I will be losing my V-card to someone I don't like soon.

[ConfusedVirgin]

As a 22 year old virgin who used to think just like this guy, it's his attitude and insecurities that are holding hiim back,without a doubt. it's not the fact that your an older virgin. its the fact you have complexs about it.

[Wayfara]

it is ABSOLUTELY unfair that I have turned into an INVOLUNTARY virgin

 

The notion that sex and relationships should be fair is a mistake in my opinion. Sex and relationships are too intimate to make them about fairness. To distribute sex fairly and ensure no one ends up alone one would have to assign people to be raped and match up the single population in arranged marriages. It would be unfair to make sex and relationships fair.

 

I think some people mistake sex and love as salary for being good but no one employs us to look for love. Love isn't given in name of fairness, as payment or compensation, love given should be viewed as a gift. Gifts aren't guaranteed, love isn't guaranteed, we can hope but not expect. In the meantime we can work on improving ourselves and do whatever makes us happy, there are more enjoyments in life than just sex and relationships, getting resentful just brings unhappiness and decreases the odds of getting it.

 

I SHOULD NOT be under any sort of mandate to have to reveal such information.

 

It's up to each virgin themselves if they want to be open with it.

[Moontiger]

Last time I check lying is the death kiss to any relationship.

 

All I hear out of most of the male virgin's here is bitterness, resentment, and very strong sense of entitlement. Guess what? The world owes you nothing (Let allow a hot girl that will sleep with you) And its not fair.

 

What's really sad is most of these guys will never let it go and let social stigma rule their lives forever. Until you accept that its your attitude that needs to chance you stand very little chance of changing your situation.

[ToF]

If sex and relationships were fair, there'd be no need for this forum.

[rickyspanish]

Man i once slept with a girl to get over my ex. trust me it just made it worse. The whole time i was just wishing it was her and after it was over i felt sick to my stomach about it. it wasnt to lose my v card though.

[ClarenceRutherford]

I have lived my entire adult life in military towns and it is practically impossible to meet single women in these towns.

The OP told me in PMs he lived in a military town and I urged him to relocate to a city with a more favorable singles scene. Perhaps he should've posted that information sooner.

 

I didn't get to go straight to college after high school and bang every chick in the dorm like alot of guys get to do.

Not everyone who goes to college gets a lot of sex. Talkin' personal experience here, my religious beliefs and a bad experience losing my virginity @17-18...

 

Also, at 30, I am now considered too "old" to date by 21-25 year old women. Remember that when you turn 30 in a few SHORT years!

Excuse me, but you make it sound like turning 30 is going to be the end of the world.

It isn't.

 

And not being able to date 21-25 y.o. women isn't a big loss either.

Those women are so indifferent and ambivalent, it was hard to get dates or second dates with them when I was 25.

Sensing the "older" gals may be more open to relationships and fearing time was "running out on them," deliberately looked to date the women 1-7 years older than me in my mid-late 20s.

Lemmee tell you I had much better luck at dating going for the older girls.

 

 

 

So, now that I have enlightened you with respect to my own situation, do you STILL think that it is fair that I should have to admit this embarrassing fact to any potential future gf? No, it is ABSOLUTELY unfair that I have turned into an INVOLUNTARY virgin and I SHOULD NOT be under any sort of mandate to have to reveal such information.

You do make some good points here, though the other posters are fairly pointing out your insecurities on this.

 

It's never great to reveal your sexual experience early on in the relationship.

It's no one's business in the early stages and can only lead to trouble.

 

Why is the other partner wanting to know how many people you've had sex with?

 

If she wants to know how many people you've dated, that's fair.

And one shouldn't be ashamed to discuss the fact that they're a virgin. The other person after all needs to know what they're "buyin'" but it doesn't need to come up so soon.

[OptomisticGirl]

^ The other partner wants to know if the person they may spend the rest of their life with (and bed with) has the same view of sex that they do. I never would have dated a man with a high sexual partner number. In fact, having no partners would probably have done a guy better in my eyes than 5 or more.

[EQIQ]

AMWHOIAM. I would seriously advise a psychologist to access your notion of self-worth, and social relations in general... If you had a different attitude towards life in general and were a little bit more optimistic, you would be able to see how to play the factors you mentioned as negatives in your life, as a positive going into a relationship. You seriously need to look at yourself and figure out what you like about yourself, and what you don't like. Fix what you don't like/work on it, and move on. You are such a bitter person it's such a huge turn-off...

 

Virgin = clean of STD's = less stress for partner + some women just like that type of stuff, you would be surprised (principally the older ones), and the last girl I was with before my gf found out I was a virgin at our first date that I hadn't even kissed a girl, no issue at all...

