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Sex on a first date with someone you have known for a few years? Yes or No?

GG33

By GG33
in Dating Advice

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GG33 Rookie

GG33

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I'm going out on a date soon with a man I used to work with at a past company. The short version of the story is I moved away for a job and decided to move back to the town I was living in because I was happier here. We haven't seen each other in person for two years and have emailed with very mild flirtation. Just want to be clear, he hasn't turned the conversation to anything sexual at all as though he's hoping for anything.

 

I always really liked him and if the date goes well and we are really into each other, it might be hard for me to not want to sleep with him. He might not even try since he seems gentlemanly. But if he does, what does everyone else think of sex on a first date in a case like this? Anyone else ever been in a situation like that before? A first date with someone you have known for a while and talked to off and on for a long time. (I wouldn't call us close friends either, just two people that kept in touch and apparently were attracted to each other.)

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faraday Grand Master

faraday

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I think you're putting the cart before the horse here....why don't you see if you even still have chemistry? See if you still like the guy....then worry about sex.

 

You can do whatever you want. You can have sex with him...or not. Maybe the connection will be instant and you'll want to....or maybe he'll have a cold and be snotting everywhere and you won't want to.

 

One day at a time.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Here are my two cents:

 

If you are feeling it, and you sense he is disposable, eventually, then yes.

If exclusivity is important to you, then no.

If you sense there is potential, then no. Find out first after a couple of dates whether you can each honestly say you are ready to be exclusive.

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greta96 Community Regular

greta96

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If things go well, there will be plenty of time for you to sleep with him. Why not take your time to get to know him first, and enjoy the courtship stage? Why skip stages, what's the rush? Even if you feel a strong attraction to the guy, I'm sure you can control your urges, it's really not that difficult.

Otherwise, you have a big chance of him putting you in the "easy sex" category, and why would you want to be there, when you can play your cards wisely and show him you're one in a million, a woman worth making an effort for, getting to know and keeping around in the long run?

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Rogue82 Newbie

Rogue82

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In answer to your question I started dating my boyfriend, who I met through work, four months after we started working together. We wouldn't really socialise with each other at work because we were so busy, however we would spend most evenings texting until bedtime. When we parted ways professionally, we starting seeing each other romantically.... This in itself took the pressure off sleeping together because we could keep our personal business separate from our workplace.

 

I went on a couple of dates with him before we slept together, although he did ask me to go back to his to sleep in the "spare room" after our first date ha ha ha! I was very attracted to him, we had fantastic times together, and ultimately I wanted to sleep with him, but I wanted a relationship with him more, so I held back until I knew there was definitely something there before we actually gave in to one another.

 

The funny thing was, he has since told me it wouldn't have mattered to him if I had put out on the first date.

 

This man shouldn't lose any respect for you if you want to sleep with him on the first date, in the same way he shouldn't be disappointed in you if you turn him down/ don't initiate sex on the first date. If he does, is he worth it?

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trust101 Explorer

trust101

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I think you're putting the cart before the horse here....why don't you see if you even still have chemistry? See if you still like the guy....then worry about sex.

 

You can do whatever you want. You can have sex with him...or not. Maybe the connection will be instant and you'll want to....or maybe he'll have a cold and be snotting everywhere and you won't want to.

 

One day at a time.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

Lol! I agree with this as well.

 

Thing is, his behaviour might change once you do have sex. He might be gentlemen-like to get into bed with you & after that has happened he might be totally different person. I had done this once. I knew this girl & we weren't close or anything but kept in touch for couple months. We met up for new years party, had sex that night & there was no interest to pursue anything further with her. Think from her side as well. We no longer keep in touch.

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GG33 Rookie

GG33

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I'm just being a horndog and needed to be kept in check.

 

Like some have said here, we haven't seen each other in two years. We may end up not clicking anymore or who knows.

 

As for the cart before the horse comments...I DID need to think about this now so that if we do click, I won't just go ahead and do what I want. I do need to know up front that I shouldn't do that.

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itsallgrand Grand Master

itsallgrand

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I think it's a good idea to decide now that you won't sleep with him right away. Because not deciding is pretty much leaving it up to the libido...and yeah...we all know how that can turn out. You find yourself picking out the sexy panties, and not thinking much about it, then wham.

