Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

[Batya33]

Ha - I'm already 50% there... I cancelled on DJing tonight so I could work on freelance stuff, so I let DAKOTA know. She responded by asking me to see a movie with her on Monday night and I accepted, pending work responsibilities.

 

See! Sometimes you like my input. Invite them both to your performance plus their spouses/SOs. If it's a venue that also provides a private mud wrestling session later. Please post photos.

[NorthDallas40]

I just texted SHAY "What would you like that to entail?"

 

If she wants to play some sort of sportsball, she needs to get the ball out of her court.

[Batya33]

I just texted SHAY "What would you like that to entail?"

 

If she wants to play some sort of sportsball, she needs to get the ball out of her court.

 

Perfect!! Popcorn ready.....

[NorthDallas40]

I'd go ahead and eat that popcorn now; I may only get an "lol" in response... or no reply at all.

[Batya33]

I'd go ahead and eat that popcorn now; I may only get an "lol" in response... or no reply at all.

 

Oh well I defer to you but I vote that she'll respond beyond emojis and in the not too distant future. I guess vote is a particularly potent verb today.

[milly007]

I vote that she responds about four hours after you text her by saying something along the lines of: “I really enjoyed your company when we were hanging out and had fun. I’d hate to throw that all out the window because I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I’d still like to stay in contact with you and hang out from time-to-time. You know, as friends!”

 

I still predict that whatever she says via text in response to you will be significantly different from what actually happens in person (that’s if you do see each other in person). If you do meet in person, eventually the lines will become blurred between friendship and fwb; maybe not immediately, but as time progresses and the more you hangout.

[abitbroken]

I think that was a good choice because its an open ended question.

 

I do think that you shouldn't push "that means we get to have sex, right?" because if you meant all you said in your email, you want to show her that you want more than just that.

 

If she tells you that she realized that she really truly can't be in a relationship until after her divorce is final and she is free to date (no ex scrutinizing her ) then that's different and realistic vs "just friends" if that makes sense. I think its an in-person conversation, though and it should not involve sex ust to make sure you don't fall into just doing whatever she wants if its not something good for you.

 

Also - what do you want? Are you okay with "friendship" if her divorce goes on for another year. Or is it something where you say "i really, really am interested in you but maybe call me when you get a divorce and i would love to date you then"

[milly007]

He'll get sucked in, used, and rightfully deserving to be because he doesn't seem to talk with very much respect towards women, really. So my bet is she will entertain him until she finds what she's looking for. On her terms. No wiggle room. Her way, or no way. And he will cave because he thinks fwb at near 50 is admirable. Call it something else. That's for young people. It's NSA sex. Which I'm not convinced she's wanting. There's probably another motive. Then he will fall for her, blame her, and they never speak again. The end. Lol

 

Interesting perspective, SG. I'm in my 30's and have met many men 40+ who are looking for or wouldn't mind NSA sex. Can't think of many single men who would turn it away if offered by an attractive woman. It's definitely not my thing. I've never had a NSA relationship, but figure that whatever two adults decide to do (i.e. have an exclusive monogamous relationship, NSA sex, etc.) is their prerogative. I don't think guys really think of NSA sex as being admirable per say, they just crave sex and physical intimacy, me thinks. I know some women who are like this as well (but in all honesty, more men than women).

[abitbroken]

I think its odd that she asked you that like she did instead of asking you out for coffee or not preempting it by "i've been thinking, nd..." it really was just one line?

[Batya33]

I think its odd that she asked you that like she did instead of asking you out for coffee or not preempting it by "i've been thinking, nd..." it really was just one line?

 

So when he first posted I also wondered whether she meant to send it to someone else -not that ND wouldn't make a great friend for her if she deserved his friendship but it seemed odd for her to ask.

[abitbroken]

So when he first posted I also wondered whether she meant to send it to someone else -not that ND wouldn't make a great friend for her if she deserved his friendship but it seemed odd for her to ask.

 

I would have thought after not communicating for a few weeks, there would be more of a lead in. "hi ND...i have missed you these past few weeks. Could we meet for coffee? I want to run something by you.."or a softball text to test the waters to see if he would respond to her. I know she is not the most eloquent texter but i would think there would be more....

