Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

[NorthDallas40]

JAIKO was about 10 minutes late (no apology), looked 5-10 years older than her photos (but not bad for 44), and seemed a bit harried and frazzled. When I mentioned my veganism, she started kevetching about her friend who's vegan and annoys her by asking waitstaff about ingredients. "You're not like THAT, are you?" she said with zero humor. She also seemed eager to get a glass of wine, but complained about the selection at the Indian restaurant. I suggested that we could get a few vegan dishes so we could share, but she could feel free to order whatever she liked. She said "I'm going to get chicken tikka masala."

 

So after that kind of rough start, we eventually fell into a decent 90-minute conversation but nothing special. Though gregarious, she seemed to complain a lot in general, and when I asked her what she did for fun, she said she liked yoga ok but then complained about people who are too dedicated to it for her. She also complained about men's profiles - like mine - that list hiking as a favorite activity. She only seemed to really get happy when we discussed how miserable married people are.

 

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but my father took his own life when I was 15. This fact made it's way into conversation and I tried to downplay it. In response, she barely said a very perfunctory "oh I'm sorry" before asking who found the body.

 

So yeah, I'm not bothering with her again. She's actually not bad-looking for her age, but seemed like a Debbie Downer and though she got friendlier as the dinner went on, she seemed rather rude.

 

Kinda put me off dating, to be honest... though it made me appreciate SHAY so much more. We NEVER had a bummer conversation like this.

 

-------------

 

Hopefully LAURINE will be a better date tomorrow night.

 

And I just got matched on Hinge with a 47-yo caucasian woman with long straight black hair (close enough to Asian, I guess) who seems pretty and smart. She messaged me, so I'll respond tomorrow.

[NorthDallas40]

But as I was writing the above, JAIKO just texted "Hi ND40 thanks for dinner and a nice chat. I want to listen to your music someday."

 

Maybe if she had shown an iota of interest in my music at dinner, maybe I'd oblige.

 

As it stands, she can take her negative energy elsewhere.

[luminousone]

ND, Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry to hear about your father. What a traumatic thing to happen to you in your teens. I'm so glad you are making a difference in a young man's life, who might be missing a dad much like you did.

 

On another note, forget Jaiko for sure. "Who found the body" - sheesh! So insensitive.

[Batya33]

ND, Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry to hear about your father. What a traumatic thing to happen to you in your teens. I'm so glad you are making a difference in a young man's life, who might be missing a dad much like you did.

 

On another note, forget Jaiko for sure. "Who found the body" - sheesh! So insensitive.

 

Same, I agree. Sorry she behaved that way.

[NorthDallas40]

Date with LAURINE was a winner. I think she'll be in the picture for awhile. Will elaborate later.

 

Next two days I'll be out of town recording my band's songs with a drummer who has a decent studio three hours away. Why not with the band? Because the other guys didn't want to go that far out of the way and thought we could do just as well recording on our own in our bassplayer's rather low-budget studio. Well, we started those recordings 2.5 months ago and even though I gave them the deadline of the beginning of this month, we still don't have good final mixes of the 4 songs due for our singles. So I'm taking matters into my own hands even if it p*sses them off. Fingers crossed.

[annie24]

That’s great about Laurine!

 

Sorry about out your dad, I didn’t know that happened. :(

[luminousone]

 

Next two days I'll be out of town recording my band's songs with a drummer who has a decent studio three hours away. Why not with the band? Because the other guys didn't want to go that far out of the way and thought we could do just as well recording on our own in our bassplayer's rather low-budget studio. Well, we started those recordings 2.5 months ago and even though I gave them the deadline of the beginning of this month, we still don't have good final mixes of the 4 songs due for our singles. So I'm taking matters into my own hands even if it p*sses them off. Fingers crossed.

 

Yeah, I wondered about you going along with that. It is pretty obvious that they are not as serious as you. Nor as dedicated.

 

I'm almost glad their idea didn't work out - and if they complain, you can say you tried it their way. The quality of the new recording should speak for itself, if it is successful.

 

Glad your date with Laurine went well.

[NorthDallas40]

LAURINE and I met this past Thursday and she looked just as good - if not better - than her pics: somewhat plain, modestly dressed, but cute, pretty and slim. And we hit it off right away conversationwise. She's smart, analytical, introspective (maybe a bit too much), serious but also a good listener with a good sense of (sometimes dark) humor. Basically we had a textbook great first dinner and seemed to be on the same page about a lot of things, both asethetically (intellectual films, for instance) and in terms of worldviews.

