Another online daing journal

[reinventmyself]

There's a connection, right? Loss?

 

yes. . but back to back. unnerving.

[Clarisse]

Your subconscious is on overdrive, processing. Definitely unnerving.

[Sportster2005]

 

What I don't like about K is he drinks a little too much for my liking and he can be pretty cocky at times. That and I hope he can keep the weight off.

I'd like to think that I am bigger than that and can look past it. . but I've tried and I can't.

 

 

Look past the drinking or the weight issue?

 

Being attracted to people who look after themselves isn't about being the 'bigger' person. He's made an effort to lose weight and make other changes. Good on him. Could this make him more attractive to you? Increase that chemistry? Attraction and chemistry are closely linked.

[reinventmyself]

Look past the drinking or the weight issue?

 

Being attracted to people who look after themselves isn't about being the 'bigger' person. He's made an effort to lose weight and make other changes. Good on him. Could this make him more attractive to you? Increase that chemistry? Attraction and chemistry are closely linked.

 

You're right, but the problem I have is he had lost the weight when I ran into him last year. He had gone about it by doing some controversial injections and limiting himself to something crazy, like 500 calories a day.

When he dropped the weight he had the best of intentions to maintain it but over the course of the 3 mo's we dated he put close to 30 of it back on! Every time I saw him he gave me an update on his weight gain ;/ ?

Even when he's heavy, he's still an attractive man. I just get stuck on this one.

 

So here we are this year. He did the injection therapy again. Looks good. But can he maintain it?

Taking shortcuts is not an act of discipline.

 

And the drinking hasn't changed . .from what I can tell with one dinner.

He greeted me and I could smell alcohol his breath, assuming that's what he did while waiting for me at home. Over a 2 hour dinner he had 3 glasses of wine.

 

Mind you . . It's not my business and I am all for living ones life they way they choose to.

But I draw the line between someone who likes to drink and someone who needs to.

I am not sure which side he's on . . .but it's awfully suspect.

 

He's talked about not drinking for periods of time before.

Date 2, round 3 tonight.

[reinventmyself]

I had created an OLD profile on a website I had never used before. It's been idle. I might look at my in box and shudder every 3 or 4 days and I will let my subscription run out the end of this month.

 

This morning on my FB page I have a high school (male) friend ask me if he has seen me on Zoosk. He goes on in length that he wasn't able to open my page and read my bio.

Mind you, I haven't seen this guy since we were kids.

 

I am reeling that he thought to ask me that in the most public way, on a profile picture that is open to public view, not private. He has private messaged me before (our families were friends) to tell me of

someone passing, so I would guess he had some social skills?

 

I was not happy. Deleted the picture and unfriended him.

[faraday]

You're right, but the problem I have is he had lost the weight when I ran into him last year. He had gone about it by doing some controversial injections and limiting himself to something crazy, like 500 calories a day.

When he dropped the weight he had the best of intentions to maintain it but over the course of the 3 mo's we dated he put close to 30 of it back on! Every time I saw him he gave me an update on his weight gain ;/ ?

Even when he's heavy, he's still an attractive man. I just get stuck on this one.

 

So here we are this year. He did the injection therapy again. Looks good. But can he maintain it?

Taking shortcuts is not an act of discipline.

 

And the drinking hasn't changed . .from what I can tell with one dinner.

He greeted me and I could smell alcohol his breath, assuming that's what he did while waiting for me at home. Over a 2 hour dinner he had 3 glasses of wine.

 

Mind you . . It's not my business and I am all for living ones life they way they choose to.

But I draw the line between someone who likes to drink and someone who needs to.

I am not sure which side he's on . . .but it's awfully suspect.

 

He's talked about not drinking for periods of time before.

Date 2, round 3 tonight.

 

Dr Bernstein? I had a friend do that. She lost like 80 pounds and she's kept it off for several years. I don't think I could do that program...it isn't long term discipline, but it sure is in the short term. My friend ate barely anything...I would go on a murderous rampage after 2 days...it would be bad.

