reinventmyself Posted May 4, 2017 Author Share Posted May 4, 2017 Hooray!!! I hope you have a great time! Relax, drink wine, buy something cute and silly and fun! You're so sweet ♡ Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Road Trip! ] Are you the gorgeous one on the right, or the gorgeous one on the left? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 4, 2017 Author Share Posted May 4, 2017 Are you the gorgeous one on the right, or the gorgeous one on the left? I'm on the left trying to compensate for my tiny friend who's on her toes. I'm even downhill from her Link to comment
WithLove Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Lovely!!! Looks like you're having a great time!! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 8, 2017 Author Share Posted May 8, 2017 I’m feeling a little down lately. Can’t seem to shake it. Just trying to ride it out. I think combined with coming home from a fun trip and being home all weekend, all the feelings I had been running from caught up with me. I am also aware that S is finally home as of this last weekend and home for the next 2 weeks. By the looks of it he didn’t waste any time dating during our last break. I tried to push the thought out of my mind all weekend. Add on top of that the vet called with Xena’s ashes. I cried when I got back in the car from leaving the vets office. The entire staff personally signed a card of condolences and the Dr wrote in length a personal message. So thoughtful. I can’t make sense of my grief. It’s all combined and jumbled so I am not sure exactly what I was crying about. I don’t suppose it matters. It just needed to spill out. I am back at work and the project I was working on was 90% done when I left. The last 10% was undone due to my boss’s negligence. Typical, I come in this morning to find that he’s bumbled it further and equally typical, waiting for me to return so he can hide behind me and deflect responsibility. Call me cranky. Link to comment
Clarisse Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 I'm sorry you're having a rough time, Reinvent. Sometimes, we just have to let ourselves grieve. Be kind to yourself. Hugs. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 I'm very sorry to hear about your cat. Is it bad that I have mourned the death of an animal more than the break up of an ex. That was so sad to hear. And cats definitely do mourn. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 I'm very sorry to hear about your cat. Is it bad that I have mourned the death of an animal more than the break up of an ex. That was so sad to hear. And cats definitely do mourn. Me too, Darcy -- I have been much sadder about a pet's death than the death of a romantic relationship in the past. Reinvent, you're just grieving several things at once, and your job is kind of stressful on top of that, right? It's totally normal to feel "cranky." You've got a right to it! When I'm having days like that, I just say to myself, "This day just isn't a good one, but I'm just going to do the best I can. Tomorrow will be different." Hang in there! (P.S. I am so sorry about your kitty. She was SO beautiful, and clearly so well-loved.) Link to comment
faraday Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 I'm sorry that you're feeling down. It's really hard when multiple things are coming at you...and you just want to catch your breath before the next one hits. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad. I know that you know that, but sometimes we need to hear it. You're going to be okay. I know you know that too....but when things keep happening, sometimes it's hard to remember that. You are capable. You are strong. You've got this. Lean on your people when you need to- we're here for you One day at a time. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 Thanks for the kind words Ladies. . Means a lot ♥ Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 April 11th was the last time I spoke to S. Processing this whole thing has not been a straight line. I can't believe it's been a month. Probably because I hadn't been counting. Initially, it was a combination of shock and relief. It seems in the last few days I'm finally reviewing things. No doubt his being out of the country lent to my delay in dealing with it. Overall I'm ok. Disappointed is the best description. I've been spring cleaning and purging. Came across some books. I've been a self help book junkie over the years. I came across a book I apparently didn't read, or possibly read and wasnt prepared for the message, but I just finished it today. Once again - with a different version of a controlling relationship. When will I learn? Just got done chatting with J, an ex bf from 10 years ago who I've maintained a friendship with (much to S's protests) I haven't had much, of any contact w J this year. It's nice to get back on track with him. We just 'get' each other. He kept fishing for details but I find myself not wanting to relive what transpired. J warned me about reconciling and had to make sure he was there to remind me of it. I feel flat. I just want to be alone and process things. The book pretty much rattled me. Link to comment