[Huntress0527]

It's not just rejection, it's rejection coupled with a sense of entitlement. If it was just rejection you would get sad, not angry. The definition of anger is "a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong", so an angry person thinks he is being wronged. How can rejection be wrong if we truly believe in people's right to say no? You only feel wronged if you believe you are owed a relationship so the anger comes from a sense of entitlement. In reality no one deserves a relationship as deserving a relationship would be inconsistent with people's right to say no. I think the first step in stop being angry is to accept and embarce the fact we don't deserve a relationship, it might not feel that fun on paper but it's liberating.

 

Spot on! Until the attitude changes the situation will not.

[jonny15]

And not being able to date 21-25 y.o. women isn't a big loss either.

Those women are so indifferent and ambivalent, it was hard to get dates or second dates with them when I was 25.

Sensing the "older" gals may be more open to relationships and fearing time was "running out on them," deliberately looked to date the women 1-7 years older than me in my mid-late 20s.

Lemmee tell you I had much better luck at dating going for the older girls.

 

 

To be fair, not everyone wants to date someone with a ton of baggage. And the older the person is, the more likely they have alot of baggage.

 

Me personally, I wouldn't want to date someone with alot of baggage. Espically if that baggage is kids and ex-husbands, and the older you go, the less likely you will find people who don't have those things.

[annie24]

I agree with the comments by Clarence on 21-25 year olds. No offense to them, and everyone is different, but of you are looking for a relationship, they might not always be the best option either because they are not looking to settle down. I had lunch with 2 female coworkers, both 23. They both said they would break up with a guy if he was bad in bed. I, at 31, said I would be more than willing to work on that issue if we were otherwise compatible. I'm thinking long term. They are not.

[OptomisticGirl]

I agree with the comments by Clarence on 21-25 year olds. No offense to them, and everyone is different, but of you are looking for a relationship, they might not always be the best option either because they are not looking to settle down. I had lunch with 2 female coworkers, both 23. They both said they would break up with a guy if he was bad in bed. I, at 31, said I would be more than willing to work on that issue if we were otherwise compatible. I'm thinking long term. They are not.

 

I agree with Annie, it all depends on who you are going for. I'm 24 and have always wanted to settle down (so I'm not one of those 'normal' 21-25 year olds) but the vast majority of women my age don't view sex/relationships the same way I do. As Annie said, they aren't thinking long term.

[AMWHOIAM]

To be fair, not everyone wants to date someone with a ton of baggage. And the older the person is, the more likely they have alot of baggage.

 

Me personally, I wouldn't want to date someone with alot of baggage. Espically if that baggage is kids and ex-husbands, and the older you go, the less likely you will find people who don't have those things.

 

+1! 90% of the women on the dating websites in Colorado Springs are either divorced single moms, are divorced, or any combination thereof. I'm sorry, but I am NOT going to serve as a surrogate father to some woman's kids and I DO NOT care to deal with ex-husband drama / bull crap. This is exactly why I am moving next month back to the volunteer state. Specifically, I am transferring to the Univ. of TN in Knoxville, TN which is a college town that has ZERO association with the military and its demographics. YAY, for once in my adult life I'll be living in a community which has absolutely NO military presence whatsoever which should, in theory, make it ALOT easier to meet single women. Plus we know for a fact that there will be alot of SINGLE college aged women in that town. What's more, the Univ of TN should be ALOT less cliquish since it is a REAL university which has students FROM ALL OVER THE STATE unlike is the case at the Univ of Colorado at Colorado Springs which only gets students from the local high schools in Colorado Springs. YAY, that's another plus for me! Seriously guys, I hope that this upcoming move puts a stop to alot of the b.s. that I have been experiencing with regards to dating as a result of living in this military town.

[EQIQ]

And we hope that it puts an end to all of your negative views towards being a virgin and women as well lol...

[ClarenceRutherford]

To be fair, not everyone wants to date someone with a ton of baggage. And the older the person is, the more likely they have alot of baggage.

 

Me personally, I wouldn't want to date someone with alot of baggage. Espically if that baggage is kids and ex-husbands, and the older you go, the less likely you will find people who don't have those things.

The answer, Jonny, is to avoid dating women with kids, divorced women, etc.

Though I dated a couple of women like that, that wasn't what I wanted and looked to the single women my age and older.

There are many single women in their 30s and 40s that don't have a lot of baggage.

 

The woman I married was one of those. She had a former fiance years before we met, and wasn't a virgin, but she didn't have kids and didn't have a lot of baggage, which was another thing that attracted me to her.

the older you go, the less likely you will find people who don't have those things.

