic. You should be happy to even have a job right now, cause millions don't. I'd suck it up and stick it out, try to find ways to enjoy this current job. My smaller company is actually hiring right now. We do work with react and node JS and certain projects. We work with a lot of open source frameworks and programming languages, ruby on rails, wordpress, drupal, those are kind of the big ones right now. I know one of the positions we're looking for is front-end developers, and it can be remote, too. You should PM me if you're interested. :) We're a great company with the worlds kindest boss and great benefits.
  5. Hi ENA, It's been a while. I wanted to post some good/happy news for a change, as I've been on here for 9~ years complaining about dating problems and wanted to let others know things don't always stay the way they are. I started dating a lady in early July that messaged me on eharmony. I actually had a cancelled account and didn't have any intention of dating at all during COVID, was really focusing on myself. In fact I only went on there to grab some pictures I had on the site, but it made me appear as active on the site again, and that is how she found me. I read her message and she peaked my interest, so I got a new membership to talk to her. A couple months later, we are now officially boyfriend/girlfriend! This is my first official one in almost 10~ years. I kept working on improving myself over the years. Been doing therapy for a couple years now. I got my career on track and other things in my life in order. The women started to come. And eventually I found a good one now. She's 28, has her own home with a good job. She's very sweet and checks all the boxes for the qualities I look for in someone. She treats me better than anyone I've ever dated in that past and is extremely considerate of my troubled past with girls and fears of intimacy, and is really making me come out of my shell in that department. We talk every day. She's met my family and I have met hers, everything is going great and we are taking our time with things. Even with COVID, we've found ways to make it work. Having some outdoor dates in the park with carryout, eventually getting to the comfort level of visiting each others houses. I just wanted to share this on here. :) I just wanna tell others on here to not give up. She came along when I actually started to better myself as a person and get a better life together with a stable career and everything. I started to find other means to be happy in life; a pet, my car, little hobbies like woodworking. Then someone came along that compliments my life nicely. And also, you can make dating work in the COVID world!
  6. Hi JCDallas, I hope you get to read this response. Someone else referred me to your post on here from a thread I started. I just wanted to offer my words of support on how to overcome this. I'm a 30 year old man and late last year, I suffered from the vicious monster that is "sexual orientation OCD". I 1000% understand everything you are going through, and some of the responses here, these people don't quite understand the severity of this mental illness and how to deal with it. I'll give you a very brief backstory. I had a negative sexual experience with a woman last year. She wanted it , and I just wasn't turned on by her at all. The fact of the matter is, she wasn't the most attractive woman in the world. She had bad breath, nasty teeth, facial hair. The whole thing happened very fast and showed me a side of her that I wasn't really expecting and actually kinda didn't like. Most normal-minded people would say oh well, she wasn't the right one, and move on. For me, it's like a switch got flipped in my brain. "What if I'm gay?". That question caused a cataclysmic earthquake in my brain. My sexuality became an obsession. I would think about it, at its worst, 300-400 times per day. What if I'm gay, what if I'm bi, what if I'm asexual, would I have a threesome with a girl and another guy, could I take a guy to an amusement park and feel comfortable? I mean these absolutely ridiculous, constant, and intrusive thoughts. I couldn't go five minutes without worrying about it! You start checking constantly. You check out boys, girls, fantasize about people in your life you never fantasized about seeing if you get a reaction. You start watching unhealthy amounts of porn, comparing how guys vs. girls turn you on, and oh boy if you can get off to a male, you MUST be gay! Yep, I been there. And the OCD jumped ship to my health, where I had a constant fear of dying and was making compulsive visits to the hospital at 3AM. So, how I beat this. I had a therapist who wasn't working for me. In fact, she was feeding the OCD thoughts, telling me I "wasn't gay". She was completely unqualified to help and I found out later was an awful therapist. I went to someone new who was an OCD specialist that specialized in issues of sexuality. I then went to my MD, who did his residency at a mental health hospital. As soon as I told him what was going on, he knew right away, "you need to be medicated for this". My doctor prescribed to me wellbutrin,150mg twice a day. It took about 2~ months for the medication to work into my system. But once it did, it's like, the fog totally cleared. The therapy wasn't doing squat for me at first. But once the medication kicked in, it helped actually put the therapists techniques into action on how to deal with anxiety and work with such thoughts. The longer I've been on this medication, the more it has helped. It's come to a point where my doctor would like to try to ween me off of it, but he's letting me do that whenever I feel comfortable in doing so. I'm not a doctor, but everything you wrote sounds exactly like what I was going through. I was given the official diagnosis of OCD and anxiety disorder by my therapist. And the medication, it shows, I had a serious chemical imbalance going on in my brain. And that's what people need to understand about this. This has little to nothing to do with your sexuality. It has to do with constant fear, anxiety, and ruminating thoughts. This is a mental illness. When it comes to sexuality, you will *never* prove you are or aren't gay. If