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lerenard

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  1. he wanted "somebody", I wanted love it was actually (while it lasted) the best relationship I ever had but we were too different, and admitting it and going our separate ways was very hard I hope he finds someone with whom he can be as happy and as in love as I am now
  2. You were treated badly, I can understand that. But don't blame your boyfriend, I am sure he did that before he even met you if this is his lifestyle and he is on the road often. If you have confidence problems - these are your to solve, he told you he finds you attractive and loves you, so believe him, he is doing that not to hurt you. And I have watched porn but since we've been together I haven't I just think about him I don't need porn since I have him. Again, it was your choice to stop watching porn. He still does that, and it has nothing to do with you being not enough. Relax! All the best to you, guys!
  3. I am glad you fixed it, I just don't think that this -- if for whatever reasons she decides she did not want me, there are many women that would and she knows this -- should be the main reason for you to stick together. Are you in counselling? Both of you together and separately? Talking with each other and sharing feelings is great, but after an event like you had with your wife I think it can`t be enough to really fix things, cover them with hope - maybe, give her occasions of great remorse - ok, but full on recovery of love trust and attraction... takes more than that. A lot more. I wish you all the best, don't feel offended please, my advice wasn't clouded by feelings, I never was cheated on, but I experienced some other pain in my life and just want you to be honest with yourself. To me - I don't get the feeling of deep love from your posts, that is worth saving, that's all. Sorry if I am wrong - clearly I don't know you or your wife.
  4. The part that she cheated is not as shocking as -the fact that she was driving her kids while drunk -you feel like you can dump her anytime and have a sexy 28 old in your bed in a second Well, why not do it now, right now, without hesitating? You don't trust your wife. She is broken and depressed now, because she feels like her whole life is under control and she needs to impress you every minute, just so you wont divorce her and take her kids. I think anytime she does something wrong you will play "you cheated on me!" card and use it over and over again. You either divorce now or you both go to counselling and solve everything that is suppressed now.
  5. Let her go - you hurt her enough already. You don't know who you are or what to do with your life. You chose to open your eyes and set your selfishness apart only when it was too little too late. Move on and let her go. She deserves a life.
  6. Yes, feeling anxiety when I'm asleep and not really sleeping a good sleep is the first sign that my PTSD symptoms are going to get out-of-control. It only takes about two or three days for them to get out of control. And then I fall into a miserable pit of darkness where I see no hope or value in anything. I have fought very hard to come back from the break down I had a year and a half ago. It is all about balance. I have to keep balance in my life to be symptom-free or at minimal symptoms. I have never been good about balance in my life but it is something I am learning. Oh... it feels like my thoughts exactly, and my struggles too. I had my first horror episode about 4 years ago, but then I was too busy to fully understand that you need time to heal before rushing to your bright future. And it was easier back then to just run through it and ignore the issue as much as possible in dear hope it will go away. Then I had another strike 2 years ago, and all the hell broke loose. So now, two years after all that, I am also - just learning. Step by step. When I was an Au-pair in one of my families in Germany, there was a girl of 9 years old, and we were sharing a pack or salty snacks with her one evening, the one where you have sticks and pretzels all mixed together. I was picking up pretzels and joking that it is very unfair that they have only like 10 there. She looks at me, and tells me in broken English "it is always like this in life - what you like will always be less and you will always need to search it" or something like that. Kids are so wise sometimes, its crazy.
  7. When I was sleeping last night I could feel anxiety. My sleep was disturbed. I was dreaming but I was completely aware that I was dreaming but that I was not fully in deep sleep. Oh, I have that too, lately. Comes and goes. Its like your sleep is on the surface, you sleep but it feels like you just lie there with your eyes closed, and I know how exhausting it is... You did the right thing by staying home today. Get well and take good care of yourself! You are important.
  8. I think all of them are popular, its just a question of tastes. Though I like abstraction and surrealism a lot more, from what you listed (imagining what picture I would like to hang on the wall) I would go with number 1 and 9) Cityscapes are cool too!
  9. How can he be you actual true soul-mate if he is heterosexual? Above all things being so perfect, that's the most important one in my opinion, and it doesn't match. You can have a "deeper spiritual/emotional connections" with him still, if its pansexuality and you are a part of it, but what you say in the end of your post is very true, and love does conquer all, but it cant change your sexual orientation in most cases. I can only wish you luck and would advice you to just let it be.
  10. you should be confident, if masturbating and looking at yourself naked in the mirror can help you with that - there is your answer. you are insecure, if you fear these imaginary ladies from porn. you watch movies with him, right? why don't you get jealous to simple actresses in these then? I am not supporting porn in any way telling that it is good for you, but seriously such a strong opinion on it wont get you far either. when I was younger I thought blow-jobs are disgusting (because of porn actually) and I would never do that. and I didn't, till I found a guy I love, so satisfying him is more important for me than my own unsubstantiated opinions on something I never tried. now I enjoy it - something I never thought I will even try! your self esteem should not depend on porn your bf is watching. you are the real girl he is dating. its like a guy would be jealous and insecure if a girl liked to shop for shoes or put her make-up on!
  11. do you masturbate yourself? I guess not, and you never watched porn as well. maybe it is a good time to start?
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