 

Have a real date and have a good time!

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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Here are my two cents:

 

If you are feeling it, and you sense he is disposable, eventually, then yes.

If exclusivity is important to you, then no.

If you sense there is potential, then no. Find out first after a couple of dates whether you can each honestly say you are ready to be exclusive.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking. If he's a keeper as a long term relationship, then no, I wouldn't start things off that way.

 

If he's hot but this isn't going anywhere, then you have nothing to lose, and use condoms.

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Scoe141 Rising Star

Scoe141

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What dwells in your own convictions?

 

Anyone can tell you their own thoughts and opinions, but at the end of the day it's going to boil down to what you are willing to live with. I'm not disputing or agreeing with any of the aforementioned comments. However, will these things persuade your heart and mind? If you can't decide one way or another, perhaps you need to reexamine your own intentions.

 

Best of luck.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Don't sleep with him on your first romantic encounter. Even though you've known each other a long time, draw out the chase a bit or he could lose interest fast.

 

Disagree. It's not about the chase. Yuck. If I want you and you want me, then let's appreciate that together.

 

On what grounds though? If it's crash boom we just met up and let's get nekkid, then it's physical. If we get to know each other, then it's appreciation of fuller aspects of ourselves.

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lerenard Contributor

lerenard

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Me and my current boyfriend knew each other since we were teenagers, but met again after years of no contact and separate life's, started talking and hanging out, without any romantic interest, but then gradually started flirting with each other. Then he asked me out on a date, and we slept together after it. This weekend will mark two years together for us. It depends on the situation, on chemistry between you two and on your personal view about having sex right away.

 

In my personal opinion - if you already know that person, why shouldn't you sleep with him if you both feel like it and you are considered adults? It also solves the problem of discovering how the sex will be. Sure first times can be tricky but I think it is better to know right away if you are totally incompatible in bed.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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This is exactly what I was thinking. If he's a keeper as a long term relationship, then no, I wouldn't start things off that way.

 

If he's hot but this isn't going anywhere, then you have nothing to lose, and use condoms.

 

Completely agree. You don't know how he is in a dating/relationship context so that if sex is awkward the first time the friendship might not be enough of a foundation to be able to talk about it /get over it and try again. If you were in a relationship for awhile that might give you those tools (obviously the sex might be great the first time). And, that's a really abrupt transition from friendship to romance and even if it is great might end up complicating where you 2 want things to go.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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I think sex on the first night out will never be as good as if you waited till some later date. There is just too much information to absorb at once. With the background you have, the sex could make for really confusing territory: are we friends? FWB? Dating? Whereas if you wait a date or three, it won't be so hard to figure out what sort of dynamic is between you. Seems like you both have a history of avoiding anything too intense, so in truth, I would wait.

 

Whatever you decide to do, let us know what happens and how it works out!

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Lambert Grand Master

Lambert

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I personally would go and see what happens. even with the "click" factor, it just might or might not happen. It's between two people and every situation is different. I've never had a one night stand, but not because I wasn't fine with it being one, its just always lead to more. And that's not cause I'm so great in bed lol! But because in each situation we both wanted to continue.

 

I had to quote sportster in my response because I got a chuckle out of this...

 

I would have sex, and then dump you. If you can't respect yourself I'm not going to. I'll still respect myself because it's a double standard. I don't make the rules.

 

I know that there are many that follow the "rules" and guys that immediately think your a **** for sleeping with them on the first date and they feel they benefit from the double standard... But.....

 

I think guys that really view women that way and haven't evolved enough to know that all people enjoy sex, it has physical and mental health benefits, and is an expression between two people are probably the same guys that expect you to be barefoot and pregnant serving them.

 

Many women enjoy sex and its not just about pleasing your man, it's about being pleased, too. So sorry if your the type of guy that would pass up a great woman based on whether she slept with you on the first date. Maybe she just needed laid, too, and doesnt want to go out with you again.

 

Just because you sleep together does not guarantee things will continue-- at any stage. And if I have to withhold sex to get your respect, here's a news flash: I don't want it. I'm so much more than sex and I tend to think men that don't see it that way, probably don't genuinely like women... The objectify them and don't hold them in equal esteem as men.

 

But there are cavemen that really hold on to this school of thought... It says a lot about them if you really think about it.

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