I will be losing my V-card to someone I don't like soon.

[scklbad]

This is just not true. He feels his options are very limited, but that does NOT mean that his hand is forced in this. Assuming the OP has a functional frontal lobe, he indeed has a choice. In fact, he has complete control over what he makes of his circumstances. The fact that this is how he is choosing to deal with it, does not mean it is his only choice.

 

his choice is go on being a virgin and miserable

or

have sex with a hooker

 

he has no choice

 

[ToF]

his choice is go on being a virgin and miserable

or

have sex with a hooker

 

he has no choice

 

Correction: His choices are to go on being a virgin, to go on being a virgin AND miserable, or to have sex with a hooker.

[annie24]

i think that the other, most important option, is to go out there, and get better at dating. whatever these guys are doing is NOT working for them. i think that they need to talk to some women and friends in real life and see what they can do to improve things. i haven't met these guys in person so i can't say what they are doing "wrong" per se. but something is not working for them, and if they can fix some habits/approaches, they might become successful.

[scklbad]

the first one is not a choice....and you do not understand because you can get sex fine. of course he will be miserable if he is being denied with extreme effort what 99 percent of guys can get with only a marginal effort.

[ToF]

the first one is not a choice....and you do not understand because you can get sex fine. of course he will be miserable if he is being denied with extreme effort what 99 percent of guys can get with only a marginal effort.

 

First of all, 99% is not accurate. Read this: link removed That was just a 1-minute Google search. It'll give you an idea of what the real percentages are, for men and women.

 

Second, do you really think that being a virgin is completely the fault of everyone else, and not at all due to the behavior/attitude of the virgin? What is the common denominator in all the failed attempts at romance? - The virgin.

 

So. You can go on blaming your lack of sex on every woman you meet and every man who succeeds, but that will not get you what you want. You have to recognize the cause and fix it.

 

EDIT:

and you do not understand because you can get sex fine

 

That is quite an assumption. Also, it's an example of the kind of bitterness that will only work against you with women.

[scklbad]

ok so 13 percent....with prob 5 percent being involuntarily celibate.

and yes I think it's not my fault I am a virgin.

First of all, 99% is not accurate. Read this: link removed That was just a 1-minute Google search. It'll give you an idea of what the real percentages are, for men and women.

 

Second, do you really think that being a virgin is completely the fault of everyone else, and not at all due to the behavior/attitude of the virgin? What is the common denominator in all the failed attempts at romance? - The virgin.

 

So. You can go on blaming your lack of sex on every woman you meet and every man who succeeds, but that will not get you what you want. You have to recognize the cause and fix it.

 

EDIT:

 

That is quite an assumption. Also, it's an example of the kind of bitterness that will only work against you with women.

[ToF]

ok so 13 percent....with prob 5 percent being involuntarily celibate.

and yes I think it's not my fault I am a virgin.

 

It's certainly easy to believe you're not at all to blame. Realizing that you may be doing something unattractive isn't fun for anyone. But think about it: If you believe it's not your fault at all, that means there is nothing you can do to change it. It means your stuck here. However, if you take an active role in trying to find the reason and fix it, that means there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Take hold of the reigns, and stop blaming the world for your problems.

[annie24]

and yes I think it's not my fault I am a virgin.

 

I think that this is a bad attitude to have. I mean, it's your body, your life, your responsibility. Whatever you've been doing so far hasn't been working, so you can either keep doing that and keep blaming everyone else for the fact that you are an involuntary virgin (is it my fault too??!?!?!??) OR.............. you can try to figure out a way to improve your chances with women, meet more women, get some dating tips and really get out there and try to make a connection.

[ConfusedVirgin]

ok so 13 percent....with prob 5 percent being involuntarily celibate.

and yes I think it's not my fault I am a virgin.

 

bolded is EXACTLY why you are a virgin. wake up man. please.

[AMWHOIAM]

This is just not true. He feels his options are very limited, but that does NOT mean that his hand is forced in this. Assuming the OP has a functional frontal lobe, he indeed has a choice. In fact, he has complete control over what he makes of his circumstances. The fact that this is how he is choosing to deal with it, does not mean it is his only choice.