That's true but the converse is also true:

The younger you go, the more likely you'll encounter immature, selfish and self-centered women (and men).

 

On my flight this weekend, sat next to a 51 y.o. never-married woman. She wasn't a virgin, it sounds like, but she didn't have a string of EX-husbands and never had kids.

And she looked like she was in her late 30s/early 40s, the age range I guessed.

(Yes, she guessed my age too).

 

Trust me, Jonny, you can find single women without baggage and tons of EXs. They're out there.

[jonny15]

+1! 90% of the women on the dating websites in Colorado Springs are either divorced single moms, are divorced, or any combination thereof. I'm sorry, but I am NOT going to serve as a surrogate father to some woman's kids and I DO NOT care to deal with ex-husband drama / bull crap.

 

Very true. Tho I could deal with them perviously being married if there were no kids involved. I just don't want one with kids at all.

 

That is simply something I don't want to have to deal with since I have no experience dating.

[jonny15]

The answer, Jonny, is to avoid dating women with kids, divorced women, etc.

Though I dated a couple of women like that, that wasn't what I wanted and looked to the single women my age and older.

There are many single women in their 30s and 40s that don't have a lot of baggage.

 

It isn't always that easy to avoid. Tho I could deal with someone that was divorced, but the kids is something I do not want to deal with at all.

 

Heck, i've went online and looked up most of the females I went to high school with, and almost all of them have kids. It isn't encouraging.

 

 

That's true but the converse is also true:

The younger you go, the more likely you'll encounter immature, selfish and self-centered women (and men).

 

That is true, but I cannot say those things don't apply to me at times either.

 

On my flight this weekend, sat next to a 51 y.o. never-married woman. She wasn't a virgin, it sounds like, but she didn't have a string of EX-husbands and never had kids.

And she looked like she was in her late 30s/early 40s, the age range I guessed.

(Yes, she guessed my age too).

 

Send her my way. LOL

 

Trust me, Jonny, you can find single women without baggage and tons of EXs. They're out there.

 

It sure doesn't feel like it tho.

[ClarenceRutherford]

On my flight this weekend, sat next to a 51 y.o. never-married woman. She wasn't a virgin, it sounds like, but she didn't have a string of EX-husbands and never had kids.

And she looked like she was in her late 30s/early 40s, the age range I guessed.

(Yes, she guessed my age too). Send her my way. LOL

 

Trust me, Jonny, you can find single women without baggage and tons of EXs. They're out there.

Should say I was in my early 30s when I met my future wife.

 

It isn't always that easy to avoid. Tho I could deal with someone that was divorced, but the kids is something I do not want to deal with at all.

Agreed. I didn't want an instant family either and to have to deal with a woman's EX(s) just like a never-married woman may not want to deal with a divorced man's EX(s).

 

 

Heck, i've went online and looked up most of the females I went to high school with, and almost all of them have kids. It isn't encouraging.

I know. I felt similar to you in my early-mid-20s, hearing about others getting married, having kids, etc., while I was a "dating loser" unable to get second or third dates until my late 20s.

 

 

Trust me, Jonny, you can find single women without baggage and tons of EXs. They're out there.

It sure doesn't feel like it tho.

 

Then "get out there" and get involved in singles groups, activities, and things where men and women would be involved.

I say men bec. if you develop friendships with and confide your situation to a guy friend, one of them may bring an available sister, female cousin or work colleague to the singles group or activity and may try to set you up on a date with one of them.

That's how I met my wife, through a blind date set-up by her best friend who knew me through work.

 

EDITED IN...

This is the real issue facing the OP and guys like you, Jonny.

Putting his penis in a prostitute isn't gonna make a virgin guy feel one bit better.

Finding someone such a guy can have a relationship with is what guys in your shoes need to focus on.

[jonny15]

Agreed. I didn't want an instant family either and to have to deal with a woman's EX(s) just like a never-married woman may not want to deal with a divorced man's EX(s).

 

Yep, and they have to spend alot of their time on their children, and I really dont want to be second or third fiddle right off the bat.

 

 

I know. I felt similar to you in my early-mid-20s, hearing about others getting married, having kids, etc., while I was a "dating loser" unable to get second or third dates until my late 20s.

 

I was also saying that to show how few don't have kids.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Yep, and they have to spend alot of their time on their children, and I really dont want to be second or third fiddle right off the bat.

 

 

 

 

I was also saying that to show how few don't have kids.

Accurate observations and something many wouldn't want.