[Sportster2005]

You're right, but the problem I have is he had lost the weight when I ran into him last year. He had gone about it by doing some controversial injections and limiting himself to something crazy, like 500 calories a day.

When he dropped the weight he had the best of intentions to maintain it but over the course of the 3 mo's we dated he put close to 30 of it back on! Every time I saw him he gave me an update on his weight gain ;/ ?

Even when he's heavy, he's still an attractive man. I just get stuck on this one.

 

So here we are this year. He did the injection therapy again. Looks good. But can he maintain it?

Taking shortcuts is not an act of discipline.

 

And the drinking hasn't changed . .from what I can tell with one dinner.

He greeted me and I could smell alcohol his breath, assuming that's what he did while waiting for me at home. Over a 2 hour dinner he had 3 glasses of wine.

 

Mind you . . It's not my business and I am all for living ones life they way they choose to.

But I draw the line between someone who likes to drink and someone who needs to.

I am not sure which side he's on . . .but it's awfully suspect.

 

He's talked about not drinking for periods of time before.

Date 2, round 3 tonight.

 

Couldn't agree more. Permanent weight changes require permanent habit changes. Injections??? Holy crap. That and the 500 cal diet would frighten me. That's just bizarre IMHO. I would be less concerned about the weight.

[Sportster2005]

I had created an OLD profile on a website I had never used before. It's been idle. I might look at my in box and shudder every 3 or 4 days and I will let my subscription run out the end of this month.

 

This morning on my FB page I have a high school (male) friend ask me if he has seen me on Zoosk. He goes on in length that he wasn't able to open my page and read my bio.

Mind you, I haven't seen this guy since we were kids.

 

I am reeling that he thought to ask me that in the most public way, on a profile picture that is open to public view, not private. He has private messaged me before (our families were friends) to tell me of

someone passing, so I would guess he had some social skills?

 

I was not happy. Deleted the picture and unfriended him.

 

That escalated quickly Can't says I blame ya. That is just strange. Why would someone do that? Rhetorical.

[reinventmyself]

Dr Bernstein? I had a friend do that. She lost like 80 pounds and she's kept it off for several years. I don't think I could do that program...it isn't long term discipline, but it sure is in the short term. My friend ate barely anything...I would go on a murderous rampage after 2 days...it would be bad.

 

From the Dr OZ show: the HCG Diet, an extreme diet that involves injections of HCG (human chorionic gonadotropin). HCG is the hormone women make when they are pregnant. Previously, the HCG Diet was defined by a 500-calorie diet paired with daily injections of HCG.

I had a nice date with him. But. . It's just hard coming off of one those experiences that don't happen often enough in life. - Where you meet someone that makes your knees week. Granted in the end, S wasn't a healthy choice for me but I need that spark at least to motivate me enough to give this a chance.

On top of that it makes me uncomfortable that I get the sense he wants to fast track this a little bit too.

 

If I could just spend some time with him without any pressure that would be better. We've had two false starts already. I am just not willing to rush into anything or settle for something that doesn't rock my socks anymore.

[reinventmyself]

So I've seen K 4 times. The first two times we met at neighborhood restaurant. The last two times we bbq'd at his house.

The first two times while walking me to my car he seemed to be joking when we said goodnight, that the night didn't need to be over and I could go home with him. . Ha ha. . No.

Both bbq's, he kisses me. There are all types of kisses but these kisses are - I want to get you in the bedroom - kisses.

 

I don't know this aggressive K. I know my friend K.

I had a talk with him the last time I saw him, telling him my reservations, seeing he's recently out of a relationship and I am still trying to figure things out between us. In other words `slow the heck down'

I said I move slowly and he joked he moved fast and `wasn't going to dance around this forever'

and that he wanted to be in a relationship. I agreed he needed to do what's right for him but it wouldn't include me on those terms. . (I said with a smile)

 

It suddenly doesn't feel that this is about me in particular but more of an opportunity with someone who's only breathing and available. I don't know.