 

After about two hours it was time to leave, but I asked her if she wanted to go to a free stand-up comedy show nearby. I acknowledged that she had mentioned not liking stand-up comedy in her profile so I'd understand if she declined. She thought for a minute, and said yes, though she said she probably wouldn't laugh. She drove, and it turned out she'd been to the venue before.

 

By the second comic, she laughed. Quite a bit. And told me she was surprised but that some of the comedians were really good storytellers. I noticed that the final comic hit a TON of topics we had just discussed at dinner, and she said "I know!! I was thinking the same thing!"

 

After the club, she drove me back to my car and said she had a lovely evening. I asked her if I could give her a kiss. She smiled "Of course!" and i gave her a single non-tongue kiss on her lips, which were very soft.

 

As I left, it was clear we'd be going out again, and shortly after I got home she texted

 

"Hi ND40, thanks for a great night (blushing smile emoji) I really enjoyed your company. Have a safe trip home (car emoji)"

 

FWIW, this was the first time in 9 texts that she'd used emojis.

 

So naturally I texted her the next morning (Friday AM) to see if she'd like to go out again.

 

It's now Sunday afternoon and not a peep.

 

In other news, will not becoming a fortuneteller anytime soon.

 

-----------------

 

My two-day recording session was quite an experience. The drummer who has the studio is in the middle of nowhere in conservative country, which was scary, especially since I stayed at an AirBnB (it turned out to be nice). And though he's an incredible drummer and dedicated producer, I credit years of drug & alcohol use, isolation, and bitterness about the music industry to his penchant for talking my ear off about his eyerolling conspiracy theory-laden views on society and life in general.

 

He also talked up my talents incessantly and said I should just do things solo without my bandmembers, repeatedly offering to work with me on just not my projects, but others he's working on.

 

At the same time he labored on every detail of recording and his own drumming, andconstantly pushed me to get my guitar, bass, organ, piano and vibraphone parts JUST right through take after take, and not settle for just ok.

 

The result?

 

Our basic tracks - without any further mixing beyond basic compression and reverb - sounded INCREDIBLE.

 

In fact, these basic tracks sounded better than the almost-final mixes my band is doing internally. We didn't get to do all 4 songs I wanted, but we did a 100% releasable version of one song, a decent rough demo of another, and some bass/drum jamming on a third.

 

And the price was right: 10+ hours of recording time (with his amazing session drumming) with a final mix of one song coming later for $225. With expenses the cost came to $350, but still that's less than $35/hour.

 

So the choice is clear: working with this guy is the superior option.

 

And if have my druthers, I'll go there one more time and finish another song. Then play the results for my bandmates and have the guitarist & bassplayer go to the studio to record 2 songs live w/ me & the drummer, and overdub their parts over mine on the two completed tracks we'd have by then. And my band's actual drummer can wait until our next release to get his skills up to snuff before he's on our records.

 

I have no illusions that this will go over well, or that the band will even survive in its current state once I unveil these recordings I did on my own, but eff it: they're my songs and I want them to sound right, not cheap.

 

Rehearsal in an hour :o

[luminousone]

Good luck at your rehearsal! I still think you did the right thing, but of course feelings will be hurt (and likely be expressed as anger ).

 

Hope you hear from Laurine soon

[IAmFCA]

Exciting studio story!

 

Just finished reading a 2016 RS interview of Sturgill Simpson. (Sturgill could go with just the one name, like Madonna.) Same issue had a Bruce interview and a short review of Carson's biography of Paul Simon.

 

Their stories share a thread of dedication to the song itself. The song is boss.These successful artists talk about themselves of working in service to the music they imagine so that it sounds as they intend.

 

Bruce talked about the need to accept that a band is a business. Sturgill about the benefits of being true to oneself, not second guessing himself, and letting the art lead, with love.

 

Put your songs first. No leader, in any context, is working for 2nd best.

[NorthDallas40]

SURPRISE TWIST:

 

Rehearsal went great today.

 

Drummer seems to have upped his game a bit. I also pressed him on when to record new keyboard tracks; we agreed to do it this Friday night at his place. I don't want to hinder his process even if I'm working on my own version.

 

Also went over two of our guitarist's songs; there's a reissue of his old band's record coming out soon, and wants us to play some shows in the area as that band. We're all down for it.

 

 

SURPRISE SURPRISE TWIST:

 

My last text to BRENDA from 17 days ago (see Post 6471) has been answered!