[Batya33]

I would have thought after not communicating for a few weeks, there would be more of a lead in. "hi ND...i have missed you these past few weeks. Could we meet for coffee? I want to run something by you.."or a softball text to test the waters to see if he would respond to her. I know she is not the most eloquent texter but i would think there would be more....

 

Yes which is why I wondered, too. I agree with you.

[NorthDallas40]

I texted BRENDA "Thank you for coming out last night. I'm sorry to hear about your father but you were as lovely and charming as ever. It would be great to hear from you when things are less stressful. Best of luck to you and your family."

 

She replied "Thank you so much ND40 for your kind words. You are very sweet :)"

[Batya33]

I texted BRENDA "Thank you for coming out last night. I'm sorry to hear about your father but you were as lovely and charming as ever. It would be great to hear from you when things are less stressful. Best of luck to you and your family."

 

She replied "Thank you so much ND40 for your kind words. You are very sweet :)"

 

Very gracious and thoughtful of you.

[milly007]

Very gracious and thoughtful of you.

 

^I second this. Good for you, ND.

[NorthDallas40]

- Two years ago I dated a sex-crazy KA woman for about a month. Before she dumped me for utterly nonsensical reasons a week later, she asked me - after just having had sex - "If we don't work out, can we still have sex together?"

 

I also forgot to mention that about 40 days after she dumped me, with NC on both sides, this woman texted "Hi ND40. Hope you're well" at 9pm one night, then called me about 4 hours later around 1am while I was asleep. The next day I texted her "Doing great. To what did I owe the pleasure of a 1am wakeup call?"

 

She replied "Sh*t I called? Sorry... was out alcohol involved I thought I texted but have butt dialed."

 

I replied "In vino veritas(s)"

 

She replied "(s)" and that was it.

 

--------

 

Also wanted to mention that I reminded myself of BRENDA's self-reported age on her profile: 36.

 

That's 12 years younger than me, which would explain a lot. However, I think she's older than that.

[itsallgrand]

I honestly don't know how you stand the tedium of it.

[Realitynut]

Because he knows he's entertaining a 'hole hellava lot of us' over here on ena who has given up the 'tedium' of OLD. Me for one..... :-)

[NorthDallas40]

9.5 hours later, SHAY texted back:

 

"Hello

Platonic?"

[milly007]

9.5 hours later, SHAY texted back:

 

"Hello

Platonic?"

 

A woman of few words.

[SweetGirl28]

A woman of few words.

 

I called it yesterday. Said sex was most likely not her motive. I also called it that she was not interested weeks ago when he kept trying, but he didn't listen. So there ya go. Yup, I might be absolutely annoying to him, but he should listen to me. Haha.

[Batya33]

I think a person who genuinely wanted a potentially close friendship would respond in a much more genuine and thoughtful way - putting dating aside would you give such a lukewarm and abrupt response to a person you were really interested in getting to know as a potentially good friend ? I would assume she wouldn’t reach out to and just to have another casual acquaintance.

[milly007]

I called it yesterday. Said sex was most likely not her motive. I also called it that she was not interested weeks ago when he kept trying, but he didn't listen. So there ya go. Yup, I might be absolutely annoying to him, but he should listen to me. Haha.

 

Yeah, I don't think Shay is going into this with the motive of wanting casual sex. I don't think Shay really knows what she wants in terms of a friendship with ND, but is thinking that she enjoyed his attention, company and the distraction he provided when she was going through some trying times, so she thought, why not propose that they stay in touch by maintaining a friendship. I just don't see how they can be friends, considering their brief time together. Shay is willing to test the waters and see if a friendship is possible, but I just can't see it happening. And after seeing her response to ND's text again this morning, I can't help but think that her reply seemed a bit angry. Or maybe her response is a bit on the defensive side because she wondered if ND's question of what 'a friendship would entail' implied a possible friends with benefits so it got her back up a bit.

 

Overall, I don't see how Shay and ND can have a platonic relationship/friendship. Considering how things ended and the feelings involved, I'd be concerned with Shay playing with ND's emotions - not intentionally, but because she is unsure of what she really wants/needs right now and is still trying to find her way through the divorce, being a busy mom, and life in general.

[NorthDallas40]

I replied this morning:

 

"Sure. It's worked for the past month."

[sophie274]

Lol! Nice one ND!