you look at something hard enough in a sexual way, you're going to get a reaction to it, regardless of what or who it is. It's an unwinnable battle. Normal people don't worry or obsess over this. But to an OCD suffer, it is something personal that you will obsess over. I don't want to give you "reassurance" here. But, having a thought doesn't make it true. You could think about, fantasize, explore, and even have sex with a man. It wouldn't make you "gay". The fact of the matter is, it sounds like you have the same mental illness as me. If you feel the therapy isn't working and you haven't gone to a doctor yet... go do so. A simple medication can significantly turn this around. And there's tons of different psychiatric meds for OCD. You may get something different than me, or what I took my not work for you. But, OCD is extremely treatable through medication. Thanks to the meds, I have a normal life again, and the therapy on top is really helping rewire my brain in a positive way. I'm also taking other actions; improving my diet, taking vitamins daily, trying to get as much sleep as I can, and eliminating stress. I actually quit a side job I had to remove stress out of my life, because I didn't need it nor the extra money. So, it's a process and I chose to fight it on all fronts. And as far as my sexuality goes, I'm going to continue dating women because that is what feels right and is who I am. I still think about and even have dreams about dating and marrying a woman some day. I've liked women for as long as I've had memories, since I was freaking two years old I had a thing for princess Jasmine in Alladin! My arousal towards the same gender feels like something that happens only when I consciously think about or focus on it, unlike women. That kinda tells me that it's not who I really am. And fantasizing about it consciously, well, guess what? That's probably more common than you think. You know the porn most watched by women is same-sex porn? A lot of people enjoy same-sex porn and literature because they can relate more to what the person is feeling vs. the opposite gender. That doesn't make you gay. Fantasy land is a much different place than reality. Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone, and this is a very treatable condition if you get help. You are welcome to message me anytime if you want someone to talk to about this that has gone through it. Just keep your head up, get help, go to the right doctors and you can easily stomp this!
  7. I read both of your replies here. You know, for the past X amount of years I've had friends on countless occasions tell me they're going to set me up with someone, and they *NEVER* do. Especially the one that I made this post about. I've heard so many times, his girlfriends roommate, another friend of his girlfriends, or he gets people to gatherings at his place that are already taken and play games. Just empty hopes or promises that are never seen through. He knows how bad I've had it with people I'm not compatible with online, too. That never changed anything. And you know what else? At this point, I don't know if I can EVER be with someone, anyway. This OCD I mentioned earlier? I'm gonna be blunt and tell you and everyone else the truth. I have what's known as "sexual orientation OCD". Because ONE bad physical experience I had in my life, I became absolutely obsessed with the idea that, I must be gay/bi/asexual or something else because I wasn't turned on by one woman in my life. It got viciously bad, like someone went into my brain with a pair of scissors cutting cords. I would think about 300-400 times per-day. I couldn't relax, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't watch TV without thinking or worrying about it. Like a germaphobe, but instead of constantly washing my hands, I was constantly checking people out to see what kind of sexual reaction I would get. I had to go to an OCD specialist and be medicated. I'm very at-peace now, but my dating/relationship life is complete uncertainty. I know now that I was dealing with a mental illness and intrusive thoughts, and I still want to be with a nice woman. But, I don't know how my brain is going to react to that, if there's going to be constant fear or anxiety that I'm going to "change" on them one day, even if it's irrational. I've more or less comes to terms with the fact that I may never be able to be in a relationship with someone ever again because of this. If it's not me, it's the women I date, I don't think anyone would ever want to date someone like me knowing I had this. So how would you like to have a condition like this, and to know that that part of your life may never be "normal" again? I feel embarrassed even talking about it, because people don't understand. They think I'm either being homophobic (when gay people get this condition too), having a sexual identity crisis, and/or that it's not a real condition when it is. And this is what makes this friendship predicament more scary. If I can't have a relationship because of this, and now I can't have friends either, what place do I have deal with any humans at all outside of work? And that goes on to your next point, couples tends to fraternize with other couples. Well, there you go. No one wants to spent time with a single weirdo that doesn't fit in with them anymore. And you're wrong, people DON'T care about me. Actions speak far louder than words. I do reach out to people, I don't know how many "friends" I can tell you about that I have called/texted out of the blue. They'll want to meet or make plans, and then never do. The same goes for this friend. I periodically text him, tell him stuff going on with me, ask him about his work and etc. I feel like the initiation is very one-sided at this point. This mental health crisis I had, I had to deal with this entirely by myself. I ultimately feel like an annoying burden to people once they find a SO. Maybe I am, that's the only reason I can come up with why people stop talking to me so frequently when this happens. At least some of you others dealing with this have family or kids or whatever. I don't. Oh well. I'm gonna have to find a way to live life without any real friends, now.
