I will be losing my V-card to someone I don't like soon.

[Fudgie]

Hey...sometimes a little fudging of the truth might be better than the truth. Cause nothing screams attractive quite like telling someone that not only have you never had sex, you've also never kissed a woman, nor come close to have a relashionship with one.

 

Yep, that's the type of truth that will have them standing around the block for a guy.

 

I disagree. I do not think fudging the truth like that is good for the start of a relationship. You need to be honest. If you want to have a trusting, loving, trusting relationship, you need to start things out that way.

 

If a girl doesn't like it, then she's not the one for you. The trick is to find the right girl for you, not just A girl.

[OptomisticGirl]

Hey...sometimes a little fudging of the truth might be better than the truth. Cause nothing screams attractive quite like telling someone that not only have you never had sex, you've also never kissed a woman, nor come close to have a relashionship with one.

 

Yep, that's the type of truth that will have them standing around the block for a guy.

 

What's unattractive is this 'woe is me' attitude virgin men over 20 have. It's not the fact you haven't had sex or kissed a girl or come close to a relationship - it's the pity party they throw for themselves. What they can't admit to themselves is NO ONE ELSE CARES IF THEY ARE A VIRGIN, the only person that cares is that person. Are there women who are shallow and won't be with a virgin? Sadly yes, they do exist. But there are also men who exist who are douches, jerks, liears, and cheaters. Doesn't mean all men are, just a slecet few.

 

You wanna be attractive to someone? Own who you are, whether you have had sex or not. Sulking around isn't going to line the girls up, not at all. A confident man who doesn't care that he's a virgin? Damn attractive.

[OptomisticGirl]

Why do you have to want to be with them for the rest of your life?

 

I dunno if i'd be ready for that right off the bat.

 

 

 

Sorry, love is just chemicals in the brain.

 

Also of people feel it right after sex.

 

Don't some people feel in love after their first time?

 

Look, I've said it a million times. If all you want is to get your rocks off then none of this matters. But lying at any stage in a relationship is dangerous ground.

 

Most women don't just sleep with men - which is why probably most virgins don't lose it. Most people have to have emotions involved to have sex and if those aren't there, ya just ain't gonna get laid!

 

You are talking about after glow- big difference between it and love. Most people who 'fall in love' with the person they lose it to cling to that person because they are so insecure and won't find someone else. True love is a completely different ballgame my friend.

[Fudgie]

And what if after that, he told you the real reason was because he sucked with women, and you were the only one to actually give him a chance?

 

Well, that's clearly not true, because I know he had chances with his past girlfriend and such. He doesn't suck and I love him being with him. Few things to get used to and get better at, but I have always enjoyed sex with him.

 

Why do you have have to want to be with them for the rest of your life?

 

I dunno if i'd be ready for that right off the bat.

 

Sorry, love is just chemicals in the brain.

 

Also of people feel it right after sex.

 

Don't some people feel in love after their first time?

 

I think OG is saying, if you don't feel that you could be with someone long-term, why date them? If you can't see a future with them, why bother?

 

My boyfriend fell in love with me before we actually had sex. We spent a lot of one-on-one time, not doing things like that before we had sex. He was truly, deeply in love with me and I was with him. Still am.

 

All feelings are the product of chemicals in our brain, that is obvious. Doesn't make them any less significant or important. Everything I feel, perceive, and think about in my life are the products of my brain chemistry. Doesn't mean it's worthless. It's my existence.

[jonny15]

If a girl doesn't like it, then she's not the one for you. The trick is to find the right girl for you, not just A girl.

 

Yea...but I really don't want one freaking out and thinkin im some creep because of it.

 

Not that i've tested it and told a girl in person that im a virgin, nor have I ever really talked to any female in person about sex. But I wouldn't want a negative reaction.

[Fudgie]

Yea...but I really don't want one freaking out and thinkin im some creep because of it.

 

Not that i've tested it and told a girl in person that im a virgin, nor have I ever really talked to any female in person about sex. But I wouldn't want a negative reaction.

 

You need to take things in baby steps. Just don't make it into a big deal. Start as friends first, talk casually, and go from there. Get the girl interested in you and develop a rapport, THEN worry about more private stuff. Really.

 

If she's into you, I am dead honest, by the time you tell her when she is INTO you, she is not going to care. In fact, she may be thrilled to be your first because it means you have less baggage. People like people who have little baggage.

[OptomisticGirl]

Yea...but I really don't want one freaking out and thinkin im some creep because of it.