 

NewWave, a former frequent ENA poster, is a 40 y.o. never-married woman. She has posted she doesn't want to deal with divorced dads either, for similar reasons. So no problem there.

 

We're not unsympathetic on your situation as many of us were once in you and Geist's shoes. We know it's difficult getting dates.

 

Good that Geist moved out of Colo. Springs. Didn't know that about that large metropolitan area, though he'd told me dating was hard there, being in a military town.

Let's hope he can meet some nice women and ditch the misguided prostitute idea.

[AMWHOIAM]

Accurate observations and something many wouldn't want.

 

NewWave, a former frequent ENA poster, is a 40 y.o. never-married woman. She has posted she doesn't want to deal with divorced dads either, for similar reasons. So no problem there.

 

We're not unsympathetic on your situation as many of us were once in you and Geist's shoes. We know it's difficult getting dates.

 

Good that Geist moved out of Colo. Springs. Didn't know that about that large metropolitan area, though he'd told me dating was hard there, being in a military town.

Let's hope he can meet some nice women and ditch the misguided prostitute idea.

 

I just wanted to say that I can back up MDGeist's assertion that Colorado Springs, Colorado is a horrible place to try to find dates IF you are a single unmarried guy. I'm reminded of the saying that goes something like "Don't judge a book by its cover". That saying is very well suited for Colorado Springs because while it may appear on the surface that this is NOT a military community on paper or from visiting in person, that assessment couldn't be further from the truth. This city has FIVE active duty military installations and the Fort Carson Army post is relocating/adding personnel all the time from other bases. There are waaaaaayyyyyy more active duty folks here than when I moved here in '08. Moreover, it should be noted that unlike most military towns in the South which are littered with strip clubs, pawn shops etc, Colorado Springs does not fit that stereotype. HOWEVER, the city is what I would call a wolf in sheep's clothing in that it IS a military town, but it doesn't have the aura of a military town like those in the Southeast. I will be moving back to the Southeastern U.S. this summer and transferring to the Univ of TN in Knoxville, TN which has ZERO influence from the military except for a SMALL handful of military recruiters. I'm ex military myself, but I will be so freaking glad to finally live in a city which has no military bases and/or military affiliation due to the fact that military towns = towns which it is extremely hard to find single women.

[ClarenceRutherford]

From what I've gathered, Colo. Springs is more of a family-oriented town.

 

In my early 30s, lived in a smaller Midwestern city.

Though it was the state's capitol, it didn't seem to have a lot of single women my age. The women were either in their early 20s or in their 40s and divorced/kids, neither of which I really wanted.

Met my future wife in the nearby metropolitan area via introduction from a mutual friend, her best friend.

 

Earlier lived in a smaller town in another state and after a devastating breakup, realized I needed to leave that town and start anew, and moved to a university city where I met a variety of women of different ages.

 

Know a professional colleague whose in his 50s and still single. He's never had a GF. He lives in a small town in the middle of a small state. Also know a woman in her 50s, never married, dittos.

 

So if you want to widen your dating prospects, it's often wise to relocate.

[AMWHOIAM]

Clarence you're exactly right! You're spot on! Colorado Springs is a VERY family/military oriented town. An OVERWHELMING majority of people who move here are ALREADY married and move here as married couples. Moreover, this city (Colorado Springs) is home to a myriad number of evangelical Christian organizations such as Focus on the Family which only stands to further the "family" atmostphere of this place. Don't get me wrong, being a family oriented city isn't a bad thing in and of itself. HOWEVER, these types of towns make it extremely difficult if not impossible to find single women.

[scklbad]

mdgeist when ru going to the hooker? For me the biggest issue is that I've never been kissed not that i'm a virgin. It is not the kiss that upsets me it's the fact that I'm not able to attract girls. A hooker would not solve my problem...it'd be better than nothing, but i'd still know that no girls want me!I know you feel similarly though I can tell by your posts. You do NOT want to do this, but you have no choice. BTW how do you know you won;t lie the hooker? you said you're losing your v to someone you won't like?

 

closest i've come to a hooker was when i got a lapdance. I didn't even get hard though cause she had lingerie on(hard for me to get aroused when the girl isn't naked) also had jeans on so couldn't feel a thing and i felt awkward during it cause it was my first.

[ToF]

You do NOT want to do this, but you have no choice.

 

This is just not true. He feels his options are very limited, but that does NOT mean that his hand is forced in this. Assuming the OP has a functional frontal lobe, he indeed has a choice. In fact, he has complete control over what he makes of his circumstances. The fact that this is how he is choosing to deal with it, does not mean it is his only choice.