  8. Hi Goddess, thank you for your time in writing that message, and it helps hearing from others who have dealt with this throughout life! I TOTALLY agree with you on that! People put so much weight and value into their relationships. Even if you're married, it's just not right IMHO. The sad reality is, and you've been through it having gone through a divorce, love doesn't always last. People split for a myriad of reasons. Life is unpredictable and people change, even romantic partners. And for that reason alone, it is a very good idea to never shut off the other people who have been there for your throughout your life. I think, in almost all my cases of friends, they get blinded by that early "puppy love". Or the honeymoon phase some call it. It seems so special and magical to them that they forget about everything else in their life. My friends girlfriend. I always butt out of peoples business as much as possible. But speaking on here, yeah, he got too deep too fast. On their third date, he bought her a freaking Nintendo Switch! I told him that was way overboard. It sounded like she didn't even like the gesture at first. When we were hanging out one day, one of his siblings ripped on him for dating her because she does not want kids. I was actually shocked to hear that. And him, he was totally fine with it, "oh I'm fine with her not wanting kids". Now, I understand why some people don't want to have any, and that is totally their right. But my friend, he seemed to be the kind of guy that would be a good dad someday and someone whom wanted kids. And I feel like, he just likes this girl that much that he is agreeing to it, and not really thinking about what he wants. The time he spends with her, too, 3~ hours a day, really?! When I was dating and last serious with someone, I'd spend a day or two with them, and leave the rest of my week open to myself and other interests. BALANCE. But him, he goes to this girls house for hours. I don't know how they don't get a bit bored of one another. And, I don't know what they even do. Now, I haven't talked to him in months about this subject. But last he told me, they never had sex! And because she doesn't want to get pregnant. Again, personal choices, I get it. But, the kind of guy he is... I don't know how he is going all this time without getting sex! And I think that sexual chemistry is kind of important, especially when you've been with someone for that amount of time. He even said they were thinking of living together. But they never even had sex? I don't know. It's not my life but his, I have a feeling in my gut though that this isn't the right woman for him. But yeah. I appreciate everything else you said. I try to do things for myself. And I agree on finding the right people. While I'm not gonna slam the door in my friends face, I wouldn't mind finding other like-minded people to me out there with similar values. I'm a pretty diehard musician (see the username), but I actually have no friends now that are musicians. I would love to make some, it's a pretty big part of my life. The coronavirus unfortunately is making it hard to get out of the house and do anything either, though.
