Why do women hold all the cards when it comes guys asking them out?

[compwhiz345]

I just don't understand this. I have read several articles (to date), that suggest that "men must not be discourage by fear during approaching a woman, and must be ready if a women is willing to give her contact information up to you." It's kind of like saying, "Women hold all the cards when it comes to whether or not men whether will get a date or even a second thought." So what is it about women that makes it so important for men to be on cue on every little thing, just to get it date? It seems like nowadays, men must jump through hoops just to get into a relationship.

 

I've been on some dating websites and have not got much from it.

 

Some of the common things that women were looking for in a potential boyfriend:

• Not looking for hookups (#1 requirement)
  
• Must be funny or able to make them laugh (#2 requirement)
  
• "Genuinely" want to have a real conversation (#3 requirement)
  
• Must have a job of some kind
  
• Must be willing to take them on an adventure
  
• Should be witty or intelligent
  
• Must be attractive
  
• Understanding their weird quotes (some give you brownie points)
  
• Must love trucks and hunting
  
• Must be tall/short
  
• Dress well
  

 

Some questions like: "If you know which is larger: the Sun or the Earth. If you don't, please reacquaint yourself and get back to me."

 

So tell me women, you all say that you want someone that understands you, respects you, can conversation a with, and genuinely wants to get to know you. So what's the deal then? Over half of the women I have met chose to date "bad boys," and the other half I see complaining online about how lonely they are or keep posting self-inspiring quotes that I suppose are to make them feel better, but don't even act on when the opportunity comes knocking. I find this misleading, because almost all women either shut the guy down by ignoring them, or hide behind their girlfriends. If you want to be with someone, why write them off before you even get to know them?

 

Please explain this to be, because it's becoming really frustrating trying to find out what exactly it is that you are looking for these days?

[Synerjist]

It definitely lacks a sense of reciprocy that I just don't understand. Back in the MySpace days, women would contact me on far more occasion than in a dedicated dating arena. You get the impression that you're not good enough... then after hearing other men talk about it, that men are not good enough in general. If there's some Wu Tang secret to online dating, I sure don't know it.

[SooSad33]

"Why do women hold all the cards"

- They don't. It often ends in the man' hand as well, here.

[compwhiz345]

"Why do women hold all the cards"

- They don't. It often ends in the man' hand as well, here.

 

How so? What do you mean? We have to approach the woman. You rarely see any women approach us for a date. Also, most times, confidence comes off creepy. Lot's have changed in 30 years.

[mhowe]

How so? What do you mean? We have to approach the woman? You rarely see any women approach us for a date. Also, most times, confidence comes off creepy. Lot's have changed in 30 years.

 

Confidence isn't creepy. Cocky, egotistical is creepy.

[shellyf62]

You say that women hold all the cards, but what about the flip side?

We are told not to contact guys as "men like the thrill of the chase". What happens if you like a guy & want to contact him, but he hasn't contacted you ? Do we risk looking "desperate" & contact him or do we wait around patiently hoping that he notices us?

 

Dating is really difficult for both sides.....not just one.

[compwhiz345]

You say that women hold all the cards, but what about the flip side?

We are told not to contact guys as "men like the thrill of the chase". What happens if you like a guy & want to contact him, but he hasn't contacted you ? Do we risk looking "desperate" & contact him or do we wait around patiently hoping that he notices us?

 

Dating is really difficult for both sides.....not just one.

 

That may be true for both sides. Most women and men are caught in a "Catch 22" going back and forth about who goes first. But, guy's like me have it worse. A woman brings a group of friends that can be intimidating because you don't have just one person looking at you, but several. Also, it makes it EXTREMELY difficult to know whether you have a boyfriend or not. So do you just take the shot of making a fool of yourself and walk away with pride destroyed if it doesn't work out?

[mhowe]

If a simple rejection can crush your pride maybe you should take a break and work on your confidence.

[Clinton]

They do? That hasn't been my experience. I think it's tough on both sides of the equation. The one thing I will say is confidence is great, but don't overdo it. It's a balancing act. Too much confidence comes accross as arrogance.

 

As stupid and trite as it may seem just be yourself. And be ready to be shot down. It's part of dating. A lot of girls that have shown interest in me were really nice and attractive but for some reason just didn't do it for me. And the reverse is true of women I've been attracted to.