 

Not that i've tested it and told a girl in person that im a virgin, nor have I ever really talked to any female in person about sex. But I wouldn't want a negative reaction.

 

If she thinks that then she's not the right kind of woman. A good woman won't care. I promise.

[jonny15]

Look, I've said it a million times. If all you want is to get your rocks off then none of this matters. But lying at any stage in a relationship is dangerous ground.

 

I didn't say anything about getting anyones rocks off. I just said that I wouldn't be really for it to be for the rest of my life.

 

Sorry, but I myself am not hoping the next women around the corner is gonna be the love of my life. I'm just trying to get someone to like me like most men are.

 

Most women don't just sleep with men - which is why probably most virgins don't lose it. Most people have to have emotions involved to have sex and if those aren't there, ya just ain't gonna get laid!

 

I don't buy that. Tons of people can have sex with someone without thinking they are in love with them.

[jonny15]

If she's into you, I am dead honest, by the time you tell her when she is INTO you, she is not going to care. In fact, she may be thrilled to be your first because it means you have less baggage. People like people who have little baggage.

 

I'd hope so, but with so many being experienced and even having kids my age, i'm worried that most wouldn't want to deal with being a teacher since most females want a guy to lead.

 

But yea, it would be ideal for that to happen.

[OptomisticGirl]

I didn't say anything about getting anyones rocks off. I just said that I wouldn't be really for it to be for the rest of my life.

 

Sorry, but I myself am not hoping the next women around the corner is gonna be the love of my life. I'm just trying to get someone to like me like most men are.

 

 

 

I don't buy that. Tons of people can have sex with someone without thinking they are in love with them.

 

That's a different type of person though Jonny. There are 2 kinds of people - those who have to have emotions involved to have sex with someone, and those who don't need to have emotions involved to have sex.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'd hope so, but with so many being experienced and even having kids my age, i'm worried that most wouldn't want to deal with being a teacher since most females want a guy to lead.

 

But yea, it would be ideal for that to happen.

 

The key is stop generalizing and looking at each woman as she is. I am a control freak. my husband will be the first to admit I do 90% of the leading in this marriage. My husband is laid back by nature and is fine with me having the reigns. However he isn't a doormat. I over step and he has no problem taking those reigns from me and going his own way. It's a balance. Even if you have 3 sex partners and your SO has say, 5, as the one with lesser partners you still can have stuff to learn. I lost my virgnity at 14 and my husband has taught me things at the age of 24 that I never knew before and I've taught him things that he never knew at 16.

[MD Geist]

Losing weight and paying for your own bills is not going to please women alone.

 

But women love a man that takes care of himself right? LOL Oh I forgot They don't even know what they want 99% of the time! thats why they will end up going for bad boys until they need to settledown with the Nice guy to help them pay their bills, take care of their children that doesn't even belong to them that they had with the bad boy, most importantly support their emotional weight.

 

Women want soooooo much from me yet they don't want much from other men. What else do I need? Perfection? because thats all thats left, You can't have any flaws.

 

As far as those telling me I'm going for the wrong women, what are the right types of women then? The only options I haven't explored are the party type that prefer sex, I've tried dating in churchs, voulteer groups and such, I meet mostly online. Things typically do not work out because the perfect guy that apparently walks on water shows up or the girl flakes or she just doesn't know what to do.

 

Women can say they don't mind virgins but they really do. In the end it really bothers them if a guy is a virgin later on life because they don't want that attachment or responsiblity of being a guys first knowing he could be clingy or could change on her. Women truly don't know what they themselves want a their men.

 

Guys you have to be damn near perfect. If you don't have the understanding of Dr Phil, the Looks of Justin Timberlake or Donald Trumps wealth you probably will have problems dating. a Guy can be hot and be a total bad boy, a loser and she'd still date him or give the guy a chance knowing she's gonna get F'ed over in the end.

 

I'm done simply waiting. The Chances are she's not waiting either, even if I met a girl that ill end up being in a relationship with I'm willing to bet money she's right now in a relationship having sex with some dude who's probably sleeping around on her right now. Why should I stay in prestine condition? Give me a good reason why.

[tiredofvampires]

Women can say they don't mind virgins but they really do.

 

Serious question: You say you've "tried" dating. How many times have you gone, "I'M A VIRGIN" to the girl? And then they went, "OH. Well then...actually...I'm busy. Permanently. See ya."

 

You tried dating in churches?

 

And you announced at the pulpit, "I'M A VIRGIN!!!! HEAR THAT? VER - JIN!! Driven as the white snow I am, though I may be halfway between 20 and 30! No intercourse yet here, uh huh, no siree -- that's me over here!"