 

I just wanted to add my own two cents here. YES, I DO have to share SOME, but certainly NOT all of the blame for being an involuntary 30 year old virgin and here's why. With that being said, YES it is true that I joined the Marine Corps at age 18 which ultimately resulted in me not having a girlfriend and/or getting laid from age 18 to 23. As I've said MANY MANY times before Jacksonville, NC is a complete sausage fest / dude fest and the ONLY women there who SAY that they are single are ACTUALLY married to Marines whose husbands are deployed (yes, that means that they are cheating!). In fact, AS I'VE said before, I knew SEVEN guys in my unit whose wives were cheating with other Marines. Now, on to Colorado Springs. After getting out of the Marines, I proceeded to become roommates with my now former brother in law and sis since they offered to rent me a room in their house since they had no kids. I proceeded to do so WITHOUT FIRST researching the demographics of Colorado Springs, CO. Yes, I most certainly should have researched this town BEFORE moving here. I have lived my ENTIRE adult life in military towns which are KNOWN for being horrible places for single guys. What I am ultimately trying to convey to you guys is this: While it is true that I have NOT consciously chosen to become an involuntary 30 year old virgin, I have nonetheless made poor decisions in life which, in turn, have ultimately resulted in my ability to find a girlfriend and lose my virginity at a normal age like most normal people. Now, for the ladies reading what I have just written, HOW on Earth do I go about explaining what I just wrote to a new gf in the event that I am ever lucky enough to find someone without kids and someone who will accept me for who I am? What I have just described above is completely true and does not represent a falsification of my life events whatsoever.

[sara-pezzini]

ever try online dating? being in a town with few single women is not really an excuse, if you wanted to date you could have done the online dating thing...

and any women who loves you will love you no matter what, believe me, my bf has issues and a lot of them but i love him completely and totally for who he is, and i would never think any less of him or make fun of him or anything, i love him, with all his quirks and issues, and any woman who will fall in love with you will do so as well, love is about trust, feeling safe enough to be yourself, you don't have to tell that stuff on the fisrt date and no woman will ask you on the first date, just get to know here when the time comes and take it from there and do not obsees so much over future stuff that you have no clue about if it will be an issue or not.....and the no baggage thing will be a plus....

[EQIQ]

Pretty simple... "Yeah I find that the places I lived in and the military lifestyle I grew with never really helped with being exposed to women and I wanted to wait for someone that I felt was the right person for me. Some of the guy's I knew were doing it with the soldier's wives while they were out on duty and I found it disgusting you know?...". Done, she will respect your honesty, no bitterness, and your integrity for not participating in infidelity. It is all about how you paint the picture and how you feel about it.

 

And "lose my virginity at a normal age like most normal people" . There is no such thing as a normal age to lose your virginity... you guys are so hung up on this...

[ClarenceRutherford]

 

While it is true that I have NOT consciously chosen to become an involuntary 30 year old virgin, I have nonetheless made poor decisions in life which, in turn, have ultimately resulted in my ability to find a girlfriend and lose my virginity at a normal age like most normal people.

 

Now, for the ladies reading what I have just written, HOW on Earth do I go about explaining what I just wrote to a new gf in the event that I am ever lucky enough to find someone without kids and someone who will accept me for who I am? What I have just described above is completely true and does not represent a falsification of my life events whatsoever.

Don't worry so much about that.

Like Sara said, a woman you date early on isn't likely to pepper you with questions why you haven't had a GF, been married, etc. It'd likely be different if you were in your 40s....

 

Explain how you've been preoccupied with your career and have been living in military towns which aren't favorable for dating...

 

Looking back, I now see my moving from town to town and taking better jobs really harmed me in my dating in my early and mid-20s. Just as I began to meet people, 6 mos. into the city, would leave and find a new job in another town.

 

On the link removed forum, there's another poster, USMChokie, who sounds a lot like you, not successful with the ladies. Confounds me as I'd think Marines like other military guys would tend to get the girls....

 

You're a Marine, man, something relatively few men can say.

That takes a lot of guts doing that, something few guys would want to do.

Speaks volumes about your character, so don't worry so much what women would think of you.

[Day_Walker]

Personally it is of no concern to me whether you choose to pay a person to lose your virginity. However, it seems to me that the OP is attributing a lot his troubles with his social life based on the fact that he is a virgin. I dont think that these social issues have anything to do with the OP's virginity instead it has to do with his outlook on his situation.

[guynextdoor]

So.. did a hooker de-flower you yet? This thread has been going on for a while now that you could've made several trips to the bunny ranch.

[ClarenceRutherford]

The only areas that I believe I could make in those certain areas if I become a bad boy and use women. Girls often tell me I'm to nice. That's a bad thing.

 

Maybe if I slept with an escort it would make me more valuable in the market. Apparently its all backwards.

It is backwards, Geist.

Can't you see that?

 

You see the shame in having to tell a woman your first experience was through the paid route.

Yes, you will be able to say you're no longer a virgin... but when she asks about the circumstances, it gets a little dicier.

If you tell the truth, it looks bad. If you lie, it's worse for the future of your relationship...

 

Lemmee ask you this

A girl you date, she tells you she used to be a prostitute, or was very promiscuous and has had sex with 100s of men.

She's not even 30 yet...

 

You mean to tell me you'd have no problem with that?

You'd respect her?

You'd be comfortable with that choice of lifestyle?

 

Okay... I'll allow for a "reformed" prostitute or promiscuous person..