 

Dating is not for the faint of heart.

[compwhiz345]

If a simple rejection can crush your pride maybe you should take a break and work on your confidence.

 

Mhowe, you've given me some great advice from my previous posts, enough to trust your opinion. But in this case, I think my confidence is at its time limit. I have REALLY dated or have been in a relationship anyone in almost 6 years. Imagine being alone and not intimate with a man for that long period of time. It sucks to the point, where you feel a part of you is missing as person.

[mhowe]

I wasn't in a relationship from age 39 to 47. And I had a blast....certainly didn't think part of me was missing. To the contrary, I became the most authentic version of me!!

[shellyf62]

How about trying online dating?

At least most of the ladies on there are single & looking for someone.

Just be careful of the scammers, and stay away from the married ones. They are usually the ones with no pic & very little info.

 

I would be very nervous approaching a group of people too.

[compwhiz345]

I wasn't in a relationship from age 39 to 47. And I had a blast....certainly didn't think part of me was missing. To the contrary, I became the most authentic version of me!!

 

Yeah, but I'm 25, and I should be half way to marriage by now. I've already attended a few weddings, and it sucks big time being the single one at the wedding. Plus, it's weird to approach the bride's friends at the wedding.

[mhowe]

I think you need to work on your confidence.

[compwhiz345]

How about trying online dating?

At least most of the ladies on there are single & looking for someone.

Just be careful of the scammers, and stay away from the married ones. They are usually the ones with no pic & very little info.

 

I would be very nervous approaching a group of people too.

 

I have attempted online dating already, it's almost a waste of time. "Message me: if you'd think we're a match, or want to have a genuine conversation with me". Total crap, I message and get visits from the person, but never any responses. I'm fed up with that. It's insulting to attempt to talk to someone who wants to have a conversation and then get ignored. It's selective, and thus I would rather put my time into something that won't waste my time on this Earth.

[compwhiz345]

It's not completely about my confidence, I want to know how to get a women. 6 years is way too long to not have had some kind of intimate relationship with someone.

[Moontiger]

I alwasy find threads like this kind of sad. Alright let start with the "Who has it harder" questions (this is all generally speakig of course) Male Side: You have to do the asking (and face rejection) and likely are expected to pay more often for the dates. On the Woman Side: You have to wait around and worry that if you approach you will ruin your chance, you compare yourself to your firends who get asked a lot, you have to assess each man to determine if you would be safe going on a date with him, on the date you have to debate whether to go to the bathroom because if you leave your drink he could put something in it, you have to discreetly text a friend to let them know you are still alive at least once during the date, etc.

 

Online dating is interesting, I suggest, for some perspective you read this article. Basically, a guy pretended to be a woman on line and could only take it for 2 hours:

'

Women are in a constant state of nerviousness in the dating world, having to constantly assess our physical safetly, the fact is no man have "Good Guy" or "Bad Guy" stamped on their forhead so we do the best we can to figure out which is which and sometimes we fail.

 

Now, for more explicit dating advice I suggest going onto Jenna Marble's "Nice Guys Do Not Finish Last" video on youtube:

 

I hope this helps you understand dating from a woman's perspective.

[Blue Spiral]

On average, men are the more aggressive of the two genders--men were more willing to pursue than women, and a social system/tradition was built around that.

 

Also, on average, men care about sex more than women. (Note mhowe's post earlier in this thread, about how she was single for years and "had a blast". Can you imagine a man going without sex that long and saying that he was having a blast?) The less-interested, less-invested party always has more leverage in a negotiation. Women are more "in demand" than men, and they know that sex will drive men to pay attention to them, so they can afford to sit back and wait, while we don't really have that option (unless we give up on the whole thing).

 

You'll note that many women say that they don't pursue men because it hasn't worked out for them in the past. They didn't like the results, so they've decided to let the men come to them. Well, I don't know about you, but pursuing women has never worked out for me...and yet, women have never told me to let women come to me. Instead, they tell us to just keep trying something that has never worked.

 

I honestly think that women have the right strategy in mind: they let the other party do most of the work, and they make sure that they get what they want before the man gets what he wants. Social interaction/spending money ("dating") comes before sex. I think that men should be more passive, and I also think that we should make sure to get what we want before women get what they want. Sex should come first, and then we'll see about the rest. Otherwise, women know that they can take us for granted, scolding us for being sex-obsessed while enjoying free meals because of sex-driven attention.