 

And all the women who were expressing interest in you otherwise, said, "I'm sorry. I'm not saving myself for marriage. That's why I come here each Sunday, and to these soup kitchen events, and to the choir. Move along, I'm looking for a bad boy who sleeps around."

 

That's happened to you with women you've had a good rapport with, who have rejected you so far?

 

How many women have rejected you because YOU TOLD THEM YOU ARE A VIRGIN, Geist? I want a number.

[greywolf]

But women love a man that takes care of himself right? LOL Oh I forgot They don't even know what they want 99% of the time! thats why they will end up going for bad boys until they need to settledown with the Nice guy to help them pay their bills, take care of their children that doesn't even belong to them that they had with the bad boy, most importantly support their emotional weight.

 

 

MD Geist, do you really not see how much hostility you have towards women? You think so poorly of women, and yet you want to be with a woman. Do you see how this doesn't make sense?

 

I really mean it when I say that I would have no problem sleeping with a virgin. The only time it would ever bother me is if he was extremely insecure about it. In fact, insecurity in general is unattractive.

 

You say that you're a nice guy, and yet 'nice guys' don't go around insulting a whole group of people.

[ToF]

MD Geist, do you really not see how much hostility you have towards women? You think so poorly of women, and yet you want to be with a woman. Do you see how this doesn't make sense?

 

I really mean it when I say that I would have no problem sleeping with a virgin. The only time it would ever bother me is if he was extremely insecure about it. In fact, insecurity in general is unattractive.

 

You say that you're a nice guy, and yet 'nice guys' don't go around insulting a whole group of people.

 

I couldn't agree more with this.

 

Honestly, I have never had an issue with a guy being a virgin. But I HAVE had PLENTY of issues with insecure men and bitter men.

[camus154]

I think greywolf is right. You might have factors fighting against you but I'd bet it's your attitude that's sealing the deal.

 

Aesthetically challenged men still get women. So do shy/awkward/socially challenged men. The only type of man that I can think of that can't get women is the proverbial "nice guy"--the guy who first puts women on a pedestal, bores the hell out of her by wanting only to please her, and then lashes out and becomes embittered because she eventually says "no thanks".

 

Does any of that sound familiar? Have you ever asked your brothers, who apparently don't have a problem with women, to be straight up honest with you? Any female friends?

[Wayfara]

If they had sex with Barbie the escort. She could always become Angie the cute college girl that gave me my first kiss and sexin.

 

It would be one thing if the woman has a don't ask don't tell policy, then just don't tell her, but if she asks you in a direct question it would be wrong to lie, instead just tell her you are not comfortable answering that sort of questions and she make what she wants of it. Some have having been with a prostitute as a dealbreaker, if that's the case I don't think it's fair to let them believe you are something you are not (someone who has never bought sex) and start a relationship with them on false pretenses. Ideally you would respect your future partner enough to not dupe them into being with you. There are women that don't care and these are the women a sex-buyer should go for in my opinion.

[EQIQ]

NO ONE CARES YOU ARE A VIRGIN!

 

OG has said it, and everyone here is pretty much saying it, but you guys don't want to understand it. The reality is that NO ONE cares. That is NOT the problem.

 

And as far as a partner not finding it attractive that you have never kissed a girl before etc, let me let you into something. Until last summer, I had never kissed a girl. I was 24. I had had the opportunity to, but thought I only wanted to do it when in a serious relationship, with someone that meant something to me, that I would eventually want to marry. That was my point of view, and I believe I was correct. However I grew tired of it, I was like.. "you know, screw my ideals, I just wanna go for it. I am gonna start getting some girls, making out, have some sex, w/e screw it. Don't care anymore". Because I was frustrated, and wanted that new experience.

 

And I already knew this girl in university, that I was kinda friendly with, I started flirting with her, to the point that at the last day of class she actually handed me a letter that she had written to me, telling me to stay in touch, that she wanted to see me again, with her number AND e-mail lol. And I was like.. "sure let's see where this goes". I DIDN'T really have deep feelings for the girl. She was nice, and fun, looked good, hot butt too. I called her, and agreed to meet up a week after. We did, we ate something, I made out with her, a lot.. lol. Was grabbing her butt and all that. Then not much later, in the same day I told her that she was the first girl I had ever kissed. And she was surprised. Like... "Really?? would never have thought so.." She couldn't tell, thought I wasn't cause I looked good/had attitude.. etc. And said that I kissed nice/hot,

 

I went out with her a second time, and we almost had sex. The only reason we didn't was lack of a private place. Then later, I felt bad about what I was doing, was going against my beliefs, my ideals. I called her, told her I was sorry, but that I couldn't go on with what we had. She felt really bad, but understood (I had explained to her my dilemma with my beliefs). And I feel bad about this whole ordeal to this day. I regret having not only having gone against what I believe in, but also having pretty much used her. She liked me, I know I hurt her. And no, she wasn't a virgin, she had had I think 4 sex partners before me.