But still.....

I'd be careful engaging with someone like that......

The "Good Girls" and the "less popular" girls, the ones often overlooked, maybe they're what most guys would call "plain,".... well.. those types of gals sure look good in comparison to others that are out there...

[ClarenceRutherford]

 

Women can say they don't mind virgins but they really do. In the end it really bothers them if a guy is a virgin later on life because they don't want that attachment or responsiblity of being a guys first knowing he could be clingy or could change on her. Women truly don't know what they themselves want a their men.

My future wife, she never indicated she thought "less" of me bec. I wasn't highly experienced.

 

Guys you have to be damn near perfect. If you don't have the understanding of Dr Phil, the Looks of Justin Timberlake or Donald Trumps wealth you probably will have problems dating. a Guy can be hot and be a total bad boy, a loser and she'd still date him or give the guy a chance knowing she's gonna get F'ed over in the end.

Geist,

This reveals a negative view of women.

Of course, some women are like that, but not all.

It's not all based on looks or money or popularity.

 

I'm done simply waiting. The Chances are she's not waiting either, even if I met a girl that ill end up being in a relationship with I'm willing to bet money she's right now in a relationship having sex with some dude who's probably sleeping around on her right now.

So what if the guy she's dating isn't faithful?

Explain how a girl you don't know now (but may eventually meet), please tell me how her dating others affects you?

 

She may well be looking for "the right one" too.

 

And if she is dating a jerk, when she meets you and knows you haven't had numerous affairs nor cheated on a woman, you'll look that much better in her eyes.

The type of guy you are, Geist, may be a refreshing change for a woman like her.

 

Why should I stay in prestine condition? Give me a good reason why.

You do that for your own sense of being and morality as well as for your future spouse.

 

I wasn't a virgin but had big regrets over the few times I did have sex before I met my future wife.

Let's say I had 20-30 sexual encounters vs. the 5 or so I had from 17-30 years of age.

Wouldn't feel comfortable having to "explain" more of my past if I nailed every gal that attracted my eye.

That wasn't the kind of man she wanted and needed.

And many other women want mature men.

 

Geist,

I sense you are a "Good Guy."

Not a doormat, or one that lets women "use" them, but a good guy at heart, like most of us are.

You're not a player and not one to use women only for your selfish desires.

 

So please ditch this unconstructive attitude you seem to have toward women.

[ToF]

Women can say they don't mind virgins but they really do. In the end it really bothers them if a guy is a virgin later on life because they don't want that attachment or responsiblity of being a guys first knowing he could be clingy or could change on her. Women truly don't know what they themselves want a their men.

 

MD, this is just not true. It is a gross generalization that numerous women on this forum have argued against.

 

And saying that women "don't know what they want" is bitter and counter-productive. Men are just as likely to not know what they want, and there are plenty of women who DO know what they want.

 

Adjust your attitude, or you'll never get what you want.

[Huntress0527]

I don't know what women you're attracting or going after but I once was talking to a guy who was proud to be a virgin and was waiting until married. I was even more attracted to him when he told me that.

[scklbad]

that guy had a choice

I don't know what women you're attracting or going after but I once was talking to a guy who was proud to be a virgin and was waiting until married. I was even more attracted to him when he told me that.

[ToF]

that guy had a choice

 

As do you.

[Moontiger]

Ladies on this thread, I have a question, am I the only one who find's myself going between feeling a great deal of pity for this man and finding their attitudes and reasoning side-splitting funny?

 

Some things I have observed in this thread: 1) A lot of woman have a story about dating a virgin and/or a close friend who dated a virgin guy 2) Nearly all the woman agree that it is the man's attitude towards his virginity and woman that make's him date-able or not 3) The male virgin in this thread of ignored all given advice (i.e. change your attitude, ask someone who has dating experience what you are going wrong etc)

 

My only question then is why is it so hard for the virgin guy here to accept that they need to take responsibility for their situation? Like I said in a previous post, the world owes you nothing (that includes a girl who is willing to have sex with you), you are entitled to nothing. The male virgin's here are coming accross like spoiled children IMO. Instead of looking at their situation and taking active steps to change it they continue to run in circles complaining.

[ToF]

I hear you, moontiger! I'm wondering the same thing myself ...

[OptomisticGirl]

I hear you, moontiger! I'm wondering the same thing myself ...

 

Same here. They don't want to be virgins any more but when we (the sex they want to have sex with) tell them what is making them not sexable, we are wrong. I just don't get it.

[Moontiger]

Same here. They don't want to be virgins any more but when we (the sex they want to have sex with) tell them what is making them not sexable, we are wrong. I just don't get it.

 

Exactly! You would think they would WANT to hear what women have to say. But instead they just tell us "No you wrong!" and stick their fingers in their ears.