faraday Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Sending hugs your way. My daughters fatter is like your ex J. We just get each other. It's nice to be friends with someone that knows all sides of you and wants good things for you. I'm glad you get to be friends again. I always go through closets during a break up...purging is therapeutic. And soon, you're house will feel good and that will help set things up for you to as well Link to comment
WithLove Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Why didn't it work out with J, if I may ask? I'm just curious. I'm glad you have a friend to turn to that pretty much knows how you operate in a relationship. Sending you tons of love and hugs! How's little Macy doing? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 Why didn't it work out with J, if I may ask? I'm just curious. I'm glad you have a friend to turn to that pretty much knows how you operate in a relationship. Sending you tons of love and hugs! How's little Macy doing? Macy is coming along. I've made a point of spending a lot of time with her. Had I not she'd likely end up being the cat that lives under my bed. Every day I see a little more progress. You can tell she misses Xena, but she's lovin' all the attention. I have a small ottoman that I sit on in my bedroom, in front of closet mirrors. I dry my hair in the morning and put my makeup on sitting on it. For years it's been Xena's routine. She'd practically push me over so she could sit beside me, after she finished her breakfast first of course. Without fail she had been doing this for longer than I can remember. Now little Macy has taken her place. Funny how Macy used to sit on the floor across from Xena and I and just observe. First couple times without prompting, Macy jumped up and got down over and over. Now she has settled into the routine, taking Xena's place keeping watch over my morning fussings. J. . I met him when I was pretty insecure. I did everything wrong that I see people write about here. I was too available, asking him the `where is this going' questions too soon. Gave away all my power to let him decide. I think I scared him. We did date for a few months and I also made that other mistake, where I didn't tell him my expectations of someone who I am intimate with and rather just assumed without asking. Apparently we weren't on the same page. We broke up for a few months, he came back again and we tried couple times more. Each time I learned more and was more secure with myself and my boundaries until it dawned me he was/is a functional alcoholic. We've both been in and out of relationships with others and he goes into pursuit mode if we happen to both be single at the same time. It was maybe three years ago he pressed me for firm answer why I resisted. Everyone that knows us asks why we aren't together. I told him it was due to the alcohol. I don't think he was anywhere near admitting it to himself at that point. It put a strain on our friendship for almost a year. He was engaged for some time and living with a great gal who ended it over what I believe to be the same thing. I love him dearly and so does my family and friends. Our friendship means more to me to ever consider anything otherwise. I think he may be sober at the moment. He confided in me last year that he had a health scare related to his consumption and his dr talked to him about making changes. I know he's been to a couple AA meetings. Other than this I don't ask. Apparently I don't learn lessons easily. But if there is anything to be learned from my time with S (and M, B, J etc) is, you can't go backwards. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 It's just uncanny. It happens every time. The moment I get out of a relationship my ghosts come out of the closet. I mentioned my high school sweetheart who friend requested me within a couple days of my breakup. (nothing to report which is good) Now on Mothers Day I get a MDay greeting from a phone number I didn't recognize. About a year ago I purged all unneeded numbers. You can enter a number in the name space on facebook and come up with the profile associated with the number. It was the guy I dated in 2014 that originally brought me here. It's one of the once (or twice) in a lifetime crazy connection, off the chart chemistry things that kinda just blinded me into going with it. It was my one and only attempt at a casual fling that I ultimately could not continue with. He is adorable and fun. He had just gotten out of relationship and his life was in disarray and not looking for relationship. He was always very transparent with me and tried to talk me into continuing but I know myself better and could already feel myself getting attached. We ended on great terms. Random that we haven't spoken in over 2 years and he thinks of me on Mothers day? He text me again last night and we exchange a few more before I told him it was getting late and I needed to go. He has recently met someone special and looking to see where it goes - which I find interesting in a way. Here's this non committal man who is entering a relationship and randomly thinks of someone he met over 2 years ago?! What? I don't think it's a coincidence and I think it's often someone's way of feeling like they are keeping one foot out the door. Anyway. . Just needed to write this down. Like I often say: I think people have Lo Jack or something. This type of thing happens every time I end a relationship. Wondering what's next? Lol Link to comment