[Rosti87]

I think the guy with the fake woman's profile portrayed a common problem that women have. Even before online dating was mainstream women had to deal with cads like this at singles clubs other social events.

 

There is a lot of weeding that has to be done.

[wsim]

Dating is a very tough world out there, no doubt about it. I think it comes down more to luck than anything else. The reality is that women hold most of the cards when it comes to dating/relationships, as the guy could put his best foot forward but if the girl does not reciprocate or feeling the same way then it is over. A woman has to say yes before even coming close to relationship status, so they can be selective. Many average guys, even good-looking ones can't afford to choose/select, so they have to take what is given to them otherwise they will wind up single. My main argument about the dating world is the hypocrisy and double-standards applied. Women who do not have any relationship experience, even when they hit their 30's are still very much desirable and most if not all men will easily give them a chance, flaws be damned. On the other hand, men who have no relationship experience and are 30+ are viewed in a very negative light. Most women around that age would not want anything to do with these men, no matter what the circumstances behind the lack of dating/relationships (i.e. - focus on school or career, shyness), or they simply never had any women interested.

 

The one aspect that I cannot deny and believe strongly is the fact that I am a 30 year old male who never had one relationship before. This is poison to most women, end of story. I cannot change the past and of course I am not proud at all over not having any success with women. From what I have heard as a pity reply, supposedly the right women will understand and be okay with it. Well, I have yet to meet such a women in all of my years on this earth. After all, it takes two to tango. If the girl never shows interest or does not allow you to proceed further towards a relationship, men will never get that experience. The result of this is a large section of the population with very low confidence, self-esteem and worth. These are critical qualities to attract a mate. If you don't have these or can't ever get to this point then you are screwed, if you already aren't screwed enough as an older male with zero relationship experience.

 

When I was in my 20's, never had I ever imagined that I couldn't even get one girl to like me in this way but it happened. My social development and maturity is far below where it should be, and this would have been properly developed if I had dated in high school and university, and had girlfriends like everyone else. I did not get my first date until the age of 26, and only had a handful of dates since then (very few were ever successful). I could go on and on about my life and the lack of dating/relationships, but I will stop it here. The only thing that I can do is to move forward and work towards being a better person. I was hopeful that my past would not define me but unfortunately, I am constantly judged and perceived as some loser that no one can take seriously, and I never seem to get any respect at all.

 

It is difficult to envision or picture a world where a women will actually ever say yes or want to be in a relationship with me. Although I still hold hope that it could happen one day (this hope is declining fast), I also realize that realistically there will be some people who do not have the ability to find a relationship. There are times when I believe that I am one of these people.

[Moontiger]

I think the guy with the fake woman's profile portrayed a common problem that women have. Even before online dating was mainstream women had to deal with cads like this at singles clubs other social events.

 

There is a lot of weeding that has to be done.

 

Yup, it exhusting. And makes you very jaded.

[itsallgrand]

I don't understand why you acting as though being a single guy in your twenties is a terminal illness. I think you need to lighten up a little about meeting women and getting to know them.

 

How many women have you struck up solid convos with and asked out in the last year? How many times have you found yourself having a really good time, and there are women there?

[Blue Spiral]

Yup, it exhusting. And makes you very jaded.

 

If I had to choose between starving to death and having way too much food foisted on me...yeah, I'd choose the latter.

 

Weeding sounds a lot easier than pursuing, to me.

[notalady]

This is actually very true other than I don't agree with the last sentence.

 

I don't think sex should be expected before even basic dating, you're going the extreme here Blue Spiral, it is your ideal/wishful thinking. Most men would not respect women if they do that, and would not want to marry a woman who would sleep with anyone and everyone, and that does not help women find long term partners, which is the ultimate goal for most women, and well, also most men actually. Also letting your cynical side out a bit there - I trust that most women don't go on dates just for the free food and attention, it's the same as men, to find a long term partner. If the man wasn't in it for the long term and just wanted sex then he should have said that up front and that's a different story.

[Moontiger]

If I had to choose between starving to death and having way too much food foisted on me...yeah, I'd choose the latter.

 

Weeding sounds a lot easier than pursuing, to me.

 

Unless 30% ofthe food is posinous with not way to tell which is which. I would go with barely enough food.