 

"Hey! Sorry I have been traveling. Now in (city on other side of country). Let's do something when I am back in (our town)? Probably later this week. ;) "

 

*BRENDA is the Singaporean TV producer/director from Hong Kong, 36-38(?), very sexy & glamorous, into movies, used to have 4000 DVDs at her place in HK, we only had 2 dates and only went as far as me kissing her on the lips and her letting me do it. White Range Rover Girl.

[annie24]

I hope you will hear from Laurine soon! She sounds cool. Good news about Brenda too!

 

I went out to dinner with a coworker last week and he asked me why I never returned his texts (all work related). I was like, "what - you don't reply to my texts!!" We compared texts and saw that neither of our texts are going through to each other since August, which is weird, because I don't have any indication that they didn't go through. Very frustrating and I really didn't think that it was something that actually happened!!

[Batya33]

I hope you will hear from Laurine soon! She sounds cool. Good news about Brenda too!

 

I went out to dinner with a coworker last week and he asked me why I never returned his texts (all work related). I was like, "what - you don't reply to my texts!!" We compared texts and saw that neither of our texts are going through to each other since August, which is weird, because I don't have any indication that they didn't go through. Very frustrating and I really didn't think that it was something that actually happened!!

 

Yes- I have had that happen a few times.

[NorthDallas40]

I doubt LAURINE missed my text on Friday, but just in case, I messaged her on OKC that if she indeed had missed it, that I would like to meet up again.

 

Also texted BRENDA that this Thu or Sat night works for me. She replied immediately that Sat works better, she gets back into town tomorrow, and we should discuss on Wed. I seriously don't think we'll go much further than a platonic date or two, but I'm liking her diligence.

 

Finally I texted the studio drummer guy about booking a return session in three weeks.

[NorthDallas40]

LAURINE messaged back on OKC:

 

"Hi ND40, Thanks again for a fun night! I’ll have to decline the offer, but you’re a pretty awesome date 😘"

 

Glad to have the final word, but the "I'll have to decline the offer" phrasing tickles me

 

And it's awesome that the most effusive praise I get regarding my character is from women who are saying sayonara. Life!

[annie24]

Lame!!!!!! I’m sorry.

[NorthDallas40]

Yesterday I texted BRENDA if Saturday still worked for her. She suggested Friday instead. I said I was planning to record keyboards that night but would try to reschedule.

 

Like SHAY, she said I shouldn't do reschedule on her account; my music was too important.

 

Unlike SHAY, however, she said this Sunday evening works for her.

[NorthDallas40]

Emailed activity ideas to BRENDA for Sunday and texted her to check it out. She replied immediately "Great! Will get back to you in a bit! :) It seems like you made very good plans. All I need to do is pick :) "

[NorthDallas40]

BRENDA picked a live music show out of my options, I just bought tickets, and she texted that she's looking forward to it. I am too.

[NorthDallas40]

BRENDA was about 15-20 minutes late for our 7pm date last night due to taking a wrong turn. Plus she was wearing some rather gaudy bejeweled flat shoes (with more bedazzling on her jeans), but otherwise she looked great, and was smiling and friendly.

 

Conversation was good, though a little difficult at first because the place was loud and her voice is very quiet. But after about an hour we seemed to be reconnecting well, agreeing over the current political climate and telling each other about our creative endeavors.

 

She liked the restaurant, emphasizing that I have always made good food/activity choices over our three dates, and she drove us to the music show. We were a bit early so we had some time to chat, which went well; it felt comfortable like we’d known each other longer than just a few months.

 

She and I both liked the music, and stayed for about 30-40 minutes afterwards chatting more and commenting on the PA music and movie clips showing on the screens in the background. And the whole night, whether sitting or standing, our shoulders/arms stayed in contact and she was often turned close to me.

 

At one point after the show she moved a little bit to the music, and admitted she likes to dance - good sign.

 

I also told her about my band’s show this Friday and she asked if she could come. Great sign!

 

At midnight we went back to her car, On the walk over, I put my arm around her for a bit and she was ok with it. When she got us to my place and we said our goodbyes, she leaned forward and I kissed her. She gave me a little bit of her tongue which was unexpected, so I asked for two more kisses and she obliged with a laugh and smile. When I left the car, she didn’t take her eyes off me.

 

I texted her today that I enjoyed her company, would send her info about my band’s show later, but asked if she’d like to have dinner on Thursday. She replied “Hey ND40, I had a great time with you too! So nice of you for organizing everything! :) About Thursday, can we confirm later? I have a few things to figure out.”