  9. Hey everyone. I normally come on here to vent about dating/romantic relationships. But today, it's about friendships. I turned 30 this year. Progressively throughout my life, I've lost one friend after the next. And, it's always to women. They find someone, they get serious dating, eventually get engaged or married. You feel like you're slowly pushed out of their life over time. I guess this is to be expected and happens to a lot of people I've been told throughout life. This week, or day in particular, this is kind of a painful day. I pretty much had one close friend left, who I considered most of this time my best friend. Well, as of today, I kinda have decided internally that we're not really friends anymore. It's actually been sitting on me for a few weeks now thinking about this. He normally asks me to his families house for 4th of July. This year, I haven't heard anything. Now, it's very possible that's because of the virus or something. But still, to be dead silent. And even if he asks, I'm not sure I want to go, anyway. We used to play a lot of these online games together. Now, he's never online anymore. "Last online one month ago". He never texts, he never calls. I just hear from him less and less. Yeah. He's another one... got a girlfriend last year. Now she's the center of his world. He told me he goes to her house every evening for 2-3 hours. Well, that explains the game time, then. I've ultimately been shoved aside to make room for his girlfriend. I don't get it what's with these people. When I got deep with someone years ago, I never shoved my friends aside like that. I just feel there's a balance to everything in life. This has happened to me even with older men I have befriended. They got retired and moved away with their wives, and progressively speak to you less and less. I'm reaching that point at my life where friendships feel like a complete and utter waste of time. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like at times, I've been happier having friends in my life. But I am certainly NOT happy, when they just progressively speak to me less and less and less. Once I'm not really friends with them anymore, the thoughts and memories I have of them deeply bother me. I just wish I could erase some of them from my memory. I get a "fine, you don't want to talk to me anymore, **** you and the memory of you". What's even more difficult about this is my struggles with dating. I can't find anyone. I went on a lot of dates last year, none worked out. One bad experience with one of them even left me with a severe case of OCD (yes I've been diagnosed and am even medicated over it now on an antidepressant). I've done a lot in the past year to improve my life, new career, money, I have turned my mental health problems around via the medication and committing to therapy over six months. I've come to terms a lot with my dating life, especially over therapy. I realize that, it takes a lot of time to date and find the right person. And I often try to rush things or force chemistry when there is none. I am trying to find other means to be happy in life besides wanting a partner. But this friendship thing today, it feels like a little bit of salt in the wound. And it burns extra when you see all these other people finding someone and you are not. It definitely makes you feel like, there is something wrong with you, even if there's not. I also question why I even bother fighting to improve myself and overcome my struggles. I used to think people cared about me. I know realize, they really don't.
  10. It sounds to me like, there just wasn't that physical chemistry. I learned that the very hard way last year. Much like you, I dated a woman. We had that "emotional" connection big time. On that level, I was crazy about her. We even cuddled going to the movies one day. I mean, everything felt *perfect* about it. Finally, the day came where we kissed (and made out as well...). And, I felt nothing. I can't explain it. I just felt this wave of nothingness when I kissed her. She wanted to do more than make out, and I just wasn't feeling it at all. I was completely turned off by this woman. It kind of crushed me, because on that emotional side, I was so into this woman. But my body didn't want it, lol. That physiological side. That whole experience made my head spin, I even went through a sexuality crisis after that that lasted months, even going OCD over it. After months and months of therapy (and meds...), I've come to realize that, I still love women. You're lucky you didn't go through that! But the point is, it's just, you don't always click with people. They may check all the boxes but on that physical side, it's just not enough. You said you were trying to feel something but couldn't. That's how I was. You just can't force it. I just broke off with a woman that was the opposite. I was crazy about her physically, but the emotional connection wasn't quite there. Here lifestyle and attitude towards me just wasn't satisfying me emotionally. Both you and her deserve to be with someone that is crazy about them on all levels. I want someone that am I am absolutely crazy for physically. I want someone that sets me on fire when we kiss. I think everyone is the same deep down. I don't think anyone should ever settle for less. Because, the longer time goes by, you'll never be fully happy with that person. I would even say that, it even opens the door for cheating down the road. When you're not physically satisfied with someone, you may start to look elsewhere for that satisfaction. I hear you, buddy. I've been alone pretty much forever, too. And this corona crap is certainly making me feel worse. Just know, you're not alone in that feeling. The entire WORLD is going through this right now. If you're still working, still got a home, still have a life so far with this virus, you should be extremely grateful. So many peoples lives have been flipped upside down by this pandemic. At least your worries appear to be just loneliness and heartbreak. It's times like these that you have to be grateful for what you already have.