We've known each other off and on for years. Does he really even know me?

 

All I know is his pressure makes me uncomfortable.

 

I say goodnight and he's trying to grope me at my car and get me to stay.

Did he not hear anything I said?

My birthday is coming up. He text me yesterday wanting to take me out on my birthday.

I told him I have plans. (I don't as of yet)

An hour later he texts me wanting to know when he can see me next.

Now I am cringing.

Who is this guy? I thought I knew him. I don't know this new version.

 

Part of me partly wonders if I am also being a chicken.

[faraday]

So I've seen K 4 times. The first two times we met at neighborhood restaurant. The last two times we bbq'd at his house.

The first two times while walking me to my car he seemed to be joking when we said goodnight, that the night didn't need to be over and I could go home with him. . Ha ha. . No.

Both bbq's, he kisses me. There are all types of kisses but these kisses are - I want to get you in the bedroom - kisses.

 

I don't know this aggressive K. I know my friend K.

I had a talk with him the last time I saw him, telling him my reservations, seeing he's recently out of a relationship and I am still trying to figure things out between us. In other words `slow the heck down'

I said I move slowly and he joked he moved fast and `wasn't going to dance around this forever'

and that he wanted to be in a relationship. I agreed he needed to do what's right for him but it wouldn't include me on those terms. . (I said with a smile)

 

It suddenly doesn't feel that this is about me in particular but more of an opportunity with someone who's only breathing and available. I don't know.

We've known each other off and on for years. Does he really even know me?

 

All I know is his pressure makes me uncomfortable.

 

I say goodnight and he's trying to grope me at my car and get me to stay.

Did he not hear anything I said?

My birthday is coming up. He text me yesterday wanting to take me out on my birthday.

I told him I have plans. (I don't as of yet)

An hour later he texts me wanting to know when he can see me next.

Now I am cringing.

Who is this guy? I thought I knew him. I don't know this new version.

 

Part of me partly wonders if I am also being a chicken.

 

There is nothing more unattractive than feeling like you are just a warm body that could be replaced by any other person walking by.

 

I totally get it. I don't like aggressive men either. Not in the beginning anyway. Not when I'm still trying to figure out if I like him or not.

 

It sounds like he doesn't want to get put into the friend zone and he's going to make sure you don't see him as a buddy.

[reinventmyself]

If I just met him, I'd change my number. But collectively I've seen him a couple dozen times. Granted, it's over the course of 5 years so it's to be expected in some ways. But in some ways not.

This one's confusing.

But what's not confusing is I don't like it.

I'm wondering if one more conversation is even worth it.

[notalady]

 

Part of me partly wonders if I am also being a chicken.

 

Don't doubt yourself. Don't make the same mistakes of ignoring red flags and proceed to date the wrong guy again. This one is clearly not right. When someone moves fast, you run, I learned it the hard way if you remember.

 

And no I don't think another conversation is necessary, only 4 dates, best time to exit before investing more time and eventually becoming attached.

 

If you don't mind me saying, I also found myself feeling like you're rushing into another relationship soon after the other one ended.

[reinventmyself]

That's fair, but am I rushing?

I can date and I didn't go looking for this.

I agreed assuming it would be like it was the last two times.

I didn't expect the full court press.

[notalady]

It's not so much the fact that you went on dates, more so the last two post where you seem to be doubting yourself and wanting to give him more chances that gives me the impression that you're trying to make it work with him despite the red flags, and it felt a bit like a deja vu reading that.

 

That's just my impression though, as we all know sometimes written words can be misleading!

[faraday]

It's not so much the fact that you went on dates, more so the last two post where you seem to be doubting yourself and wanting to give him more chances that gives me the impression that you're trying to make it work with him despite the red flags, and it felt a bit like a deja vu reading that.

 

That's just my impression though, as we all know sometimes written words can be misleading!

 

This.

 

One of the things you commented on right after your break up with S was that you kept trying to make it work at the beginning...you kept giving him more chances, giving him the benefit of the doubt when he was jealous.