WithLove Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 The same thing happens to me! When I am in a relationship and content, exes (one in particular) crawl out of the woodwork! It's like, just leave me alone! lol Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 The same thing happens to me! When I am in a relationship and content, exes (one in particular) crawl out of the woodwork! It's like, just leave me alone! lol Mine happens just as I end a relationship. If you remember the last time S and I broke up I ran into K in the market the first weekend. I hadn't seen him since 2011 Just weird ;/ Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 It's just uncanny. It happens every time. The moment I get out of a relationship my ghosts come out of the closet. I mentioned my high school sweetheart who friend requested me within a couple days of my breakup. (nothing to report which is good) Now on Mothers Day I get a MDay greeting from a phone number I didn't recognize. About a year ago I purged all unneeded numbers. You can enter a number in the name space on facebook and come up with the profile associated with the number. It was the guy I dated in 2014 that originally brought me here. It's one of the once (or twice) in a lifetime crazy connection, off the chart chemistry things that kinda just blinded me into going with it. It was my one and only attempt at a casual fling that I ultimately could not continue with. He is adorable and fun. He had just gotten out of relationship and his life was in disarray and not looking for relationship. He was always very transparent with me and tried to talk me into continuing but I know myself better and could already feel myself getting attached. We ended on great terms. Random that we haven't spoken in over 2 years and he thinks of me on Mothers day? He text me again last night and we exchange a few more before I told him it was getting late and I needed to go. He has recently met someone special and looking to see where it goes - which I find interesting in a way. Here's this non committal man who is entering a relationship and randomly thinks of someone he met over 2 years ago?! What? I don't think it's a coincidence and I think it's often someone's way of feeling like they are keeping one foot out the door. Anyway. . Just needed to write this down. Like I often say: I think people have Lo Jack or something. This type of thing happens every time I end a relationship. Wondering what's next? Lol There is no such thing as randomness when it comes to contacting someone. How can it be? There is a reason. And when someone contacts us, the explanation is always the simplest one. And that reason is, they thought of us. That's the easy part. The hard part is what are they thinking about us? and how much? and what were their expectations? Of course we can't answer these without seeking the answers. I tend to agree with you. He's keeping one foot out the door. But you never know for sure. I find some people stay in our orbits for many reasons, until some day leaving our gravity and continuing on their own journey. Hope you feel better soon. This stage always sucks. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Macy was doing well over the weekend and going into Monday I was feeling optimistic, but as of last night and this morning she doesn't seem right. I feel like we are back to square one. After being alone all day yesterday she wouldn't come downstairs. I had to go get her twice. This morning she sitting in the window with her back to me. I call her name, she slowly turns (as if she's drugged) and looks at me flatly and then turns back. If a cat could frown, she does. Elch, heartbreaking. Link to comment
WithLove Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Oh dear, poor Macy Mae! She's grieving, too. Did she come sit with you while you got ready this morning? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Oh dear, poor Macy Mae! She's grieving, too. Did she come sit with you while you got ready this morning? no.. . that's when she was sitting in the window with her back to me. I thought if I called her a couple times, she would join me. But she didn't. Link to comment
notalady Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 That makes me sad poor Macy! She can't process grieve the same way we do because she doesn't understand why her companion is gone and why it had to happen. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 19, 2017 Author Share Posted May 19, 2017 Oh dear, poor Macy Mae! She's grieving, too. Did she come sit with you while you got ready this morning? I just caught that you called her Macy Mae. Funny how nick names evolve. We call her Mae Mae, Peeps, Peep Peep or Peepers. She doesn't really Meow, but makes little peep sounds instead. I'm currently sitting on my bed with a glass of wine - and Peeps. Calling her to come down was fruitless so I had to meet her half way Link to comment
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