 

My point is.. being a virgin is NOT the problem.

[EQIQ]

Also, just adding something. When I started going out with my current gf. I told her about all this, because I felt like I had to be honest with her. And it did disappoint her, the fact that I was able to just "go for it" with a girl I didn't really care about was really scary for her... And I regret not having saved that special moment for my girlfriend. I think we will eventually get married, and I wish all my firsts had been with her... and so does she. And this is with what.. kissing and some intimacy. Not even sex...

 

If you do your research on how to be a good sex partner, on how to please your mate. And all that good stuff, there is no reason that being a virgin should be a problem. Odds are she wouldn't even know/notice unless you told her.

[PhilliesFan001]

My boyfriend was a 26 year old virgin when we began dating. He ain't anymore

 

I have to agree with the others who say it is your attitude holding you back more than anything else.

[PhilliesFan001]

What's unattractive is this 'woe is me' attitude virgin men over 20 have. It's not the fact you haven't had sex or kissed a girl or come close to a relationship - it's the pity party they throw for themselves.

 

Bingo. It's not like a woman at a bar can look at you and think "Virgin!!"......but if you feel sorry for yourself, feel insecure, feel bitter or blame women for the fact that you're not getting any action, that comes shining through and that is very ugly. To be honest OP it sounds like you harbor some resentment and hostility toward women in general for what you don't have, when the problem isn't them.

[Moontiger]

Look, no one here can tell you for sure what is going wrong in your dating life. We would have to watch you in action which is not possible. What I can tell you is woman (like men) want a positive, confident, fun person to be around. And if you are walking into dating with the "woe-is-me" attitude that you are displaying here then I'm not surprised that woman are going the other direction.

 

As for having to be perfect, well, I laughed really hard when I read that. Let me give you a break down of my current BF: Looks: skinny, lots of body hair, and a beard he doesn't always keep trimmed. Money: He is working a retail job while looking for other work. Personality: Very calm, gets me to try new things, low stress person. What attracted me to him: He was very respectful with me when we meet and asked for my phone number in a very shy cute way.

 

No one is perfect both men and woman know that. And, since we are on the topic, let me guess, you go for the 8s, 9s, 10s only right? The girl with rocking curves, pretty face, etc. If your not willing to go for less than perfection in the people you go after don't expect others to accept less than perfection in you.

[Moontiger]

MD Geist, do you really not see how much hostility you have towards women? You think so poorly of women, and yet you want to be with a woman. Do you see how this doesn't make sense?

 

I really mean it when I say that I would have no problem sleeping with a virgin. The only time it would ever bother me is if he was extremely insecure about it. In fact, insecurity in general is unattractive.

 

You say that you're a nice guy, and yet 'nice guys' don't go around insulting a whole group of people.

 

Spot on Greywolf

[jonny15]

Well, that's clearly not true, because I know he had chances with his past girlfriend and such. He doesn't suck and I love him being with him. Few things to get used to and get better at, but I have always enjoyed sex with him.[/QUOTe]

 

But what if that was the reason?

 

 

 

I think OG is saying, if you don't feel that you could be with someone long-term, why date them? If you can't see a future with them, why bother?

 

For experience? You have to start somewhere.

[jonny15]

It would be one thing if the woman has a don't ask don't tell policy, then just don't tell her, but if she asks you in a direct question it would be wrong to lie, instead just tell her you are not comfortable answering that sort of questions and she make what she wants of it. Some have having been with a prostitute as a dealbreaker, if that's the case I don't think it's fair to let them believe you are something you are not (someone who has never bought sex) and start a relationship with them on false pretenses. Ideally you would respect your future partner enough to not dupe them into being with you. There are women that don't care and these are the women a sex-buyer should go for in my opinion.

 

But is anyone really gonna ask if someone has paid for it?

 

And let's be honest. Don't all men pay for it anyways?

 

Who pays for the dinner?

 

Who's picking the girl up?

 

Who's paying for gas.

 

It may not be proper to say, but we are driven by sex, and we pay for most everything.

 

We eventually want to have sex with you, and we generally do alot to get to that point.