  11. I came on here cause I was wondering how you were all doing with this coronavirus, and if anyone was going to be playing the dating game during this crisis. And well, here's this thread, lol. I personally am hanging up the hat on dating for a while. I just don't know how anyone could possibly be thinking about dating during a time like this. I think there are a few factors to consider. If it's someone you've been seeing for a while (several dates), or someone you're maybe close to and know personally (not a stranger from the internet), maybe you can trust meeting them or something. But in general, I just think it's a bad idea. Additionally, where I live and many other parts of the country, there are state-wide shutdowns of businesses. Only life-sustaining businesses are allowed to be open where I live right now. Restaurants are doing take-out orders only, coffee shops are only doing the drive-thru. There's really no where (besides) a park you can meet someone. And most people (especially women) probably aren't going to be comfortable meeting a stranger in a park with no crowds or people around. It's just a very bad environment to date anyone right now. All the dating I've done has been 100% people I've met on the internet. They're complete strangers to me; I don't know who they are or where they've been. And, I think at least 50% of online daters are dating/seeing multiple people at a time. So I don't wanna be getting touchy feely with someone who's potentially seeing other people at the same time with this virus going around. I'm also a serious dater, looking for a long-term relationship. And that's about bringing the best of yourself to dates, having a clear head and conscious. Being able to go out, do things, and enjoy each others company. It's kind of hard to do any of that with this virus going around. It's impossible, really. And, I don't think either of our heads are going to be clear if we're sitting there, subconsciously worrying about the other person or someone around us is going to make us sick. So, that's my side of it. I just read yesterday there are people still using tinder, and going on there to hook up (that's never been for me). Who in their right mind would wanna try to get laid at a time like this and risk their life for it? Have these people not heard of porn, sex toys, webcams? They can't hold out for a couple months even to let the medical system get ahead of this? Those people are probably the worst of the bunch, I rank them up there with these "coronavirus challenge" idiots.
  12. I read your other posts here because this was missing some details to better understand the situation. I see you made a post all the way back in December about this. In that post, you mentioned she was "flirting with other guys". It caused conflict and you told her to stop, which she did (at least face to face). To me, it sounds like there's trust issues. The whole cousin situation aside, it's not appropriate for her to be flirting with other guys. Especially if you guys are supposed to be in a serious relationship. And, people have their own past sex lives. I don't know if it's the fact that she had sex in the past and still keeps in touch with that person, and/or the fact that it's her cousin. Women having past sex lives is something you're going to have to live with. But, it's certainly acceptable to be grossed out or disgusted that her past partner was a family member, and that it happened multiple times. One thing I wanna say on that topic... it happens a lot more than you would probably think. There's boards on reddit dedicated to incest, and it's 1000x more extreme than cousins. Mothers and daughters, dads and sons, family orgies, you name it, it's on there. I had a friend (note the word "had") that had sex with his own sister. Stick two hormonal teenagers together for long enough, regardless of them being related... things happen. Regardless, ruminating on this for three months is *NOT* good for your mental health! I will tell you that much. Been there, done that. If you don't get to the root of the issue, it grows into things like OCD, where you're now thinking about it 2,000 times a day, and seeking validation for her behavior and your thinking. One thing I wanna say; you're allowed to feel hurt by this. You're allowed to feel disgusted as well. If there's things you don't like about this, you have to let those feelings flow. You can't just keep them bottled up forever. And you may never "get over" those thoughts. I go to therapy for this type of thing. I always here "we have way less control over our thoughts than we think we do". Maybe you simply can't live with this. And it sounds to me, like there were other issues to it prior. If I were in your shoes, I would consider dumping this woman and move on, simply over the flirting with other guys thing. All this time ruminating over these sexual thoughts of her must be putting a strain on your relationship in some way. I think enough time has passed that maybe it's time for you to look for greener pastures. There's plenty of women out there who haven't had sex with their family members, and won't flirt with other guys.
  13. Hey, thanks for the replies. I wanted to let you guys know I am doing really well. I'm barely upset about it at all. I think part of me has been questioning things with her since the beginning, and her lack of experience in dating. I did keep my guard up a bit, so that's good. As far as the burning bridges thing... I understand what you guys mean. Yeah, I did give her an earful, lol. Like I said, I had a bit of class about it, though. I didn't cuss or call her names, nor was I overly vicious about it. But, there are some (obviously) hurt feelings about it at first. I feel like I wasted my time and energy with this person. I know that's not a healthy mindset to have about it, but that's often the way I feel with these things. And I allow those feelings to happen, can't keep them bottled up. bluecastle, totally hear you. I do have a tendency to dive in a bit deep too fast. Compared to the past with how I've fallen for people I didn't even date, though, this is pretty mild! So, I think I'm getting better at it. There is just that, really romantic side of me that wants to share the passion with somebody. I like your three month rule thing. It makes a lot of sense. Dating, it's just starting to become really difficult for me. Thinking if these people are right or not. You like some of them, but then you don't wanna move too fast. And then, when I get maybe past 2-3 dates, I hate the idea of them possibly dating other people at the same time, still, even though they have a right to and we're not exclusive yet. It's just tough. I met this woman on a dating site. Forever, that's felt like my only avenue to meet someone. I've tried in person, joining clubs and sports leagues. It just doesn't work out. But part of me... I'm starting to feel like, I'd love to just meet someone organically. This dating website stuff, it just feels so... artificial. This was my 7th woman since September. So many dates, half just feel like job interviews. Meeting through the digital world, it just feels so unromantic to me. And these women's minds are on 20 different things. They're dating and feeling out 20 other guys besides me. It just, I don't like it. But, I just feel I will never meet someone in person, though. I work in the city, I'm in a martial arts club, I get out of the house. But I never meet people. If I do, they're pretty much always taken. And after a while, you just get tired of approaching people that way. So, it sucks. For now, I'm hanging up the hat on dating. No because of the stuff mentioned, above, but because of the coronavirus!!!! I don't think this is a good time to be talking to women and setting up dates around town with this stuff going around. My states got a lot of cases now. I have asthma, so I'm a little precautious.