 

So she looked great, can hold her own in conversation, enjoys our outings and is planning to see my band on Friday. Works for me.

 

————

 

Funnily enough, DAKOTA texted me while BRENDA was in the rest room at dinner. She and her husband just got back from at trip to Japan and Beijing; she bought me some tea leaves in China and she’d give them to me when we hang out again.

[NorthDallas40]

I still needed to send BRENDA info on my show this coming Friday, so last night I sent her an email with the details, and also included a bunch of links I told her I’d share regarding the music/films/personalities we discussed on our date. I texted her to check her email, and she replied about 15 minutes later “Thank you ND40. I will check the email. Have a good night. (Moon emoji, blushing smile emoji)"

 

It’s currently the following afternoon but no reply yet about the show, a possible Thursday dinner, nor the trivia links. I’m leaving it entirely in her court now.

 

-------------

 

A few things from our date I didn’t note before -

 

1, I warned BRENDA that I’m a trivia buff so I can nerd out on details like the links I sent above. But she waved that off saying “No, I love learning about these things!” Which tbh is just the polite thing to say… but at least she said it!

 

2. Her breath smelled pretty bad after the show. But I didn’t care.

 

3. By the second half of the date, her warmth and interest toward me had noticeably gone up several notches. Before this date, I would have said she was a bit cold and distant. Neither were the case by the time she dropped me off.

 

4. When we chatted after the show, she mentioned the dating process briefly and said “What I look for (in a relationship) is emotional support. Someone to be there for me. Why else does someone want a relationship? Other than sex, I mean!” Shortly after that, she asked if I had thought she was a conservative person. I said “No, not at all. Just reserved.” And we continued on.

 

5. She doesn't like to talk about the stressful things in her life. She's currently dealing with a legal issue with tenants of a property she has in Shanghai, but was clearly getting stressed talking about it. She also said she doesn't see a lot of people on a day-to-day basis while she's writing, which she is currently doing; she needs to stay focused. She told me she turned down two social events this past week for that reason, which made me feel good that she still went out with me anyway. Finally, she said that it is relaxing for her to have someone make plans so she doesn't have to worry about it, which is something she appreciates about me.

[Batya33]

So - a minor point -but since you don't know her well I would avoid sending more than one link tops with an email like that especially since she told you she has to focus on her writing. It's too much and can be overwhelming -you are supposed to see her in a few days so you can show her the links then (and I wouldn't mention a plan to send links for that same reason).

[NorthDallas40]

So - a minor point -but since you don't know her well I would avoid sending more than one link tops with an email like that especially since she told you she has to focus on her writing. It's too much and can be overwhelming -you are supposed to see her in a few days so you can show her the links then (and I wouldn't mention a plan to send links for that same reason).

 

Of course. In the email I mentioned twice that I didn't meant to distract from her work and that the links were for when she has a break. Also, all of them (maybe 8?) were video links of songs, except for one 4-minute interview video. So at least she knows I wasn't expecting her to do any reading :)

[abitbroken]

5. She doesn't like to talk about the stressful things in her life.

 

do you think that's why things trailed off before? Even if you paired off with Shay for a little bit -- she didn't initiate anything after the last time you saw her, right? there was no need to tell her you wanted to see where thingswent with someone else because she didn't make contact? i thought it left off on an odd note when you asked about if she was ever married or engaged and her reaction to it. (it wasn't wrong of you to ask!) the radio tower sorta went dark...

[NorthDallas40]

5. She doesn't like to talk about the stressful things in her life.

 

do you think that's why things trailed off before? Even if you paired off with Shay for a little bit -- she didn't initiate anything after the last time you saw her, right? there was no need to tell her you wanted to see where thingswent with someone else because she didn't make contact? i thought it left off on an odd note when you asked about if she was ever married or engaged and her reaction to it. (it wasn't wrong of you to ask!) the radio tower sorta went dark...

 

After our 2nd date back then, I texted BRENDA about meeting up later that week:

 

HER:

I can't do this Saturday :( let's try next week. This week is also very tight for me.

 

ME:

Definitely next week then. In the meantime, tell me something small about yourself each day until then. I will do the same if you like. You can start anytime.

 

HER:

Not in a great mood. Doing something I don't like to do at the moment... so I'd rather keep it to myself than to vent.

 

ME:

Sorry to hear that :(

 

Looking back, I may have been asking too much about the "text every day" thing, but that's exactly what SHAY was doing so I wanted to see how BRENDA would react. And her response was less than inspiring, though not exactly a blow-off. So at the time I bowed out to focus on SHAY.