 

This new guy is aggressive. You don't find it attractive and have told him that he needs to back down....he isn't. Why keep giving him chances when it's not easy? It should be easy in the beginning, remember?

[reinventmyself]

It's not so much the fact that you went on dates, more so the last two post where you seem to be doubting yourself and wanting to give him more chances that gives me the impression that you're trying to make it work with him despite the red flags, and it felt a bit like a deja vu reading that.

 

That's just my impression though, as we all know sometimes written words can be misleading!

Good points

Thanks for checking me

[reinventmyself]

So the last I spoke of K I had committed to a (last) Sunday day date I kept it. Is anyone surprised?

 

He picked me up at 10 and we had brunch, from there a 3 hour whale watch tour. It was really hot and humid so it was perfect to be on the ocean that afternoon.

We came back, had a drink and finished the day with sushi. He walked me to my gate and I didn't invite him but gave him a hug goodbye and sent him on his way.

Surely he's tired of me by now. .but no. Lol. He dialed back the sexual pursuit some and has leveled out. He is growing on me more but I am not sure I want a boyfriend anyway.

 

I have so much going on with my friends and honestly if I have something better to do, I'd rather do it. I know that sounds wrong but it's come up more than once so

I think I know what I need to do.

 

He wanted to take me to dinner on Sunday for my birthday, but I didn't want to give up that day to him. I know perfectly well if I was all giddy over some man I'd be over the moon

with the offer but he's taking me to dinner tonight instead. I do really enjoy my company with him. We have so much in common. I am perplexed as to why I have been attracted to

3 really insecure and/or controlling men in a row and K is none of that. But I am not attracted in that way. He's confident and secure and has his own social life.

I think that's why I keep seeing him. I kind of don't get it. Something will come to a head shortly either way.

 

S crosses my mind occasionally and all I can think of it I need to thank him. I miss some things about him naturally, but I am so much happier now.

I am not giving up my weekends to be 2 hours from home.

I have precious time for myself and almost all of my friends are single at the moment so I am busy with them and I think of all I would have missed out on if I was still with S.

I don't miss being accountable and constantly under scrutiny. Not to mention, the walking on eggs shells waiting for the next melt down.

 

Tonight I am having dinner with K, tomorrow I am going to a concert with friends. My friends just rallied a group of girls for brunch on Sunday and live music at the beach for my birthday.

Next Sunday I am going out in the afternoon with another group of friends for a belated birthday.

I am feeling pretty honored at the moment. I am not one to even mention my birthday! Thanks to social media it's no secret apparently.

Outside of a meal with my sons my expectations are typically pretty low.

 

I've been communicating with the high school sweetheart. Mostly emails and exchanging pictures. It's been good distraction not to mention a lot of laughs.

 

Life is just really good right now

I really don't know where I would fit a boyfriend in and not sure I even want to.

So maybe it isn't about the lack of chemistry with K. I'm just willing to cross that line with anyone right now.

[reinventmyself]

I wanted to include this in the last post. My highschool prom. The look on my face cracks me up.

He said he was sure it was because he stuck me with the pin (he did)

]

[Batya33]

Precious and classic!! Have you ever read the book The Girls from Ames? That photo and your look reminds me so much of the women in that book when they were in high school -hard to explain -check out the book.

[faraday]

That photo is adorable

[reinventmyself]

Precious and classic!! Have you ever read the book The Girls from Ames? That photo and your look reminds me so much of the women in that book when they were in high school -hard to explain -check out the book.

I will! Thx

[dias]

You were very cute. I am sure you have a good amount of Irish/English/Italian blood. What's your descent?

[notalady]

Awww that's so cute!!

[Clarisse]

I love the prom picture! You had HS boyfriend should re-create it next time you see him.

 

You have a really great life, Reinvent, and you're clearly enjoying it. But I believe if the right guy came along, you would find a way to fit him in, because you would WANT to. K just isn't the guy.