  14. Well honeycomb, your reply was on the money. Wanted to update you guys and gals quick. We ended things today. The things you said are correct. Her behavior isn't normal, she's indeed a very strange woman. To make a very long story short, she keeps putting me off for other, less important priorities in her life. She got plans set out for every weekend (including going out of town next weekend with her sister or something) that would result in us not seeing each other for FOUR WEEKS! That was the straw the broke this camels back! I told her, how are we supposed to get to know each other and build a relationship if we can't see each other for FOUR WEEKS? That's not dating! I told her, you need to make time for me and find a place for me in your life before this trip, or I'm done. Yeah, her other side came out then. I got the "I have trouble opening up to people" speech that I've heard once before. She's unhappy, feels pressured (because I like her and want to spend time with her), she wasn't ready for kissing (on a fourth date? I asked permission and she loved it, she couldn't keep her lips off me). I was beyond patient with this woman, NEVER pressured her into anything. I merely wanted to spend time with her, because that's what people do who are falling for one another. I gave her an excessive amount of space that I was uncomfortable with, hence the texting/subject of this post even. This woman, just very VERY weird. I honest to god believe she has some kind of personality disorder, especially with all these issues of opening up to people. Her persona towards me would constantly change, and pretty rapidly during the course of our dates. Sometimes, she'd go into this "work mode", and talk my ear off about nothing but her job, and have this professional look on her face. Then, she'd go into darkness ally. This kind of soulless expression her face, she comes to a loss of words, comes off as not wanting to be touched or interacted with, she can't look at you in the eyes. Then the next minute, she got the brightest smile on her face, and wants to fall in love with you, hold you in her arms. I feel like, I dated three different people through her. I wanted that happy, loving part of her that she shared with me. Despite how things sound in this post, that part of her... there was absolutelysomething special between us. I know the feeling. When she was in that mindset, I felt like, that is a person I could fall in love with. But, she got that other side to her, that just doesn't wanna be bothered with at all, this "get out of my life, nobody is allowed in my inner circle". Well, good for her, she can go be alone and miserable then. I was beyond kind, good, and patient with her nonsense. Despite my wording and angst on this post, I handled the situation with class. But, she did get a polite earful of "you need to get you ____ together". I think we see now why no one has kissed her all her life. This woman doesn't need a boyfriend, she needs therapy. I am sad. As I said, I could have seen myself falling in love with that bright side of her. But, she chose a different route. Overall, I'm handling it very well. years ago, I would have had a nuclear meltdown over a breakup. This time, nothing really. Whatever, life goes on, I'll find someone better than her that actually reciprocates my feelings.
  15. People have ended relationships for things a lot dumber (and meaner) than this, eg. guys going bad, being too short, having a small package, etc. If you were to say one of these things were an issue, then, that'd be different (to me). But smoking pot, that is a VERY valid reason to end things with this guy. I actually applaud you for thinking about the future with this guy, and how such a habit would affect you if you stuck with him long-term. I personally would never date a woman that smokes pot. Weed and drugs are just out of the question for me, instant deal breakers. Getting high isn't a good way to deal with problems in life. And, I lost one of my best friends a couple years ago to heroin addiction. So, those things are just out for me. Smoking I can tolerate to some degree. But weed, no thanks. find someone with similar values as you.
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